It was just after noon, and Evangeline was relaxing and enjoying the company of her closest female friends. Nora, Lily, Layla, and Marcie had planned in advance to have a welcome home party for James to lessen the amount of visitors Evangeline had to welcome at the hospital. Layla and Marcie had both been at the hospital on delivery day, but Marcie left early not wanting to encroach on the tender family moment. Michael had urged her to stay, but they weren't back together just yet, so she was just another close friend who could wait to meet the baby.
Lisa and Eve excused themselves for lunch to allow for the young women to congregate. They were both staying in Llanview for the first week of the baby being home. The extra hands made things easier for John, but Evangeline hadn't been as lucky. She still had to pump on schedule, so, even though she and John were watching the baby in eight our shifts, she found herself exhausted.
"So, how is nursing going? Has James got the hang of it?" Lily was holding the small boy in her arms and felt a pang of jealousy. She wasn't getting any younger. If she wanted to have kids, she needed to be looking to settle down or find a donor.
"Thank God, yes. He is a pro. I thought he'd have a hard time going back and forth between the breast and the bottle, but he's happy as long as he's fed." Evangeline was glad that James was a relatively content baby. His cries could be heard throughout the house when he was upset. Luckily, he didn't usually cry without good reason
"You are so lucky. I had an easier time with Rachel than I did with Matthew, but it was a struggle both times." Nora remembered her own struggles and was glad that those days were behind her. "Just make sure you remember to start weaning when he starts teething."
Evangeline winced at the thought. "Noted."
"So, how is John holding up?" Nora had to wonder if supercop would be able to seamlessly transition into super dad.
"He's good as far as I know. I'm sure it helps that Eve is around. He was great at the hospital, though. He was attentive and willing to jump in and get his hands dirty. James really hasn't been difficult at all, so far." Evangeline looked over at her son in Lily's arms and missed him. The custody split was designed to give them time to decompress, but she wanted to be with her son all the time. John didn't complain when she lingered around during his time with James, and she didn't complain when he lingered either.
"I heard he was more than great at the hospital, especially when Natalie showed up." Marcie had gotten the scoop from Michael, who'd gotten the scoop from the labor and delivery nurses. "Sounds like he finally put her in her place."
Evangeline frowned. She and John hadn't talked about what transpired between the two of them when he escorted her from Evangeline's room. Instead, they had a wordless understanding that it was his responsibility to keep Natalie away. She hadn't even told her family that Natalie showed up.
"Wait a minute. She showed up and you didn't say anything, Vange." Layla had stepped into the kitchen to make a phone call and came in at the worst time.
Marcie frowned that she said something that she shouldn't have. "I'm so sorry. I thought everyone already knew."
Nora and Lily both exchanged knowing looks. They both already knew. Nora heard about it from Bo. Lily heard about it from the hospital nurses as well. They both planned on talking with Evangeline privately, but now was as good a time as any.
"It's not big deal, Layla. Natalie showed up while no one was around. Said she wanted to congratulate me. John was there almost immediately and literally removed her. She hasn't tried to contact me any further, so I think she got the message." Evangeline could smile now, but she was terrified then.
"How can she be so desperate for a man that's just not into her? You know she was there for John, right?" Layla sat down next to Lily so that she could hold the baby next.
"I don't want to know what's going on in her head. As long as she stays away, I'll be happy." Evangeline had spent far too much time trying to understand Natalie. She understood that Natalie was in love with John, and that love made people do crazy things. Beyond that, she refused to give Natalie any further thought.
Nora knew Evangeline best and knew there was more to the story than she was telling. "Oh, while I'm here, did you want me to show you how to adjust that baby monitor?" Nora made up a lie that Evangeline was sure to catch on to. If she wanted to talk, she'd say yes, and they could go talk privately.
Evangeline smiled at her witty friend. "Yeah, I thought I had it figured out, but sometimes it doesn't seem like it's working." Evangeline looked at her son and knew she couldn't take him and Nora and expect the others to stay. "I trust that I'm leaving him in good hands." She looked between Layla, Lily, and Marcie.
They were barely paying her any attention as she slipped out with Nora. Evangeline was still healing, and she regretted buying a house with so many stairs. She closed the room to the nursery and double checked to make sure the baby monitor was turned off.
"Nora, I was so scared." She didn't even give Nora a chance to question her before she started. "I've never thought that Natalie was a danger. I just didn't want my child getting caught up in one of her schemes. When she showed up at the hospital, I was terrified. She has to be insane for showing up like she did." Evangeline unintentionally used a poor choice of words given Natalie's family history.
Nora was surprised at Evangeline's honesty. Evangeline didn't scare easily and wasn't one to admit it when she was actually scared. Nora pulled her into a hug. "I've always thought Natalie's bark was worse than her bite. I know she upset you, but it might have just been your emotions being overloaded from the labor and delivery."
Evangeline shook her head quickly. "I thought that too, but, Nora, this is different. I felt helpless. I don't even have a rational explanation, either. Just something deep inside of me wanted to keep her away from my child."
Nora pulled Evangeline away from her and cupped her face. "Then trust your gut. At worst you're being overprotective. At best you're neutralizing a potential threat. Bo kept telling me he had a bad feeling about Daniel, and I didn't listen. You know how that turned out. As a parent, you will have these instincts that might not make sense, but that doesn't mean you should ignore them. John and Natalie aren't together, and you aren't friends with her. Keeping her away from James is not crazy or unreasonable. You just make sure John does the same."
Evangeline wiped away her tears. She was still an emotional mess, but for the most part she could keep it together. She walked over to the bench that was in the bay window of the nursery and sat down. Nora sat down beside her.
"She wanted to get John's attention, and I'm sure she did. John and I didn't talk about what happened, either." Evangeline wouldn't say it, but John looked just as scared as she was. That only heightened her own fear.
"Well, John never has been a big talker." Nora had heard that from both Evangeline and Bo.
"Actually, he's been a lot better. John was talkative while we were together, he just didn't want to talk about his past or his feelings. As of late, he's opened up to me, without me having to beg, plead, or even ask. We talked about his fiancée Caitlyn, and I know that wasn't easy for him." Evangeline spoke to Michael who was commenting on John being more brotherly since he heard about the baby. When she mentioned John telling her the truth about Caitlyn, she got an unexpected surprise. Michael was under the impression that she was the love of John's life and so was their mother, Eve. For John to have shared his true feelings with her and no one else made her feel special.
"Oh! Do you think this is his way of trying to reconnect with you? Maybe he's ready to reconcile." Nora pushed Evangeline to keep opening up to her.
"I can't tell. Whenever I pushed him before to open up, he used sex to distract me. This was even after we were broken up he'd try to use that to pull me back in. I'm happy that he can talk to me, but I know he's still holding something back." Evangeline intentionally omitted that John had finally said those three words to her. She had too much going on to address that. "I can't be with him if he's the same old John. I'm used to him letting me in just a little, you know. Just enough to make you feel like he's making progress."
"So, you feel like this is like before? Like when you were together." Nora looked quizzically over at Evangeline. Her friend tended to overanalyze things, but in this case she was right to do so. John broke her heart, and she didn't need to take him back if he wasn't going to be a better man than he'd been before.
"I'm not sure. I've been trying to not think about it. For his own sake and our child's, I want him to finally face his demons. I'm not going to chase after John., though I'm happy to lend an ear to a friend. He's got a lot to work out on his own." Evangeline still loved John, but she loved herself more. She deserved more than what he was willing to offer, and she wouldn't keep looking past his issues.
"So, what happens if he opens up? I mean about everything. Do you want to be with John?" Nora saw the conflicted look on Evangeline's face and already knew the answer.
"My rule has always been not to make the same mistake twice. Don't ever get back with an ex. With John, it's different. I still love him. Maybe that has a lot to do with James. I don't know what will happen, but I don't want to hold my breath waiting for him to find himself." Evangeline said one thing and meant another. When John told her he loved her in the delivery room, she was his again. That connection that she was scared they would never have was far stronger than she ever imagined I could be.
Nora nodded in response. She'd pushed Evangeline to open up about John and Natalie and was satisfied with her answers. For now, she'd drop the topic.
John threw his last dart and frowned as it missed the mark. "You got me." He half-smiled at Michael, who he now owed another beer. "Another one for this guy, Mack." He thought about having another himself but decided against it.
"You're off your game, brother." Michael popped some peanuts into his mouth. "We'll just chalk this one up to exhaustion."
"Whatever." John had been off his game for a reason. He and Michael talked about Natalie's sudden appearance at the hospital. Michael was happy that his brother had taken a stand, but he knew that John was miserable about it. John had been opening up to him quite a bit, but he was still reserved about some things. For once, Michael knew not to push and hoped that John would talk to him when he was ready.
"Oh come on." Michael grabbed his buzzing pager from his side. "It's the hospital. I gotta cut out early."
John nodded that he understood. "No worries. I'll catch you later." John watched his brother head off and wondered how he would occupy the rest of his time. His mom was busy, and he didn't want to spend the afternoon hanging around Evangeline and her lady friends. He still had several hours before he was expected to be available to care for the baby. There was some paperwork that he could catch up on, but he was saving that for later.
He walked over to the pool table and decided to play a game. He looked up just in time to see Antonio entering Rodi's, a favorite local bar. "Hey, how's it going?" Antonio greeted him with a half-hug handshake. Antonio had been an on-again-off-again friend. He and John were both raised by single mothers with a pair of sons. They both grew up quickly and stepped in as a father figure to their younger brothers. John always kept Antonio at arms length because he was such a kindred spirit. He hadn't allowed himself to share that closeness with many people.
"I'm alright. How about you, papi? Congratulations. I've been meaning to stop by." Antonio had been dealing with Jessica, her alter ego, Tess, and Tess's boyfriend Nash. He blamed himself for her fragile mental state. They were a family until Antonio pushed her away and into the arms of his long-lost brother, Tico Santi. By the time Antonio came to his senses, Jessica's mental state had already been compromised.
"Thanks." John pulled out his phone and showed off pictures of James. He was a really proud dad. "Seven pounds. Four ounces."
"That is a really good-looking boy. Doesn't look anything like you." Antonio joked at John's expense. "So, you going to buy me a beer?"
"Shouldn't you be buying for me?" He slid Michael's old beer to him. "Haven't touched it."
"I mean, you should be congratulating me too. Jess is pregnant." Antonio smiled wide. He already had Jamie, but now he would have another child that would complete his family. He and Jess would work things out and everything would be fine.
John's eyebrows raised in surprise. "Wow, yeah. Congrats." John chose not to question it. Jessica, rather Tess, had left Llanview and come back with a boyfriend. Jessica and Antonio reconciled, but Tess had not been integrated. Jessica/Tess bounced between Antonio and Nash, so realistically either one of them could be the father. "So, how is everything going with her?" John politely dance around the topic.
Antonio sipped his beer and shrugged. "It's been hard on everyone. Tess is nothing like Jessica. She's just a physical manifestation of all of her anger and frustration that she buried deep down inside. She pushes me away, but I know I just have to keep working hard to pull her in close. Nash Brennan is just a bump in the road."
Dissociative identity disorder was the same mental illness that her mother Viki suffered from. John remembered that Natalie had been terrified that she too would be plagued with that illness. "I hope it all turns out for the best." John didn't know what else he could say. He too hid is pain and anger, but it never manifested itself as a separate personality.
"I'm hoping for the best for you too, John. I talked to Natalie. She said that you've been just as unstable as Jess has been." Natalie had given Antonio a distorted account of what happened at the hospital. Because she was Jessica's sister and had been his brother Cristian's wife, he had a vested interest in her happiness and wellbeing.
John frowned at the characterization. "She tried to attack Evangeline at the police station. Couple of guys had to restrain her." From the surprise on Antonio's face, John knew she'd left some important details out. "She's supposed to stay away from her, but she showed up unannounced at the hospital. Scared the hell out of Evangeline. I might have been a little forceful, but I told her she needs to stay away."
Antonio nodded. "Not that you need it but let me give you some friendly advice." Antonio paused to let him interject. "Talk to Natalie again. She thinks you're not yourself, and maybe that's just your frustration coming through. If you talk to her like the guy she remembers, she'll have a lot easier time accepting that you're moving on."
John reflected on his words and frowned. Maybe it was just that simple. The last few times he'd spoken to Natalie he was angry and not like his usual self. "Thanks. Maybe I'll give that a try."
Both men exchanged knowing looks. They'd shared their feelings enough. For now, they would play pool and share superficial conversation.
John found himself standing in the sitting room of Llanfair once again. The advice Antonio had given him was too important to be overlooked. He'd never meant to hurt Natalie. She fell in love because of the events that he set in motion. He needed to make that right. He needed to make her understand.
Natalie arrived in the room and watched John pacing. He looked troubled and unsure of himself. This was the John that she was more accustomed to. She still chose not to speak. The memory of their last interaction was still fresh and painful.
"Natalie?" John turned around and noticed her observing him. She was lost in thought and didn't notice.
"Yes, John. What do you want? What are you doing here?" Natalie chose to greet him with anger. She'd been vulnerable last time and that hadn't worked well.
John stared at her guiltily. He deserved her anger. "I want to talk to you. About what happened a couple of days ago, about us, about everything." John exaggerated slightly. He would open up just enough to drive his point home.
Natalie was pleasantly surprised that he was willing to talk. He was much nicer than he'd been in recent weeks. She smiled inwardly that her plan worked. "Fine, go ahead." She still wouldn't soften toward him just yet.
"I overacted more than just a little bit." John started as he sat down in the chair closest to him. "I know you wouldn't ever hurt anyone, especially my son, but you showing up when you did wasn't good. You scared Evangeline." He paused when Natalie let out a dramatic sigh.
She walked over to him and sat down on the table in front of him. "John, you know me. Evangeline hates me and she's being spiteful to keep us apart."
John looked at her sadly. Evangeline didn't like Natalie, but she'd defended her from a murder charge, kept her safe from the Killing Club Killers, and risked her own mental well being to find clues to bring Natalie home. Evangeline wasn't a spiteful person by nature. John wouldn't get into that, because it would only serve to agitate the situation.
"Natalie, you scared me." John looked her in the eyes to show his sincerity. "It scared me that you didn't recognize that you shouldn't have been there." That was John's gentle way of questioning her mental state.
Natalie frowned. Rex too had told her that it was dumb to show up like she did, but she tried to argue against him. John confirming that she was out of line clued her in on her bad decision. She shook her head. "I just. Maybe I wasn't thinking straight."
"Like when you got into it with Evangeline at the station?" It had been an attack, but John wouldn't characterize it that way. "That's the scary part for me and for her. Now, we've got this new little person to protect. We're not just going to be sort of careful. We're going to be overprotective. That means keeping away people that scare us. People that make us nervous." John watcher her to see if the information was actually sinking in.
"But you wanted me away from the baby before any of that stuff happened. It wasn't just about fear, John. Don't kid yourself." Natalie was quick to remember why she'd gotten upset in the first place.
"It wasn't until you came bursting into our mediation session that it was even considered." John quickly redirected the blame and again placed it where it belonged, on her shoulders. "You didn't show up that day and the issue never comes up."
"I wanted to help." Natalie wanted to cry for her stupid choice. "I should have just kept my mouth shut. But John, you don't understand how I feel about you. You don't know how much I care. I thought she was trying to hurt you. I thought she would keep your son from you."
"I understand. I just don't feel the same way." John grabbed her hands to prevent her escape. "Natalie, I am not in love with you."
"Spare me John. You said you didn't want to see someone else you loved get killed again. Those were your words. You can't just take them back now because you want Evangeline to forgive you." Natalie tired to pull her hands away, but John held her in place.
"This ain't about her. It's about you and me and what I did to you. When I first met you, you were happily in love, and what I did helped to take Cris away from you." John had originally been in town to apprehend a criminal, and Natalie was a tool he was using. To win her over, he flirted and got in between her and Cris. He needed her focused to achieve his goal. In the end, he got what he wanted, but Cris was an unfortunate victim.
"John, I forgive you for that. Carlo Hesser was responsible for Cris, not you."
"I still played my part. I felt like I took Cris from you like someone took Caitlyn from me. I knew that pain and I wanted to make that up to you. All I did was hurt you in the end." John knew she hadn't come to terms with it yet, but Cris and Natalie were never meant to be forever. They were young and impulsive, and that's why they got married. Natalie was already unsure of her feelings for John when she walked down the aisle. After Cris died, she barely gave herself time to mourn before she was in a near relationship with John.
"John, that makes it sound like you never felt anything for me." Natalie looked him in the eyes and was heartbroken. He wasn't lying.
"I felt responsible for you. I just didn't know what the right thing to do was. I ended up ruining your marriage twice." John could now admit he was wrong for keeping Cristian's secret.
Natalie was speechless. Cris had already forgiven John for his relationship with Natalie and urged Natalie to do the same. He knew John hadn't acted deviously or maliciously. "So, this is it then. The truth from you finally comes out. I'm such an idiot." Natalie pulled her hands away and John allowed it.
"You weren't an idiot." John didn't try to go after her as she stood to walk away. He stood, though. He'd said just about all he needed to say. "Natalie, I want you to find someone who makes you happy. A man who loves you and cherishes you."
"You, John. I want you." Natalie hated how pathetic she sounded. She didn't even bother to wipe her tears. "I love you."
"I know, and I'm sorry. I'm not the guy for you. I am not your soulmate." John had said these words to her before, but they still ended up together. Before he'd been uncertain of himself, but this time he was sure.
"So, this means we're not even friends anymore. I'm just supposed to say goodbye and forget about you?" There were no words she could think of that would save even their friendship. She was naturally jealous because John had tried to hard to rekindle his friendship with Evangeline. He was desperate to maintain that friendship even before he found out she was pregnant. She hated to think that maybe he really loved her.
"We're not ready for that. My son is my life, and I can't let you or anyone stand in the way of me being with him. You understand, right?" John and Natalie had both grown up in the same tough town with no father figure. She had to understand that John wanted to be the father that he never had.
Natalie nodded that she understood, but it still hurt. "I wish the best for you John and your son." Natalie rushed over to him and hugged him and was glad that he allowed it.
John was glad that he'd taken Antonio's advice. He was finally free of Natalie's web.
A/N: We did it team. No more Natalie in this story. Maybe now John and Evangeline can start working toward finding their way back to each other. Maybe they'll find new loves and work toward co-parenting James. I'm going to jump ahead in time a little bit in the next chapter. Stay tuned for more.