Tsume

••••••••••

Welp. Wave, huh. Whoever said that the hand of fate is subtle can shove it. God moves in mysterious ways? HA! Not in shonen universes!

"Everyone dismount! Fandangumo, let's get you back to a reasonable size." No rest for the wicked, I'd have to walk after all.

I didn't think Kurenai was capable of taking on Zabuza single handedly. No disrespect to her, but Kakashi had serious difficulties. I probably couldn't… well, if I summoned a few dozen of my spider friends, or Jurougumo, sure, but that's not single-handedly, is it?

I sure as hell couldn't in the state I was in now.

We all clambered off of Fandangumo, as I tried to come up with a gameplan. Did we want Zabuza dead? Now would be the best time for it. On the other hand, if I screwed up and Kabuto managed to perfect the impure resurrection technique, every dead ninja was another indestructible enemy.

Seriously, how did they know about some of the people they brought back? Did they just go through the bingo book and highlight ninja they hadn't heard of for a while? Ninja academy yearbooks?

I must be tired, I'm rambling more than usual.

Fandangumo disappeared in a puff of smoke, revealing his normal Juro form and… yep.

Zabuza. Jazzercise arm warmers and all.

"Well, fancy meeting you guys in a place like this," I called over. Naruto finally noticed Hinata and waved cheerfully. She blushed brightly, returning a warm smile. It was so sweet, I needed insulin.

"We should restrain him, he's no joke," Kurenai replied, all business.

Fair. I would be too if I didn't know what was going on. And wasn't recovering from a near death experience.

I made the hand seals and shaped my chakra for the Webbing jutsu. I took a breath… And two senbon slammed into the prostrate nukenin's neck. He shuddered, spasmed, and at last stilled as his eyes stared lifelessly at the overcast sky.

Enter the masked nin, stage right. Hello Haku.

All of us tensed as a feminine voice broke the shocked silence. "Ah, I must thank you, Konoha nin. A brilliant job. I hope you'll understand if I take him now?"

"WHO NOW?" Kiba shouted. Shino looked embarrassed while Tazuna was doing his level best to look like he wasn't confused or terrified. I'll give the man credit, he wasn't doing too bad for a civilian. Most of the genin were just as confused.

"That's a hunter nin," Kurenai explained. "Mist. They track down nukenin, kill them, and destroy their bodies so secrets aren't discovered by other villages. Like us."

"Succinctly put, ma'am," Haku replied.

"Awfully good timing, though," Kurenai frowned. Hey, she wasn't stupid.

"There seems to be a lot of luck in the air. Unless you planned to drop a boss summon on him?" Haku asked.

Should I say something? How would I explain it? There wasn't much more time left before this conversation reached its conclusion.

I ended up just shrugging sheepishly. "Whoops?"

"Hey, I'm a boss summon, you hear that, Ringumo?" Fandangumo was going to be smug for weeks. Ringumo maturely blew a raspberry back at her cousin.

Haku tilted his head. "If it makes you feel better, I'll put in a good word for you when I get back?"

Kurenai snorted. "That's fine. Don't bother."

I knew what she meant, Mist was so unstable, they didn't really have diplomatic relations with anyone at the moment. Better than Hidden Rain, perhaps. North Korea got on better with their world than Mist did with ours.

When had I gone native?

"Well then, my thanks, and farewell."

Haku dashed down out of his tree, snagged Zabuza, and disappeared into the forest.

"... What just happened?" Sakura asked.

"I'm not entirely sure myself," I lied. "I think a debriefing is in order. Kurenai?"

"We were planning on basing out of the client's home. A bit obvious, but there aren't a whole lot of options. We should have a long talk there."

Sasuke surprised me, "I wouldn't mind a bed. Even a futon… Or a floor to be honest."

I nodded. "It's been a long few days for us, and I nearly got eaten by spiders a few times. A bed does sound good. Lead on?" I asked hopefully.

"Sp-spiders? Aren't they your allies?" Hinata gasped. Naruto grinned and began walking alongside her, eager to spill his guts.

I would have to teach him about need to know at some point, but this was harmless. Besides, after the adventure we'd had, I couldn't begrudge him some time with his girlfriend. I wouldn't mind seeing Anko.

A sore muscle in my side reminded me that I really would mind seeing her at the moment.

"... And Ringumo-chan got a human form…" he paused, blushing, suddenly remembering just who it was mostly based off of.

"Yes, it's the bestest form ever! Thank you all so much!" She hopped off my shoulder.

"Clothes, Ringumo!" Sakura shouted.

"Right!" Ringumo appeared, fully clothed, in all her bubbly human genki-girlness. Which didn't really mesh with Hinata's body style, but that was Ringumo for you.

And even after facing a terrifying missing ninja and the fact she had henged some clothes, Shino, Kiba and Sasuke were unable to avoid staring. She wasn't exactly practiced enough to know how to henge underwear, after all.

"That is… a nice body, Ringumo-san," Shino was amusingly the first to come to his senses.

"I know, right? I love it. Thanks again, Hinata, I couldn't have convinced the others if you hadn't let me have some of your blood first!"

Kiba was doing a double take, looking between to two girls, gears turning in his head. Hinata turned as red as a tomato, and tried to hide in her coat. Naruto, though blushing himself, was glaring at the other boys and put a possessive hand on Hinata's shoulder. This of course, made Hinata faint dead away, Naruto catching her and panicking.

"Ah?! Hinata-chan?!"

Sakura fumed, before bonking Sasuke and Kiba on the heads as she too blushed.

"OW! HEY!"

Kurenai was just shaking her head, grinning, and I'd bet money that she was restraining laughter. I certainly was.

If we must deal with pubescent students, we deserve some amusement. I'm never working in the academy.

All of this was fine, but what was my actual game plan for Wave?

My body ached from exertion and fatigue. I sighed heavily. For all my abilities, I was still human (mostly, except for those extra glands in the throat for spider speech). I needed a good lie down.

Screw it. I'd figure it out tomorrow.

••••••••••

Sakura

••••••••••

Tazuna's home was a lodging house at some point, so even with all of us and the client's daughter and grandson, there was enough room. We still had to share rooms though. Kurenai, Hinata and I had one to ourselves, while Kiba, Shino, and Sasuke had another. Finally Tsume-sensei and Naruto shared the final free room.

Tsume waved off Kurenai's proposed meeting, explaining that he had nearly died one too many times today, and that he needed sleep.

"The swordsman was probably the ace in the hole, or else you all wouldn't have been assigned this mission, right? You can hold the fort until the morning, I'm sure."

Kurenai frowned, but didn't have any specific arguments. Sensei did look pretty rough, which probably helped his argument. He was unconscious about ten seconds after his head hit the pillow. So that left it up to us to explain what all we had been up to.

Naruto immediately jumped on this chance to spin a yarn, with himself frequently in the spotlight, as I corrected and clarified points and Sasuke alternated between yawning and rolling his eyes.

"So after sensei fell in the water, Sakura and Ringumo went to go get him out of the water while this massive fish was swimming around. Sasuke was fighting off all of the other spiders, while I got so pissed, I jumped straight at the big guy, and we started duking it out."

Kiba snorted, grinning. He probably thought this was another exaggeration, but Kurenai was frowning slightly.

"Speaking of that, Naruto, just what was all of that red chak-" I started.

"You should have seen Sasuke though. He was mowing through dozens of spiders, limbs were flying, he was spitting out fireballs, it was amazing. I got a kunai into one of the big guy's eyes, and it was all downhill from there…"

Had he been using kunai? I remembered a lot of red, visible chakra, claws, and terror.

"Before that though, didn't you have, like, claws at one point?" I asked. Kurenai tensed slightly, but I wasn't sure why.

"Spiders don't have claws, Sakura! You should know that by now. So I climbed up onto his head, and kept stabbing him with my kunai, trying to blind his other eyes…"

I shot him a glare. He was still grinning, but his eyes held a pleading expression. Not how he had pleaded for a date back in the past, but far more desperately. I bit my tongue, fuming a bit at him.

Fine. So he didn't want to talk about it. I'd find out somehow or other.

"... And then Mizutoushu and Jurougumo suddenly reappeared and explained how the whole thing was a set up from the beginning!" Naruto gesticulated.

Kurenai looked at me, and I nodded. "More or less. Which is when we rode Fandangumo back here. And you know the rest," I explained.

"The big tarantulas are really fun when I get to stomp around," Fandangumo explained. He had shifted into a human form, and was sitting in the corner. Kind of handsome, actually, though unlike the boy's I'm not falling for a spider. He looked to be in his early 30s, with dark brown hair and hazel eyes with a touch of green. His ability at clothing genjutsu was also much better than Ringumo's.

Thankfully.

Speaking of…

"Zzzz… Bally balls, bouncy..." the spider turned girl mumbled in her sleep, curled up around the exhausted Akamaru.

"Woof," he replied faintly, and his leg jerked, presumably chasing something in his dream.

Shino stared. "... Anyone have a camera?"

I gawked at him. His expression didn't change a bit.

"I brought three in my back pocket," Kiba grinned. "But that is cute. Clever boy."

I frowned. I know she's cute, but… she acts like a kid. I wish they wouldn't look at her like that.

Oh, and she's a spider, too.

"So what mission brings you to Wave, Kurenai-sensei?" I asked.

"The short version, since I'll have to recap in the morning, I suppose," Kurenai said with a sigh. She sounded a bit tired herself, though it was only mid-afternoon.

"Tazuna-san hired us for a protection mission. He wants to build a bridge to the mainland in order to stimulate economic growth in the area. A tycoon named Gato is trying to kill him and destroy the bridge in order to secure his hold on the area. The nukenin you all crushed was hired by him. Now that he's out of the way, we'll probably just need to protect Tazuna-san for a few weeks until the bridge is built. Still, we shouldn't be lax, Gato might hire more reinforcements."

I blinked. "That... doesn't really sound like a job for genin."

"It's not. Tazuna and I will be having words. Clients lie about jobs from time to time. Your arrival was fortuitous, even if there aren't further reinforcements coming. The jonin you all crushed would have been a difficult fight, especially with my focus divided watching out for my students."

"Hnn," Sasuke mumbled. "Tsume-sensei was just telling us about how everyone uses ninja."

Kurenai nodded. "He's not wrong. You know, you all don't look much better than your sensei. Go to bed. We're just going to do some light training for the afternoon, survey the construction sight, that sort of thing.."

"Right." Sasuke headed off immediately. He'd put up a massive fight against those spiders.

I nodded, and headed towards the room I'd be sharing.

"Can I come? I'm kind of wired still," Naruto asked, bouncing on his heels.

Kurenai paused, before shrugging. "I suppose so."

••••••••••

Tsume

••••••••••

The next morning, I woke up feeling slightly less like pure hell. I groaned and stretched, kicking my feet to flip myself upright. I rolled my neck around, joints popping. I stretched a bit more, holding in a groan. I took a deep breath, and focused my chakra. The low-tier healing jutsu sent energy flowing around and through me, and my aches and pains faded. I sighed happily, and looked around my surroundings.

Naruto was snoring away, wearing his frog-shaped sleeping cap. Snuggled up against him was Ringumo, back in her human form. I raised my eyebrows.

I sighed and pulled my glasses on. To be honest, tormenting my students wasn't really on the agenda today. Well, not yet anyway. And purely physically. We would need to expedite the training if things developed poorly.

"EEEK!"

I rushed down stairs to see Fandangumo dragging in several large fish. Perhaps I hadn't introduced everyone properly, as Tsunami was not managing well at the sight of a humongous spider prancing around her house.

"Please stay human around the civilians, Fandangumo," I asked. He looked up.

"Right, I forget sometimes."

I gave Tsunami a warm, polite smile and bowed. "I'm very sorry about that. My summons are spiders, you see."

"I-I can see that," Tsunami managed, shaking a bit.

"Looks like we'll have breakfast though… and lunch. And any other meals you'd like."

"I… I can work with that. Thank you… Fandangumo-san?"

I smiled. Tsunami had always come off as strong to me in the anime and manga, and I was glad those depictions were accurate. Hell, to keep hope in these conditions, you'd have to be.

Kurenai poked her head in the door. "Everything alright?"

"Fandangumo just being spooky. It happens," I explained. My summon poofed himself into his human form, and noticed Tsunami give him the full up, down, and back up appraisal. I decided to leave that alone and focus on the day's agenda.

Kurenai beat me to it. "Well, I'm glad you're up. We need to talk. Naruto was helpful enough in telling us your situation, though I imagine it was… embellished slightly."

"More than likely," I admitted. I followed Kurenai into the kitchen, where Tazuna was already sitting at the table, along with his grandson. And his stupid Gilligan hat. He scowled up at us, eyes filled with mistrust, while Tazuna looked nervous.

"As I explained to your genin," Kurenai said smoothly, sitting down at the head of the table while I sat on the opposing side, facing Tazuna, "the danger our client is in was obviously misrepresented."

"I-I did have good reasons for this," Tazuna stated, his voice rough with years of tobacco use. I held up my hand, and he fell silent. I nodded thoughtfully.

"I'm aware of the basics of the situation," I said. Kurenai shot me a confused look, and I shrugged. "Ringumo filled me in before I came down here," I fibbed.

"I see," Kurenai said with a nod. I looked back at Tazuna, who stood his ground.

I held up my hands. Didn't want her thinking that I was bulldozing over her authority. Especially since I planning too. "Since this is your mission, Kurenai-san," I began, "you're calling the shots, including whether or not to continue it. With the added wrinkle that Zabuza is still alive, of course."

"That was Zabuza after all? And what makes you say that? We both saw him die."

I shrugged, "I read through the bingo book on a whim right after making jonin. It was him. As to whether he died... the hunter used senbon. And the timing of the hunter-nin showing up. It's all rather suspicious. The fact that I landed a spider on him doesn't excuse more ridiculous things happening. I'd forgive them dragging him away from the scene with that many of us there, but that's a lot of coincidences."

"True. Then why didn't you say anything?" she asked with a glare.

"I was half dead, and I only put it together this morning." I said, shrugging. "Besides, a technique like that would leave him incapacitated and recovering for... a week? Or so? Dude was pretty buff. Still, we have a little time to decide what to do."

"... I think you're being paranoid, but I suppose we must take the possibility into account. It was a chaotic situation, and the timing of everything was suspicious…"

"It's only paranoia if they're not out to get you," I said simply. I looked over at Tazuna, eyebrows raised. "Gato must seriously want you dead if he sprang for a former Swordsman of the Mist. This bridge of yours is that big a threat to his monopoly?"

"Yes," Tazuna stated emphatically.

"I assume Kurenai gave you the 'why didn't you ask for help?' spiel?" I asked. Tazuna nodded, wincing as Kurenai shot him a disappointed look. I sighed. "Well… Nothing for it now."

"Between the two of us and our genin, we should be able to deal with the situation, even if Zabuza comes back from the dead," Kurenai said confidently.

"The situation of keeping Tazuna alive? Yes. But we need to think much bigger than that. We need to think about the situation with Wave and Gato, entirely," I stated. Tazuna looked surprised.

"What do you mean, Tsume-san?"

"I mean, that just stopping Zabuza from killing you isn't going to resolve the situation. Even if we killed him, and that's a big if, Gato will just keep sending assassins after you. Or he'll blow up the bridge. A much easier proposition, really, it doesn't move around. He can afford plenty of explosives. So it's clear Gato is doing this for political reasons." I fixed him with a serious expression. "He sees you as a threat, a symbol he has to dispose of."

"Kill the hope, kill the people," Kurenai nodded glumly.

I fixed Tazuna with a deeper, probing expression. He flinched, but held his ground.

"I'm guessing you're much more than a simple bridge builder here, yes?" I asked. Tazuna sighed and nodded.

"I was the only one with resources to organize anything. To get anything done. Gato just takes and takes, there's no Daimyo, no real government after the last war… We're too small for anyone important to care about. Until now. I just ended up in charge of organizing and managing everything."

"Well, that makes my proposal a lot easier," I said with a smile, adjusting my glasses. "You see, Konoha would have been happy to take on a mission of this nature for deferred payment, or even done it pro bono. You lying about it puts us into a sticky situation." I looked over at Kurenai. "By every right, we could just break the contract and go home, isn't that so, Kurenai-san?"

"We certainly have that right. Depending on how you interpret it, we probably should," she looked at me, trying to see where I was headed.

Tazuna turned the color of eggshells. I continued to smile.

"However… I'm a nice guy. Kurenai, aren't I a nice guy?"

She grinned. "Just super. Ask anyone, we all say that about you," I wanted to roll my eyes, she was laying it on a bit thick.

"Even Anko?"

"Anko says all sorts of things about you, but I doubt Tazuna-san is interested in those tales. So, how are you suggesting to be nice? I thought this was my mission?"

"Of course, of course, I'm just floating ideas. If, instead of defending Tazuna-san from a series of assassins, including a kiri-swordsman, we take out Gato instead? It would be a bit pricey, but as I mentioned earlier, Konoha has plans for situations such as this. They would take into consideration your current economic situation."

"You want to take out Gato himself?" Kurenai asked. "That's a large change of roles."

"He's the real threat here," I insisted. "And the mission is to protect Tazuna and his bridge until construction is completed. Letting the bridge get destroyed immediately after we left would reflect poorly on Konoha. And I for one want to get a gold star on this one."

She nodded. "That's true. The bridge will probably be destroyed after we leave afterwards." She looked at me. "One of us could stay here with the kids while the other deals with all that. Assuming the client agrees?"

We both turned to look at Tazuna.

"... I don't suppose I have much choice, do I? I didn't really think about what would happen afterwards, but Gato wouldn't have any compunction against blowing it up after it was finished... I agree. Take care of our country please."

"We can work out a payment plan and agreement based on how this goes after we've gotten more intel," I stated, "and don't worry about the contract. I have a notary summon."

No, I wasn't kidding. Spiders need legal assistance too.

"You know a lot of spiders, Tsume-san," Kurenai chuckled.

"There are a lot of spiders to know," I replied.

After getting our students up, appraising them of the situation, and getting them breakfast (fresh fish, what a surprise), Kurenai took her team out to guard Tazuna and presumably train, while I took my team outside Tazuna's house to a nearby pond.

"We're going to finish water walking. You saw how useful it would have been during our last fight, and we're up against a Mist elite ninja now. If we have to face him, we'll definitely be needing to deal with water attacks."

"Are you sure he's not dead?" Naruto asked doubtfully.

"No, but I'm not alive by being certain of things, I'm alive because I took precautions against things I was suspicious of." I smiled. "And you should be happy, Naruto! I'm also finally going to teach you guys a Super Awesome Jutsu. Or two."

"Finally! About time."

Sasuke eyed me suspiciously. "Really?"

"Really. It's time for you all to learn the basics of spider style."

"But isn't that Taijutsu, Sensei?" Sakura asked, still raising her hand like she was back in school. I chuckled.

"Yes, and no. You guys remember how it felt to move as spiders, right? How different your muscles felt responding to you?"

Sasuke shuddered. Sakura made a face, but nodded. Naruto grinned.

"Yeah! It was super quick. I was all like, pizow swoosh!"

"Well, that's because you didn't have muscles, per se, rather you were moving via hydraulics at the time, rather than leverage as with human muscles," I explained. At Naruto's confused look, Sakura thankfully stepped in. It was like having my own TA!

She should grade papers for me too.

"It means our muscles worked based on changing pressure of liquids inside us," Sakura explained. I nodded.

"Exactly. At a high enough pressure, such a system makes you able to move a lot faster and react much more quickly than a leverage based system. It also makes you much more limber, giving more range of motion. Now," I stretched out my arms over my head with a grunt, "with a normal human body, you really can't rely on hydraulics. But by using chakra to emulate that system? You definitely can. And it has the benefit of working much faster than your regular muscles."

"How much faster?" Sasuke asked.

"Everyone tag me with shuriken."

They shrugged, not unused to this sort of thing.

"All at once now," I encouraged.

They didn't hold back, and I soon had several dozen shuriken heading at me.

I leaned forward, plucking the first two out of the air, then flinging those into two more. What followed would have looked pretty good in the Matrix, as I snagged shuriken after shuriken out of flight, bending backwards, standing on one leg, always where ever I needed to be to grab or deflect the next shuriken.

I few moments later, I stood with over 40 shuriken scattered in a small arc in front of me. Anyone could dodge shuriken. I hadn't let any get past me.

Not really that impressive a feat for a Jonin, but they didn't need to know that.

"Huh." My students were looking fairly shocked. As it should be. Sasuke had his eyes going, but that wouldn't help as much as he thought. It took a lot of practice to make this work. Months before it became combat useful. Thankfully it doubled as a chakra exercise.

"In combination with my chakra sensing," I explained, "I can dodge or deflect almost anything trying to hit me. I still need to work on my offence some, but in the meantime, I've got my summons for that."

"That… I'd like to learn that," Naruto finally said. Sasuke nodded eagerly, no doubt thinking of the possibilities with the Sharingan. I couldn't begrudge him that.

"Good! Let's get started then!"

I taught them the hand seals, and explained the problems they'd run into.

"You'll have to maintain the jutsu for a while, unless you want to do the seals in battle again and again. Also, for the first day or so, you'll be falling over a lot."

"What?" Naruto shouted.

"You don't think that using a totally new motor system that doesn't technically exist in your body is going to be easy, do you?"

"I guess not…"

"Try it sitting down at first," I suggested. They all sat down and ran through the signs.

*Flump*

Naruto had ended up face planting into the earth. Sakura was flat on her back, and Sasuke had fallen over sideways into her lap.

"Oh jeez, that's weird!" Naruto cried.

"I can't move!" Sakura started panicking. "How am I able to breath?"

"Sensei, I hate you," Sasuke said into Sakura's stomach.

I smiled. And I had thought that I was only going to be physically tormenting my students today.

"Well, it looks like you're all well under way with that. I want you all to practice that until lunch, then practice water walking. I'm going to go ninja stuff, and maybe people, in case team eight asks."

Sakura groaned desperately.

"Sensei, some help would be appreciated!"

"Sorry, you just have to figure it out your-," I was cut off as a loud squeal filled the air.

"ANDO-KUN!" Ringumo cried happily, bounding for me in her human form. I dodged and with a deft palm thrust redirected her flight to join the pile of my students. "OOF!"

"Ah, a tutor has arrived! Ringumo, could you do me a huge favor and explain to them how to move with a hydraulic motor system?"

"I can certainly try!" She said from on top of Sasuke, beaming like the sun.

"Semphay, I hae oou," Sasuke repeated.

"Good," I said. "Means I'm doing my job correctly."

••••••••••

Naruto

••••••••••

Sensei just left us there on the ground. Frigging Sasuke landed in a pile of girls of course, and doesn't even appreciate it. The world isn't fair, I tell you what.

"Hmm, so how do I explain how to do this?" Ringumo wondered aloud. "I guess I could use the jutsu too." She ran through the hand seals, and her body went flaccid.

"Jush peashy," Sasuke mumbled.

"Huh. This is weird," Ringumo said. "I've never done it as a human before. Muscles are nice, but they are kinda slow. I can't even stick my feet behind my head."

"Any ideas though?" Sakura asked.

"One second," Ringumo said. She started twitching. Soon she had her fingers moving.

"Okay, I think I'm getting the hang of it. So, you kind of want to grab your chakra, and send it through your body like it was plumbing."

"Like... a series of tubes?" I asked, hesitantly.

"Exactly, an excellent analogy!"

"I'm good at those," I grinned. Whatever those are. "How are we talking anyway?"

"I think it only affects voluntary muscles under the neck, otherwise you would die before you learned how to use the technique. Did you know Andoryuu invented it? He was jealous of our flexibility and speed! He's so smart."

"He's very talented, Ringumo. Now, we're supposed to do what again?" Sakura tried to focus the energetic spider-girl. She sounded annoyed. I guess I couldn't blame her. You'd think she'd be happy having Sasuke drool on her though.

"Pump the chakra through your tubes. If you want your fingers to move, you need to build up pressure using your chakra. It kind of pushes a wave along, and your finger moves. Once you get really good, you can actually move the liquids in your body, according to Mom. Like, if your heart stops, or if you get a big cut. I think that's how Mom gets her chest so big too."

"Tha- You can do that?" Sakura asked.

"Uf cors she'd focs ahn tat," Sasuke mumbled.

"Not that! You can keep your blood going without a heart, that's amazing!" Sakura backpedaled furiously.

I started wiggling my pinky. "I think I've got it!"

"What? How?"

"Some of us were following directions, Sakura," I said a bit smugly. Ha, I got something faster than the academy pet. Or Sasuke!

Suddenly Sasuke sat up, shoving Ringumo off of him and onto Sakura. Sasuke flopped back to the ground.

"Well, that kind of worked. At least I can see now."

I scowled. Damnit!

"Hmm… You know, I didn't get to sit in your lap when we were at the hot springs, Sakura," Ringumo said thoughtfully. "You feel different! Comfortable."

"Different how- don't answer that!" Sakura rushed. "Everyone quiet! I need to practice!"

Which is when team eight walked up.

"Do we even want to know?" Kurenai-sensei asked, looking like she was trying not to laugh.

"Tsume-sensei left us here to learn his weird hydraulic technique, and none of us can move," Sasuke explained. "Ringumo was supposed to teach us, but she's only done it as a spider."

Kiba grinned and leaned over. "Well… Doesn't seem all bad from my point of view."

"I think it's fun," Ringumo agreed.

"Shut up, you pervert!" Sakura growled.

I sniffed the air. Strange, I could have sworn I smelled…

"N-Naruto-kun," murmured Hinata. She stood over me with a bowl, and a warm (if nervous) smile. "I asked in the village and uh… I found a ramen place, so I got you some."

The sun chose to shine through the clouds, framing Hinata like she was an angel from heaven. I found that I could smile, tears nearly coming to my eyes.

"You are a goddess, delivering on blessed feet the food of heaven to this lowly warrior, Hinata. As soon as I can move, I will eat that with the gusto of a thousand Akimichi."

What can I say, I get eloquent over ramen. The fact she looked very pretty blushing at my compliment was a great bonus.

"Oh please," Sakura muttered, rolling her eyes. "It's ramen, for crying out loud!"

Blasphemer. Suddenly I felt a lot better about her not being on top of me. Sensei was right, we didn't have much in common.

Hinata hummed, looking over me. She set the ramen down out of the way, and performed a series of hand seals. Her eyes bulged a bit, her bloodline limit activating as she looked me all over. She was blushing quite a bit- maybe she was using a lot more chakra than I thought?

"I think you need to push your chakra harder, and focus it more, Naruto. What are the hand seals?" she asked.

"Snake, ox, and spider."

"Spider?" Kiba asked.

"Oh, you put your middle and ring fingers against your palm on each hand, stick out your index and pinkies and touch them together, and stick out the thumbs," Sakura explained. "I think medics use it sometimes?"

"Like this?" Shino asked. He seemed intrigued, though I had always thought he seemed nervous around sensei. Understandable, I guess.

"Yeah."

Hinata, Shino and Kiba performed the jutsu and fell over.

"Ooph!" Hinata weighed more than she looked, at least when she dropped into my gut. She definitely must have used a lot more chakra than I thought, since she immediately passed out.

"Sorry, you were supposed to sit down first," Sakura apologised.

"I'll live. It probably won't bruise," Kiba said. He sounded like it was going to bruise.

"Have I told you how tasty you look lately, Shino-kun?"

"Nuh lattly," he mumbled into her stomach.

"That tickles!"

Kurenai chuckled. "Well, I suppose I'll let you all get on with it. Do you know where your Jonin got too?"

"He said he was going to ninja some stuff and people," I explained. "Hinata-chan? Are you all right? Wake up?"

She was even smiling! What the heck was wrong with her?

"No, really, that's what he said," Sakura backed me up.

"I think I see why Anko likes him," Kurenai said with a sigh. "I'd heard he was supposed to be fairly normal, too," she muttered.

"Is Hinata-chan going to be okay? I can't help her like this!"

Kurenai had a faint smile. "She'll be fine. She didn't hit her head. She… was probably just surprised."

"Lucky bastard," Kiba said under his breath.

"Here, you'll probably learn faster with Hinata's help." Kurenai went through a long series of hand seals, and Hinata gasped awake.

"Wha- huh? Oh! Umm…"

I smiled. "Hey. You're awake again. Can you help us figure out how to move?"

"I-I, ahh. Yes?"

Kurenai nodded and walked off.

"Ano, well, first, show me what you've figured out so far."

••••••••••

Tsume

••••••••••

As it turned out, it wasn't too difficult to find Gato's main base of operations. He was the kind of bastard who made absolutely sure everyone knew where he was, in the most grandiose fashion possible. If he had access to neon lights I wouldn't have put it past the man to decorate his HQ with them.

Unfortunately, he wasn't here yet. His main, main base was actually a ship, what with him being a shipping magnate.

I wonder how many refrigerator magnates there have been through history?

Sorry.

… I'm not sorry.

It was a small floating fortress, complete with cannons, steel plate armor, and a screw propulsion drive. Fairly cutting edge for this world, not that unlike the American civil war 'New Ironsides'. Enough to deter most conventional forces from trying an assault.

For a ninja? Not as much of an issue. We walk on water, you know.

What I did find was paperwork and memos. God bless ink. I'm not sure ninjas will survive the electronic revolution if it ever arrives here. Again? I still don't know if this is a post apocalyptic Earth or not. Well, post-post apocalyptic Earth.

Gato had his hands in so many more pies than canon gave him credit. Human trafficking? Check. Smuggling? Duh, of course. Weapon running? Both sides of several conflicts… including Mist...

Oho!

Mei Terumi and Yagura? I hadn't been aware she was running a rebellion this early! Why wasn't Zabuza a part of it? Had he triggered the revolutionary spirit?

Well, if either side had found out about Gato's wheeling and dealing a bit sooner, we'd have never had to deal with him. As it is…

This was workable?

This was workable.

Cut down Gato, contact Terumi, show her the papers, and suggest she absorb Zabuza's gang and Gato's empire. Zabuza gets the means to end Yagura, though Mei was probably going to take the Mizukage hat over him. I had no love for Yagura, nor did anyone else in Konoha. I might even be able to swing it so that wave became a sort of headquarters for their activities. That would bring in money and safety to the area. Assuming nothing went too badly.

I mean, I guess someone could hire Akatsuki to blow Wave up, but…

Actually, Mist was already semi-controlled by Akatuski via Yagura anyhow, if memory served, so if they really wanted the civil war to end, they'd have done something about it by now. Perhaps they were using the whole thing as a distraction? Speculation, but plausible.

So then Terumi could take the Gato empire and infrastructure and use them to unite Mist, haul Zabuza away from us, and hurt Akatsuki, all in one sweep.

This would be amazing.

If I could pull it off.

If I could get Kurenai to go along…

If...

I had a lot of work ahead of me.