He's in control but I'm still here.
Help.
-H
The bloodstained and slightly wrinkled paper had been shoved into her hand rudely what seemed like as soon as Ron had arrived at the Chateau. Hermione hadn't even made it to the stairs before hearing the Floo activate, the redhead calling for her and shoving the paper into her hand. Now she was standing just in front of the grand staircase, Malfoy had slipped through the door from the kitchen to listen behind her and Ron.
Hermione stared at the familiar scrawl on the stained paper for a full minute, thinking but also feeling a queer blankness in her mind before she looked into the eyes of her former boyfriend. His blue gaze was ready for her and conveyed a certain grim determination Hermione remembered from the last battle at Hogwarts. The blankness was what should be some form of an emotional attachment to the message. She felt nothing except terror at her lack of emotion.
"How-" Hermione began and before she could properly finish the question, Ron's face filled with animation.
"An owl, Hermione. An owl that I've never seen before and I would swear on my mother's life was a wild bird flew into my parents house and dropped the letter off."
Hermione blinked at that, a flicker of something like an emotion surfacing, "Did anyone test the blood?"
"It's human. Probably his, we don't have access to any of his to actually know. No trace of any poison or veritaserum or any kind of potion. Well, except one but it's prob-"
She grabbed his shoulder in and frantic grip, "What kind?" She demanded, with a thousand different emotions swelling in her chest, threatening to burst in a magical display she couldn't allow herself to perform.
"It… it's a kind of potion to… er… you know… get a wizard going." Ron answered, uncomfortable and frightened in equal measure.
Her heart stopped. "A lust potion?" She asked.
"Not exactly. It's for when… Oh bugger all, it's for when a wizard can't get it up, you know? To get," He lowered his voice absurdly, "to get an erection, Hermione."
Hermione's mind whirled into action, plotting out research and organizing it by topic and importance. She released Ron's arm and grabbed her small journal, beginning a fresh page of research topics as they pertained to this new information. Could this mean Harry still has some form of control? How strong was the sexual desire of Voldemort? Was it an attempt to make another child or merely an outgrowth of his insatiable lust for power? "What time did the owl reach your parents?"
"About breakfast time this morning."
"Was it in an envelope or just like this?"
With a growing confusion on his face, Ron answered, "Just like this."
"What was the name of the potion?"
"I only know it's called Tiger Sweat as like a joke or something."
She frowned, glancing up from her writing. "Tigers wet?"
"No, Tiger. Sweat."
She cocked her head to the side, gave him a puzzled look and then looked back to her writing.
"And did you find anything out about the wand?" She asked as she wrote down the name of the sexual aid.
He grunted in the affirmative and then produced a light colored wand from his jacket pocket. "Should work alright, but make sure you don't try really big magic with it."
The wand responded to her magic well enough when she touched it. A smile briefly lit up her pale face and Draco, from across the room, was again struck by how little remained of the girl he knew in her expressions. This small smile was a grim reminder of how much happiness had been stolen, not just from her, but from the rest of the country. He would need to make a pensive of this encounter, so it wouldn't surface at the wrong time, he reminded himself absently. None of the information being presented was news to him, though naturally Voldemort's secrecy spells had kept Draco from sharing the information.
Ron took the opportunity to pass along the information about the upcoming Order meeting the following morning, Sunday, where Hermione would be reintroduced to her former teachers, friends, classmates, and some people she didn't know yet. Hermione hid the anxious tension in her body well, she thought. She thought back to a short time where she'd picked up smoking cigarettes and wished for the artificial calm of the nicotine in her blood for just a moment before she shook her head.
Malfoy quietly exited the room and absently climbed stairs to the library, a desire to go to the library half formed in his mind. A moment later, he held the black rook from the still set up chess set in his hand as he turned the morning's activity over in his mind. The silent start to his day being interrupted by her scream and panic. The news the Healer had brought him of his father's declining health and his own potions being less effective as he had been on them for as long as he had.
He threw the rook into the ashes of the fireplace in frustration. He needed to pass along as much information as he could before the curse finally took his sanity. When he scrubbed his hand over his eyes Astoria's face passed before his mind's eye and he suddenly longed for their conversations as children. The carefree discussions of what it would be like to be one day married. He leaned forward and rested his weight on an outstretched hand balanced on the mantle, staring at the cold ashes in the hearth.
In another world, he would have a son to carry on his name and a calm love for his small family, a distinct pride that only a father can have. There was no hope of that now that she was gone. No other woman would ever measure up. His teeth found the plump flesh of his lower lip and the pain cleared his mind of the vicious longing for a moment. A single blessed moment when he could forget there had ever been another possibility for him... And then footsteps from behind him silenced the thoughts more fully. He licked his lip free from his teeth and turned, brows raised slightly in surprise. He schooled his features when he saw Hermione.
"Ron's gone back home. I thought you said you had business to tend to this morning?" She said quietly.
"I do, Granger. Just taking a moment to think. I'll leave you to your research." He nodded and began to walk past her toward the stairs and the duties he needed to tend to. "Good morning," He said as he passed her.
She turned to watch him go, confused why the man had been there of all the places available to him within the Chateau. She turned back to where he had been standing and saw the chessboard without really looking at it, thinking about everything that had happened already this morning. Trying to not think about what would happen tomorrow morning. Exhausted despite it barely being ten in the morning, she settled down into a chair and pulled out the wand Ron had gotten for her, staring at it in her hand for a moment before summoning the book on extremely dark magic she had next on her list of research titles and burying her thoughts behind the information in the book.
When lunchtime came around, Draco languidly got up from his writing desk and stretched. He had been working on his household arrangements, ordering new potion ingredients by owl, reading his correspondence with various work associates, and all the boring adult activities he had to manage himself. After all the stress of the morning, it had been a welcome respite.
He descended the stairs after having checked on his father on the way from his room and at the second floor landing, paused. He thought he had heard a sniffle. Frowning, he stepped into the library quietly. He heard it again, down toward the dark magic section of the library. He hesitated. This interest in Granger was already too much and he needed to not care about her for his own safety. But he was having trouble not caring. He remembered his own struggles with coping with an unyielding and unbearable project and felt a stab of sympathy for Granger. Which he couldn't afford to have. Maybe she's just crying from the situation and seeing her now would only embarrass her he thought to himself as he stood frozen in indecision.
He should leave. Send Floppy in to gather the girl for lunch. No action was better than action for the girl's sake. Not this girl. He couldn't afford kindness for her when he needed to not think of her at all.
He should go forward and prove to himself he wasn't a heartless bastard. Do one kind thing in this whole mess of a life he had. Help her realize she wasn't alone in all this and make sure she eats. Make sure she's healthy so this problem overshadowing the country could be resolved.
He took a step forward.
Hesitated.
Took another step.
Turned around and closed his eyes.
Sighed in frustration.
Walked to the stairs, intending to call for Floppy.
Turned around again at the sound of another sniffle.
He shook his head and growled to himself, grabbing the bannister and forcing himself down the steps. "Floppy," he called at the bottom stair.
"Yes Master?" She said as she popped into existence next to him with a smile.
Draco sighed and knelt to speak to her. "Floppy, I think I heard Miss Granger crying in the library. Please could you see that she's alright and offer her lunch in the library if she is not well?"
Floppy looked at him for a moment and reached a dry hand towards him, gently cupping his face. Draco's expression softened. "Is Master feeling well?" She asked him, taking her hand back.
"The potions aren't working as well as they should be. Do I have a fever?"
"A small one, Master. Should you be resting?"
Draco stood. "I'll be fine. This mess needs to end before I go mad."
Floppy let out a squeaky laugh. "Master will be fine. Floppy believes in Miss Granger. Floppy thinks she's close to the answer already."
Draco smiled, "I hope so. I'll be in the dining room for lunch when you're done."
Hermione wiped away the tears and took a deep breath. The nearby clock had just chimed noon and she needed to compose herself before lunch. It wouldn't do to have Malfoy know she had been crying. She took another slow breath and counted to five while she did so. Let it out just as slowly. She wiped her eyes again as she did this.
Floppy popped in next to her just after she took another breath. The little elf looked closely at Hermione before saying "Are you alright Miss?"
Hermione gave a weak smile, reminding herself that Floppy would tell Malfoy anything she said, "Yes, I'm fine. Just a little overwhelmed. Is lunch ready? I'm very much ready to put the morning behind me."
Floppy hesitated. "It is, and Master has already gone downstairs. Would you like to join him? Floppy could bring your food here and-"
"Oh no, I'm fine. I'll head down now, I wouldn't want him to wait." She tried for a stronger smile, but Floppy didn't seem to quite believe it.
"Of course, Miss. Floppy will tell Master that you is coming down," and with a nod, snapped back out of sight.
Hermione stood and pointed the borrowed wand at her face, ready to cast a quick concealment charm on her eyes so Malfoy wouldn't know they were puffy. Hopefully Floppy hadn't noticed, but that was probably the reason for her asking if Hermione was alright in the first place, Hermione realized. She hesitated and decided to forgo the charm. Malfoy already knew the day had been taxing for her and she honestly didn't care if he knew she had been crying. It would only be natural to have been crying after the morning she had, and maybe if he asked she could say it was from the panic attack and simply leave it at that. It wasn't as though he cared about her, he would likely only ask out of politeness and that was advantageous to her not having to tell him anything. She sighed.
Lunch wound up being a quiet affair, and Draco did not ask about Hermione's eyes. She assumed he didn't notice. He did notice, but concealed a frown to spare her the awkwardness. They barely spoke during the meal, aside from complimenting the soup, in what was becoming a pattern for their sharing a meal. Awkward small talk that neither enjoyed nor looked forward to. Both, however, were also not used to sharing a meal with another person, much less someone who they had major conflict before in their past.
Draco announced at the end of the meal he intended to retire to the library until teatime and Hermione decided to take a small nap in her rooms. She was still very leery of spending time with him beyond using him as a source of information and he seemed to be of the same mind. Floppy looked on from the kitchen, sadly. Thinking how similar they were and how beneficial it would be for both of them to spend some time with the other to realize that for themselves. She knew, however, it was not her place to think such thoughts and went about her chores for the day with guilt heavy in her heart.
A/N: I'm sorry. I've been working on this so slowly, and this chapter is shorter than the others. A lot of life got in the way and a lot of depression did too. I'm trying very hard to finish this story. Currently I'm projecting it to be 20 chapters or so. Not all of it will be as heavy as the first half. Thank you for sticking around and for reading.