The night was unusually clear, and Elissa ran her hand through her hair. She was sitting in the alcove above the rookery, admiring the stars. The attic room had become her quarters now, and offered an unblemished view of the heavens. Yet even the majestic sight couldn't offer the peace she craved. Since the sun had set, Elissa had only managed to toss and turn, until it became too much and she'd sought solace in the skies. But her thoughts simply would not quiet, and she had been left at their cruel mercy.
A muffled caw echoed from the floorboards, and she let out a breath. What with everything else going on, she had never truly considered Zevran's—and now Flemeth's—words, but since she had spoken as much to the others, she couldn't stop reflecting. Each moment of her life was now up for scrutiny, and every recollection stirred deeper feelings; ones she had thought dead and buried.
Yet no matter how many times she ran over the same things, that longed-for clarity never came…
Soft clacks echoed from the staircase, and Leliana's yawn caught her ear. Elissa didn't turn around, closing her eyes as the bard approached.
"You're still awake?" Leliana set her crutches against the wall, sitting beside Elissa. "I did say not to wait for me."
"I know," Elissa murmured, leaning against the bard. "I've just been…reminiscing."
Leliana's brows narrowed.
"If you are still punishing yourself over what happened…"
Elissa shook her head.
"No, I was thinking about long before." She sat forward, reaching for her Warden pendant. "Before we first met, before I became a Grey Warden, before the Blight even started. Before I…" She took a heavy breath. "…lost everything."
Leliana's gaze softened.
"You mean with your family?"
Elissa nodded. The memory of her parents' faces flashed by, and she swallowed. It all seemed like a distant dream; a life that may as well have never been. Even Fergus—long since remarried and confident Teyrn of Highever—had become a stranger to her, their blood tie distant and cold. She had not felt like a Cousland for a very long time, and doubted she ever would again.
"You've never spoken about back then," Leliana said quietly. "It was only natural, of course, but…" She trailed off, rubbing the back of her neck. "Do you think that was what Zevran was referring to?"
"I honestly don't know," Elissa admitted. "But how could it?" She drew her knees to her chest, wistful. "I was just a noble's daughter. Never anything special."
"Now where have I heard those words before?" Leliana chuckled, holding a finger to her cheek. "'I was never meant to become a leader, to have others look to me for guidance…'"
Her tone was mocking, but playful, and Elissa's cheeks warmed. Those very words had left her lips when they had first travelled together during the Blight.
How far they had come since then…
"It was the truth," Elissa shrugged, letting her pendant fall back against her Shard.
"Yet look at what you achieved," Leliana countered. "You rose above your fear and doubt, and took Ferelden to victory."
"And then I lost everything all over again," Elissa murmured, her gaze falling.
"No," Leliana said. "It was taken from you." She slid closer, her breath warm against Elissa's cheek. "But once again you fought to get it back, and you succeeded."
Elissa rested her hand over Leliana's. She wanted to find comfort in the bard's words, but…
"So where does that leave me?" Elissa raised her head again, appealing to the stars. "I'm no longer a Cousland, and barely a Warden either, since Corruption's blocked the Taint." The rune on her chest prickled, and she brushed her palm over it. "All I have is this; a power I still don't know a thing about. One that was forced onto me, and that's been both a boon and curse." She shook her head. "I just…don't know who I am anymore. Maybe I never did."
Leliana held Elissa's cheek, bringing them face to face.
"You are you, Elissa," she said softly. "Nothing more, and nothing less." She glanced her lips against Elissa's, running her fingers through her dark locks. "Lay down this burden, mon coeur. You will find your answers, but it will not be this night."
Elissa let her shoulders drop, and pulled Leliana into her arms. The bard teased her into another kiss, and Elissa lost herself. She held tighter, clinging to Leliana's warmth, but her hip caught the bard's leg. Leliana abruptly withdrew, hissing.
"Maker, I'm sorry!" Elissa bowed her head. "I…"
Leliana hushed her.
"That is the last time I want to hear you say that," she said.
"But…"
"Elissa, how many times must I repeat myself?" Leliana cut her off. "I still have my life because of you, and if this is the worst I must bear, then so be it." She tilted Elissa's chin up. "Never forget, you've done what no healer ever could." She brought Elissa's hand to her chest. "You made my heart whole again."
Elissa pressed her forehead against the bard's, locking their fingers together.
"I'm going to miss you," she whispered.
"As will I," Leliana murmured. "But I won't be out of reach. My scouts will watch over you, and you can contact me whenever you need." She kissed Elissa's brow, pulling her towards the bed. "Now get some sleep. It will be a long day tomorrow, for all of us."
Elissa fiddled with the saddlebag on her horse, her breath misting in the morning sun. She stood before the gates of Skyhold, mere moments from setting out. Yet although she had been ready to go for a while, she'd struggled to take that first step. It was starting to hit that everyone was going their separate ways, and it left Elissa in a funny mood. She had grown used to residing in the fortress, enjoying the company around her, and her upcoming journey suddenly seemed awfully lonely. She wasn't even sure when she would return.
But she had taken this decision on purpose. She would travel quicker on her own, and Leliana's scouts would have her back, as well. There was no need for the others to risk themselves. Especially now Zevran had proven so dangerous.
"Thank the Maker, you're still here!"
Elissa glanced back to the courtyard, and her eyes widened. Bethany was making her way towards her. The mage carried a hefty pack of her own, which she promptly strapped to Elissa's mount. The horse snorted, and Elissa raised a brow.
"What are you doing?"
"What does it look like?" Bethany poked Elissa's shoulder. "Coming with you, you idiot!"
Elissa blinked. "I thought you were going to Halamshiral with Lara?"
"That was before you decided you weren't joining Amber," Bethany answered. "I can't believe you never thought to say anything!" She shook her head. "You know you're terrible at riding, and I can't leave you running around doing Maker knows what!"
"And neither can I." Alistair's voice rang through. He emerged from the courtyard as well, leading his own mount. "You two got into plenty trouble last time you ran off. You're not getting away with it again!"
"Alistair…" Elissa's chest swelled with warmth. "But what about Amber? She said she needed you in the Deep Roads."
"Varric's got me covered," Alistair said, waving off her concern. "Look Elissa, these Shards might not affect us directly, but I was there when they first knocked you out." His face grew serious. "You almost died, you know. I'm not chancing that again."
"It was my fault you got tangled with them in the first place," Bethany added. She drew her arms around herself, suppressing a shiver. "If I can ever make up for that, I will."
"It'll be just like old times," Alistair insisted. "Minus the darkspawn ambushes and Sten's cooking, I hope."
"There'll be more than enough to worry about otherwise," Elissa stated. "Are you really sure about this?"
"There's nothing out there we can't handle," Alistair shrugged. "And before you start, yes, we know we could be gone a little while, and that's not an issue."
"I'm not afraid of Zevran, either," Bethany declared. "And if we could manage four years being on the run, this will be nothing." The mage grasped Elissa's hand. "Whether you like it or not, you're stuck with us, sis. Better get used to it."
Tears prickled behind Elissa's eyes. She pulled the two into her arms, holding tight.
"I…Thank you, both of you," she said. Bethany and Alistair returned the embrace, and Elissa found herself smiling. "I'll try not to keep you away as long this time."
"Damn right you won't!"
Hawke's voice echoed through the gates, and the three turned around. The Champion strode through the courtyard, accompanied by Lahara. The Herald flashed a wink, her lyrium collar sparkling.
"Thought you could sneak away without saying farewell, Hero?" Hawke teased, playfully punching Elissa's arm.
"You're one to talk," Elissa shot back, recalling Hawke's similar departure from Haven.
"Okay, so I set the trend. Doesn't mean it's right," Hawke chuckled, holding up her hands. "There's no need to be so shy around us, you know."
"We just wanted to wish you luck," Lahara said, resting her hands on her hips. "You were never one for big send-offs, I know. But a little goodbye wouldn't hurt, would it?"
"I'm sorry." Elissa's eyes became downcast. "I didn't want to cause any fuss."
"Oh, don't apologise." A smirk creased Lahara's lips. "Besides, you're taking Beth off my hands, and that's enough for anyone to…" The Herald cut herself short, catching Bethany's elbow against her ribs. "Hey!"
"Meanie." Bethany stuck her tongue out, and Lahara laughed. She circled her arm around the mage, kissing her cheek.
"I know you'll take good care of each other," the Herald said, as Bethany's face reddened. "I promise Leliana will be in safe hands, too."
"Er, does anyone care for the poor Champion anymore?" Hawke asked, folding her arms.
"I know the feeling," Alistair huffed, although he was still grinning. "We mere mortals don't get a look in."
Elissa rolled her eyes. "Alright, I get it, Alistair. I'll make sure to tuck you in every night as well."
"And I'm sure Varric will do the same for Amber," Lahara said, nudging the Champion's shoulder. Hawke laughed.
"You have no idea," the rogue said. "Well, we'd better not keep you any longer. We've got to move out at some point, too." She stuck out her hand, and Elissa took it. "May the Maker watch over you all."
"And you," Bethany affirmed, giving her sister a hug. "We'll be together again soon enough."
"Hope it goes well for you, Champion, Herald," Alistair said, bowing.
"It's Inquisitor now," Lahara corrected, brushing back her auburn locks. "Not that I'll ever get used to it." She clasped Elissa's shoulder. "Anyway, all the best, Elissa. Whatever happens, the Inquisition is right behind you. If you need anything, just say the word."
"Thank you," Elissa said. "And good luck to you both, as well."
She mounted her horse. Bethany climbed in front of her, taking the reins. Alistair followed suit, and they began a slow trot across the bridge. Elissa glanced back, waving. Her eyes fell to the main keep, and she ran a finger along the bronze chain around her neck. The Cousland ring was cool against her skin, and she smiled, knowing Leliana now wore her Warden pendant in its place.
I'll be back soon, Leliana. Maker keep you safe.
The desert heat was unforgiving, burning into Elissa as she descended the chasm path. The rocks provided some shade, but it was never long before she had to return to the merciless sun. Her scarf half-covered her face, drenched with sweat and sand, and she licked her cracked lips. It had been a long, exhausting walk through the Western Approach—even more uncomfortable than the last time—but they had made steady progress. She knew the scout camp was waiting at the bottom of the gorge, although had yet to see it. Bethany was close behind, fanning herself with her hand, while Alistair brought up the rear, his entire face glistening.
The path narrowed, and Elissa slowed, squeezing through the bands of rock. The recollection of her last visit nagged at the back of her mind, and she clenched her teeth. Here she had spent her final moments as 'Yara'; before she had been forced to confront the truth within. To acknowledge the fear and guilt and shame she had tried to cast away, and reclaim the past that had been stolen from her.
But even with all that, something was still missing. So much had changed, and words she should have brushed aside now stuck into her like thorns. She raised a hand to her chest, the ever-present question a whisper in her thoughts.
Just who am I…
"Hey, Elissa, you in there?" Bethany waved her hand in front of Elissa, and she blinked. The mage had caught up. "I was asking if you wanted some water?"
"Sorry, yes," Elissa said, brushing her face with her sleeve. She took the offered skin, the cool liquid soothing her throat. Bethany watched, her brow ever so slightly creased.
"You've been a bit out of sorts since we left." She glanced aside. "I know it must feel strange, returning here, but are you okay?"
"You could say that." Elissa returned the skin, still thoughtful. "I'll be alright."
"Good to hear," Alistair said, coming to join them. He ran a hand through his plastered hair. "Maker above, where is that scout camp? I swear it wasn't this far last time!"
Bethany scoured the bottom of the gorge, catching sight of the stream. She traced it north, and that was when the tents appeared, half-hidden by the rocks.
"They've set up closer to the mine," she said. "Come on."
She slid past Elissa, taking the lead. Elissa and Alistair followed, climbing through the last of the rocks, before reaching the ground. For a while they walked in silence, although Elissa felt Alistair stealing glances. He was just as concerned as the mage.
"You've got that look in your eyes again," Alistair eventually said, resting his hands behind his head.
Elissa bristled. "What look?"
"Doubt," Alistair answered. "You've worn it often enough, but it really doesn't suit you these days."
"Easy for you to say." Elissa pulled up her scarf.
"Look, don't fret so much," Alistair said. "I can only imagine how much you've been pulled around, but we'll figure it out. You don't have to take it all to heart."
Elissa let her eyes close a moment.
"Don't I?" She clutched the rune on her chest. "If I'd had the courage to face myself, I could've spared Lara and Amber from these Shards. And whatever it is I'm supposed to remember would have come back to me. We wouldn't have to be doing this."
"And you know that for a fact, right?"
Elissa said nothing.
"Listen, I've been there," Alistair went on. "It might not be the same, but sometimes I still wonder if I should've become King, like everyone wanted." He paused, his own thoughts taking over. "I wonder if everything I've done otherwise has been worth it, and how things might have been different." He touched Elissa's arm. "But none of that matters, Elissa. Whatever path's been laid, you just have to see it through. It will work out, trust me."
"Maybe," Elissa murmured.
The rest of the conversation fell away, and finally they reached the camp. A few scouts were reclining by the fire, tending their equipment, while another was writing a report. She glanced up from her parchment, and her eyes brightened.
"Ah, nice timing, Hero!" Scout Harding dropped her quill, and stood up. "We've been waiting for you."
"Good to see you, Harding," Elissa greeted. "No more rifts bothering you, I hope?"
"Thankfully not," Harding said. "But there's been more than enough going on to keep us on our toes."
"Oh?" Alistair raised a brow. "What's to report?"
"There's been a lot of movement since you last visited," Harding answered. "But you must be tired. Make yourselves comfortable, and I'll tell you everything you need to know."
Nodding, Elissa entered the camp and dumped her pack. She gave her arms a stretch, her muscles stiff from their desert trek. Bethany and Alistair did likewise, coming to sit around the embers of the fire. Another scout tossed them some dried meat strips, while Harding stepped into her tent.
Soon she emerged with a rolled-up parchment. She knelt in front of them, spreading it on the ground. It was a map, charting the tunnels leading to the temple.
"The good news is that the Corruption is long gone," Harding said, pointing to the mining shafts. "Whatever reaction those Shards of Andraste trigged seemed to dissolve it all, and it hasn't returned."
"At least that will make accessing the temple easier," Bethany commented.
"Eh, well, I wouldn't be so sure about that," Harding said. "Because now there's something almost as bad in its place."
"Of course there is," Alistair said dryly. "What joy awaits us this time?"
"Believe it or not, a group of cultists have moved in," Harding went on. "And they're not leaving anytime soon."
"The Venatori?" Elissa asked, frowning. She had thought them dealt with already.
"If only," Harding replied, giving a mirthless smile. "No, these ones call themselves 'The Children of Andraste', and they're no less as ruthless."
"That's a blasphemous title if I ever heard one," Alistair scoffed.
"Where did they come from?" Bethany asked. "And what do they want?"
"They usually skulk around southern Ferelden, but since the Corruption vanished, they've been really interested in these ruins," Harding informed. "It's not clear what they're after, but almost all of them are apostates, and they're very hostile to outsiders." She swallowed. "And that's not even the worst thing."
"I'm almost afraid to ask, now," Elissa said.
"Yeah." Harding took a breath, hesitant. "They've…well, they've been bringing young women here. And once they get inside the temple, they're never seen again."
"Maker's breath…" Bethany clenched her fist. "Blood magic. It has to be!"
"That's pretty much what we suspect, too," Harding said. "But if you want to investigate the ruins, you're either going to have to sneak in, or face them directly."
"How many of them are there?" Elissa asked.
"Around twelve, thirteen at the most," Harding said. "They don't appear that suited for combat, but don't underestimate them. They know that temple inside out, and whatever they've found they'll guard with their lives."
"There must be something important still inside, then," Elissa deduced. "We have to find out what."
"Shouldn't we ask Cullen's troops for help?" Alistair offered. "Even a small force would be enough to overwhelm them."
"It would, but we'd lose our chance for information," Elissa answered. "If they're not afraid of death, those secrets won't be easy to get out of them."
"I agree," Bethany said. "And if they have hostages, we can't risk endangering them more. That is, if they're still…" She sighed, trailing off.
"Well, if you're opting for the stealth approach," Harding began, "I have a suggestion…"