Sooo, looks like I'm (kinda) back from being a dead student. I ultimately planned to update sooner but I couldn't pick myself up to write for some time, I'm sorry for that. But this chapter is the longest one so far, I hope that's a small compensation for you having to wait so long.
What I also want to say: HUGE THANK YOU to all of you who (still) read this story, and especially those of you who are leaving reviews! You always make my day with your words, and you make it a lot easier to continue writing when I'm struggling with some things (and I struggle kinda often). And I think you probably have no idea how stupidly a person is able to grin at a screen when they are happy about reading another kind review.
I hope you'll enjoy this chapter! :)
Chapter 7 - What to Do About It
After the party they needed a few days to more or less get back in their normal rhythm. Luckily for them, no one had noticed that Harvey had slept in Donna's room instead of his own room that night. So at least they didn't have to deal with questions and comments from the other's, but "only" had to deal with the situation themselves.
Their interactions had been a bit strange at first - again, after they had just gotten over the other incidents - because they both didn't know how or if to address the more or less obvious change.
Harvey still assumed that she had been asleep all the time and had no clue of what had happened, so he wasn't eager to broach that matter since he didn't really have the urge to talk about it. And he also didn't want to sound like a pathetic guy who brings something like that up for no real reason, because after all nothing had really happened that night.
It was just an accidental, innocent touch, just their sleeping selves holding onto something that had been next to them. It didn't mean anything. They would have never done that while they were awake. At least that's what he was telling himself, and he already got quite convincing after some time.
Also it ended as soon as one of them first noticed it. At least to his knowledge, and he never thought about the option that she could have been awake because it just didn't seem possible to him. It has never even crossed his mind.
And Donna knew that he had no idea that she had been awake the whole time, that she had even been awake before him and had decided to not do anything about it. Because she hadn't wanted to pull her hand back. But she knew that she couldn't and shouldn't tell him anything about that. She wasn't sure if she already understood by herself why she had done it.
Also, she had no idea how she should talk with him about it without sounding pathetic. After all that wasn't something one could easily drop in a casual conversation. And moreover, it would make things between them even more complicated than they already were.
Both had realized that something had changed a bit, that there had been a slight shift in their relationship, but neither of them was going to acknowledge that fact. So they did what they did best, when it came to the topic of them: denying whatever emotions kept creeping up inside them and hiding everything somewhere deep down in their minds, trying to get over it to finally go back to normal. Whatever "normal" was in their case.
After some time of basically avoiding each other they were finally able to do so again and more or less forget about the night - even though it probably was only for some time, but they thought it was better than nothing.
Mike and Rachel had proposed that the four of them could have dinner together at some point. They had noticed the slight change in Harvey's and Donna's interactions and thought that a collective activity would probably leaven the somehow tensed atmosphere.
Together they had agreed on cooking some pasta, and they had split the buying list so each of them could get a part of the groceries.
On the next Friday, Harvey was the first one to get home after his classes so he decided to already prepare everything. While he was standing in the kitchen, he heard a key being turned in the door lock. He lifted his head and tried to figure out who was coming home.
When said person came around the corner and into his range of vision, his face lightened up and his countenance grew soft unwittingly. "Hey," he greeted her with a small curl of his lips.
He was still a bit hesitant around her since the party, especially when he was alone with her. Waking up the next morning with her in her bed was a memory that was still etched into his brain, and for some time he had just been overwhelmed with everything he had felt back then. He had avoided coming too close to her, and they hadn't touched since he had removed his hand from hers. It wasn't like he didn't want to, but he was afraid that a single contact with her could become too much for him to handle.
"Hey," Donna retorted, mirroring his facial expression. But then she slightly creased her forehead, seeming to think about something. "I hadn't expected you to be home so soon."
He shortly chuckled. "Well, I always come home around that time on Friday, but I think you've never seen me that early before because normally you get home a little later," he teased her with a challenging look.
Now her grin grew a little wider and she shortly dropped her gaze to her feet, brushing a strand of her hair behind her ear. "That's possible."
They locked eyes, lingering for a few seconds, just smiling at each other and cherishing the moment. Probably cherishing the moment a little more than they should, but in that moment they didn't care about that because no one else was around.
When they finally broke the eye contact she put her bag in her room only to come back to the kitchen a few seconds later. They started their work together in silence, but with a small smirk on each of their faces. They had never worked together in the kitchen before but they collaborated surprisingly well. Whenever one of them needed something, the other one already handed it over only a few moments later. Sometimes even without asking for it, but they just knew what they needed. Almost perfectly in sync.
Suddenly a thought from before came back to his mind again and a big grin started to spread all over his face. "You know what?"
"What?" She knitted her brows, not entirely sure what she should expect now from him. Especially with him having that mischievous smirk plastered over his face.
"It just occurred to me that for that can of sieved tomatoes we're gonna need a can opener."
"Oh really?" she pretended to be surprised, knowing that he had actually thought about that before. "I'm pretty sure that didn't just occur to you." She threw a look at him, with a raised eyebrow, very well aware of the fact that it would probably have him burst out laughing.
He only continued to have his signature smirk plastered all over his face, but slightly biting his lip to suppress the laughter that was bubbling up inside him. "Well, you're probably right, I may have thought about it before." He ended his sentence with an even bigger smirk than before, though Donna hadn't known that this was even possible. Then they simply fixated each other's gazes, both still grinning widely.
They hadn't noticed that the door had been opened about a minute ago, so they were a bit surprised when all of a sudden Mike and Rachel stood in front of them, making them flinch a little and interrupt their interaction, each of them taking a small step backwards to build up some distance.
The younger male slowly came a few steps closer, his girlfriend following a few steps behind him. He narrowed his eyes and knitted his brows in a mix of surprise and confusion. "Okaaay," he dwelled, still processing what he had just heard, "this is definitely not what I expected to witness here."
Donna and Harvey both simultaneously rolled their eyes at their friend's comment, seemingly a little annoyed. Harvey was the one who then asked the question that both of them had in mind. "And what exactly did you witness here?"
"A really weird conversation about a freaking kitchen utensil."
This time Donna was the one who answered. "That wasn't a weird conversation," she rolled her eyes again. "That's just something that happens when you share the custody for a little being." She tried to stay serious and keep her voice neutral but Mike's and Rachel's puzzled and astonished expressions, paired with their confused blinking, made it quite hard for her to not burst out laughing right away.
She was aware that her comment must have caught them off guard, she knew that nobody would expect something like that as an answer. She bit her lip to stop herself from laughing, then she turned her head slightly in Harvey's direction, wondering if he managed to keep a straight face.
Right in that moment she heard his voice. "I thought that was supposed to be our little secret. I don't think he was ready for the whole world to find out about his foster parents." He tried to sound shocked and a little huffy but Donna could hear the entertained undertone loud and clear.
Now that she had her head fully turned towards him again she arched an eyebrow. "My bad," she deadpanned, but with an amused glint in her eyes.
Still lost for words, Mike and Rachel exchanged a baffled look, not knowing what was going on right now. They knew that sometimes their two roommates had their own language, speaking with each other in a way that no one else could possibly even try to understand. And sometimes that fact could be really confusing. Like right now in this moment.
But then they just shrugged and smirked, even though they didn't really have a clue of what was currently happening. They both were happy that at least the tensed atmosphere between the two of them seemed to be gone. Their two "idiots" - like the couple sometimes tended to call them when they knew that neither Donna nor Harvey were around - seemed to be back to their usual banter that could entertain a whole theater hall.
Then Mike clashed his hands together, disturbing the silence. "Okay, I'm sorry to interrupt that little exchange, but I'm actually quite hungry. So, how far are you two already?" He directed his question at Harvey and Donna, hoping that discussing something else would bring them back into the world where everyone else could understand what those two were talking about.
His plan turned out to be successful, he received an answer from Donna right away. "We're almost done, you and Rachel could set the table already. I think we'll be finished in a few minutes."
"Great!" He beamed at her reply, glad to receive such good news because he really was on the verge of starving. Well, not that literally, but close. He grasped Rachel's hand and sent her an adoring and affectionate smile. They walked over to the cupboard with the dishes and began to arrange them on the table.
When Donna and Harvey came over to the table, each of them with a pot in their hands, their two co-tenants were already sitting in their chairs, waiting expectantly for the food to finally arrive. They served out each of their portions, and just when they were about to start the dinner Donna remarked, "Just so you know, if it doesn't taste good, it's Harvey's fault." She sent him a devilish smirk and winked at him, making sure he wouldn't take it as an insult.
He wanted to protest but the other one's had already started to laugh, so he just sent his redheaded roommate a huffy glare before he also joined the laughter. He knew that she wasn't serious but he didn't want to make it too easy for her.
Then they finally started, and they enjoyed their dinner together. From time to time they laughed more than they ate, joking about some study colleagues, but also making fun of each other and teasing one another. That was mostly done by Donna and Harvey, but Rachel and Mike still had fun watching them.
At some point Mike almost choked on a noodle but luckily he managed to get it out of his esophagus eventually. So since nothing severe had happened this was just something else they could mock him with, and they all promised Mike to never forget about it but always rag him with that story.
After all of them had finished, they lapsed into a comfortable silence for a while, each of them lost in their respective thoughts, a faint smile on each of their faces. Then Donna lifted her head and looked to her three friends again. "You know what?"
She saw herself confronted with three pairs of questioning eyes, and since none of her friends pronounced the question loud she just resumed. "We should do something like that more often. The four of us together. Like, you could come to the bar again tomorrow."
The three addressed shortly looked at each other, shortly thinking about her suggestion, before they simultaneously nodded. "Sounds like a plan."
"Great," Donna smiled, "then it's settled."
—
They hadn't been there since the time Harvey had walked Donna home afterwards, but like they had promised, Harvey, Mike and Rachel came to the bar the next evening. This time it was more filled with people, and the three of them didn't get a table to sit down. So they got themselves something to drink and then ended up standing around a bar table in one corner of the room.
Last time Donna hadn't been able to make time at all to spend some time with them because she hadn't had a break, but this time she had some spare minutes and joined them for a drink. They fell into a comfortable conversation and enjoyed their time together, but then she also had to go back to work eventually and she left her three roommates at their table.
After she had left and returned to the bar, the three of them dived into another quite intense talk. At some point in between Rachel just stopped participating and watched her boyfriend and his best friend quoting movies like they do it for a living, and a wide grin spread across her face.
She then realized that she would have never believed that all of them would grow together as a group of such good friends when she first heard the news about Mike's best friend probably moving in. She had to admit, especially at the beginning she had her doubts. She was convinced that they would manage to live together without serious problems, but to be honest with herself she would have never dreamed that they would all get along so well.
She was happy and proud to say that their little living arrangement felt like a second family, at least to her but she was quite convinced that the others felt the same.
Letting her thoughts linger for a moment, she noticed that her mind had completely driven off, so she focused back on the discussion her two roommates where currently having
A little later that night their conversation drifted a little off and eventually ran dry completely. They fell into a short silence before Mike nudged Rachel with his elbow. "Do you wanna dance?"
She accepted with a smile and they both finished their drinks before heading off to the small "dance floor" - that admittedly wasn't much more than a few square meters of parquet that were meant to be left free from tables and chairs - and leaving Harvey behind at the table.
Now alone, his gaze once again wandered through the room to eventually land on a particular redhead. Lips immediately curling involuntarily, solely at the sight of her, but his face suddenly froze when he noticed that she was caught in a seemingly quite intense discussion with a customer. He frowned and at first suppressed his protective instinct for his friend, but after a few seconds the conversation between Donna and the stranger seemed to heat up even more.
At this point something in him snapped and he walked towards them, his feet carrying him to her almost automatically. His jaw tightened and he clenched his fists, all of his muscles suddenly tensing. He knew he couldn't just walk up there and knock down this guy - neither she nor the other guests would appreciate that - but he had to get some of the suddenly built-up tension and aggression inside his chest off.
The surrounding around him blurred, his vision narrowed on the one thing that mattered to him in that very moment. He heard his heart thump almost aggressively against his ribcage, the sound of the pulsating throbbing inside him was the only thing he perceived in that moment. He knew he had to calm down, that he mustn't lash out. And he wouldn't do it. For his own sake because he didn't want to attract negative attention. But mostly for her.
He didn't even know what they were talking about yet but judging the look on her face it wasn't something she was a hundred percent comfortable with. Pressing his fingernails into his palms once again, trying to cool down some of his heated up temper, he finally arrived the arguing pair and breathed deeply before starting to talk.
"Is there a problem?" His voice was steady and calm, a complete contrast to the whirlwind that was really currently raving inside him. He had positioned himself nearest feasible to the counter where she was standing behind, instinctively getting as close to her as possible to be able to guard her. He didn't know where this sudden rush of protectiveness in his veins came from but to him it felt nothing but right in that very moment. And it also didn't feel completely unfamiliar since he had already reacted similar around her before.
He glanced to his side, to her, for the fraction of a second to make sure she was okay. Seeing that she seemed to be alright to a certain degree, he let out a small breath in relief before focusing back on his actual opponent of the conversation.
They guy that had been talking to Donna for the past few minutes turned around to face Harvey. It was clearly recognizable that he was already quite drunk, among others his bloodshot eyes and the lurching appearance were strong indicators for that. "And who the hell are you?" The fuzzy voice was almost impossible to understand at first but after some seconds Harvey comprehended what his counterpart was saying.
"I'm..." he tried to start to explain, but then all of a sudden he had some second thoughts about how he should introduce himself to the stranger. It was hard for him to come up with a proper description of what they were because it was something a bit different from everything else he had ever had in his life. But he wasn't sure if she thought about that the same way, so he tried to think of something appropriate.
"I'm Harvey, one of Donna's roommates." He finally settled on this rather casual description, knowing that she would very likely kill him - at least with some of her looks - if he had made a more possessive or suggestive declaration. Though he was aware that there were probably quite a few expressions that would definitely suit their relationship better and would be more exact, but weren't exactly what roommates - and not even friends - should be described with.
Harvey decided to at least keep up some of his bearings and offered his opposite a stretched out hand, carrying a slightly plastic smile on his face. On the outside he tried to appear calm and polite, he didn't want to start a fight or something, but inside he was seething.
Although he still didn't know what this guy was doing here - and especially what he wanted from Donna - but Harvey had sort of a bad feeling about all of this. He couldn't explain what it was but something seemed off. And also it didn't look like this was just a random customer who was hitting on her but more like it was someone she already knew.
The to him still unknown man slowly lowered his look to the offered hand, only to lift his eyes to meet Harvey's again, completely ignoring the gesture. So Harvey pulled it back, and during his motion the other started off with the conversation. "Then get the fuck away, I have something important to talk about with Donna."
His jaw tightened and in an attempt to stay calm he unobtrusively let out a breath through his nostrils, trying to not show his reluctance towards this guy too much. "She doesn't really look like she wants to talk to you right now." Harvey frowned, narrowing his gaze. Realizing now that this guy knew Donna's name, so he definitely had to know her from somewhere else because the staff in the bar didn't wear name tags.
"Really? How do you think you know that?" His opponent had a derisive and arrogant attitude that took Harvey's whole self-control to not immediately let his fists speak what his mind was thinking.
"Well, we should probably ask her herself." Harvey constricted his eyes on the guy again and pressed his lips to a thin line, clenching his teeth in the process. He didn't trust him and he noticed that he instinctively disliked him more and more every second. And besides the fact that Donna hadn't seemed like she was really enjoying herself in the previous conversation with that dude, he just didn't want to let her alone with him again.
This time, Donna chimed in for the first time and glanced to her roommate next to her. "Harvey," she began, her voice steady but with a hint of a warning, "it's fine. Just -" She took a deep breath. "Just leave it. You don't have to worry about anything, I've got this."
He turned in her direction then, searching her eyes for any sign that what she just said was the complete opposite of what she meant. But he didn't find anything, quite the contrary, she had a silent plea for him to leave written all over her face - but that was probably only that easy to read for him because he knew her that well by now.
His ribcage tightened and something inside of him cracked a little. Slumping his shoulders a bit he felt a sting in his chest, almost forgetting to breathe for a moment.
'She doesn't want me here.'
This realization slowly dawned on him, and he swallowed and coughed slightly, trying to release the pressure on his constricted throat a little. Before he slowly turned on his heels and started to walk back to where he came from, he threw another short look at her, making sure she was still okay. That it was really what she wanted.
He was almost out of hearing when a sardonic laughter reached his ears and he heard the guy make another snide remark about him.
Harvey only thought about letting that slip a split second before he abruptly turned around and closed up to the guy again, now standing face-to-face with him and staring him into the eyes. "What did you just say to me?" His low voice was cold as ice and the threatening tone clearly audible in earshot.
"Harvey," Donna raised her voice a bit.
The guy grinned maliciously and looked between her and Harvey, not seeming to be impressed by his actions. "Now she also has to fight your battles for you or what?"
"Okay, watch yourself," Harvey took another step closer and grabbed his opposite at his jacket.
"Harvey!" This time her voice was also filled with a warning. She sensed that he was getting closer to lose his control and lash out at the other eventually. "Don't. Please. Just leave him. I can handle it."
He averted his intense and angry gaze from the person he held at the lapels of his jacket to her. His raged temper cooled down a little at the pure sight of her, and when he saw the look in her eyes he swallowed hard and decided to leave his counterpart alone.
What he saw was a mixture of disappointment and anger.
He loosened the grip around the fabric and took a step back before letting his hands fall back on his sides.
He didn't want to disappoint her or give her a reason to be angry at him.
Breathing heavily, he only now noticed that some of the other guest were already staring at them, their little fight being the only relatively interesting thing going on in the bar at the moment. He lifted his gaze and met Donna's once again. He could see that she was sort of pissed at him right know, and he was fully aware that she had every right for that. He still saw the hint of disappointment and sadness cloud her green eyes.
He knew that he shouldn't have done what he had just done and he knew that he had royally fucked up. Again.
He hung his head and stared at his toes for a moment before he raised it again. He sent her one last apologetic glance, hoping that she'd understand and accept it. Then he turned around and headed for the door. He left without even looking back once.
Donna knew that she was a little mad at him right now, she didn't like that he had erupted like that. But she saw the look on his face before he had turned and walked away, and she knew that he felt sorry. That he understood that the decision he had made wasn't the right one. He basically apologized to her in one of the most sincere ways she had ever experienced - with nothing more than a simple look. There weren't many people who would be able to do that.
She had to admit, the conversation had become a little uncomfortable, especially towards the end of it she started to feel more and more uneasy. So a part of her was relieved that Harvey had decided to leave.
She hadn't wanted to interfere too much in the exchange of the two men in front of her because she hadn't known how to act around them. How to behave with those two around her, knowing very well that none of them knew who the other was. Well, at least not the whole truth because the description "roommate" wasn't exactly the word she would use for Harvey. At least not the only one.
She hadn't planned for those two to meet tonight. Actually, she would have preferred if they had never met at all. But now it was too late for that anyway.
It would have probably made some things less awkward than they were right now, because she knew that now she would have to do some explaining later. To one of them at least.
All those facts, thoughts and things cumulating to quite some huge emotions again, she felt a twist in her stomach when he practically ran out and didn't even give her a proper goodbye. Not even a look over his shoulder. Something he usually always did.
—
Outside the bar, Harvey paced up and down, taking some deep breaths, frustrated because of his own outburst and trying to calm himself down. When he heard that the door of the bar was opened again, he at first didn't even bother to look who was coming out.
"What the hell was that, Harvey?!" The confused but also a little annoyed voice of his roommate made him halt his movements and turn around eventually. He clenched his teeth and inhaled deeply before answering.
"Nothing, it was just -" He was still trying to understand his own actions himself, so he tried to downplay the scenario and wanted to come up with a reasonable explanation for all of this but he didn't get the chance to.
"Nothing? Well, I'm sorry but that didn't look like nothing." Mike scoffed and emphasized the last word. "You looked like you were on the verge of beating the shit out of him!"
Harvey averted his gaze and dropped his look to his feet, his best friend's eyes boring into his own were too much for him to handle in that moment. "I..." he sighed and exhaled. He didn't want to tell Mike the truth because he didn't even want to admit it to himself. But he knew that his friend wouldn't give up so easily, so he had to try to tell him enough to satisfy his inquisitiveness. "Okay fine, I may have overreacted a little. It's just -" He took a deep breath and raked his fingers through his hair. "It's already been a long day and I've had a hell of a week, so all of that was probably just a bit too much." He was aware that it wasn't an explicit lie, but it also didn't include even half of the truth.
He felt his friend's scrutinizing look more than he actually saw it before Mike finally responded. "Okay, I'll accept that. For now."
Harvey exhaled in relief, glad that he seemed to have survived this conversation - better said interrogation - but apparently it was to soon celebrate because then he heard his friend speak up again.
"But you have to stop doing that. Don't you think that I noticed that this whole thing was about Donna?" Harvey swallowed and his eyes flickered nervously, focusing on anything but his friend right in front of him. "I have no idea what's going on between the two of you, and I'm pretty sure that I don't want to know that. But you have to sort out whatever's going on right now with you because you can't go on like this forever."
"I -" Harvey struggled for words before he admitted defeatedly, "I don't know if I can do that."
"Why not?" Mike frowned. He wasn't sure if he could follow his friend right now, his answer didn't make sense to him.
Harvey swallowed again. "Because I also don't know what exactly's going on. I just -" His hoarse voice broke for a moment. "I don't wanna lose her. She's become one of my best friends. And I also don't wanna make things in our apartment complicated."
Mike was a bit surprised that Harvey was so open about that, he usually was more cagey when it came to topics that involved emotions, but his face softened at this confession and he nodded reassuringly. "I get that. But still. Some day you'll have to face it and talk about it, whether you like it or not."
Harvey then sighed and averted his gaze again, fixating some point behind his friend. "Yeah, I know," he breathed. He was aware of the fact that everything Mike had just said was true. Even though he had never been person who was keen to face up on his emotions he knew that hiding forever from the "problem" wouldn't solve it or make it go away.
At some point he would have to deal with all of it. He had to at least make clear to himself what this all was. What he wanted. What he didn't want. He needed to figure that out before he could talk about it with someone else. With her.
The younger pressed his lips to a sympathetic smile. He could only imagine what was currently going on inside of his best friend's mind. His relationship with Rachel also had had a rough start, and things weren't always easy between them, but Harvey and Donna seemed to have invented a whole different level of difficult and complicated.
"I think I'm gonna go back inside now." Mike pointed with his finger to the door behind him. "Are you going to come with me?"
Harvey looked at him, thinking about it for a second, but then he shook his head. "No, I'll go home. I don't want to ruin your night more than I already did." He tried to bring back some humor to the conversation, and he was partially successful.
A smirk played around Mike's lips. "Okay, bye. See ya tomorrow!" Then he turned around and walked back inside the bar. Harvey remained on his spot for a few more moments before he eventually sighed and also turned around, but in the other direction. He sighed and put his hands in the pocket of his jacket, starting to walk home for the night.
—
The next evening Harvey was sitting in his room over some books when he heard a small knock on his door. He lifted his head and turned it in the direction the noise was coming from, expecting the person to come in right after the knock because usually all of his roommates just barged in. But the door didn't move, so he invited - whoever was on the other side - in. "It's open."
Then the door finally swung open and revealed the person standing behind. The corners of his mouth involuntarily moved up a little by the sight, but he was still cautious. He remembered the last time they saw each other and it hadn't exactly been a positive last meeting. He had almost lashed out on that guy, and though he knew that it had been wrong he understood that she had been pissed at him in that moment. And probably still was. He couldn't blame her for that.
Donna returned his small lip curling with a bashful smile herself. Still standing in the doorframe, holding on to the door, she looked down for a moment before she began to speak, with a slightly wavering voice. "Can we, uhm... talk?"
He shifted on his spot, a slightly uncomfortable feeling creeping up inside him. He didn't know for sure what she wanted to talk about, but he assumed it was about yesterday evening. He wasn't directly in the mood to have a conversation about it because he didn't want to have to explain his reaction. But he knew that they would have to do it at some point, so now seemed as good as any other time. "Uh, yeah sure." He got up from his desk chair and swallowed shortly. "Come in," he offered, a shy smile scurrying over his face.
She stepped inside, closing the door behind her, remaining on her spot for a second and crossing her arms in front of her body. She didn't where to start, so she tried to sort her thoughts and then she cleared her throat before she began to talk. "I, uhm, I think I should tell you something about yesterday." She swallowed, because on the one hand she didn't want to have to tell him, on the other hand she couldn't wait to get that off her chest.
Guilt crept up in his chest and his countenance changed immediately to an apologetic expression, he suspected that she wanted to knock him into shape for his almost outburst yesterday evening. And he was preparing for her scolding him because he knew that he deserved it, at least a little.
"I -" she started but she broke off because she realized that wasn't the right way to begin. She took a deep breath before she could continue again, feeling his steady gaze on her. "The guy in the bar..." Dropping her eyes to her fidgeting hands she felt heat rise up on her cheeks. She knew it shouldn't be that way, that she shouldn't feel that way - so insecure - around him when it came to topics like that. But it just felt so strange to tell him because she was always afraid of his reaction, what he would think about her. Because to her it mattered what he thought about her. A lot. More than she would ever admit.
"...he was the last roommate we had. The one I told you about." After the words had left her lips she swallowed again and waited with bated breath for his reaction.
His face fell for a split second before it turned worried. He absolutely hadn't expected her to disclose this, and all of a sudden he remembered that the two of them seemed to have fight. "Are you ok?" He asked with his low and soft voice, frowning sympathetically. He automatically put out his hand, wanting to reach for her arm to give her a little comfort. Something he always wanted to do when he saw that she wasn't completely fine. And right now she seemed far from being fine.
But then he realized what he was doing, and he swallowed hard before he stopped his movements in the air just to pull his hand back and let it fall down his side again eventually. Although he wanted nothing more than make her feel better, he knew that he shouldn't try to accomplish that by touching her. For his own and probably her sake. "You seemed to have a quite... heated discussion."
She had thought about almost every possible scenario, from him not saying anything at all to him downplaying everything and joking about it. But she never would have predicted this reaction. Him actually worrying about her and genuinely asking if she was okay. Especially with this tone of voice. The same he had used that night she told him about her ex, the night they had shared her bed...
Shaking all these thoughts off she forced a smile - a quite convincing one if one would ask her - before she replied. "Yeah, thanks." She shortly nodded. "I'm fine. It was -. It was nothing. Nothing you'd have to worry about. He was just really drunk, that's all."
Harvey scrutinized her for a few seconds, making sure that she really was fine. At least mostly, because he sensed that she wasn't telling the whole truth but he decided to not dig deeper into that. After all it wasn't exactly any of his business.
The only thing that mattered was that she was okay. And it seemed like she was, so his face grew a little softer and a small smile played on his lips, a wave of relief flooding through his whole body. "Okay. Good to hear."
This time she retorted with an honest smile and shortly looked into his soft brown eyes before she dropped her gaze again, trying to suppress the light flutter in the pit of her stomach. 'Why does he always have to cause that kind of reaction?' she thought to herself for a moment before she inwardly shook her head and focused back on their conversation.
"I just thought you should know. I figured that you deserved a little explanation." She gestured with her hands, not sure what she should do next, if she could leave this awkward and slightly tensed atmosphere already or if she should stay a little longer and wait if he had to say something more.
"Thanks," was the only thing he said, still in the same position and with the same expression as before, genuinely appreciating the fact that she was honest with him and trusted him enough to tell him.
They lapsed into a short silence, none of them knowing what to say before she broke the quiet again. "Okay, I think I should go now. I don't want to hold you back from your very likely more important stuff."
She sent him a last glare before she turned around and left his room, closing the door behind her.
He looked after her for a few seconds, then he let himself sink down on his chair again. Remembering the little chat he had had with Mike outside the bar right afterwards, he knew that the talking about the events last night with her wasn't done yet, he knew that at some point he would have to say something about it, too. Apologize to her. Make some things clear. At least something. But the recent conversation was a start. Admittedly, a small step but it was better than nothing.
He wasn't sure if he should feel relieved about her revelation or if he should be a little embarrassed. On the one hand he was glad that he finally knew who that guy was, that he was finally able to put a face to the previously unknown person.
On the other hand he knew that to the world it now seemed as if he had been jealous about her ex-boyfriend. And that wasn't something he wanted everyone to think because after all he had no reason and no right to be jealous. Because roommates didn't do that. Friends didn't do that.
Letting out a sigh and a deep breath he brought his focus back to the books in front of him. After all he had to study at some point, and even though he knew that some day he would have to deal with all of his thoughts he didn't want to do that right now. So he buried himself into work for the rest of the evening.
I'm a little unsure about this chapter, I went over it many times and changed quite a lot of things almost every time, but this was the outcome I'm the most satisfied with. So please let me know what you think, you'd make me really happy because it means the world to me to and I love to read all kind of feedback from you guys! :)
As for the next chapter: I can tell you that I try to update as soon as possible, but I have no idea when that will be because I'll start my summer internship soon and I don't know yet how much time I'll have.
And I don't really know what I should tease about it... does it count when I tell you that the title is 'Another Time'?