Chapter 19 = = Of Hope's Regret and Emma's Sorrow =
After everyone walked through the flames the fire was extinguished, as was any background noise.
It was a place and a moment of calm and peace.
At the opposite end of the room were two statues of Alamari warriors. The statues flanked and towered over a squat octagonal column. Along seven of the column's sides were statues of urns. Set into the front of the column was a staircase leading to the top.
At the top of the column, set upon a tall plinth, was a life-sized statue of Andraste. The prophetess was depicted in simple robes with her right hand over her heart and her left hand holding aloft the eternal flame. At the base of the plinth stood the golden metal urn. It was embellished only with stylized flames rising up from the urn's base, rim, and cap.
The quiet surroundings and the elegant simplicity of the effigy contributed to the spirituality of the moment.
Everyone, save Emmalynn, redressed. Her aura covered her body as if it were a robe.
Before anyone could ask Emma, the Guardian appeared. "You are true Pilgrims, found worthy to behold the last resting place of the Holy Andraste." He nodded at Aedan, who retrieved a pinch of the ashes and came back to the party.
Take Alistair's hand. She turned to Alistair holding out her hand.
Alistair gently took her it and escorted her up the stairs. This is what I am supposed to do, but I have no idea why.
When they reached the Urn and Emmalynn knelt before it. Alistair stood at her side It just feels like the right thing to do.
Everyone the watched a spirit rise from Emmalynn's aura. This is what it feels like when I channel Hope to heal.
The Guardian held out his hand to stop her companions from interfering.
The spirit was a woman of indeterminant age; her hand lovingly stroked the cheek of the statue, her voice lyrical. "My dearest friend, how I have missed you. Forgive me for staying away, for leaving you without your Hope in the beyond. I have realized my foolishness for believing that what I once lost would be forever gone. Song-Weaver, know that your homeland will not be destroyed by the depravations of the darkness. Hope will find a way."
The spirit turned to the group. "I am Justinia, the one Andraste called Hope. I was a Tevinter slave before Andraste befriended me. I loved her like a sister and was devastated when she died. I turned away from all I knew, and when I died, I turned away from the waking world, from the dreamers, from all there is, for all seemed forever devoid of hope.
"Know that I do not possess Emmalynn. She is a spirit healer and both Faith and I lend her our power. Through Emmalynn, I have seen how necessary hope is. She is hope by nature, not because of me, and part of my work is to protect her.
"I never expected to have the chance to speak to the essence of my friend. I wish the opportunity wasn't created by the evil perpetrated on your Arl. Please know that the ashes will work." The spirit turned to the Guardian. "It has been a long time, my friend."
"Indeed it has, Lady Justinia."
"Guardian, you are still needed, now more than ever, as the souls who riddle the potential pilgrims are no longer trapped in the mortal world, they have been freed."
The Guardian nodded.
The spirit looked to Alistair. "You walk a path that has not been walked in centuries, but it is one for which you have been found worthy." Hope took one last look at Andraste's statue and faded back into Emmalynn's aura.
Grateful to Alistair for supporting her as she stood up, Emmalynn felt calm and relaxed. She and Alistair descended the stairs with her aura still serving as a robe.
Leliana met them at the bottom, holding Emmalynn's clothes. "That was such a deeply moving and spiritual experience. You both have given me much to think about."
Once she was dressed, the Guardian bade them farewell. Looking at Emmalynn, he said, "Denying the sight endangers you and others."
"How does it endanger others?"
"You cannot heal who cannot see."
Without further discussion, the Guardian opened the way to a path that he said would take them directly back to the base of the mountain.
"Farewell, and thank you," Aedan said to the Guardian, who nodded as he faded away.
During a rest stop, Alistair took Emmalynn's hand and motioned her to follow him. They walked behind a side wall. "Emma, I have never experienced anything so profoundly spiritual. I don't know what path Hope was referring to, but I will gladly walk it, especially if it keeps us walking together. I love you."
"I love you too."
Alistair drew Emma into his arms and kissed her. They kissed until they heard Aedan clear his throat. Emma couldn't stop from giggling, and Alistair chuckled, his ears turning pink.
~oOOo~
Two nights after they left Haven, Hope took Emmalynn to a remote area of the Fade.
"I have given it much thought; the Guardian is right."
"But how is my not using the second sight endangering others?"
"The panic attacks will get worse and will result from smaller and smaller numbers of people. Soon you will barely be able to leave the confines of a single room. People fighting this Blight who you could have healed will die without you, without hope."
Emmalynn looked dumbstruck. "What is the connection between my fear of crowds and using my abilities as a spirit medium?"
"The mental fortress you were taught to suppress them helps templars protect themselves from mind control or demonic influence - things coming from outside of one's inner-self. Your second sight is within you; all the fortress does is prevent you from consciously using it. The panic you feel may be your subconscious experiencing what it cannot understand. Please talk to Alistair and Surana, and then consider what I've said."
"I will. What path does Alistair walk?"
"You will know if you decide to see."
Emmalynn woke up unhappy, having much to think about. "I have to break a promise."
Alistair watched Emma riding along next to him. She hasn't spoken much this morning and her brow has been furrowed ever since she came out of her tent. "Em, what's wrong?"
"I have a lot on my mind. Could you and I talk when we stop for lunch?"
"Of course. Have I done something to upset you?"
"Oh Maker, no! Not at all! It's something Hope discussed with me and it has me a bit on edge. In fact, I would welcome your help."
At the lunch stop, Emma took Alistair aside. "Ali, you need to know about something...something that the First Enchanter and Knight-Commander made me suppress, and vow never to tell anyone. I never even told Rana." Although with him now a Grey Warden I can probably tell him. "But I don't want there to be any secrets between us. You need to know in case ... in case you're not comfortable with it."
"What is it?"
"I'm a spirit medium."
Alistair looked curious, not uncomfortable, "Surana briefly mentioned this. A spirit medium is someone who can communicate with spirits and demons outside of the Fade, right?"
"Right." Rana knows? How?
Alistair took her hands in his. "Why would you think I'd be uncomfortable with this? I have no problem with your being a mage, why not this?"
"I am still amazed that you have no problems with me being a mage." She gave him a watery smile and he took her hand in hers.
Wiping her eyes, she continued, "Being a spirit medium, at least according to the Knight-Commander is a dangerous way to interact with spirits and only serves to make demons that much more likely to try and possess a mage. Greagoir told me that when a spirit medium interacts with spirits and demons the mage blurs the boundary between here and the Fade.
"Told you? He's a Templar has he ever been around spirit mediums?"
"Not that I know of. At least not at Kinloch during his tenure."
"You aren't convinced, are you?"
"Well…the few times I used the ability veil didn't feel at all feel like it felt during Uldred's rebellion. Did Aedan tell you what happened at the Circle?'
"Yes. He told me while he and I went to the Redcliffe chantry to get the lyrium you needed to send Morrigan into the Fade. I had asked why he couldn't go back to the Circle for help."
"Well, the few times I've used the sight, the Veil felt no different than it had before. It's like being able to look through a curtain, as if the curtain wasn't there, and talk to the person behind it. The integrity of the curtain isn't compromised."
"Sounds like the Knight-Commander dosen't know what he's talking about. The First Enchanter was also there with the two of you, right?
"Both Irving and Greagoir were there."
"Did you tell them about the curtain analogy?"
"I did, but the Knight Commander wouldn't let me show them. Irving didn't speak up because he picks his battles with Greagoir. Apparently, this is one battle he didn't want to fight. Being a spirit medium is a rare ability, I'm guessing that Irving didn't think it would be a good idea to practice it in a Circle."
Alistair put his arm around her and she leaned against him. "I have to ask – how could they make you suppress it? Isn't that like being told not to see, or not hear? How do you do that?"
"I've constructed a mental fortress around it, but it has led to problems."
"What's this about a mental fortress?" Surana asked.
"Rana, is there anywhere in the camp where you cannot hear people talking?"
Surana grinned. "Nope! Zevran and I have superior hearing unlike you blunt-eared humans."
"Rana, the conversation was meant to be private."
"That may be true, but I heard it, and when my best friend talks about a templar ability like a mental fortress, I feel I need to ask."
Just then Aedan announced that it was time to get back on the road.
Emmalynn sighed. "Alright, I'll tell you tonight, okay?"
"Okay. If you forget, I'll be sure to remind you. I can be annoying that way." He smirked.
Emma grinned at her friend as they mounted up.
That night after supper, Alistair and Surana followed Emmalynn to the far side of the camp,
"Rana, you'd better sit."
Surana sat down, "Okaaay..."
Emma was clearly nervous. "Ah... well…I am a spirit medium. I swore to Irving and Greagoir to never tell anyone and to never use the ability. I told Alistair today and I was going to tell you because you are out of the circle. Please don't be angry with me."
Surana didn't looked surprised,
"You did already know. Alistair said you had mentioned to him and Aedan?"
Surana's expression darkened, his eyes narrowed, the corners of his mouth turned down. His shoulders tightened, and he clenched his fists.
"Rana?…I'm really sorry for not telling you."
"M, I'm not mad at you! Not at all! I am angry at Irving and Greagoir. That those two exacted this promise from you infuriates me! They made you build a mental fortress? That is a templar skill to resist outside influence. Did Greagoir teach you?"
"Yes, and the outside influence was me. But Hope believes it's indirectly contributing to my fear of crowds."
"M, if that's what Hope thinks, then you need to take down that fortress."
Alistair took her hand. "What do you need to do to take it down?"
"I need to meditate in order to access the fortress."
"M, with a mental fortress you need a focus to build it. What did you use?"
"A memory."
"Not a good one, if you can't easily access it."
"No, it isn't. Could you both stay with me while I do this? I don't know what exactly will happen when I open the fort–so to speak."
"Of course!" Alistair said.
"M, you needn't have asked."
Taking three deep breaths, Emmalynn tried to calm down enough to meditate. After a difficult start, she managed it.
In her mind's eye, she stood before the stone fortress she had created all those years ago. It took her some time to remember the way to the entrance. When she reached it, the door remained hidden behind the vines growing all around the fortress walls. It took some time to clear the foliage, but once she did she found the featureless door. Emma dug into her memories to visualize the key phrase.
She accessed her most painful memory: being taken away to the Circle.
"Please, no! Don't take her! Don't take my daughter away from me! You can't. Please, don't!"
"Revka, enough! She is a mage. I will not allow my family's name to be stained by this." He gestured to Emmalynn. He looked at the templars and said sternly, "Her last name is Amell. Understood?"
The largest of the templars nodded as he pulled the girl out of her mother's arms.
Now Emmalynn was looking at the memory from outside of herself. I held on to her as tightly as I could, but the templar was too strong.
As I felt mother's arms let go, I noticed a teardrop on my hand. As I wasn't crying, I knew it was mother's – it would be the last thing of hers I would ever see, ever feel. When the teardrop evaporated I began to sob.
Mother's last teardrop. She whispered to the fortress door, which slowly opened.
Emmalynn didn't know what she would feel, but she was sure that she would feel something. She was shocked at feeling nothing. I feel the same as I always have. Maybe I just need to open my eyes.
Opening them, all she could see was a jumble of colors, symbols she'd never seen, followed by the discordant sounds of an infinite number of voices she'd never heard."
She closed her eyes once more, took a deep breath and opened them again. Her gaze settled on Rana's wrinkled brow. He was kneeling in front of her looking scared and confused. His familiar, amethyst-colored aura glowed intensely.
"Rana, I'm fine. Why do you look so worried?"
"M, when you started to cry neither Alistair nor I could come within five feet of you! It was like there was some invisible barrier around you. When you opened your eyes your expression was blank. Damn it, M, you looked like a Tranquil! It scared the crap out of us!" he gasped, his nose turning red as his large sage-colored eyes misted over with unshed tears.
"I'm fine. Really." She smiled, her voice calm and soothing.
"Thank the Maker!" She heard Alistair before she felt his arms around her.
"I'm really sorry to have scared you both! I'm okay. It was just the process of opening up the fort –so to speak, and then all I saw was chaos." She turned to face Alistair and froze. Her eyes opened wide.
AN: All my thanks to my amazing Beta ElyssaCousland! Thank you all for reading along. Bioware owns all.