It was a few days later before Alex was over her heat. However, since it was Friday, Dean let her stay home. Besides, Alex was slightly worried about him. He had been acting strange the past couple days.

She rolled out of bed, looking at the clock. It was almost 8am. She sighed, walking down the hall, feet silent on the wooden floor. Downstairs, Dean was sitting in the kitchen, cleaning his Colt. Alex narrowed her eyes. "What are you doing?"

Dean jumped, looking up, and Alex was shocked by his tear-stained face. She sat down next to him, wings pinned tightly against her back in worry. "Dean," she said slowly. "What's going on?"

"Nothing, nothing." Dean shook her off. "I'm just cleaning my gun, okay? Can't I do that?"

"Where are Ben and Lisa?" Alex was slightly taken aback by his coldness.

"At school. At work," he grumbled, returning his gaze to his work.

"What's wrong?"

Dean glanced up at the sudden softness in her voice, but quickly lowered his eyes. "Nothing."

"That's a lie." When Dean didn't respond, Alex sighed. "Is it Sam?"

Dean said nothing, and Alex just shook her head. "It's going to be okay." She reached out with her wing, gently brushing his shoulder before remembering the gesture was unnoticed by the human.

"It's not going to be okay!" Dean snapped. He snapped the magazine into his gun before stomping out of the room. Alex hesitated, but then hurriedly followed. Dean was in the living room, sitting on the couch, staring at the gun. He cocked it, studying it carefully.

"Dean." Alex walked over to him, reaching for the gun. He pulled it away. "Dean," Alex repeated, sharper this time. "Give me the gun."

"Why?" Dean looked up, eyes watering. "Why should I?"

"Dean, give me the gun before you do something stupid. Please." Panic tugged at Alex's chest.

"Sam's gone, Alex."

"Killing yourself isn't going to bring him back."

Dean just shook his head. "I-I can't do this." He looked up at Alex, eyes desperate and wide. "I can't keep living like everything's okay. Because it's not. I'm not strong enough, Pip." He turned the gun, studying it from all angles. "Please. Just leave."

"No." Alex was beginning to get desperate. "Dean. Stop. Please. Don't do this. I won't let you. Just give me the gun. We can work this out, okay?" Dean didn't respond. "Dean, think about this. What-what is Sam comes back, hmm? What if, by some strange miracle, Sam comes back, and he finds you here dead?"

"He won't come back." Dean fiddled with the safety, eyes distant and unfocused.

Alex knelt down beside him. "You don't know that. Dean, please. If not about Sam, what about me? Me, Bobby, Castiel? We're your family, and we've already lost you once. I don't want to lose you again."

"You don't understand, Alex." Dean finally looked up, eyes locking with hers. "I can't live without Sammy. I mean, I could keep going without you, or Bobby, or even Cas, but not Sam."

"I know how you're feeling, Dean. Sam was my family too. You're not the only one hurt by his death," Alex snapped. "Dean, right now you're the only person I have left. Cas is far off in heaven, I haven't talked to Bobby in months. What the hell am I suppose to do if I lose you too?"

"You'll be fine."

Filled with another wave of panic, Alex suddenly reached up, placing two fingers on his forehead. She focused on her grace. Sleep, she willed him. Dean collapsed, and Alex hurriedly checked his pulse. Still there. She let out a sigh of relief before clearing the gun, hiding it deep under the couch. She shoved the magazine into her pocket and stood up, only to find her legs were shaking. She grabbed her cellphone from out of her pocket, dialing a number. "Bobby?"

"Who is this?" a gruff voice asked."Alex?"

"Yeah. Hey."

"You okay? You sound terrified."

"I am." Alex took a deep breath. "Dean, Dean just tried to kill himself."

"What?!"

"Yeah. I guess he's been really depressed over Sam. He's done a good job at hiding it though. Don't worry. I, uh, I stopped him."

"How?"

"I used some angel crap. Not really sure what I did. Put him to sleep or something."

"Good. But, everything's under control?"

"Yeah. Now it is. But I'm scared. I can't let Dean kill himself. What do I do?"

"Don't know. Sorry, girl. You're just gonna have to figure this one out on your own. Listen. I got to go. I'm really sorry."

"Yeah. Whatever." Alex let him hang up. Casting a quick glance at Dean, she hurried out to the Impala. She collected every pistol she could find, then locked the weapons box with a large padlock. Then she buried the key in her pocket and hid the guns in the garage rafters. It was a spot she had discovered several weeks ago, and was the perfect hiding place. Then she went back inside. She fished Dean's Colt out from the couch before hurrying upstairs to check Dean's room. She found nothing. She grabbed her Colt from her bed; she kept it there for the same reason as Dean, then hid it back outside. Then, she sat down on the couch across from Dean and waited.

...

It was several hours before Dean stirred. Alex hadn't moved a muscle, her eyes locked on the hunter. Probably an angel habit taking over. His beautiful green eyes flickered open, and Alex felt a tug of pity for her friend. Dean sat up straight, looking over at her. "What the hell?!"

Alex said nothing. Her gaze remained on him, unblinking.

Dean struggled to stand, but he slumped back down. "Where's my gun?" he demanded. "Dammit, Alex!"

"Calm down." Alex held out a hand, palm down in a gesture of soft command. "You're okay."

Dean glowered, but did as she said. "So what? You finally figured out how to work that angel mojo of yours?" he growled.

Alex shook her head. "I don't know what I did," she admitted. "I was just scared."

Dean looked around again. "Where's my gun? If you've touched it . . ."

"I hid it." Alex's eyes finally flashed with emotion. "Dammit, Dean, what the hell were you thinking?"

"Give me my gun back!"

"No! I'm not going to let you do it!" Her voice took on a pleading tone. "Please, Dean. You're stronger than this."

"Am I?"

"Yeah, actually, you are." Alex's eyes flashed. "And I'm not strong enough to let you take the cowards way out." Dean opened his mouth to protest, but she angrily continued. "Everything you've been through heaven, hell, and now you decided to flip the lights? What's Sam gonna think if he comes back and you're dead?"

"Sam's not coming back."

"Maybe he will, maybe he won't. But look at you! Dean, Sam made you promise that you'd get out of hunting and live a good life. And now you're just running like a dog with its tail between its legs. Dying won't bring him back."

"Living won't bring him back."

Alex decided she didn't care if he knew. She just wanted him alive. "Since when do you Winchesters ever stay dead? Lucifer's cage isn't impenetrable. Sam can be pulled out."

Dean's gaze snapped to her face. "How."

"I don't know."

Dean stood up, approaching. "Tell me, dammit! How do I save Sam?"

"You don't do anything!" Alex finally stood up, glaring up at the hunter. "So you're just gonna have to sit on your ass until Sam shows up, okay? No hunting him down, no bringing him back. Because you can't. So you just have to stay put and live a decent life!" Her good wing flared out of agitation.

Dean stepped back. "He comes back, right?" His voice shook on the verge of tears.

"Yeah. It isn't pretty, and life never gets better, but he comes back." Alex's voice cracked, and she swallowed.

Dean hurried upstairs. Alex watched him go.

...

Dean came back down around noon. "Can I have my gun back?" he grumbled.

Alex stood up, frowning. "What? Do you think I'm an idiot?"

"I won't kill myself. Not if Sam is coming back."

Alex huffed. "Fine. Stay here." She hurried out to the garage, pulling out the guns. She slid the guns back into the Impala's trunk before carrying hers and Dean' back into the house. "Here." She handed him his. "But if I so much as see you look at it wrong, I'm shipping it to Bobby."

Dean snorted in quiet laughter. "Yes, mom."

Alex sighed, plopping down on the couch. Dean had turned the tv on, and Alex curled up next to him, post heat making her push herself close. She turned her eyes to the screen and grinned. "Dean. Can we go see this movie? Please?" It was an preview for Despicable Me. "I swear, I remember this movie. It was great!"

Dean watched the trailer in silence. "Could be good," he slowly agreed.

"Please?" Alex looked up into his face, pouting childishly. "We can take Ben and Lisa if you want. It -"

"If I want?" A small smile crossed the ex-hunter's face. "What does that mean?"

Alex lowered her gaze. "I, I mean, I was hoping just the two of us could go, but it'd be nice if they came too, I guess."

Dean sat down next to her. "You don't like sharing?" he forcibly joked.

Alex huffed. "I'm an angel. We don't do sharing."

Dean laughed again, this time for real. "Whatever you say." He let out a quiet breath. "Sure, we can go. I'll see if Ben and Lis want to go." He looked over at Alex and placed a hand over her forehead. "Hey. head upstairs, okay? You still feel a little warm. Take a nap or something."

Alex admittedly was tired. "Fine. But I'm taking this with me." She grabbed Dean's gun. "If you kill yourself, I'll be forced to fly down into hell and pull your ass out of the hotbox myself."

Dean smirked. "You'd do that?"

"Hell yeah. Then I'd murder you myself."

Dean laughed, but handed her his gun. "No thanks. If Sam's gonna come back, I'm sure as hell gonna keep fighting."

Alex nodded and left the room. She climbed up the stairs, hurried down the hall, and closed the door to her room. She tossed her gun on the bed, followed by Dean's. Then she sat down at her desk, pulling out her laptop. Well, Sam's laptop. Hers now.

She flipped it open, and it powered up. With a click, the internet opened, and Alex's hands settled over the keyboard. Despicable Me t-shirts. Enter.

Several pages popped up. One in particular caught Alex's eye. The Minions have the Phone Box. No way. Despicable Me/Doctor Who crossover t-shirt? "I need this."

She typed The Minions have the Phone Box into the search box, and several more pages popped up. "I need this," she repeated with a smile. She'd keep tabs on this.

...

Her door opened. "Alex." A sharp, exasperated voice sounded behind her.

Alex turned in her chair to see Lisa. "Uh, hey. What's up?"

Lisa raised her eyebrows, glancing at the two guns on her bed.

Alex followed her gaze. "Oh yeah. There was a, uh, incident. Everything's cleared up now." She looked up at Lisa apologetically. "I'll get Dean his gun back before Ben gets home," she mumbled, lowering her gaze. "Sorry."

Lisa sighed, stepping into her room. "Why do you even keep that thing?" she asked.

Alex didn't raised her gaze. "It makes me feel safe," she whispered. "I, back when I hunted, I'd always sleep with it under my pillow. I know nothing's gonna happen, but it helps me sleep."

Lisa sighed again. "I wish you wouldn't." Was all she said. Then she left.

Alex closed her laptop. She wished she wouldn't either. But it kept the nightmares at bay.

...

After returning Dean's gun to its spot under his bed and hers under her pillow, she crawled into her bed, letting out a large yawn. She wiggled uncomfortably, just wanting someone there. "Cas," she groaned. The residual heat was still there, and it ached deep inside her.

...

"How you feeling?" Lucifer was by her side within seconds of her arrival in her dream.

Alex blinked, shrugging. "Okay," was all she said. "Tired."

"I'm not surprised." Lucifer pulled her into a hug, inhaling her scent. "You smell delicious," he whispered. "Not heat-delicious. Just your normal scent."

"Uh, okay." Alex slipped out of his hug.

"How was the heat?" Lucifer persisted, worry lining his voice. "You hardly slept." A hand ran over her shoulder, tugging her shirt aside. "Still unmated. Did any angel try?"

"Gabriel," Alex answered bluntly. "Castiel showed up and chased him away."

"Yet Castiel didn't mate you?" Lucifer spun Alex around so she would look him in the face. "You know I don't like it when you lie to me-"

"I'm not lying. Castiel chased Gabriel away, but I didn't let him mate with me. I didn't want either of them to mate me. Gabriel didn't listen. He probably would have mated me if Cas hadn't shown up. Cas tried to mate me, but I begged him, and he didn't. The rest of the heat was spent with Dean. Happy?"

Lucifer watched her face, looking for any sign of deceit. "I believe you," he finally said. "And I don't want any angel to mate you until I escape and can claim you as mine."

Alex blushed. "That's not gonna happen."

"It's gonna happen." Lucifer reached out, taking her hands in his. "Alex, I - there's something between us. Something strong. Somehow we're able to keep in touch while I'm in the cage. We haven't even mated, yet somehow our graces our entwined. The bond isn't strong, but it's there. Don't you see? I, I can't explain it. We, we're just meant to be."

Alex shook her head, stepping back. "You don't mean it," she growled. "You're the devil."

"Alex-"

"You're not even real!" Alex spun around, storming away.

With a flutter of wings, Lucifer was in front of her. "I'm real," he growled back. "Even Castiel knows it. And I'm not lying. There is something going on here!"

"Like I give a damn! I don't even want you in my fucking head!"

Lucifer's eyes widened slightly in shock, then hardened into ice. "Well, you're stuck with me. I'm not giving up on you." He strolled forward, and Alex backed up nervously. "You seem to forget that I am still an archangel. I may let you speak to me however you wish, but that doesn't make you equal to me-"

"See, this is how I know you don't care!" Alex yelled. "If you really liked me, you wouldn't give a damn that you're an archangel and I'm not. You wouldn't 'let me speak however I want' cause you're being nice, but cause you actually love me! You'd treat me like an equal-"

"What the hell do you think I'm doing?!" The next thing Alex knew, her back was against the wall, and Lucifer was pinning her there with his body. His voice was quiet, and his breath against her skin cold. "I've let you do as you please. I've put up with your damn insults for weeks because I've been hoping that you'll come to see that what we have is something special. Something no other angels have."

Alex opened her mouth to say something, but no words came out. Her eyes were focused on the archangel's lips, and she roughly tore her gaze back up to his eyes.

Lucifer continued, his anger lessening. 'For all the years I've been in the cage, nothing like this has ever happened. There is something about you, about us, that makes the impossible possible."

Alex shook her head, pushing him away. "Cas is my mate," she whispered.

Suddenly the world was flying, and her back hit the fireplace mantle. She screeched in pain as her head continued backwards and smacked against the brick. She slumped to the floor, dazed.

Lucifer was kneeling by her side in a heartbeat, eyes wide. "I'm sorry," he apologized, pulling her into his lap. "I . . ." Hands ran over her, feeling for any injury. His grace pushed gently against her. "I'm so fucking sorry, Alex. I, it's just every time you mention him -"

Alex tried to pull herself to her feet, but failed. Without a sound, the archangel scooped her up and carried her over to the couch. He placed her down gently. "Leave me alone," she hissed weakly.

"I'm so sorry." Lucifer's eyes were wide with fear, a side of him Alex had never seen. "You're not hurt, are you? You feel fine. I, it's just a dream, too. You'll be okay."

"Lucifer." Alex pushed the archangel away. "I'm fine, okay? It just knocked the breath out of me."

Lucifer didn't leave. He sat down, pulling her into his lap. "I shouldn't have done that," he murmured, his voice and emotions back under control. "Sometimes I forget my own strength. Whenever you mention Castiel, I see red. I, it's . . you're mine, Alex."

"I'm not," Alex retorted weakly. "I'm not anyone's."

The archangel smiled slightly, running light fingers down her jaw. "Of course not, li mohaoth. You're your own angel."

Alex sat up. "Damn right I am," she muttered.

"Of course," Lucifer added slyly, "if you were to be anyone's, you'd definitely be mine."

Alex gave him a hearty shove, standing up. Something about him made her feel good. She stepped forward, letting out a surprised noise as Lucifer pulled her down into his lap. "Luce!"

"Where exactly do you think you're you going?" he whispered teasingly.

"Away from you," Alex teased back, squirming away.

Lucifer held her steady. "Cute." He let her go, and Alex stood up, walking into the kitchen. She heard Lucifer follow, his footsteps silent. Then, his arms were around her waist, and his head was buried in her neck. "So," he purred. "Now that you're in post-heat, you wouldn't be feeling like you want to . . . oh, I don't know, cuddle, maybe?"

Behind them came a loud growl, and both spun around. "Alex." Castiel stood there, wings flared in anger.

Alex looked up at Lucifer, confused. He shook his head.

"Get your filthy hands off of her." Castiel stepped forward menacingly.

Lucifer grinned slyly. "Brother, if you only knew of the things we've done, my hands would be the least of your concern."

Castiel visibly bristled, and Alex whacked Lucifer across the chest with the back of her hand. "Luce," she reprimanded, blushing heavily.

Lucifer just grinned.

"What are you doing here?" Alex stepped forward slightly.

"You called for me." The seraph's voice was tight. "Before you fell asleep."

Lucifer frowned playfully. "And I thought we had something special," he teased, although Alex heard a darker meaning under his light tone.

"I-I, uh . . ." Alex stepped away from the archangel. "He's my mate. I'll call for him if I want."

Lucifer's eyes flashed, but he stayed perfectly still.

Castiel stepped forward, and then Alex snapped her eyes open.

They were back in her room. Alex sat up, smiling. "I missed you."

Castiel stared down at her. "What have you done with Lucifer?" he snapped, wings flared out in anger.

"Nothing!" Alex looked up at her angel, eyes wide. "I swear. I, I said I didn't want s-sex, and I meant it. N-Not with you, not with anyone!" Tears came to her eyes, and she lowered her voice. "I want you to be my first. When I'm ready."

Castiel closed his eyes, turning away.

Alex let out a whimper. "Please, Cas. Stay. I'm so lonely." She glanced out the window; the sky was growing dark.

Castiel sat down next to her. "I'm sorry, le pas enay. I wish I could be here." He leaned in, brushing a kiss across her forehead. "I can stay for the night. No longer."

Alex eagerly scooted over. Her bed was only a twin, but they'd manage. She threw back the sheets as Castiel stood up. He took off his trench coat and folded it over her desk chair. Then he lay down next to her. Alex turned on her side as the angel wrapped his arm around her waist. His wing covered her, cocooning her in a soft shroud of navy and black feathers. "I missed you so much," she whispered, wiggling into the warm body.

Castiel kissed the top of her head. "I missed you too." He let out a sigh, murmuring Enochian into her hair.

Alex slowly drifted into a dreamless sleep.