Chapter 20 = = With Honor and Passion

"I'm really sorry to have scared you both. I'm okay. It was just the process of opening up the fort – so to speak." Then she turned to face Alistair and froze. Her eyes opened wide.

"Em? What's wrong?"

Emma startled and then rubbed her eyes. "Nothing's wrong. Just something I wasn't expecting."

Alistair and Surana caught each other's gazes; both men knew there was more going on than Emmalynn's "something I wasn't expecting." As if reading one another's minds, the men agreed that it was something Alistair needed to discuss with Emmalynn. Alone.

"M it looks to me as if you and Alistair need to talk. I'm going to head back to camp. If you are comfortable with it I can give Aedan the short version and when you're ready you can give him the details."

Emmalynn bit her bottom lip looking thoughtful, then nodded at Surana. "That sounds like a good idea. Thanks, Rana."

Bending down, he hugged his best friend, "No problem. I'm just glad you're okay."

Emmalynn and Alistair watched Surana leave; once he was out of sight, Alistair put his arms around Emma and held her close. "I was so worried when you started to cry. But I couldn't reach you through that barrier. I'm glad you're safe."

"I am too."

"What did you see Em? What were you not expecting?"

"Well…do you want the long answer or the short answer? And no, I am not being facetious."

"Start with the short answer."

"According to your aura, you have a guardian spirit."

Alistair's face registered his complete shock. His eyes were wide open, his eyebrows pushing up as much of his forehead as possible. Once he had calmed down a bit he smiled sheepishly. "Ah…I think I need the long answer."

"I thought you might, but I wanted to give you a choice. Let me start with the basics. Did you know that except for Dwarves and the Tranquil, everyone, mage or not, has an aura?"

Alistair shook his head. "Does that include Qunari?"

"Yes, although they will never admit it to themselves or others."

"Is that common knowledge outside of Tevinter?"

"No, the Chantry doesn't like the idea of 'non-mages having auras' getting around. The presence of an aura indicates a connection with the Fade. Dwarves and the Tranquil are not connected to the Fade and thus have no auras."

"What do the colors of the aura mean? I know that you and Rana have different colored auras."

"Mages' auras are a combination of race, type of magic, and variations among the individual mages. For example, Elves have a violet cast to their auras. The auras of primal mages tend towards red. You would expect Rana, an elven primal mage to have an aura that would be closer to true purple color, but it's a closer to an orchid color. Spirit mages have a blue cast, healers' auras are green – but mine is cerulean, blue with only a hint of green."

"What color are the auras of non-mages?"

"Humans have pale green auras, elves are pale violet, the Qunari are pale gray. They are pale because while non-mages have a connection to the fade, they don't draw power from it."

"And mine?"

"Your aura is metallic gold. Those with metallic auras are not mages, but they have a spirit guide or guardian. Because your aura is bright gold, you have a strong spirit that can guide and guard you."

Alistair ran his hand through his hair, taking a deep breath and blowing it out. He was trying to keep calm. He took a few more deep breaths. "Okay I'm not a mage, but what does this all mean? Am possessed? Is my will my own? Is the spirit just a passenger?"

"You do not have an extra passenger. You are not possessed, nor can you ever be possessed because demons ignore non-mages. That also means your will is your own and will always be your own. What you have is a spirit who can advise you if and only if you ask for it, it is a spirit that can help protect you."

"Advise me?"

"What do people do when they have a tough life-changing decision to make?"

"They ask others' opinions."

"Let's say they've exhausted the available pool of people to ask."

"They pray to for guidance."

"Right, in your case you can "pray" asking your spirit for guidance, and if the spirit can provide the guidance, it will."

"What about the guardian part?"

"That depends upon the spirit."

"Do you know which spirit guides me?"

"I do, but it is always better if the person figures it out themselves." She gave him an empathetic smile.

"How do I do that?" He looked bemused, and maybe a bit worried.

"Focus on how you felt at Haven and try to remember if you've ever felt that way before. Look for patterns of feelings."

He paused for a moment, lost in thought. "I think I already know the pattern. When I was Knighted, I had first to sit vigil for eight hours. I expected to feel tired, but I felt invigorated, and I felt very humble. During the actual ceremony, I felt such a sure sense of purpose and a real sense of rightness. It's the same rightness I felt at Haven and it is what I feel whenever I draw my sword to help the party as we try to save Eamon and help Aedan and Surana stop the Blight. My sword is named Honor's Call. Could my spirit-guide be an honor spirit?"

"Not an honor spirit, a Spirit of Honor; it is a subtle distinction but important because of the nature of the association between you and Honor–clearly Honor chose you. I suggest meditating tonight just before you fall asleep, so you can be open to meeting Honor in the Fade as you dream. Does that make sense?"

"Perfect sense. You're an excellent teacher."

"I like to think so." She smiled slyly, and he laughed.

"But how is it that we spent half the evening discussing me when it's you who seemed to go through the void when you took down your fortress? The memory you used must have been a heartbreaking one. Do you want to talk about it?"

"No. It's enough to say that it was the memory of when I was taken away from my mother by the templars."

Without another word, Alistair embraced her, holding her close.

Hearing the steady beat of his heart, Emma relaxed in his arms. "I love you, Ali."

"I love you too."

~oOOo~

Initially, just Emma and Alistair were going to travel to Redcliffe. However, Aedan changed his mind. Given the Darkspawn they'd encountered on the way to and from Denerim, he felt they should all travel to Redcliffe and leave from there to Orzammar.

Once they were out of the Frostbacks, Alistair suggested that they stay at an Inn he knew that had a proper stable, so the horses could rest for a night and so could they. "The inn is called the Mare and Stallion. The food is good, the beds are comfortable, and the stable hands are excellent."

Aedan nodded. "I am all for it."

The rest cheered at the chance of having warm baths and warm beds.

When they arrived, they gave their horses to the groom and went inside, where the innkeeper welcomed them with a smile. "Ser Alistair, it's been a while! Good to see you."

"You as well, Elwin!"

"What can I do for you?"

"I need rooms, baths, and dinner for six." Sten decided to sleep under the stars, and Morrigan refuses to stay in places that smell of horse dung.

"The first four rooms on the right side of the hall are available."

"Great, Elwin, thank you." Alistair paid the innkeeper.

Aedan thanked Alistair for picking up the tab. Then looked at the group. "Okay, how are we dividing up the rooms?"

"My fetching elven warden and I will be sharing a room, I think." Zevran looked to Surana, who grinned, then took Zevran's hand and began walking towards the stairs.

Watching Zevran be pulled along by Surana made everyone chuckle.

Aedan smiled. "Okay. That leaves Leliana, Emmalynn, you and me. What say you and I share a room so the ladies can each have a room of their own?"

"Fine with me."

Leliana smiled brightly. "Wonderful! Thank you! I have been hoping for some time alone. There is a song in my head that I have wanted to work on. It's about our experience in Haven." She turned and practically danced up the stairs.

Emmalynn shrugged. "Okay by me." I don't think I've slept in a room by myself since I came to the Circle.

The innkeeper said, "Get settled and I'll see to supper."

"Great! Thank you." Alistair replied.

"I'll go and find our room, Alistair. Emmalynn do you have any preference?"

"Nope."

Emmalynn's room ended up being between Leliana's and the room Aedan and Ali were to share. She placed her pack and staff near the bed. In addition to the bed the room had a desk and chair, and a hearth with chaise cozied up to it. This room is larger than the quarters I had in the Circle, and I was sharing that. It is a bit overwhelming to have all this space.

Deciding to ready herself for dinner, she used the ewer of water and washed her hands and face. When she unbraided her hair, she became dismayed. The humidity has made my hair look like a large curly brown cloud!

Taking her brush out, she had started trying to tame her hair when a knock sounded at the door.

"Emma?"

"Come in, Ali. It's unlocked."

She heard the door open and close. "Em, you shouldn't leave–"

Emmalynn turned to see Alistair standing in the room staring at her. "I know, my hair is completely out of control. It's like a large brown cloud."

Alistair blinked then gave her a lopsided grin.

As he crossed the room, his leonine gate made Emmalynn's mouth suddenly go dry.

He was still smiling but didn't say a word as he took the brush from her hand and set it upon the washstand. He gently ran his hand through her hair. "Maker's breath your hair is so soft and thick. It's gorgeous."

There was so much heat in his amber gaze that Emma felt her entire body blush.

Alistair noticed and grinned. It was a smile that was so much more than raw lust; it was a promise, it was love, it was passion, and Emma felt it all flow through her body, pulling her closer to him, wanting everything promised by those eyes. Alistair drew her face to his, and Emma closed the distance. When their lips met, they both lost themselves in the feel of their bodies. They broke apart they at a sharp knock sounded at the door. "M…dinner!"

"Uh...thanks, Rana. We'll be down in a minute."

Alistair gently brushed his finger over her kiss-swollen lips. I would much rather kiss these lips than eat dinner, he thought, grateful that Emmalynn wasn't a mind reader.

Emma saw Alistair's ears pink up. "If you want, I can leave the room first."

"What?" Alistair was puzzled by the seeming non-sequitur.

"When I called back to Rana I said we, not I and your ears got pink, like you were embarrassed."

Alistair chuckled. "I'm not embarrassed. Not about that."

"Oh. Okay…good." Why did he turn pink? Clearly, I'm missing something.

Alistair noticed her puzzled expression. "I was having very... ungentlemanly thoughts about you."

"About me…being in the room with you?"

Now Alistair blushed. "Ah... yes."

Emma gave Alistair shy smile. "Ali, so you know, I like that are having ungentlemanly thoughts about me, because…I…I have …very unmaidenly thoughts about you."

"Do you?"

Emma looked into his eyes and nodded. "But we have to go to dinner now…maybe we could bring our dessert up here?" Was that too bold? "Or not."

Alistair grinned. "I'd like that…I'd like that very much."

AN: Thanks to my marvelous Beta – ElyssaCousland. Thank you to Judy for her reviews and for all those who are following along – thank you for reading.