Chapter 5: Grand Prix Final of Tears – Short Program

"Well, Yuuri," Celestino said as he led the Japanese skater into the Sochi arena, "you are excited, yes? We're finally here. What do you think?"

Yuuri took a shaky little breath before answering, and he looked around at the people heading into the arena for the morning's public practice.

It's more like I'm terrified, he thought, I don't feel so well, but I don't know if it's just that I'm nervous, if it's that I'm still really sad about Vic-chan dying or if I made myself sick eating so much last night. I'm a mess. I don't feel like I really belong here.

"Um, yeah," he chuckled nervously, "it is exciting."

His coach slipped a supportive arm around his shoulders and he coaxed Yuuri forward into the corridor that led to the skater preparation area. All around them, skaters, coaches, media personnel and rink staff were making their way inside. They reached the end of the corridor and turned into the skater prep room. Immediately upon entering, Yuuri's eyes found an all too familiar runner jacket he had seen a million times on TV and several times the day before when he had repeatedly crossed paths with his idol, the skating legend, Victor Nikiforov. His eyes rounded taking in the sight of Victor's perfect bottom as the Russian skater bent to stretch his leg muscles, then slowly returned to a standing position.

Oh my god…

"Come this way," Celestino said, nearly making him jump out of his skin, "You can change into your skates over here."

Sitting down, Yuuri found himself in the perfect position to watch Victor without looking like he was watching. He was glad for the fact that the simple act of putting on his skates seemed to take his mind off of feeling awkward, being in the presence of the man who had inspired him for years with his beautiful skating. He watched Victor out of the corner of one eye as the Russian skater's longtime competitor and friend, Christophe Giacometti approached Victor and the two began to chat too quietly for him to hear.

"You've got an admirer," Chris snickered softly.

Victor started to turn to look, but the Swedish skater, placed a hand on his arm to stop him.

"Don't look," Chris giggled, "I think you'll scare him away."

"Scare who away?" Victor asked, stealing a glance around his friend, "The Japanese boy? Yuuri Katsuki?"

"You've met?"

"Eh…sort of," Victor answered, smirking, "I accidentally knocked on his door when I was looking for your room."

The Russian skater frowned.

"I apologized, but I don't think he said anything."

"He has attacks of nerves, you know," Chris informed him.

"I've heard that," Victor acknowledged, continuing to stretch as they talked, "I've heard that he's very talented, but his nerves get in the way sometimes."

"Oh really?" Chris purred, "Well, have you heard that you're the reason he became a skater?"

"What?" Victor inquired, "That's cute. I'm glad he felt so inspired. It's great that it brought him all of the way here. That's flattering."

"Isn't it oh so romantic?" Chris teased him.

"Stop," Victor chided him, shaking his head.

"Why don't you go over and say something to him?" Chris suggested, "I think he would faint!"

Victor frowned and bit his lip gently, stealing another glance at the Japanese skater, who had finished putting his skates on and was stretching as Celestino talked to him.

"I don't think I want to unsettle him," he answered, "Maybe after the short program."

"Who knows? Maybe it would inspire him and he might surprise everyone and beat us all," Chris laughed, "You never know."

"What are you doing, laughing and joking around?" Yakov demanded suddenly, startling Victor as the old coach came up behind him, "You should be focusing on your warm up."

"You could have killed me, Yakov!" Victor complained, "Don't sneak up on me like that!"

Victor felt someone's eyes watching and turned his head to see Yuuri Katsuki looking in his and Yakov's direction. He tried giving the young man a friendly wink, but Yuuri's eyes rounded as though he'd been hit with something and he turned away quickly.

Did I do something wrong? I wonder did I offend him somehow? I haven't even really met him, not officially anyway. Maybe I should…

"Vitya, time is wasting," Yakov scolded him, "Get out there on the ice and practice!"

"I'm going. I'm going," Victor sighed, shaking his head and heading to the rink entrance.

He felt Yuuri watching him again, but was careful not to look. Instead, he turned his attention to his warm up.

Maybe we'll get a chance to meet properly when he gets out here with the rest of us, Victor reasoned, He's very flighty. I hope I didn't make his nerves worse. I was trying to be nice to him. Am I really that scary?

He sighed softly and continued his workout as Yuuri kept to the other end of the rink, practicing alone, without interacting with any of the other skaters.

Yuuri finished his warm up and began to work on his short program, but found himself helplessly distracted by the presence of his idol, who was warming up and practicing, just on the other side of the rink.

I've never skated on the same ice as Victor before. I know I don't stand a chance of beating him, but I made it here. I'm one of the final six. I'm going to go out there and do my best to show Victor I belong here with him. I worked hard for this. I…

Yuuri gasped as he entered a jump with too little speed and he landed badly and fell. He started to climb to his feet, but a warm hand took his and pulled him up. Yuuri froze as he found himself standing on the ice, face to face with Victor.

Again.

I HAVE TO SAY SOMETHING!

"You all right?" Victor asked, smiling at him.

"Um...erm…f-fine," Yuuri stammered, "Thanks."

"It's no problem," Victor said cheerfully, "Why don't you…?"

"Vitya, get back over here!" Yakov snapped, "Do you think you have time to stand around and chat? You need to be training."

Victor shrugged and shook his head.

"Sorry, he's extra grouchy on competition days. Maybe we'll see each other around."

Yuuri stared as Victor turned and skated away, then he gritted his teeth and shook his head at his embarrassing behavior.

I must look like an idiot. That wasn't a hard jump. I was just distracted.

He took a breath and focused on his own program, carefully tuning out the noise of the other people and practicing the moves of his short program, first without the jumps, then adding them. He felt someone watching and glanced out of the corner of his eye at the person leaning on the rink wall with his head turned in Yuuri's direction.

Is that…Yuri Plisetsky?

The Russian punk. That's what they call him. Why is he scowling like that? Did I do something wrong already? I don't think we've ever met, so how could I have done something wrong?

Yuuri moved into a jump and almost fell, but managed to catch himself, putting one hand down onto the ice. At the edge of the rink, Yuri Plisetsky's scowl deepened. Yuuri focused harder on his program to escape the Russian junior's piercing gaze.

"Yuuri, your step sequence," Celestino directed him.

"Okay," Yuuri called back to him.

He positioned himself and moved gracefully through the steps, not noticing the way Yuri Plisetsky's eyes widened and his scowl morphed into a look of grudging appreciation.

Yuuri Katsuki, Yuri thought to himself, he screws up his jumps, but his step sequence is impressive.

"Yuri, what are you doing, standing there daydreaming?" Yakov snapped, "You practice as soon as the senior men are done. Get your skates on, now!"

"Fine. I'm getting them. Don't shout so much, old man. You're going to give yourself a heart attack."

He ignored the old coach's response as he stomped away.

Out on the ice, Victor ran through his short program several times, then he skated to the exit, where Yakov was waiting for him.

"You need to get more height on your quad lutz," the elder man said sternly.

"What are you talking about?" Victor objected, "I landed it perfectly."

"The only reason you wouldn't have lost points on that jump is that the difficult position of your landing hid the little mistake you made."

"I made no mistake…"

"You need to build up your stamina. Your arms were practically flopping during that last step sequence."

"They were not flopping!"

"I need to see a smoother transition into the combination and back out again."

"Seriously…"

"Other than that, it was all right."

"Just all right? I'm going to kill them, and you know it."

Yakov shot him a fierce look.

"This isn't about beating the competition. You and I both know that not one of these skaters can match your talent, but it's not all about winning. You need to put in your best performance every time!"

He sighed heavily and Victor's smile faded.

"You've heard them, Vitya," Yakov continued, "They watch you easily win, and they see that there is no one at your level. They know that two things can happen at that point. One is that you will get lazy and unmotivated until you aren't so far ahead of them anymore and your fans begin to look at other skaters to entertain them better. The other is that you will lose that edge that makes you an exciting skater. You have been on top of the skating world for ten years. That is a long time for any skater, and I've seen it growing in you."

"What, Yakov?" Victor asked, frowning, "What do you see?"

The older man gave him a troubled look.

"They ask if you are going to retire. While you continue to sit at the top and you prove yourself, time and again with beautiful winning programs, they speculate when your reign will come to an end."

"I know they do," Victor acknowledged, "I never take that stuff seriously. You know that,"

"Do I?" Yakov asked pointedly, "Do you know it for certain?"

"I'm not going to quit," Victor asserted firmly.

"Where is your next program, Vitya?" Yakov asked.

Victor gave him a look of confusion.

"What do you mean? We're only in the early part of this season. There are…"

"A few years ago, you would already have finished it weeks ago. Not that there isn't time, understand. I am only saying that things have changed, Vitya, you have changed. I think you know it, and you struggle with it when you work on that next program."

"I will finish the program, Yakov," Victor snapped, giving him an uncharacteristic scowl.

"You don't just need to finish your programs for next season," Yakov said, laying a a hand on his arm, "You need to find the reason that you are struggling and you need to take care of whatever it is. Until you do, whatever you come up with is only going to make them ask more questions that you and I don't want to hear."

"What are you saying?" Victor asked, giving him a hurt look, "Yakov, are you saying that you think I should retire after this season? Is that what you're telling me?"

"Of course not," Yakov assured him, squeezing his arm encouragingly, "What I am telling you is that if you don't want to lose your motivation and have every season from now on be a struggle for you, then you are going to have to find something to keep you going."

"I never needed something to keep me going," Victor said, giving him a confused look, "I love to skate. I always have. That hasn't changed at all."

"But, it will if you don't find your motivation," Yakov insisted, "I have seen it happen before to some very talented skaters. I don't want that to happen to you."

"Well, don't worry," Victor said, trying to sound unaffected, "it won't."

Victor accepted his blade covers from the old coach's hand and he placed them over his golden blades. He stepped off the ice and headed back to the preparation area, where he sat down to remove the skates. He glanced back into the rink, where Yuuri Katsuki still remained, practicing diligently and looking to Victor to be in good form.

I hope he does well. He's worked hard to get this far and I feel glad that it's said that I was his motivation. It feels good to know that I've reached someone that way. To know that he has watched me and appreciated my skating for all this time, and that he was motivated by that to follow me here…that is…inspiring.

"Geez, Victor, are you so tired from training that you need to sit there forever afterward?" Chris giggled, teasing the Russian out of his thoughts, "Why don't we get out of here and go get some food? I'm starving!"

"I would," Victor sighed, "but…"

"Oh, no excuses, everyone's going. It'll be fun. Don't worry, we won't get wasted before the short program…although you probably could get wasted and still defeat all of us, don't you think?"

"I would never skate drunk," Victor said firmly.

He gave Chris a sly little smirk.

"I have skated hungover before."

"Not that anyone noticed a thing,"

"You're so nice to me, Chris," Victor snickered.

"Well, you know, us old timers have to stick together now," Chris teased him.

"Oh, I take it back," Victor laughed, "You are definitely not nice."

"Come on. You need to eat, right?"

Victor sighed again, glancing back to where Yuuri was still practicing.

"Will Yuuri Katsuki be going too?" he asked, before he thought about the connotations of the question.

"Oh, ho, ho!" Chris giggled, "I don't know. Why don't you go and ask him. I'm sure he'd come if his precious god, Veeeeeeector asked him."

"Stop it. That's really not nice," Victor chided him, "Let's go. I'm getting hungry now too."

Yuuri sighed softly as he watched Victor leave with the other skaters.

I feel stupid. I couldn't even talk to him when he helped me up after I fell. I just got tongue tied and awkward. But I can't think about that. I need to be in top form for tonight. I have to do my best in the short program.

He finished his practice and walked back to his hotel alone. He ordered room service and sat by the window, looking out at the gently falling snow.

I shouldn't eat so much, but I'm so nervous about tonight. More than anything, I want my skating to make Victor look at me. I want him to see how he motivated me to get here. And after, I'll go and thank him for all of the inspiration.

The afternoon passed quickly, and all too soon, Celestino tapped on his door, calling him to head out for the rink. Yuuri put on his costume, then placed his jacket over the top, and he left the room and joined Celestino for the walk to the arena. He shivered inwardly as cameras turned to focus on him as he entered the arena and Morooka stepped forward to ask him several questions. Yuuri smiled and tried to sound confident, but the more he looked at the other skaters, the more he felt the heaviness of his body, and thinking about having eaten too much set him thinking again about the reason why.

Vic-chan.

He moved on to the preparation area and was met by an arena official.

"Skaters Katsuki, Bin and Crispino will skate in the first group and skaters Giacometti, LeRoy and Nikiforov will skate in the second group."

Yuuri nodded and walked with the other skaters to the rink entrance.

I should wish Victor luck, although who am I kidding? Victor doesn't need luck to win. I'm sure he'll skate perfectly like always.

He looked up and found that the moment for saying anything had passed, and the other skaters were already heading out to warm up.

"Good luck out there tonight," Celestino said, placing a hand on Yuuri's shoulder, "You've worked hard for this, and this is your chance to show them the skater I know you are."

"I'll do my best," Yuuri promised.

He was surprised at how he was able to focus after the encouragement. His warm up went well and he was smiling as he finished and the six skaters left the ice.

"Coming up first is skater, Yuuri Katsuki of Japan," Morooka announced, "This is Katsuki's first trip to the Grand Prix finals, but he's looked very good this season. He definitely has a chance now at a medal, as long as he can keep his nerves under control."

"Nerves have been a problem for him," a second announcer agreed, "so it will be interesting to see how he handles the noise and the crowds."

"Well, he looked great in the warm up. Let's see what happens."

Yuuri skated out to center ice, unaware that Victor had moved to the edge of the rink to watch him. As the music began and he started to move, he could feel already the big meal he had eaten catching up with him. But he landed his first jump cleanly and executed a lovely spin that made Victor smile.

"Good," Victor whispered, as though into the Japanese skater's ear, "relax. You can do this."

Yuuri gathered speed and landed a lovely triple axel, then turned in an enchanting step sequence.

"Skater Katsuki is doing very well," Morooka said appreciatively, "This is what we've been seeing all season. He certainly has the skill to win a medal. He has one final jump…a quad toe loop."

Yuuri gathered speed again, but just as he was about to make his jump, he spotted Victor at the side of the rink, his blue-green eyes watching.

Victor is watching me!

Don't…don't look! Don't…!

Yuuri's heart crashed like broken glass as he realized he was entering the jump with too much speed. He over-rotated, but managed to land without falling.

"Ah, and he was doing so well," Morooka said, shaking his head, "but he didn't fall, so he still might be in the running here."

Yuuri skated to a stop, finishing his program, and he stood, panting, as the audience applauded. He could still feel Victor's eyes watching, and he made himself smile like Victor would and wave and bow appreciatively. He skated to the exit and accepted his blade covers from Celestino.

"Sorry," he apologized, "I ah…"

"It's okay," his coach said reassuringly, "Even with the poor landing, you did all right."

Yuuri moved off to sit down and he watched as the scores came up on the screen.

"Not bad, considering," Celestino said, smiling at him, "I think you've got a shot at a medal, but you are going to have to work hard in your free skate."

"I will," Yuuri promised, "I won't let you down."

I won't let Victor down either.

He was watching me.

Victor Nikiforov was watching me skate.

Oh my god…