John was excused from the delivery room while Evangeline delivered the afterbirth. The baby was whisked away for testing and observation, but not before John made sure that he had his identification bracelet fastened in place. The panic that John felt with him being away from him and Evangeline was startling. Instead of going down to see his family and give them the good news, he asked the nurse to do it. She informed him that the baby would be in the nursery for a short while, so the family would be able to see him there.
John took that opportunity to decompress. He headed straight for the chapel to pray. He'd never been religious, but he felt that he needed to offer thanks for the miracle that just occurred in his life. Then he sat silently on a pew in the back of the church waiting for a ghost that never appeared. John had always been able to consult his father's ghost for counsel in times of stress, but this time he wouldn't come. This was likely an effect of the therapy.
So, John was forced to sit alone to sort through his emotions. The overwhelming joy of fatherhood was hard enough to deal with. On top of that, John was trying to reconcile his feelings for Evangeline. Without thinking, he'd told her what he really felt. It had been a weight off his shoulder, but it didn't give him the relief he was expecting. He'd intentionally held those words back from Evangeline and made an issue of it. Now that he'd said the words, she wouldn't just accept them at face value. Probably not today, but she would eventually question him about the rest. If he didn't come clean, they'd be right back where they started.
John felt a presence behind him and looked over his shoulder. "Mom, hey." John faked a smile and scooted over so that she could sit down beside him.
"Hey yourself, daddy." Eve kissed him on the cheek and hugged him. "You guys did a great job. He is so beautiful."
John shook his head. He wouldn't take the credit for this. "It was all Evangeline. She did a hell of a job."
Eve pulled him into a hug. John's head rested on her shoulder. Despite the joyous occasion, she could tell by the look on his face that John was conflicted. She knew that something was troubling him, but she didn't know how to address the issue. She never did. For her, it was easier to ignore the pain. Pretend like you're happy and no one asks questions.
John sat silently enjoying his mother's company. He wanted to talk about his fears and troubles like had with his father, but he didn't know where to start. He needed Eve to ask the hard questions. Push him to answer. Instead she sang to him. The song comforted him, but it wouldn't give him what he needed. He had to figure out what to do about his feelings for Evangeline for everyone involved.
"I'd better get back to Evangeline." John pulled out of her embrace regrettably. He felt the same now as he did when Caitlyn died. He hoped that his mom would talk to him about what she felt when his dad died, but instead she chose to skirt the issue. Rather than make John deal with Caitlyn's death, she pushed him to throw himself into his work. She wanted to give him purpose, but she didn't understand how she was failing her son. John was ready to talk, but he couldn't make the first move.
Eve wasn't able to make the first move either. Confronting John's pain meant confronting her own. "Don't get caught up dwelling in the past, John. You have a brand-new baby and a whole new world will be opened to you. Don't ever look back."
John nodded solemnly. He'd done that his whole life and it wasn't working anymore. If he was going to move past the trauma of his childhood, he'd have to do it alone. He loved Evangeline, but he couldn't ask her to go through that with him; not that she would anyway. He also couldn't ask her to wait for him. She'd given him every opportunity to ask for help and he'd outright refused. The truth of the situation had him holding back tears. He loved her, but, for now, he needed to let her go.
"Mom, hey," wearily, Evangeline greeted her mother. "They said they were taking the baby down to the nursery for a bit. Did you get to see him?" Despite being extremely exhausted, Evangeline couldn't hide her proud mother smile. "He's so little. I thought he would be so much bigger."
"He is absolutely beautiful, Evangeline. They were taking him to get another test or shot, so I figured I'd come by to check on my baby." Lisa was also wearing her proud mother smile. She sat down on the stool beside Evangeline's bed. "You look good. How do you feel?"
"I'm so tired, mom, and there's still so much to do. We've got to pick a name out and I've got another consultation with the lactation expert. Okay, maybe it's not so much, but I'd kill for a nap." Evangeline laughed. Today was just the beginning of her new life. Sleepless nights would be the norm, and she'd have to find a way to remain a functioning adult until her baby could sleep through the night. For the next several months, she knew she'd be fighting continued exhaustion.
"Your body adjusts quickly. You will have those six weeks to get acclimated. Besides, you make good enough money. You can afford to pay someone to give you a break when needed. Plus, Layla is going to be around to help you." Lisa wished she could be around more, but the school term wouldn't be over for a few more months. By that time, Evangeline would likely have a solid routine down.
"I know, and I'll be doing a lot of working from home. I don't want a stranger to raise my baby, and it's bad enough that I'll be working full-time. I'm going to keep my workload light for a while." Light for Evangeline meant 40-hour weeks. "I'll also have John around, so I know it will be okay. Stressful, but okay."
The mention of John's name rubbed Lisa the wrong way. She wanted Evangeline to forgive him and keep him in her grandson's life. She was the first one to get onto Evangeline for keeping the pregnancy a secret. Somehow, she'd expected things to turn out differently. She expected Evangeline to forgive John and encourage him to be the father that their child needed. She hadn't expected John to rise to the occasion. She wanted Evangeline to move on with her child and a new man who was worthy of her. To Lisa, John had Evangeline in his web, and he would continue to hold her back. She wanted to get Evangeline out of Llanview, but she couldn't do that if John was still a romantic interest for her daughter.
"Well, have you thought of any names for the baby? Your father would be honored if his grandson had his name." Lisa would avoid the topic of John and the topic of Evangeline remaining in Llanview for now.
"We've already agreed not to name him after anyone. We want him to make a name for himself." Lisa had already suggested her father's name once or someone notable for the family. Evangeline, having been named for her aunt, was not in favor of the idea.
A nurse came in to check Evangeline's vitals, so Lisa got out of the way. While Evangeline was distracted, Lisa notice a folder labeled birth photos and decided to snoop. It hadn't been what she'd expected. There were photos of the baby and some pictures of Evangeline in labor. The ones that were disturbing were the ones of John and Evangeline together. The photos looked as beautiful as the stock ones that were sold in picture frames. The love that John and Evangeline had for each other was plainly obvious in the photos. The addition of their son made for the perfect family photo. She closed the folder and put it back where she found it not wanting to see anymore.
"You okay, mom? You look a little ill." Evangeline looked past the nurse. Her mother must have been exhausted from the long drive and the anxious waiting. "Why don't you guys go grab some lunch? It's probably going to be another hour or more before you get to officially meet your grandson." Evangeline smiled not knowing what had her mother so disturbed.
"That sounds like a good idea. I'll see you soon, honey." Lisa excused herself and started to plan for her daughter's future.
John stretched his arms and yawned. He hadn't had much to do after the nurses gave him and Evangeline a refresher on what to expect in the first few days after taking the baby home. He didn't mind because he wanted to make sure he wouldn't do anything to hurt his son. It was Evangeline's consultation with the lactation expert that left him bored. He was amazed at how little the baby would eat starting out. Just a couple of drops of not quite breastmilk would sustain him for the first few days. When Evangeline was in labor earlier, they had her do some pumping in between contractions. It wouldn't be much, but eventually he'd get to feed his son.
"Okay, well it looks like everything is going well here. You probably want to give him about five more minutes. Right now, you're just setting up a routine." The nurse gave Evangeline a few more tips for success before she excused herself.
"Well, I can see this is definitely going to be an adventure." Evangeline looked down at her son and stroked his cheek. He hadn't gained his pigment, so he was just a small, pink little guy. His head was covered with dark curls that were the same color of his long dark eyelashes. Every now and then he'd open one eye to observe his surroundings. His eyes were the same dark brown as Evangeline's.
"You'll get the hang of it in no time." John walked over and took him from Evangeline's arms. The family would be there soon, and he wanted to hold him before everyone came to pass him around. "Alright Jimmy, it's time for you to meet your family."
"What did you just say?" Evangeline sat forward with a wide smile on her face. John had surprised her at how easily he was adjusting to fatherhood. He held their son lovingly and patiently listened to the nurses' and doctors' instructions. She could tell that he was just as worried about getting things right as she was.
John looked at her confused. "Time to meet the family?" John looked down at his son as if he knew what Evangeline was talking about. He rocked him slightly to soothe him.
"No, no. You called him something. You called him Jimmy." They hadn't decided on a name yet, but Evangeline was touched at John's slip of the tongue. They were supposed to agree on a name together, but nothing that she thought of seemed right.
"I don't think…I mean, if I did, it wasn't intentional." John rocked his son slightly and stared down at him. Jimmy was a good name. He didn't know why it popped into his head, but it seemed right.
"Sounds like he's got a name now." Evangeline continued to smile as John walked back over to him with their son. He tilted his arms so that she could see their son's face. "James. James Edward McBain. I like it." Evangeline stroked his foot through the blanket.
John smiled too. James was formal enough for a professional job and Jimmy was a fun and playful nickname. "Edward's a good name too. It's perfect." John walked back over to the hard sleeper sofa that was in the room and sat down. "Now, unfortunately, you won't get to meet your grandfathers. They're both in a better place. You will get to meet your grandmothers. My mom; who is you Nana Eve. Then there's Grandma Lisa. She's you're mommy's mom. I've got a brother named Michael, and your mom has a sister named Layla. They're going to be your uncle and aunt. They'll probably both try and spoil you rotten, but your mom and I won't allow too much of that." John kissed his forehead gently and continued talking to him as if he fully understood what John was saying.
Then, almost right on cue, the full party arrived. "Hey, bud. Looks like we've got a regular party going on here." John handed his son off to his mother which probably annoyed Lisa and went to sit on the stool near Evangeline's bed. He sat with her while the family took turns cuddling the baby.
Hours passed like minutes and soon it was feeding time again. To many complaints, John tactfully dismissed everyone. After feeding and changing the baby, Evangeline rocked him to sleep. No sooner than John returned him to his bassinette, Evangeline to had drifted off. It was only 1pm, but she'd been up for the last twelve hours. Her body had finally given in, so John let her sleep. He sat quietly in the room to make sure no one would disturb her.
Evangeline rubbed her eyes as she started to wake from her nap. She was confused by the darkness that filled the room. She could see shadows of balloons and flowers that were illuminated by a light that was near her bedside. "John," she called out to him softly.
John instinctively looked over to the crib to make sure the baby hadn't woken up. Several hours had passed and he'd just put him back to sleep. "I'm here." He moved closer to her, so that she wouldn't have to shout.
"I must have fallen asleep. What time is it?" The last thing she remembered was singing her son to sleep. The excitement of all the family there had really drained her energy. She even spoke to a few friends and colleagues who were planning on stopping by and was trying to stay alert for their visits.
"It's almost seven." John poured her a cup of water and handed it to her. "I sent everyone away after you fell asleep. The nurse came in showed me how to dropper feed him some of that stuff you pumped earlier. He's been up a couple of times, but he's been mostly quiet. I just wanted to let you get some rest."
"Thank you. Lieutenant, you can stand down now. You look like you could use a cup of coffee or some rest yourself." Evangeline sipped the water. She felt completely refreshed. Six hours was about her average during the work week anyway. John probably slept as little as she did. If she didn't send him away, he'd exhaust himself quickly.
John smiled. She hadn't playfully used his nickname in a longtime. "I'm just going to head downstairs to grab a cup of coffee. You'll probably have a few more visitors soon. Some people stopped by earlier, but I told them to come back around seven. I had planned on waking you up." He surprised her when he gave in so easily. John had enjoyed a few quiet moments alone to reflect and figured she needed the same as well. John stood and stretched. He wasn't fond of hospitals. Two more days and Evangeline would be released, and they'd be in a more comfortable environment. "You need anything?"
"I'm okay. Thanks." Evangeline was glad to finally have a moment alone, even it would be short lived. That she was actually a mother was finally starting to set in. For the next eighteen years, she'd have someone counting on her, and the prospect was a little terrifying. She couldn't help but worry about how she was going to manage her work-life balance now. Nora had given her some great tips, but Nora had years of experience from raising her daughter before Matthew came along.
"James, I promise to always put you first. I'm not perfect, so I may make some mistakes along the way. You will always be safe with me. I will always love you." Evangeline looked over at the bassinette and wished she could hold him. She wasn't supposed to be out of bed unsupervised until tomorrow, so she'd have to wait for John or a nurse to return. A knock on her door interrupted her thoughts. "Come in." Evangeline was expecting a friend and was caught off-guard by her late-night visitor. Suddenly, she was gripped with fear. "Natalie?"
Natalie appeared with a smile and a giftbag. She strode in confidently as if there was nothing wrong with her being there. "Hey, Evangeline. Congratulations."
"What are you doing here?" Evangeline had already flipped the blankets back. He legs felt wobbly as she started to stand. Any other time she could handle Natalie, but not today. She just wanted to hold her son and keep him away from Natalie.
"I'm here to congratulate you." Natalie spoke slowly as if she'd been misunderstood.
"What the hell is going on?" John spoke louder than he intended. He'd been quick downstairs thinking that Evangeline needed him close by. His instincts were too good. "Get back in bed." John spoke from behind Natalie. He set his cup down on the nearest surface before coating his hands in sanitizer. He moved past Natalie and gently removed James from his crib. The loud noises and sudden motion caused him to cry. "I'm sorry, buddy." When Evangeline was settled, he placed their son in her arms.
"Um, okay." Natalie spoke to bring the attention back to her.
John saw the fear in Evangeline's eyes, and it was the same fear that he felt deep inside. He'd told Natalie to stay away, and here she was. That she didn't get it was a dangerous sign. "I'll be right back." He kissed Evangeline's forehead and left her to settle their son. "Come with me." John grabbed Natalie roughly by the arm and dragged her out of the room. She stumbled to keep up with him.
"John, wait." She tried to pull away from him, but his grip was firm. She expected him to let go of her before they got to the nurses' station, but he didn't. This drama would spread like wildfire through Llanview. She could feel her face growing hot with blush.
John slapped the elevator call button then finally released her. "What the hell were you doing?" John looked over at her angrily. He didn't have one ounce of compassion for her.
"Coming to congratulate you both. Having a baby is usually something people want to celebrate." Natalie tried to laugh it off and turn it back on him.
"And we're happy to celebrate with our family and our friends. Of which, neither category do you fit in. You were warned to stay away from our child and away from Evangeline after that stunt you pulled at the station." John could feel the eyes of the nurses on him. One of them was probably texting Michael in real time. He didn't care, though.
"I'm sorry. I thought I was more than just someone that kept your bed warm after she dumped you." Natalie knew how to push his buttons. Anger was as strong an emotion as love and she knew this. She needed to reignite his passion if she had any hopes of getting back together with him.
"I don't want you anywhere near Evangeline or our son." John refused to get into it with her. She was trying to distract him, and he wouldn't allow it. The elevator dinged announcing its arrival. John made a grand motion directing her to the open door. "I will not tell you again. Stay. Away."
Natalie was fully embarrassed and decided to leave with no further argument. The judgmental and amused faces of the nurses behind John were more than she could take. If that wasn't bad enough, John's intense and angry stare further bruised her ego. She tapped the elevator buttons hoping for the door to shut and take her away from this terrible scene.
Even after the elevator was gone, John stood and waited. She was gone and he didn't expect her to return. At this point, he was more concerned with keeping her away for good. There wasn't a more direct approach that he could think of. He spoke to a nurse who assured him they would be on alert to prevent another surprise visit from Natalie. Satisfied that he'd done all he could, John headed back to Evangeline's room.
He stopped outside her room and took several deep breaths to calm himself. He didn't want to startle Evangeline any further. When he entered her room again, he was relieved. James was sleeping in Evangeline's arms and she was singing to him again.
"John," she stopped singing when she noticed he'd returned. He was pissed and trying to hide it. She knew him all too well. She knew Natalie too. She was playing another one of her games. Whatever dangerous game she was playing, Evangeline hoped that it didn't lure John back in.
"Don't stop on my account," John smiled. Seeing Evangeline with their son in her arms calmed him more. In very short order, he'd decided that the safest place for their son was in her arms. "Everything's okay now." He wouldn't discuss Natalie any further. She would have to trust that he would keep her and their son safe.
A/N: Short update for now.