Thanks again for the great reactions, it means a lot!
It wasn't often Scott sat back and kept quiet when they spoke with Matt. They had grown close over the years and Matt has always been there, not only for him, but his brothers as well. But this time, the eldest brother slowly pushed the chair back as John and Virgil crowded in. He felt bad for doing it, but knew he needed a moment.
It wasn't that he didn't like catching up with the officer. He loved it! Matt was their link back home despite his promotion meaning he now lived in New York rather than Kansas. But with everything else going on, the last thing Scott needed was another connection to his past. At least Matt also brought back happier memories - the man had been the person to rescue him after all. He had also been the one to help the family settle back to their normal way of living afterwards. Scott would never forget that it had been Matt who was there for John when everything had got too much.
But as happy as some of those memories were, it still transported his mind back to when he was sixteen again. The one time he was trying not to think about right now.
How could he hide the nightmares if the events were playing on his mind during his waking hours as well?
"Scott?"
He wasn't sure whether it was John's voice or Virgil's elbow that brought him back to the conversation and he grinned apologetically.
"Sorry, you were saying?"
"Are you alright, Scott? You seem a little out of sorts?"
"I'm fine. Just been a long couple of days." Out of the corner of his eye, Scott could see Virgil opening his mouth. No doubt his little brother was about to inform Matt precisely what was going on. Scott kicked him on the ankle.
When Virgil turned to him, Scott shook his head. He was fully aware that Matt would have seen the interaction, but he didn't care. He would rather have the officer thinking they were acting as children than knowing he was suffering from the nightmares again. He couldn't stand the sympathetic look on the man's face or the knowledge that Matt would tell his father.
"I saw the rescue on T.V," Matt muttered, lowering his voice as he did so. Both Matt and Nicole knew the family secret, the detective being their agent in that part of America. Jeff hadn't wanted to force Matt to hide something from his wife and it helped having his secretary on board for when they had to use the company as a way of getting parts shipped in. But the couple's five-year-old twins were in the house and they liked to join in the conversation when they heard who was on the other end of the line. Matt had a good reason to drop his voice.
"It wasn't too bad," Scott muttered with a shrug, frowning when John rolled his eyes. Scott realised a second too late he had missed his opening. He could have blamed the rescue for him being tired. Matt had a fond look of exasperation on his face; the man had been trying to give him a reason, an excuse, and Scott had blown it.
Luckily, while still thinking of a way to leave the room and the conversation without appearing rude, the door behind Matt opened and a small figure came running in, climbing onto his father's lap.
"Ruby took my dragon…" a voice whined, and the Tracys exchanged fond grins. Scott found his was more genuine than his brothers' considering Max had just provided the perfect distraction. Max always seemed to lose to his sister, despite them being the same age.
"You know what you have to do?" John said quietly as he leant forward. Scott realised that both he and Virgil had also leant forward, wondering what it was that their brother was about to say.
"Wait until she has gone to bed, then take one of hers –"
"Thank you, John," Matt said sternly, stopping John from continuing.
Virgil chuckled and Scott only just held back his own laugh as he cuffed John over the head. It was always entertaining to watch Matt switch from their friend into a father.
"You just have to go and ask for it back," Scott said reasonably, then suddenly realised that both John and Virgil were staring at him in incredulity. "What?"
"Let's just say that it is pretty obvious you're the oldest," Virgil muttered, sharing a look with John as they both turned back to the screen. Scott blinked, not really sure what they were talking about. It took a few moments, but he suddenly realised how him asking for something back had a lot more effect than if one of the younger ones had tried it. He grinned, glad he was positioned behind his brothers so they couldn't see his satisfaction.
"Yeah, thanks guys," Matt muttered with a roll of his eyes, sliding his son off his lap and sending him to find his mother instead.
"Or you could just try that way," Virgil teased. Matt flushed at how he had just passed the problem on, before disappearing from sight as he closed his office door. Scott sat back again, knowing their conversation was about to turn to International Rescue and anything happening in New York that involved them, even if it was just rumours about who they were.
The conversation took up most of the morning and Scott realised he couldn't remember the last time they had spoken to Matt for this long. Normally, they enjoyed watching Matt squirm when the twins were playing up or his three-year-old threw a tantrum. While it was always a good laugh, Scott enjoyed being able to talk properly rather than having to watch what they said in front of the children.
Eventually, it was their grandmother calling them for lunch which made them cut the conversation short with the promise they would be back in touch soon. Scott bit back a groan as he stood up, realising that sitting down for that length of time had stiffened up his leg. He didn't say anything though and purposefully avoided Virgil's gaze as they moved from the room. No doubt the younger man knew how he was feeling and wanted to do something about it.
But to Scott's relief, John didn't flinch as he reached out to turn the monitor off. Scott's leg might have been bothering him, but John's arm had settled down. While pleased, Scott was fully aware it meant he didn't have anyone to distract Virgil for him.
The three brothers moved through the house, meeting Gordon on the way as he came up from the silos and a companionable silence fell between them. Lunch was relaxed and the banter flowed easily, but Scott forced the laughs more and more as the meal went on. He couldn't explain the churning in his stomach until, with a start, he knew what he was feeling.
He was nervous.
It had been years since he had last felt like that, but as soon as he put a name to the feeling, he knew it to be true. He knew his father would be keeping a close eye on him and Scott was determined that nothing was going to happen that would result in him being taken off rescues. A few dreams weren't going to affect his ability to act as Field Commander, but there was a chance that something might happen if he wasn't out there to direct his brothers. He had no idea if he was imagining the looks his father was giving him or whether it was all in his head, but Scott excused himself as fast as he could.
As soon as he was out of the house, Scott headed to the beach. He knew he was being predictable with his hiding place but he was also convinced that no one would follow him out. They knew not to interrupt him when he had gone for a run, and that was the only thing he tended to come down to the beach to do. Unlike Virgil or Gordon, he didn't get any inspiration from being down here; it was just a good place to let out some pent-up energy.
What he hadn't thought about, however, was that John was home.
He had barely been on the beach for more than five minutes when he heard footsteps coming across the sand. Scott glanced over his shoulder and jumped up from where he had been sitting, pretending that he was stretching to begin his run. John came up next to him and sat down on the sand.
"You really think that I'm going to buy you going for a run when you can just about walk?"
For a moment, Scott stared at his brother, a flash of irritation shooting through him at the fact John knew he wasn't running but had refused to think about the reasons why Scott might have come down here. Then Scott shook his head and sat down next to his brother, rolling his eyes as he did so. John had always been able to catch him out, sometimes more than Virgil. Virgil would see through his pretence and let him carry on. John, however, would call him out on it.
"What are you doing out here, Scotty?"
Scott wanted to deny everything running through his mind. It was his job to help his little brothers with their problems, not to burden them with his own. But something told him that John wouldn't budge even an inch until he had the truth out of his brother and Scott wasn't really in the mood to lie.
"Dad's looking for a reason to ground me from rescues," he muttered bitterly, flicking at the sand in irritation as if that could solve his problems.
"Because of the dreams?" John's voice was soft and understanding but Scott glared at him.
"Does everyone know about them?" He thought he had done so well at hiding what had been plaguing him every night, yet he was getting the feeling he had been fooling himself more than his family.
John shrugged. "Dad doesn't know the full extent, but we do. Gordon's a pretty light sleeper, you know. He often calls me when he is awake and no one else is, and it's amazing what that kid can hear through the walls. As for Virg, he might not wake up, but he knows you better than anyone. You really think you can hide it from us?"
"I was hoping to," Scott mumbled, sighing as he stared out at the ocean. He felt he should be annoyed that they all knew, but found that, instead, he wasn't surprised. They had never been able to hide anything serious from each other, so why should now be any different? They could trick their father, but not one another.
"Is Dad right in saying you should stop being out on the field for a while?"
"No!"
John flinched at the note in Scott's voice and the older brother held up his hands apologetically.
"No," he continued in a softer tone. "I need to be out there. The dreams are about losing you. You and Virg. Sometimes even Gordon. Can you imagine how bad they would get if I was stuck at home waiting to hear that something had gone wrong and I wasn't there to help?"
"We can handle ourselves…" John started to protest, but Scott shook his head.
"I know. That's not what I'm saying. I'm supposed to be out there, John. Staying at home won't help, it will just make things worse. But Dad can't know; he can't know how bad things have got!"
"Hell, Scott… I haven't heard you sound that desperate since-"
"John, I appreciate you coming out here after me and all that, but if you finish that sentence, I'm walking off."
John took the hint and snapped his mouth shut, but it just added to Scott's guilt. Why did he feel like he was trying to push away everyone trying to help him?
"I don't know why they have got so bad recently," he admitted, knowing that he had to give John something to work with now that his brother had come all the way out there to help. "It's not like it was playing on my mind or anything like that."
"Maybe you saw something that subconsciously triggered a memory and that has been revealing itself through dreams?"
"Like what?"
John shook his head. "I don't know, Scott. I wish I did, but I don't."
Scott opened his mouth to say something reassuring to his brother. It was ironic – he was trying to make John feel better, who was worried about not helping him more. As soon as the thought registered in his head, he had to laugh. It summed up their family completely.
Before Scott could say anything, his watch vibrated. Considering the way John looked down at his own at the same time, Scott knew what it was. It never came at a good time, but this was possibly the worst timing of it all. He needed more time to think about what was going through his head rather than having to respond to this. John grimaced, clearly thinking the same before standing up and offering his hand to pull Scott to his feet.
They had a rescue.
TBTBTB
"Scott? Scott, wake up! You're having another dream, wake up!"
"Dad, that's clearly not working, let me… OW!"
"Well, what did you expect, Gords? He's having a nightmare and you got too close, of course he is going to punch you."
"You wake him up then, Virgil."
"Fine!"
Scott was vaguely aware of the voices. He had to wake up; he had to calm Gordon down. His brother sounded upset and it was Scott's duty as a big brother to make sure that all problems were solved. But something was keeping him asleep. He knew that something was the terror caused by the images playing out in his mind once again, keeping him trapped rather than escaping to reality. He knew it was just a dream, but it didn't make the images seem any less real, and even now they were lingering in the shadows of his subconscious. He was scared to wake up; what if the images were actually his reality?
The choice, however, was taken from him when he felt something cold and wet splash over his face. Scott coughed, gasping as he forced his eyes to open, only to see Virgil standing over him with an upended glass in his hand and a smug look on his face. He stepped back as soon as he saw that Scott was awake and the oldest brother tried to blink the sleep out of his eyes as he took in the rest of the room.
He had left his balcony doors open when he had gone to bed, still hot from the shower after scrubbing away what felt like years' worth of dirt after a fire in Australia. But the adrenaline had faded and he had crashed, only to be plummeted back into a world that he had been desperately trying to escape. Judging by the cool breeze wafting in and the fact he could see the stars, Scott knew it was probably about the middle of the night.
John was standing with his back to Virgil, but Scott could see enough to know that he was trying to get Gordon to tilt his head as their younger brother pinched a bloody nose. It was only then that Scott realised his fist was stinging and Gordon's words from before returned to him. He was responsible for the blood.
But before he could so much as sit up, let alone leap out of bed in order to make sure that Gordon was alright, a hand rested on his shoulder, keeping him down.
"Easy, Scott. He's okay."
Scott didn't need to look to know it was his father standing over him – no one else would have guessed his train of thought so quickly. He fell back and only then realised he was shaking.
"Who was it?" his dad continued, the same question that he asked after every nightmare. Scott shook his head for a second, but when the question was repeated with a firmer tone to it, he knew that he had to answer.
"Everyone," he whispered, fighting the urge to draw his knees up to his chest and bury his head in them. He had to pretend - for his brothers' sakes - that he was handling it and that he was fine. But as he spared a glance towards his father, he knew any pretence was lost on the man. His eyes had narrowed slightly and if Scott wasn't mistaken, he looked angry. Scott was further convinced when Jeff quietly told everyone else to get out. They seemed to catch the tone and all filed out without protest, although Scott was sure he heard Gordon complaining that he wouldn't have been allowed to throw the water if he had thought of it first.
As soon as they were gone, Scott's gaze found the floor.
"How long as this been going on for, Scott?"
Once again, there was a no-nonsense tone to his father's voice and Scott knew he had been caught out. Considering it was the middle of the night and he had somehow woken the whole house, he knew this one had been the worst to date. He shrugged.
"A couple of months," he muttered softly, not wanting to admit it but knowing he didn't have a choice. He even thought his father might already know. No doubt one of his brothers had said something as they had tried to rouse him.
An explosion of breath made him look up to see his father run his fingers through his hair before sitting down on the end of Scott's bed.
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"So you wouldn't look at me with the exact expression you have on your face now! I'm fine, Dad…"
"No, you are not. I meant what I said earlier, Scott: if this continued, I was taking you off rescues…"
"Dad, no!"
"I'm sorry, son. You're off duty from now on."
"Till when?" Scott muttered bitterly, wanting to know his facts before he started arguing. He knew he had plenty of reasons that would make his father change his mind but he hoped if it looked like he had agreed to start with, his dad wouldn't notice that he was being manipulated.
"Until you're cleared again."
"By who?" Scott felt dread coiling in the pit of his stomach at the long look that his father gave him. Something told him that he wouldn't be able to argue his way out of this one; his father had already made up his mind. Scott hated it, it left him feeling trapped knowing that he didn't have a choice.
"I have to go over to the mainland for a few days at the beginning of next week to oversee some business transactions. I want you to come with me and I want you to talk to someone about these dreams."
"No way!" Scott made it off the bed this time, moving across to his window even as he shook his head. But the cool breeze did nothing to calm the mixture of anger and shame he could feel racing through his body. Didn't his father trust that he knew his limits? Didn't he believe that Scott would honestly say something if he thought that it was too dangerous for him to be out in the field? There was no way he would put his brothers' lives at risk and yet he was being pulled off the team as if he was some sort of liability.
"You can't do this." He tried not to sound surly the way his youngest brother did. He knew that would get him nowhere. But betrayal ran through him at his father's announcement. He knew his dad must have beenarranging this long before he knew how frequent the nightmares had become. The ones he did know about had been bad enough for him to take action.
"I can and I have, Scott. This can't keep going on. I'm sorry, but you're coming to the mainland with me, no arguments."
"I'm not a child, Dad," Scott protested, despite knowing that it wouldn't work. The look his father gave him said enough; he wasn't accepting any arguments.
"I know. But you are still my son and I have every intention of stopping these nightmares. It's obvious that there is nothing any of us can do hereand that they are getting worse. I'm sorry, Scott, but my mind is made up. Just one session, that's all I'm asking. Just talk to someone for one hour and we'll take it from there. Okay?"
"Fine." Scott sat down on his bed, but kept his back to his father. The last thing he needed was for his father to see the tears in his eyes. He didn't want to talk to someone, he didn't want to have to drag up memories that - until recently - he had done well at keeping to the back of his mind. He heard his dad take a step forward, clearly intending to comfort him. But then Jeff seemed to remember what Scott had said about not being a child and quietly left instead.
As soon as Scott heard his door shut, he threw his pillow against the wall as hard as he could before standing up and moving to the balcony doors. He rested his hands on the railings and tilted his head up to the sky, taking a deep breath as he tried to control his emotions.
TBTBTB
"How is he?"
The remaining brothers hadn't gone far at all, leaning against the wall in the hall just outside of Scott's room. Gordon's nose had stopped bleeding, but there was the same concern in his eyes that was reflected in his brothers'. Virgil wanted to squirm at the look his father was giving them all and he knew it hadn't gone down well that they had known Scott had been dreaming and not told their father.
"Virgil, pack a bag."
"Why? Where am I going?" Virgil shared a bemused glance with John before turning his attention back to his father. He didn't think he had ever seen the man look so grave.
"I'm taking Scott to the mainland with me the day after tomorrow."
"So why am I packing a bag?"
"You are coming too."
"What? Why? Da-ad…" It had been years since Virgil had used that tone of voice, but he couldn't help it. "You can't take both Scott and me out of action."
"I can and I will. He needs you, Virg. You're the one he sees die the most, I don't think it would do him any good for you to be miles away."
"He dreams about John too."
"John has just come back to Earth, I'm not dragging him into the city straight away, it's not fair. John and Gordon can handle International Rescue for a few days, and if things do get tense, you can both fly back over. Please, Virgil. Scott needs you."
Virgil's arguments died before he uttered them. He had never turned his back on Scott before, not even when it meant sneaking in terrorthrough a hospital to literally save his brother's life. He wasn't about to start now. He sighed and nodded, moving towards his room as he did so.
The fact he was up at this time of night told him just how bad things had become and he shuddered when he thought about the yells of fear coming from Scott while they had been trying to wake him. As soon as he got to his room, however, Virgil realised that there was absolutely no point in packing now – it was the middle of the night and he was never going to remember everything.
Instead, he slipped back down the corridor. The couple of minutes he had been gone had been long enough for the rest of the family to disappear. Judging by the fact he could see a light on downstairs, Virgil was sure that John, and most likely Gordon, had taken refuge in the kitchen. Satisfied that he wouldn't be disturbed, Virgil slipped into Scott's room.
His brother had his back to the door as he stared into the heavens and Virgil had to smile, albeit one tinged with sadness. Whenever any of them had a problem that no one else could deal with, they turned to the stars.
"Scott?" Not wanting to make his brother jump, Virgil spoke softly before moving to stand next to him. He didn't look directly at Scott, wanting to give the man a moment to pull himself together should he need it.
"Yeah?" Judging by the hoarseness to Scott's voice, Virgil knew that he had needed it.
"What are you taking to New York?" Virgil didn't really know what else to say. He knew that he couldn't completely change the conversation - Scott wasn't in the mood for small talk. But Virgil didn't want to dwell on the dreams either. He still had Scott's screams ringing in his ears.
"Why?"
"Trying to figure out what to take myself." Virgil caught Scott's eye as his brother turned to face him, shrugging with a small smile. "Yep, I'm coming too."
"Dad can't do that; he can't leave us offline…"
"John can handle it and Gordon's not too bad himself. Maybe I just want to see the city a bit so decided to tag along?"
"Virg?"
"Yeah?"
"You're a terrible liar."
Virgil grinned as he heard Scott's voice lighten a little. His brother knew full well that Virgil wouldn't have decided to come himself, but that it had been an order. But the fact they were both prepared to look on the bright side of it gave Virgil the hope that they might just make it through the next few days.
And if he was completely honest, some time to go exploring New York with his big brother wouldn't be the worst thing ever either.