Evangeline settled down at her table at The Palace. The meeting with her client at the bar finished early, so she had some time to kill before her next meeting. Her mother, Lisa, was passing through town on a way to a wedding and decided to check in on her oldest. Layla was working and James was with John, so Evangeline was all she could get.
James was now three months old and thriving. Going back to work had been hard for both Evangeline and John, but Evangeline had the advantage of being her own boss. She'd planned on slowly returning to work, but she was a lot busier than she'd intended. She was still able to balance her work life and her home life so that James didn't suffer. She worked quite a bit from home after hours, and this allowed her to be with James instead of him being with a sitter.
John struggled more than she did to find the right balance, but he was getting the hang of things. Evangeline insisted that he keep a key to her house, so that he could visit their son often. Things at the station had been hectic and even with Antonio's return, John's workload didn't lessen. If he was stressed, he didn't let it show. He was handling it all quite well and Evangeline was proud of him.
"Well, if it isn't my favorite defense attorney." Nora smiled down at Evangeline, who was distracted with a case file. "Mind if I join you?"
"Please do." Evangeline shut the file and slid it down into her briefcase. "I'm supposed to be meeting my mom, but I'm more than just a little early." Evangeline checked her watch again.
"Is everything okay or is this just a social visit?" Nora ordered a glass of wine from the waiter who stopped by the table. Evangeline ordered a club soda. Alcohol was still off the menu since she was still breastfeeding.
"Just a social visit. She wanted to see the baby, but he's with John for the afternoon. How about you? What's the new DA doing away from the office in the middle of workday?" Evangeline used her friend's new title on her. She took over for Daniel Colson thinking the position would be temporary. She accepted only because her son, Matthew, would be starting high school in the fall and no longer needed the same amount of supervision.
"Another meeting with the mayor. He's been very happy as of late, and I might have you to thank for that." Nora toasted to Evangeline even though Evangeline didn't know what was going on.
"If I'm a defense attorney and I'm helping the DA keep the mayor happy, my clients might need to start looking elsewhere." Evangeline had only lost a few cases since she'd been in Llanview. She didn't like to complain, but she swore that some judges were taking bribes. She didn't have any evidence and didn't want to piss anyone off while she investigated. She'd keep a lid on it until she exposed any actual corruption.
"As if you have ever gone easy on anyone from my office, myself included." Nora had faced off against Evangeline a number of times and Evangeline usually got the best of her. She loved her friend dearly, but she was ready for her to join the prosecution's side. "I'm talking about John. Bo has been singing his praises since he's been back from paternity leave. Even before then, Bo said he noticed a change in John. He's been a lot more social with the rank and file, and it's having a positive effect on the department as a whole. Fatherhood has really made John a better man."
Evangeline smiled. She noticed a change in John as well. He was still very much like himself, but he wasn't as antisocial as he'd been in the past. She often saw him out and about with Michael or making casual conversation with the beat cops. "I can't take the credit for that. Any changes John has made have been all on his own." Though they lived together for six weeks, they hadn't spent a lot of time together. John was always there as expected for James, but he gave Evangeline her space. He spent a lot of time in quiet reflection or doing yardwork. On occasion, they watched movies or TV together or talked.
"Well, I hope he keeps it up. John seems really happy." Nora had actually seen John not long ago at the station. He was picking up some files and had baby James with him. He was an overprotective dad and really didn't let anyone hold him when he brought him to the station.
Evangeline sighed wistfully. "I think he is."
"Then what's up with the sigh. I thought you'd be happy about that." Nora sipped her wine slowly. She'd already had a glass at lunch and needed to pace herself since she was still expected to return to work today.
"I am happy. I'm just maybe a little frustrated." Evangeline still had unresolved feelings for John. He hadn't made any moves on her or acted like he was interested in reuniting. That left Evangeline frustrated and longing.
Nora looked at her inquisitively. She wasn't sure what question to ask next.
Evangeline leaned in close and whispered. "John told me loved me."
"What!? When was this? Why didn't you lead with that?" Nora spoke loudly forgetting that Evangeline might not want the world to know about his confession.
"In the delivery room." Evangeline thought back to that moment constantly. It didn't help that she had a photo to remind her of that very moment.
Nora's mouth hung open with surprise. "And you've not said anything about that in the last three months. It's no wonder that he's been so happy. How long have you guys been back together?"
Evangeline shook her head. "We are not back together. He told me that he loved me, and he's not said anything about it since then."
"Then why haven't you." Nora slapped her hand gently. "That's a big step for John. A huge step. Isn't that why you two broke up in the first place?"
"Because I told myself that I would not chase after him. Yes, he said the words that I've been waiting so long to hear, but there's more to it than that." Evangeline thumbed the stem of her glass. "I still don't know why he couldn't say those words to me in the first place, and I can't ignore that."
"Sweetie, you are making this hard on yourself. Have you tried talking to him? If not because you want to reconcile, but because you want to clear the air. John might surprise you." Nora noticed the pained look on Evangeline's face. "But you don't want that? What's really going on?"
"What's really going on is that I still love him." Evangeline's forehead wrinkled at her admission. "I've never fallen this hard before and it scares me. We've been through a lot together, some good and some very bad. John has been open and honest when talking about his past relationships, and I've forgiven him for the past."
"That sounds like a good start to something, but it sounds like you don't want that. Have you really forgiven him?" Nora could tell Evangeline was holding something back. There were surely intimate details about her relationship with John that were too personal to share with anyone else.
"I have, but I don't know why. I feel like should still be angry or something, and I'm trying to decide if I'm just as desperate to have him love me as," Evangeline stopped when Nora squeezed her hand.
"Don't even go there, because you know that's not the same thing. What you and John had was built on mutual respect and affection. There were obstacles that got your relationship off track, but you ended it with him. Maybe it's time to revisit that old pain. If you don't, you're not going to be able to move on. I'm talking about with John or anyone else. If John has opened up to you and explained why he acted the way he did in your relationship, he deserves to be forgiven. No one is perfect. If you love him, maybe give him a second chance."
"Ms. Hanen, it's good to see you again." Lisa spoke up from behind Nora.
Nora pursed her lips and looked over her shoulder. "It's good to see you again, Ms. Williamson." She stood and offered Lisa her seat. "I was just keeping Evangeline company, but I guess I need to head back to work."
Evangeline smiled and hoped that her mother hadn't overheard their conversation. "Have a good day Nora, and congratulations again."
Nora excused herself quickly. She knew Lisa wasn't a fan of John's and she didn't want to be there if Lisa had overheard their conversation.
"Congratulations, Cookie?" Lisa reached across the table and patted Evangeline's hand.
"Yeah, Nora is not longer just the acting Llantano County DA. She's been formally appointed to the position." The waiter came over and took their order. Evangeline was starving and pressed for time, so she had to stay on schedule.
"Good for her. Sounds like she is advancing her career. And what about you, Cookie? What are your plans?" Lisa stared directly at her daughter. She'd caught her off guard.
"Me? Well, I own my own firm. I can give myself any promotion I want, though it's meaningless." Evangeline wasn't surprised that her mother started right in.
"Well, you're back to work now, and you're successfully balancing your career and motherhood. Now is the perfect time to start planning long term. You need to start looking ahead, especially if you want to get James into the right private school. Some of those DC waitlists are impossibly long." Lisa had been doing research for Evangeline and knew there were some schools she could already mark off the list. Dennis was her ex, but he had connections that Evangeline could use to get her foot in the door at a big DC firm.
"DC? I'm not planning on moving to DC." Evangeline hated that she had to do it, but her mother needed to hear the truth. She'd been beating around the bush about her long-term career goals and Evangeline had always brushed her off. If she didn't set her straight now, she would only cause more upset later on. "I'm happy here in Llanview.
"You're not planning on making Llanview a permanent home, are you?" Lisa paused for her daughter's response. This news wasn't what she expected.
"At least for the time being, yes. I have house here. My practice is here. Layla is here. John is here. My life is here in Llanview." Evangeline smiled politely at the waiter who delivered their food. This conversation made her lose her appetite.
"I thought your house and your practice were short-term investments. You can sell the house, and let your partners buy you out. Llanview is far too small to satisfy your career ambitions." Lisa pushed her plate away.
"If I wanted to, I'm sure I could do that, but I still can't leave Llanview. I want James to be close to his father. I'm here for a year because of our custody arrangement, and after that I'd have to petition John or the court to allow me to leave with James. I don't see any need for that. There is nothing that I want to accomplish that I can't do here in Llanview." Evangeline also pushed her plate away. Her mother looked annoyed, but that couldn't be helped.
"That just doesn't sound right, Evangeline. I thought you had big dreams like being a Supreme Court Justice or the President. Neither of those things can be accomplished here in Llanview." Lisa was stunned at Evangeline's turn around. This sudden declaration was more reminiscent of Layla than Evangeline.
Evangeline laughed softly. "Those are childhood dreams mom, and they weren't even my own. That's what you and daddy wanted. I just wanted to make you guys proud."
"And we are proud, baby, but you have so much more in you. It would be a waste to spend the rest of your life here in Llanview pining after some local cop who's going nowhere." Lisa let it be known that she heard at least part of Evangeline's conversation with Nora.
That was the straw that broke the camel's back. "John and I aren't together. We have a son together, and he deserves to get to know him. That means I'm not going to make that hard on anyone by dragging James around the country while I try to fulfill some dream that isn't even mine. I'm happy with my life. I don't know what the future holds, but I'm not going to stop living my life now to plan for a future that I'm not sure I want." Evangeline could see the anguish on her mother's face.
"Cookie, you have worked too hard for this," Lisa pleaded with her.
"Too hard for what? I'm successful. I'm independent. But, if I'm not planning to rule the free world, I'm not living up to my potential? I'm so glad that you and daddy gave so much so that Layla and I could have the opportunities that we did."
"It was a labor of love. We didn't mind at all, because we knew what you were capable of. When I first held you in my arms, I knew you were destined for greatness. You would be so much more than me or your father ever was." Lisa could feel tears welling up inside of her. She'd pushed too hard and now Evangeline was shutting down.
Evangeline thought for a moment. She was a new mother, but she still had experiences that had given her clarity. "When you looked at me as a baby, you saw greatness?" Evangeline waited for her to nod. "When I look at James, I see potential. I have no idea what his life will hold. What I do know is that I want to love him, support him, and guide him to a life that makes him happy. I don't want to plan his future out for him and then get disappointed when it turns out he had his own plans. For most of my life, I've been chasing your and daddy's dreams. I'm a big girl now, and it's time to start chasing my own dreams. And, maybe I'm not sure what they are just yet, but I know I'll get there someday."
Lisa let a single tear fall. When Evangeline put it that way, it made Lisa sound selfish. "I just can't help but feel that this is because of John and whatever hold he has over you."
Evangeline smiled patiently. "I love John, but this has nothing to do with him. I came to Llanview to start pursuing my own dreams. That I meant John is just a sign that I made the right choice. Mom, I need you to accept that I'm going to live my own life and I'm not looking for your approval. I'm starting on a new journey in life, and you can either come with me or you can watch from afar. I won't let you hold me back anymore."
John was walking around Evangeline's den and contemplating whether or not to give James a bottle. His scheduled overtime was cancelled, so he decided to drop James of at Evangeline's house to save her a trip. She sounded exhausted on the phone. John could guess that it had something to do with her mother's surprise visit.
"That sounds like your mom. I think she had a long day today, so I'm going to need your cutest face." James looked at him with drool running down his chin. "Yeah, that's pretty good, but maybe we'll clean you up a little." John wiped the drool from his chin and checked to make sure he was still in a clean, dry diaper. "Oh look, there she is." John held him up carefully so that his face was the first that Evangeline's saw when she walked into the room.
"That's my big boy. Come to mommy. I've missed you so much." James wasn't quite old enough to laugh, but he smiled when Evangeline nuzzled his neck. "Did you have a good day today? Did you have fun with daddy?" She shrugged out of her jacket before taking him from John.
"You have no idea. This guy is wild. I had some extra cash, and he wanted to spend it all on hookers and blow. I got him a baseball jersey instead." John smiled at the reaction he got from Evangeline.
"We are going to have to wash daddy's mouth out, huh?" Evangeline continued to nuzzle him which made him smile more. "Did you give him a bottle yet?"
"No, we were waiting on you." John rubbed his back as Evangeline held him. "He should be pretty hungry though. I gave him his last bottle at 3:30."
Evangeline checked her watch. It was just after 6, so she would feed him now and then again at 8:30 before she put him down for bed. "I'm going to go feed him and put him down. Do you want to stick around for bedtime?"
"Sure." John had been reading him poetry at bedtime. It was a nice tradition that Evangeline wanted to encourage. "You go ahead, and I'll order us some dinner."
"I'll be back in a bit. Come on, bug. Let's get you fed first." Evangeline kissed his cheek and left John alone. He'd been to Evangeline's often enough to think of it like a second home.
John wasn't sure what kind of mood she was in, so he ordered something she liked that was also healthy. He resisted the urge to go up and interrupt Evangeline's time with their son. If she had a long day, James was probably all she needed to decompress. Evangeline came back down in casual clothes just as the delivery person was leaving.
"Please don't tell me you got wings." Evangeline frowned at the thought of John's favorite food.
"Damn. I thought they were your favorite. I got you some buffalo wings and fries. For myself, I thought I'd try the lemon pepper shrimp and broccoli pasta." John teased her. He knew what she liked well enough. "They may have even thrown in some low-calorie garlic bread."
"Well, you can eat that for me." Evangeline took her Styrofoam container and sat down in the breakfast nook. Why she had a dining room and dining room table didn't make much sense because she never used them. "I don't see how you can eat junk all the time."
"I had a vegetable yesterday. Besides, I don't see how you can stand to keep such a strict diet. It's not like it's bad for the baby if you binge every now and then." John continued to tease her, but her strict diet was largely responsible for her slim figure. She was probably very close to her pre-baby weight. Her breasts were larger now, but John liked that.
"After seeing my mom, I'm ready to eat a whole tub of ice cream. That woman and her plans are going to be the death of me." Evangeline still couldn't believe her mother's audacity. Lisa said they needed to revisit the topic when both Evangeline and Lisa weren't pressed for time. Evangeline didn't want to argue, so she agreed. Evangeline had already made up her mind. Her mother would just get more of the same when she brought the topic up again.
"Plans like?" John split his attention between her and his dinner. He was glad that she broached the topic. Ever since he'd spoken to her cousin, Claire, he'd wanted to ask her about her long-term plans.
"I am not telling you, John." Evangeline was usually the one to open up first expecting that John would do the same. In the past, he'd let her down, so she didn't want to share now.
John just nodded. They still weren't back where they'd been before. Even after considerable effort on his part, she still kept him at arm's length. "I was never much of a planner myself and neither were my parents. Most planning I ever did was with Caitlyn." John spoke in between bites. "Like did we want to live in the city or the country? How many kids did we want? Would she be a stay at home mom? Stuff like that. After she was gone, I didn't really see the point of planning for a life that may never come."
"I can certainly understand why." Since she knew the truth, John's talking about Caitlyn was no longer painful. It was more insightful.
"Now that we've got James, I can't just act like tomorrow might never come. He's going to be big before I know it, and I'll need a bigger place. Does that mean another room in Angel's Square, or maybe that place is too rough for kid? You have a house and a yard. Do I need one too?" John wiped his fingers on his napkin. It was hard to eat and focus. Instead, he sipped his beer. Evangeline didn't keep alcohol in the house, but John had a stash down in the basement.
"You still have some time to decide on all of that. I'm just focusing on the present except the things I can't ignore for the future. That's mainly just his college fund and whether he'll get a car when he turns 16 or 18. Everything else can wait." Evangeline picked at John's fries. Her shrimp wasn't quite what she was craving. He offered her the rest of them, but she declined.
"But what about your long-term plans. I mean career wise. I'm sure you hadn't planned on staying in Llanview forever." Police work meant John was flexible. He could get a job anywhere, so he wouldn't hold her back.
"Have you been talking to my mother?" Evangeline couldn't imagine the two of them pairing up, but the chances of him bringing up her same questions was too convenient.
"You think?" John popped a piece of her shrimp into his mouth. He immediately frowned, regretting it. "No, I'm just curious. I'm just wondering what's keeping you here. I thought you wanted more in life than this, Madam President." John could tell he'd said something wrong. "Though, it's not like you're not the only one who dreamed of being president."
"Stop it, John." Evangeline didn't like him mocking her.
"I'm serious." John took a big sip of beer. He was surprised that Eve and Lisa hadn't exchanged 'my kid wants to be the president' stories.
"Never would have guessed that." Evangeline searched his eyes. He wasn't kidding. This new talkative John was full of surprises.
"I told my dad that I wanted to be the one to make all the rules that everyone had to follow. He told me I'd have to be the president for that. Maybe I wasn't as determined as you were, but I wanted it for a time. Then after my dad died, I thought the hell with it. What good is it to make the rules if no one follows them? Being a cop, at least then I could make people do what they were supposed to." John finished off his beer. He grabbed his dinner and Evangeline's trash off the table and went to throw it away.
Evangeline followed behind him in deep thought. She sat at the kitchen counter. "Maybe I'm not ready for this." This time it was Evangeline who struggled to find the right words.
"I know we talked about it before. You said being the president was like a childhood dream. When I first met you, you were so driven. I never wanted to be the one holding you back, but I didn't know what you were running toward." John washed his hands in the sink across from her. He wouldn't let her off the hook that easy.
"More like running from." Evangeline looked over at him cautiously. She used an interesting choice of words that John had surely picked up on. "That dream was my parents' dream. They worked so hard to provide for me and Layla. I had to chase that dream, so that they wouldn't feel like it was all wasted effort. Then, at some point, I realized that I wasn't happy, and I wouldn't be happy until I started chasing my own dreams." Evangeline looked past John at the cabinets. He was focused on her and it made her feel unsure of herself.
"So, what does that mean?" John walked around the island an sat on the stool beside her.
"It means I want to live my own life and on my own terms. I want to fall in love with a man who loves me and not some dream. Does that make sense?" John looked confused, so she knew she hadn't been clear enough.
"Not even a little bit." John smiled at her laughter. She had a beautiful smile and he hadn't seen it nearly enough lately.
"One of the biggest things that bugged me about my parent's career ambitions for me was their version of Mr. Right. He had to have the right education, be well-spoken, be God-fearing, be from the right family, and be able to match or exceed my career goals. An average Joe without little or no ambition just wouldn't do." Evangeline recognized the disappointment on John's face. He experienced her family's disdain when he came home with her for a funeral. She tried to reassure him, but that had been one of the final nails in their relationship's coffin.
"Doomed from the start." John knew how much her family meant to her, and their opinion of him broke his confidence. Since that day at the funeral, he'd been counting down the days before she was sick of putting up with him. Sadly, that day had come far too soon.
"To a degree, you remind me of my father. He was one of the finest men I'd ever met. He was a man with old school beliefs. As the man, it was his job to provide for his family. So, when Mama Williamson said she wanted to live in the best neighborhood with the best schools, he worked hard to make that happen. I'm not so convinced that he expected as much of me as my mom did so much as he was just following her lead. He knew their strength was in their unity. Even when they weren't together, he still supported her and her decisions for me and Layla."
"He sounds like a good man." He knew Evangeline loved her father. She wasn't raised as a daddy's girl, but she was still one any way.
"The best," Evangeline started to tear up, "but my family would have put him down if I'd brought him home. That killed me inside." John wiped away her tear, and Evangeline grabbed his hand.
"Parents usually want better for their kids than they had themselves. Nothing wrong with that." The was probably more to it than that. Evangeline's father made one mistake and fell from grace. Her outspoken family had probably said more than a few things out of line that really hurt Evangeline.
"I always wanted to marry a man like my dad. Kind, loving, supportive, honest. I never needed all that other crap. He made one mistake and all of a sudden everyone acted like he was less than nothing. He didn't deserve that." Evangeline put her hands to her face to hide her tears. Turns out John wasn't the only one with daddy issues. Evangeline was just better at hiding hers.
"Come here." John pulled her into a hug and held her close. John understood what she really meant. Some part of her wanted to marry a man like her father to redeem him. He'd sacrificed so much to provide for his family, but no one remembered that after one small mistake. All this time, Evangeline had been carrying the weight of his sins. "You don't have to marry a man like him to redeem him. You honor him with your life and remembering that he was more than just that one mistake. I'm sure he wants you to marry a man that loves and cherishes you the same way you do him. You're right to forget about the rest."
Evangeline cried harder. This time she couldn't just blame it on her hormones. This pain was real, and she'd avoided it for too long. She let John hold her until her tears subsided. "I'm sorry. I'm being ridiculous."
"I'm the last person who'd believe that. It's okay to cry sometimes." John wiped away her tears. "Look, I know you've had a long day. Why don't you go ahead and get in bed? I'll take care of James when he's up again, and you'll get a break until about 10:00. I'll lock up when I leave."
"Thank you, John." Evangeline hugged him one final time. It felt good being in his arms again.
As John held her, he knew it was time. He would tell her everything. "What are you doing tomorrow night?" John smiled down at her.
"Resting and relaxing. My Friday nights aren't near as exciting as they used to be." Evangeline pulled away from him and hugged herself. "Why?"
"I'm thinking that you need a night of fun. No thinking about work or planning for your future. Maybe some crappy old movie, popcorn, and pizza. Definitely gotta have pizza." John rubbed her shoulders gently. It looked like she wanted to turn him down. "It'll be fun. Just you and me and James as much as he'll tolerate us."
Evangeline had to weigh his offer versus the hot bath and a good book that she planned for. The thought of being cuddled up next to him for a couple of hours won out. "Okay, but I get to pick the entertainment. I don't want to watch a bloodbath."
"Deal." He stroked her face gently. "Have a good night, Evangeline. I'm looking forward to seeing you tomorrow." John couldn't stop smiling. They'd had a major breakthrough tonight, and tomorrow would be more of the same. He felt bad for misleading Evangeline. In the end, he'd leave it up to her. They would only talk about his past if she wanted to.
"See you then, John. Good night." Evangeline kissed him softly on the cheek before exiting. Tonight had been incredible for her. She'd never shared her feelings about her father with anyone. That she shared them with John confirmed what she already knew. She was never going to stop loving him.
A/N: We're so close. Will John be able to share his pain with Evangeline, and if he does will that bring them closer or push them apart? Thanks for reading!