Chapter 10 - …Baby, They're Tumbling Down

Remember those walls I built
Well, baby, they're tumbling down
And they didn't even put up a fight
They didn't even make a sound

(Beyonce - Halo)

"Please excuse me, Chief. I'm just going to go check on the boys…" Naomi could feel herself slipping; she wasn't ready to fall apart. She couldn't, not with all these people here. But someone was wearing Andy's aftershave, she could smell it saturating the living room. Her hand shook as she quickly excused herself from the few people who tried to shower her with condolences and she gripped the bannister firmly, when her throat tightened. Suddenly, everything was closing in on her. Her necklace choked her, her watch kept her wrist in a vice grip, her dress was too tight, her jacket too heavy, the room too small. She needed to breathe. Stumbling up the last few stairs, she burst into her childhood room and kicked off the heels that were throwing her off balance. Gasping for air, she began removing her jewellery and pulled her hair out of the elegant bun that was pressing heavily against her head. Her arms were catching in her jacket and she tried to struggle out of it, catching a sob in her throat.

"Naomi…" She hadn't heard Kelly follow her upstairs; she didn't even know that he was here yet. Harrison had kept very close to her since they'd arrived at her parent's house, steering her towards family instead of anyone from Firehouse 51. The concern in Kelly's voice pushed her over the edge and the tears overflowed.

"Get it off," she was near hysterical as Kelly quickly slipped the jacket off her shoulders, "Get it all off!" She cried, reaching around for the zipper of the dress that seemed to be holding her last bit of composure in. Wordlessly, Severide slid the zipper down and tried to calm Naomi as she scrambled out of it, before catching her in his arms and sinking to the floor with her. He enveloped her with his body, his chest pressed against her back as her body shook with the sobs she'd been holding in for a week. She clung to his arm and let out the flood of emotions that she'd kept suppressed since he turned up on her door step and shattered her reality.

Kelly was glad that he'd locked the door behind him when he followed Naomi into her room. She was now sitting on the floor in her underwear, completely falling apart. He'd been impressed at her resolve throughout the last week; she'd not shown an inch of hurt or grief or anything. Even when she'd sat in the backseat of her car between her two sobbing nephews, she didn't betray a single emotion and Kelly had watched her carry the weight of the world on her shoulders. He'd smelt it too and looked around for the culprit wearing Andy's aftershave before watching Naomi disappear upstairs. She'd bought her brother a bottle of the stuff for his 18th birthday and he'd never tried another scent since, so he knew that this may be was tipped her over the edge. Kelly hated seeing his girl like this, because she was his girl and he'd protect her to the ends of the earth. He hated seeing her so broken and knowing that there was nothing in the world he could do to fix her aching heart.

xxx

A cloying floral fragrance hung in the air of the church, tainted with an air of grief.
Naomi watched as Matt clutched the edges of the lectern; his clenched fists holding him together. His eyes found his best friend's sister, the little girl he had watched grow up and Naomi tried to reassure him with a small smile. She feared that it came across as a grimace, as she had set her face hours ago to prevent herself from falling apart. Matt's voice cracked as he began speaking and Naomi found herself needing to shut her eyes. Harrison grabbed Naomi's free hand and enclosed it in his sweaty palms as Kelly leant forward from the pew behind and placed his hand on her shoulder. She reached for his touch, clutching to the lifeline he was providing and tried to ignore Harrison's exacerbated sighs as she slid her hand from his stifling grasp to hold onto Kelly's arm with all her remaining strength.

Naomi's mother reached over and squeezed her daughter's shoulder as her chin fell and her attention was suddenly consumed by her fidgeting hands in her lap. Her slumped posture left her necklace, a Tiffany key, swinging backwards and forwards. Andy had bought her the key for her 21st birthday, despite her protests at its expense. Closing her fist around it, she looked back up at Matt who was focusing on a point at the back of the church like she had suggested.
Naomi looked everywhere but ahead. She could not bear to see the mahogany casket that now housed her brother. Her eyes were drawn to the flower arrangements, which adorned the pillars up and down the church and seemed to cover every available surface with lilies, the scent that was currently churning her stomach.

"Just look at me if it gets too much," Harrison whispered to her as Matt finished his eulogy and Naomi prepared herself to take his place. She nodded, allowing him to kiss her cheek and extracting the piece of paper from her purse.
Matt waited for her to reach the lectern before hugging her lightly and returning to his seat. They were trying to be inconspicuous about their new hatred for one another, but Naomi noticed how Kelly and Matt were sitting as far away from each other as possible while still being within comforting reach of the Darden family, each blaming the other for Andy's death.
Naomi cleared her throat, picked a spot on the back wall and tried to speak the words on the page with something other than the dead voice that seemed to be inside her, "I wrote this speech but looking at it now, Andy probably would've hated it." She balled up the paper in her fist, "He probably would've hated the lilies too." She ignored the uncomfortable shifting in the pews below her and chucked, "When I was a baby, Andy used to play the most awful music on this Fisher Price cassette player and apparently, I would bob along to whatever music he'd chosen. I think I was probably trying to dance, but when you're six months old and can't walk – dancing is not really in the realm of possibility. He told that was where he came up with the name Nimbob, but I think he just used to call me that because it annoyed me. It still does, but I would give anything to hear him call me Nimbob just one more time. He always used to tell me that he was so proud of me and thinking back, I don't know if I ever told him the same. He was an incredible husband, father and son, the most caring friend to have, an amazing firefighter and the best big brother," she swallowed as her voice cracked. Matt, Kelly and Harrison all made moves to stand up but she shook her head to stop them, "He was an idiot, always cracking jokes and playing pranks. He's saved in my phone as 'Class Clown' and I know that the world is going to be a little less bright with him in it." She couldn't find any more words that wouldn't set her off, "Thank you all for being here today, it really means the world to my family and I that you're here to celebrate Andy's life with us."

Xxx

Naomi wasn't sure how long she'd been sobbing in Kelly's arms but eventually the sound of his breathing in her ear and his tight embrace calmed her down and she took a moment to collect herself. His calloused thumb had been running over her bare waist and it suddenly dawned on Naomi how this might have been perceived to anyone who walked in. Kelly felt her stiffen and allowed his lips to linger on her temple as he kissed her,
"The door is locked, take as long as you need."
She nodded, keeping her head rested against his, whispering, "I'm okay."
Silently, he helped her up and she quickly slipped back into her dress, leaving her blazer on the bed. She rummaged around in her drawers for any old make up and was relieved to find a pressed powder that was still in her colour. As she touched up her face, Kelly watched her closely to ensure that she was in fact 'okay' and when she swept her hair up in her hands he shook his head.
"Leave it down… you look beautiful."
She sighed, flipping some of her curls over her shoulders and catching his eye in the mirror, "Are you sure?"
He walked up behind her, ran his hands over her shoulders and down her arms, before kissing her cheek, "I'm always sure, Pixie."
Trapping his hand under her chin, she leant into him for a second longer, "I should really go check on Ben and Griffin,"
She remembered the excuse she'd given to Chief Boden before disappearing from the gathering downstairs and suddenly she had her game face on again. She looked up at Kelly, "Are you ready?"
He took her face in his hands and for a split second, she considered bridging the gap between them but his serious expression stopped her, "Naomi, everyone deals with grief in their own way, but no one should have to do it on their own." She didn't break his gaze and silently allowed one tear to slip through, which he quickly wiped away with his thumb, "I love you and I am here for you,"
"When did you get so wise?" she managed to crack a smile and escaped his hands to plant a quick kiss on his cheek.
"When you started back-chatting…" He tapped a finger to her nose and grinned as she wrinkled up her face, like she used to when she was a kid.

Naomi hoped that no one had noticed her absence but Harrison was waiting at the foot of the stairs, thunderous expression covering his face.
"What were you doing up there with him?"
She sighed, trying to keep herself collected, "Harrison, please. Not today."
"What were you doing up there with him?" Harrison repeated, grabbing her by the elbow and pulling her away from Kelly. She could smell scotch on his breath and she ripped her arm from his grip.
"Harrison, I just buried my brother… so please, for one day, can you get over yourself?"

"Your hair was up earlier…"
"Yes, it was… and now it's down."
"Why? Did it get all messed up during your romp with Severide?"
Naomi felt something inside her snap, she couldn't fight anymore. She didn't need this; not on this day. Not when the last shred of dignity and calm had been left on the spare bedroom floor with Kelly.
"Get out."
"Oh wow, you're not even denying it today?"
She didn't have the words anymore and looked around for help, "Matt?"
He jumped, taking in the scene of Naomi and her drunken fiancé and as much as he would've loved to see Harrison deck Severide, Naomi needed him more than he needed to be angry in that moment. He took Harrison's arm above the elbow and started guiding him towards the door, "Okay, buddy – I think it's time for you to go,"
"Get your hands off me; she's my fiancé. You don't get to tell me when to go." Harrison was fighting against Casey and Naomi cringed as his voice raised, starting to draw attention to the couple. She sank down into the stairs gripping on the bannister and hiding her face in shame. It was taking all of her self-control not to scream at her fiancé or to burst into tears again. Harrison was still refusing to leave and the ground refused to swallow her up.
"Today, I do." Matt had called over Vargas to help him and despite Harrison's protests, they frogmarched him out of the Darden house and deposited him in a taxi, with stern words.

Naomi stayed rooted on the stairs and waved away Kelly's hand when he placed it on her shoulder. She was mortified but more than anything she couldn't believe her fiancé. He'd been acting out all week, hovering and drinking. She couldn't understand how someone who was supposedly high society would think it appropriate to make himself the centre of attention on a day like today.

xxx

When Naomi arrived at Heather's house, her sister-in-law was inconsolable so she decided then and there to stay with her until the funeral. All she could do was make her tea and pass her Kleenex, but it was better than leaving her alone with the kids to wallow in her grief. Naomi sent a quick message to Harrison to let her know that she would be staying a few days and didn't understand why she felt pissed off when he turned up later that evening with two overnight bags.
"I'm so sorry, babe," He pulled her into his arms and hugged her tightly, and Naomi had to let him. She didn't want to be hugged; the squeezing of her hand at the hospital had almost been enough to set her off. He pulled back and held her face, stroking her hair and running his thumb along her jaw, "Are you okay? I'm here for you; whatever you need."
Before she could respond, he was unpacking bags in the Darden's spare room and settling in for the week. She was too tired to argue.

Naomi couldn't sleep; the air was hot and humid and Harrison seemed intent on smothering her with affection. She'd managed one night at Heather's with Harrison intertwining himself with her body, but the second night she couldn't handle it anymore. There was one place she knew she could always go when she couldn't sleep and if anyone knew how often she actually went there, the scandal would probably make headlines.

Although it was midsummer, the midnight air was still cold and Naomi's wardrobe choice of pyjamas, ballerina pumps and a denim left her shivering as she left her brother's house as quietly as she could. She loved making this drive at night because the streets were empty and the usual half hour journey took less than ten minutes.

Naomi slipped off her pumps as she stepped into Kelly and Leslie's apartment and shut the door carefully behind her. She avoided the floorboard in the hallway that creaked and double checked that every light was off before she padded across the room to the spiral staircase. She felt along the wall for the chest of drawers that sat between their bedrooms; she'd walked into that in the dark a few times. Just to be sure, she listened at the door before pressing down the handle slowly and almost jumped out of her skin,
"Shay's not here, Naomi."
"Okay," she pushed the door open as Kelly propped himself up, "No, don't turn the light on."
She slipped off her coat and Kelly pulled back the covers next to him. Crawling in beside him, she allowed him to draw the covers back over her before she settled into his side and he pulled her in so her head was resting on his chest.
"I'm fine," she murmured, as he pushed her hair out of her face.
"I know you are," Kelly could tell that she was getting sick of everyone asking if she was okay and continued to stroke her hair.
"Do me a favour," she whispered, half asleep.
"Anything."

"Promise me you'll keep your badge off the wall,"

That night Naomi slept better than she had done in years, the weight of the world lifted from her shoulders, the mammoth task of the next week seemed less daunting and even the excuses she'd have to make in the morning to Harrison about her absence in bed seemed unimportant as she slept in the arms that always kept her safe. She didn't feel so nauseous anymore.

A.N. I've been trying all week to get this chapter up early but I've been crazy busy and life has just gotten away from me. I really wasn't happy with that last chapter so I tried to make this a little longer and I'm also going to try and get the next few chapters up ahead of schedule so that we can get to the juicy story bits.

How does everyone feel about Naomi sleeping at Kelly's apartment? I'm trying to decide if its going to be a thing or if it's just a bit weird. This chapter also contains an adapted snippet of the book I wrote in university which I was really proud of so I'm glad that it fit nicely into Naomi's world.

I'm having serious issues with continuity in the Chicago timeline at the moment with regard to how old any of the characters are and the writers keep blowing holes in my theories!

Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed this, please leave me a review as it makes my day. I also welcome any constructive criticism! I'm a writer after all and I'm always looking to improve!

All my love,

C.I

xxx