Chapter 7 = = Panic and Death in Ostagar = = Wintermarch – Drakonis 9:30
On the road to Ostagar, the Senior Enchanters Wynne, Torrin, Uldred, and Emmalynn traveled as a group led by Knight-Captain Hadley. Ser Allyn, Ser Bran, and Ser Drass primarily stayed with the enchanters including Enchanter Alondra, a creation mage who had been one of Emmalynn's apprentices. Alondra's mentee Cera, a newly harrowed mage, stayed near her mentor at all times.
"You just became a Senior Enchanter. It has only been three months since you were presented to the Divine, and now we go into a battle to defeat a Blight." Wynne shook her head.
"Well, this is what senior enchanters can be called to do. I know of no more important service for which I can use my magic than the defense of those who are going into battle. I'm not a battle mage like Uldred and Torrin, but I can heal and protect those who fight." Sighing, she continued, "I just wish Anders could come with us, but Greagoir wouldn't let him out."
"You and Anders were my most gifted students, but Anders…well…." Wynne shook her head.
"I've been your student since I arrived at the Circle and I will always be your student because you will always have things you want me to learn." Smiled affectionately at her sometimes mother-hen-like mentor.
"Not in healing and creation magic, child. You can do things I will never be able to do."
"A wise woman once told me 'Being a mage is more than spells and study. It is also about wisdom and how to learn from experience, and never believe that you have nothing left to learn.'"
"It is a lesson you took to heart."
"You didn't give me much choice." Emmalynn chuckled. "Speaking of lessons, I'm glad Rana has become a mentor. He told me it's giving him a renewed sense of purpose."
"You and Surana have been as close as siblings since you came to the Tower. I worried that your friendship would not survive your rapid advancement."
"It helped that one of the first jobs after my harrowing was helping heal the inevitable accidents in the primal magic classes, so I still got to see Rana. Now that he's mentoring, it gives us an excuse to swap notes, so to speak."
"I have to say the "Ask me anything" idea is a very effective mentoring technique. It's something we should have thought of earlier. We know that fear and doubt are the true dangers for Apprentices, and the fear and doubt are usually due to a lack of information and just plain reassurance."
"Sometimes it helps to have fresh eyes on a problem."
"Indeed." Wynne paused then continued, "I wish you would join the Aequitarians. You are more devout than many but you also take a more reformed view on the Chantry. I have to say some of us were concerned you would actually identify as a loyalist."
"I'm not comfortable being a member of any of the fraternities, but I absolutely would never be a loyalist – that would be like denying I'm a mage. Being an isolationist is antithetical to being a healer. In any case, I attend chantry services far more than any other non-templar, but it renews me. It fills me with, well, hope."
"And that is why Hope found you."
Torrin scoffed. "Hope! The Maker punished all of us for the actions of seven stupid magisters. The result of that punishment has returned after 400 years. We all know the number of Ferelden wardens are still low. What is there to be hopeful about, save for a quick death, and not contracting Blight sickness?"
"See that's the thing, Torrin. Hope is not necessarily about something in the immediate future, nor is it something that one may have actively hoped for."
"I'm not convinced. But you've always been a bit of idealist."
~oOOo~
"There is the tower of Ishal! I've read about ancient Tevinter fortresses, but I never thought I'd see one!"
Wynne chuckled. "You're gushing, Emmalynn."
"Ah, an admirer of Tevinter." Uldred purred as he walked behind her.
The man nauseates me. Emmalynn quoted from the Chant, loudly enough so Uldred would hear her.
"Surrounded by glory the Seven stood,
In the hall of apotheosis, heedless
Of what festered in the shadows they cast there,
Of what stained and corroded footprints they left.
And so is the Golden City blackened
With each step you take in my Hall.
Marvel at perfection, for it is fleeting.
You have brought Sin to Heaven
And doom upon all the world."
Uldred red-faced stomped ahead of the group.
Ser Allyn chuckled. "I don't believe a Chanter could have done better."
"And you keep saying you're too shy." Wynne patted her on the shoulder.
"Wynne, I cannot be shy when dealing with the likes of him. I am shy around people in social situations, and particularly with people who I don't know, people who are my age, people who are older, or people who are in positions of authority. Pretty much everyone who is my age or older."
"Given the racket coming from Ostagar, it sounds like you'll have plenty of practice being around people you don't know," Torrin remarked.
She gulped. Torrin is right!
It wasn't long until they reached the massive complex of Ostagar, where three soldiers stood guard.
"Good! They look bored." Emmalynn observed.
Enchanter Jasper looked puzzled. "Why is that good?"
"It's good because if there were any battles currently raging they might look tense or worried, but not bored."
Enchanter Jasper's expression brightened. "May they stay bored."
Knight-Captain Hadley motioned for the group to stop as he went to address the guards.
One nodded. "Welcome to Ostagar. Are you the mages and templars from Kinloch or Jainen?
"Kinloch. I am Knight-Captain Hadley."
"Knight-Captain, I am Guardsman Avery. These here are guardsman Lloyd and Turner." Avery pointed to his right and left as he introduced them.
"Well met."
"You as well. Your assigned area is just across the bridge and to the right."
"Thank you, Guardsman Avery."
Wynne shouted to be heard "Well, we seemed to have found the source of the noise!" She pointed to the field below the bridge. Rising from the field was a cacophony of clacking metal, shouting soldiers, and groaning injured, and it all reverberated against the walls of the ancient fortress.
Emmalynn looked across the bridge and saw a sea of tents and people. She paled as the sights combined with the sounds to create terrifying swirling chaos. Andraste, give me strength!
"Emmalynn don't just stand there gawking, keep moving." Wynne gently pushed her shoulder.
Startled, she turned away from the frightening chaos. "What…oh…right...yes…sorry." I didn't even realize I'd stopped.
After crossing the bridge Emmalynn looked around. It's like a city, but instead of buildings, there are tents of every shape, size, and color. "Wynne …where are our tents?"
"What? ...Oh, ours are the ones with blue flags," Wynne answered distractedly.
Emmalynn wandered in that general direction. They all look the same; which tent is for sleeping?
"Emmalynn, I found our tent." Enchanter Alondra came up beside her and pointed out the large tent to their right.
"Thank you!"
She and Alondra entered the tent where there were eight cots, each with a chest at its foot.
"Choose any cot that isn't already taken."
Relieved to have found the tent Emmalynn smiled. "Thank you, Alondra."
"I'm off to find the potions tent. See you at dinner, Emmalynn."
Emmalynn nodded. "See you then." Alondra has always been so adventurous! Claiming a cot at the wall farthest from the entrance, she placed her knapsack down, then changed into her regular robes. Maker's sake! Noises are coming from every direction. Maybe I can nick some candle wax and make earplugs.
Suddenly, from nearby the tent was a crash of breaking glass, followed by a blaze of swearing, both sounds rising above the already imposing din of the encampment. Startled by the noise, Emmalynn began to panic. Oh no. I can't go out there. But I have to...no... no...I can't...too many people...no way...no...no...
Emmalynn curled up on her cot, covering her ears with her hands. At the same time, the area above her upper lip was sweating and her heart rate soared. After a few moments, tears welled up in her eyes. All I want to do is run away from here and go back to Kinloch...but I can't. I have a duty. After taking some deep breaths, Hope helped her calm a bit and Emmalynn was able to whisper.
"I have heard the sound
A song in the stillness
The echo of your voice,
Calling creation to wake from its slumber.
"Maker, though the darkness comes upon me,
I shall embrace the Light. I shall weather the storm.
I shall endure
What you have created…."
She repeated the verses over and over and became calmer and calmer, eventually she closed her eyes.
When she next opened them the tent was dark. Emmalynn sat up and a blanket fell from her shoulders. I must have fallen asleep and someone put this blanket over me. I wonder what time it is?
"Emmalynn, it's the middle of the night. Go back to sleep," Wynne whispered.
Peering into the dark, she saw Wynne's gray hair reflecting what little light shone through the tent. Ah! She is on the cot next to mine. "Thank you for the blanket," she whispered.
"You're welcome…now sleep."
"I will." Despite missing supper, I'm more sleepy than hungry.
The sound of a large bell startled Emmalynn awake. It was morning and the din of the encampment quickly assaulted her ears and her heart rate sped up in response.
"Good morning. How did you sleep?"
Emmalynn tried to keep the terror from her voice. "Ah…uh…okay, Wynne. And you?"
"Just fine. Up you get, we have a busy day."
Why can't I move? I feel like I am frozen in place…I can't move...can't think…voices…sounds everywhere… "Uh…Wynne…I ...can't…I can't …I can't do it… there are too many people!"
Wynne frowned and admonished, "You have no choice. You will come with me as we assist the King and his army during their morning drills. You cannot get used to crowds if you hide from them!"
Healing…I need to heal…I am a healer…I have a duty. Emmalynn took a deep breath and let it out. Hope helped steady her. "Of course, Wynne. I'm…sorry for the outburst."
"I know it is hard to take it all in after living in the Circle." Wynne tone softened. "It will get better, I promise."
~oOOo~
Ostagar Day 1
Wynne suggested I write about my fears and maybe I can figure out how to cope.
Today, I was healing soldiers. Once I was there, in the thick of things, talking with the soldiers, commanders, other mages, and templars, I was calm, collected, focused. Once we left to go back our encampment, my heart beat faster and all I wanted to do was run back to our tent and hide under the covers.
It feels like walls closing in on me, but instead of walls, it's people.
Why does the presence of so many people only terrify me when I am not working?
Ostagar Day 2
Today, I had to heal General MacTir once and King Cailan twice. Both told me that they were very impressed with my skills. I, of course, couldn't bring myself to make eye contact with either the renowned general or the king. I blushed, curtsied and stammered a thank you.
That reaction I'm familiar with – that's me being shy and embarrassed.
However, on the way back…just like yesterday, I couldn't get back the tent fast enough. Once I got there I spent several candle marks getting my pulse to slow down enough to be able to have supper with the other mages. At super I was generally quiet; that's me being shy.
After dinner, Wynne told us that not all the armies are here yet and the King doesn't expect them for another few weeks! I need to figure out how to deal with this panic, I can't go through this for the next month.
Ostagar Day 5
I have been too tired to write. However, if I were to have written, these would be the entries:
Ostagar Day 3
Same as Day 2
Ostagar Day 4
Same as Day 3
And here is the pattern: I wake up and have a light meal. I follow Wynne out of the encampment as my heart starts to pummel my ribs, and my stomach tries to eject my breakfast. Once we get to the field and the soldiers are drilling or fighting, I spend the day calmly working and am able to eat lunch, talk with the other mages, make potions. However, when the mages are no longer needed the bile rises in my throat, and my heart resumes its hammering. I follow Wynne back to the encampment, where I spend time in the tent collecting myself. I have supper and go back to the tent to go to sleep.
Ostagar, Day 6
Today Wynne claimed that she was needed at the encampment and would follow later. I think she forced me to go this alone and rely on my wits to get through it. I found a shortcut on our map that would get me to the soldiers faster and avoid large groups of people.
The short-cut took me past the Grey Warden encampment, which was empty. I don't recall having to heal any Wardens. I wonder if they have their own healers?
I came back the same way; the Warden Encampment had more people but still not full. So, the panic factor going and coming was greatly reduced.
Finding this short-cut leads me to believe that Wynne intentionally uses the more circuitous route. She is taking me through the most populated and noisy areas, all in an effort to force me to get used to the crowds.
Clearly, if I can do this while working it must be a focus-related problem.
Ostagar Day 7
Thinking about the need to focus, I decided to recite the Chant on the way to the field and it worked!
However, about halfway back to camp, Wynne told me to stop because she was worried that people would be uncomfortable hearing a mage recite the Chant of Light. I would think the opposite would be true, but Wynne has more experience outside of the Circle and seemed pretty definite about it. So, I continued to do it, but silently, not quite as effective as saying it aloud, but it still worked.
I feel stupid not thinking about using the Chant to help focus since I regularly recite portions of the Chant whether I'm down or I'm happy or worried…or trying to irritate Uldred.
I guess if I'm being completely honest with myself, I've never had the chance to experience my faith outside of the Circle. My faith gives me comfort, especially as I interpret Transfigurations:
Magic is a gift of the Maker. If you're a mage, you become a meleficar if you use the gift to hurt someone or to control someone. Mage's have a Maker-given gift that they are to use wisely.
The comfort I get from my faith while in the Circle should work outside of the Circle. Granted, the whole experience at Ostagar is and continues to be, surreal, but this fear of crowds really took me by surprise. Yes, I'm shy, I get tongue-tied, but I've never panicked and tried to hide.
So tomorrow I will ~silently~ recite the Chant
We shall see.
Ostagar Day 8
Started with Threnodies 5 – all is well.
Ostagar Day 16
There were Grey Wardens among those at the sparring grounds today. They have their own healers, also Grey Wardens.
I am able to go to and from work without the overwhelming panic. Wynne owes it to her getting me used to the crowds, but really, I think it's because I'm focusing on reciting the Chant.
Ostagar Day 18
Wynne will not let me return to the encampment by myself, because she 'didn't at all like how some of the regular soldiers looked at me.' Now I have Ser Allyn accompany me when Wynne doesn't. This is great because Ser Allyn is the nicest and most polite templar at Kinloch. Perhaps he's so kind because he became a templar after becoming a father?
Ser Allyn doesn't have a problem with me reciting chant out loud and recites it with me!
Ostagar Day 20
The soldiers called it a skirmish, but it felt more like a battle. Hard fought, but at least we were able to beat back the darkspawn, with only a few bad injuries, including the King because he is insistent about his fighting on the front line.
Ostagar Day 23
Today's "skirmish" was deadly. There were two soldiers I couldn't even get to, much less heal. Their squad leader told me that they were 'dead before they hit the ground.' That may even be true, but I couldn't even get close enough to shield them because I had to shield the King. Why doesn't he listen to Teyrn Loghain and stay off the front line? Perhaps if he had, I could have saved those two soldiers. What about when the real battle comes? How many soldiers will we lose because I have to focus on protecting our King – who refuses to stay back and direct the battle!
~oOOo~
"We've been summoned to a war council by General Loghain." Wynne handed her to the note, then put her staff on her back.
Emmalynn looked at the missive and handed it back to Wynne. "I figured battle plans were being drawn, but why do they need us at this meeting?"
"It seems that you and I are the only spirit healers."
"None of the Jainen healers are?"
"None. They have eight healers but none are spirit healers."
"Hmm. Well, they would probably be good for healing the small things and then stabilizing someone who needed more in-depth healing."
"That is my thought as well." Wynne looked at Emmalynn's staff. "It always amazes me that you can work with a staff that is almost half the size of a normal one."
"I only really need it for certain glyphs, and if I need the uh…retractable blade."
"By blade you mean dagger."
"I'm just glad that Greagoir allows it."
"He only allows it because it's you."
"What does that mean?"
Wynne looked at the map. "The war council is right around this corner."
Okay, she is ignoring my question…Sigh. Stopping at the entrance, she turned to her elderly companion. "Ah, Wynne, did you know the King would be here, too?"
"No, but that shouldn't matter."
The King waved. "Join us! Please meet Warden-Commander Duncan, Royal Army Captain Varel, Ser Cauthrien of Gwaren, Arl Kendells, Arl Bryland, Arl Wulf, and you already know Teyrn Loghain.
"I am Senior Enchanter Wynne." Wynne bowed
Emmalynn curtsied. "I'm Senior Enchanter Amell. How best can we assist during the coming battle?"
Arl Kendells' brow furrowed as he looked at Emmalynn. "Senior Enchanter Amell. How old are you, girl?"
"20 summers, my Lord Arl."
"Then how is it that you are a senior enchanter?"
"If I may?" Wynne volunteered.
The Arl was blunt. "No, I would like to hear it from the girl."
Calmly, Emmalynn explained, "My Lord, I came to the circle when I was nine, after healing a bird's wing. I was 13 when I went through my Harrowing where I was found by a spirit of Hope. I am the youngest spirit healer in the recent history of the Kinloch Circle and I only recently became a senior enchanter.
"If my Lord Arl doubts my abilities, perhaps His Majesty or His Grace, Teyrn Loghain, can offer their own opinions as I have healed them both over the course of the past several weeks." This is one of the reasons I use my last name in formal settings…I cannot imagine what this Arl would have done if I introduced myself as Senior Enchanter Emmalynn.
Loghain smirked. "Urien, what the lass politely told you is that she is a senior enchanter because she's that good. So, let's just move on."
The Arl grunted.
After the meeting, Wynne shook her head. "Emmalynn, I don't see how you can politely dress down a rude Arl and be articulate, poised, and witty in front of the King and a Teyrn but be so shy in social situations."
"Wynne, like I keep saying: I am never shy when it regards being a healer because it would impinge my abilities to help and to heal."
"I have to say, I was surprised that they want you just behind the front lines and not back in the healing tents."
Emmalynn shrugged. "I think they want me somewhere near the king, without being right in the battle with him."
"I'm still worried."
As they passed by the Grey Warden Encampment they heard. "M! Wynne!"
Emmalynn turned first, not really believing her ears. "Rana?"
Wynne saw the Enchanter. "Surana what are you doing here, and in the Grey Warden Encampment?"
"Rana, did something happen at the Circle? Is everyone alright?"
"Something did happen at the Circle, but everyone is fine, and I am going to be a Grey Warden. Please, come to our camp and have a seat. I'll fetch us some tea."
After taking a sip of the warm tea Wynne looked at Surana. "A Grey Warden? I don't understand. Why? What happened at the Circle?"
Her brow furrowed with worry, Emmalynn gently placed her hand on his. He's sad, angry, joyful, and scared at the same time. What could have happened?
"Jowan had been acting strange, well stranger than normal. M, remember when I said that I think Jowan was with someone…?"
With someone else, he means…but Wynne doesn't know about that. "Was he seeing someone?"
"Yes, he was with a Chantry Initiate named Lily."
"Sister Lily? Somehow, I'm not surprised," Wynne mused.
Surana arched an eyebrow. "What do you mean?"
"She didn't seem as devout, not like I've seen with other initiates."
"I agree with Wynne. I think she presented a false naivete."
Wynne nodded in agreement. "Go on, Surana."
"Jowan wanted to escape from being made Tranquil and he wanted Lily to go with him. Lily was willing to give up everything to be with him. She knew where the phylacteries were and how to get there."
Wynne scowled "Maker no! How foolish of them."
"Rana, how did you find out about this?"
"Jowan wanted me to help."
"Help?" Wynne and Emmalynn said at the same time.
He held up his hand to forestall more questions. "I went to Irving and we hatched a plan. Greagoir is always ready and willing to punish mages, but with templars and initiates he is less inclined to see them in the wrong."
"I have told Greagoir this repeatedly." Wynne shook her head.
"I take it you and Irving wanted him to catch Lily red-handed."
"Exactly, M! Irving, Greagoir, and three templars were waiting for us when we left the basement repositories after Jowan destroyed his phylactery. I knew that Lily wasn't getting off the hook when Greagoir said "the initiate has betrayed us. The chantry will not let this go unpunished.' Which, I completely admit was somewhat satisfying to hear.
"When Irving told the Greagoir that I was there on his orders, Jowan had the temerity to look betrayed and told me not to dare speak to him. I shouted, 'how dare you lie to me!' That is when Greagoir sentenced Jowan to death, and Lily be sent to Aeonar."
Wynne looked surprised. "Sending a Chantry initiate to the mage prison. That is rather severe,"
"How did Jowan react to Lily sentence?"
"Badly. He screamed that he wouldn't let anyone touch Lily, then he pulled a dagger from his robes stabbed his hand, and cast a spell that knocked out Irving, Greagoir and the other templars."
"That is a remarkably powerful spell. I have to wonder where learned it?" Wynne shook her head.
"I don't know, but it had to be someone in the Circle because last time I checked there were no books in the Circle library on how to do blood magic. Anyway, Lily was horrified to find Jowan really was a blood mage.
"I take it Jowan had lied to Lily as well, Rana?"
Surana nodded. "Jowan then admitted to 'dabbling' because he thought it would make him a better mage. Then he begged Lily to stay with him."
"Jowan didn't learn that spell from dabbling, Rana."
"Don't I know it. Anyway, Lily washed her hands of him. Given that everyone except me and Lily was unconscious, Jowan took the opportunity to run away. I would have given chase, but I was concerned about the people Jowan had knocked out. When everyone came to, Greagoir had Lily taken away. That is when the Knight Commander turned on me."
"He turned on you, Surana. What did he say?"
"Apparently Greagoir thought I'd made a mockery of the Circle, even though Irving reminded him that I was there at Irving's request–that wasn't enough.
"Given Jowan's escape, I think that Greagoir was using you to get back at Irving for forcing his hand with Lily," Wynne suggested.
"I hadn't thought of that. In any case, this is where Warden-Commander Duncan entered the conversation, he had arrived about two weeks after you'd left. Anyway, he told Greagoir that he was recruiting. Irving had spoken highly me and that he wanted me to join the Wardens.
"Irving encouraged him to recruit you," Wynne stated flatly.
"It would seem. But Greagoir was dead set against it. He said he didn't trust me."
"He didn't trust you, Rana? Why the heck not?"
"He questioned my…friendship with Jowan and then said he would not release "this mage."
"He referred to you as 'mage'? That doesn't sound like Greagoir."
"Well, Wynne, he said exactly that. I got really angry and yelled that I was not some nameless Mage, and if the Grey Wardens will have me, I will happily go. I would rather be somewhere I can use my gift to serve man, not waste it in the Circle.
"Then he said that I was not worthy of joining the Grey Warden ranks. Duncan disagreed and essentially had to conscript me, which is really a technicality because I would have happily joined the Grey Wardens rather than stay in that Circle."
"Then you're happy to be a Grey Warden?" Wynne asked.
"At the moment I'm a Grey Warden recruit. My Joining is tomorrow. But yes, I am happy. I never thought about it before, but after meeting Duncan and talking with him, I found that I could have a purpose beyond just teaching primal magic and mentoring other mages."
Wynne stood up. "Surana, I will miss you, and you will be sorely missed at the Circle. I wish you all the luck in the world. The Grey Wardens are dedicated and they should consider themselves lucky to have you. Now, I'm going to go back to our encampment and leave you two to talk privately. Surana, could you walk Emmalynn back to our encampment?"
Surana stood up. "I will. Take care, Wynne."
"You too, child." They hugged.
Surana sat down and looked across at his best friend.
Emmalynn's throat constricted as she gasped. "I'll miss you, Rana."
"I know, M. I'll miss you too, but I had to do this."
She nodded. "I know. I can't imagine you staying in the Circle after all that. Jowan cheated on you with Lily? Had he completely lost his mind?"
"I don't know, but when he introduced me to Lily, it was like a double punch in the gut. I mean relationships in the Circle are unconventional and given I was a mage and he was still an apprentice it was difficult, but to be with me for a year and then turn around and be with a woman, and a chantry initiate at that? Would you believe it was Jowan who begged me to help them be together?"
"Whose idea was it to go to the repository?"
"Lily's. She seemed to be the mastermind behind the 'plan,' as flawed as it was."
"Jowan is a fool. He may have stolen his phylactery but as Anders explained to me there is more to escaping than not being tracked. He is going to be found, one way or another."
"I hope they catch him, because if I see him…"
"I know Rana. I'm guessing you didn't tell the Warden Commander your first name?
"You guessed correctly! Everyone will know me as Surana or Warden Surana.
"You will be a terrific Warden…Hey, now you don't need permission to create the Storm of the Century!" I am happy for him and I have to focus on his happiness. I have to. It would be selfish of me to focus on my feelings about losing him.
"Oh yes! I have already spoken to another Grey Warden mage and we can prepare a fitting welcome for the Darkspawn. You know I could talk to you all night, but it's late and I promised Wynne to see you safely back to camp. By the way, what is going on with that?"
"Wynne said she didn't like how some of the soldiers were looking at me."
"Those had better not be Wardens."
"No… no… regular soldiers, not from the Wardens or Royal Army."
Rana stood up. "Well, let's get you where you need to be."
Just outside of the encampment. Emmalynn stopped them. "Rana, I will miss you, so much. But your happiness is important to me. I think the life you make with the Grey Wardens will bring you far more happiness than would ever be possible in the Circle. Just please take care of yourself."
He hugged her tightly. "I will, M. Damn, it is too hard to say goodbye to you."
Emmalynn pulled back. "You don't have to, Rana. I will do it for both of us. Goodbye, my dearest friend. While I don't know that we will ever see each other again, I know that we each will always have a place in our hearts for the other."
Surana's swallowed and blinked back tears as he rasped, "Yes, a part of my heart will always be yours…Emmalynn Amell."
Smiling through her tears, Emmalynn took off her necklace and placed it into his hand, then curled his fingers around it. Turning around, she walked into the encampment. She looked over her shoulder briefly to smile at him before she disappeared among the tents.
Surana opened his hand, knowing he held her chantry amulet. I have never seen her without this. M… I will always treasure our friendship. Placing the amulet around his neck, he turned back to the Warden encampment ready to open this next chapter of his life, with a heavier heart, but determined to succeed.
~oOOo~
8 Drakonis
Back at the Circle, and I feel like we went through the void to get here.
Two days after saying goodbye to Rana, I saw what seemed like the end of the world.
Loghain retreated, some are saying he wanted Calian to die. But that wasn't it. I was there. If he hadn't retreated, all of the armies would have been slaughtered. There were at least three darkspawn for every soldier. The field was carpeted with them when the beacon was lit.
The King decided to fight on the front lines and refused to have me there to shield him. He said he wanted me to stay back and shield the others. He said it would be selfish of him to waste my magic on him when his men would be in need. I argued with him, vehemently. But to no avail.
I saw the Ogre lift the King, and I tried to get to him, but I felt the moment he died, the life squeezed out of him by that monster.
There was nothing more I could do. I had to get out of there and find the healing tent where Wynne and the others were stationed, hopefully out of the way the darkspawn.
It turned out that several darkspawn had found the healers, the mages and templars put up a tough fight and killed them. But not without casualties. I was able to save the Jainen Knight Corporal, and one of their healers, but I was too late to save Alondra, who Wynne said went down early the fight, as well as Torrin. Ser Allyn had been injured and while Wynne had healed the injury, he had been infected with the Blight sickness which was rapidly spreading through the older templar's system. Wynne said there was nothing more to be done, but I tried anyway.
I have studied how poisons work and how they affect the body. One thing I learned how to do while working with the soldiers, was to counteract some kinds of poisons by changing one of its alchemical properties.
The Blight is a kind of poison, so I tried to counteract a portion of it. The best I could do is slow its effects just enough for him to no longer be highly contagious, and to make it back to the Circle. He would still die, but not in that cursed place!
We made it to Kinloch and in the quiet of Ser Allyn's own room, he dictated a letter to his son and said goodbye to his fellow templars, to Wynne, and to Sweeny.
Everyone left until it was only me and Greagoir. Then he said goodbye to Greagoir and to me. He told me I was like a daughter to him. I kissed his forehead. "You will soon be at the Maker's side, hale and whole."
I gave him a potion to put him into a deep sleep so he couldn't feel the dagger the Greagoir used to stab him through the heart. I couldn't keep the tears from my eyes and was surprised to feel Greagoir put an arm around me.
"You did the best anyone could do in that situation, Emmalynn. He was able to say goodbye to all of us and to his son, and he was able to die in his own bed, not in that nightmare at Ostagar. None of that would have been possible without you."
I said, "It isn't me. It's Hope."
"Hope would not be able to help if you weren't worthy."
I think that might have been the nicest thing he has ever said to me.
We sent Ser Allyn to the Maker and his pyre was on a side balcony on the templar level.
I spend every day with my new mentee, Meg, and every afternoon in the chapel praying and mourning for the fellow mages and the templars lost at Ostagar, as well as the loss of our King, the Grey Wardens, and my dearest Rana.
I know that Blights are pure evil and horrible things will happen before it ends, but I also know that the light will vanquish the dark, and I will do all that I can to bring hope to those around me and help overcome despair.
AN: Thank you to ElyssaCousland for her help and suggestions. Responding to reviewers via PM.