Decided to post early because, well, I felt like it. And I seriously thought it was Thursday night going into Friday and there's no way I can stay up super late anymore to post like at 3 am in the morning. I've been fixing the sleeping schedule so I'm a decent human being and don't sleep until noon. Oh, the things we do for school.
Disclaimer: I own nothing but my character and any plots outside of the tv show
Sometime later the Time Lord sought me out to talk about my collar. As I followed him I began to think of the best way to bring up that I wanted him to take me home. Now that my collar was fixed, I needed to go home and set some things straight with my parents, terrorize my uncle, and continue with school. Maybe mom and dad would let me keep Jack, I wondered as I trailed behind The Doctor.
"Khaz, what do you know about your collar?" The Doctor asked when we were in the hallway.
"Well, I know what you told me earlier and that it was supposed to help with my element and my shifting."
"That's all?" He asked, pushing for more information. There really wasn't more that I could give him.
I took a moment to try and think if I could remember anything else being said. I thought about telling him about Aspen, some of the things she'd said that would leave me so confused, but decided not to and just went with nodding my head and saying, "Unfortunately."
The Doctor sighed as he prepared to go into lecture mode. "Those collars," He points to the leather strip that hung loosely around my neck. I never had it adjusted to my neck in this form, so when I shifted it would fit perfectly to my thicker neck. "Were specially made for those who were linked to a monster."
"...Monster?" I choked out. All I could think about was what Aspen had spoke of, the Hounds. Was this the monster he was speaking of?
"Long ago these creatures used to plague Gallifrey. Legend has it they were your ancestors. The Time Lords decided to try and tame them, make them more civil. After that, a few of them decided they wanted more than just living like an animal and fashioned themselves after Time Lords. Not many of them approved of this, and proved to be a lot more intelligent than the Time Lords had originally thought. The monsters, the Hounds," He amended.
"Ah, so you have heard of them." He said, having seen the 'click' on my face as I put the monsters and what Aspen called herself together.
"Nothing more than a few stories, of how they would appear in a few of my species and turn them insane, wreaking havoc on Gallifrey. But...Aspen, she'd mentioned something of the Hound rising again."
"Aspen?" He asked, looking interested.
His interest made me want to shut down, but I forced myself to keep talking. "She's the one who's in my head. She's been with me for as long as I can remember, but before my Uncle tampered with my collar she'd been locked up."
"Your uncle was the one who tampered with it?" He sounded shocked.
"He was adoptive, a Time Lord. My dad's brother had been assigned to him so I took to calling them both my Uncles. He left me on Earth and broke my collar. He told me to find you and Jack Harkness before leaving me. Aspen, she comforted me, told me to get a hold of myself."
The Doctor stood there, taking things in as I spoke. When I ended my story, he continued to have a calculating look upon his face.
"What if I told you I could get rid of the block?" The Doctor asked.
I wasn't sure what to think about that. I mean, I wanted it gone..but..could I control her? Could I keep those I cared about safe?
"No," I decided, "I don't want to put you, Jack, and Rose in danger. I can't promise I'll be able to control her."
"Okay." He nodded. "But at any point in time, I can get rid of it. Just let me know. However, you must know that the damage that has already been done will linger."
"What, I thought it was supposed to fix it? It's been awfully empty up in here since then." I snapped, pointing to my head like some insane person.
He lips twitched with a smile. "And it will, Khaz, just not right away. When the block was reversed it took years for the beast, er, Aspen," He corrected after I set a blazing glare on him. She has a name. "To get as far as she has. So, with that logic, it will take a few years for the block to fix what has been done. There will be a few times that she will still make an appearance, it will just take more of her energy to do it. It won't be like last time. And then, eventually, she won't appear at all."
I half listened to him, still wondering if I wanted it there at all. A thought occurred to me then, and I was too curious to not ask.
"What..what if the block broke?"
"The block?" He asked incredulously. "Khaz, if there was ever a force that could break the block, the impact within your mind would kill you. The collar was meant to build and strengthen a block within your mind. Since you've had it on for a while, tampered with or not, even without that collar the block is still there. The only difference is that it's deteriorating instead of strengthening."
I was quiet after that, absorbing everything he was saying. I was a little confused about it all, wondering why I wasn't told about this from my pack. Why I was learning it from a Time Lord. I figured I'd just ask when I got home.
"I...want to hear it this from my parents." I finally said. I saw something flicker in his eyes that made me rather suspicious.
"They won't know near as much as I do. The younger Vaihtaja's won't know a lot, the knowledge has been lost unless you're well educated."
My eyes narrowed at him. We were well educated, we went to school, sure some of us didn't go to public ones and were taught within the pack, but we were educated. Feeling insulted, I growled at him. "I'll have you know my family comes from a great lineage; we were once high in the ranks. They will know." I snarled at him, baring my teeth and feeling a shift coming on. "I've been away long enough, now take me home." I demanded like a spoiled pup.
"Khaz." He softly spoke, voice slightly pained.
I snapped then, tired of it all. "I've played along this whole time. I've waited years and years." My eyes began to sting as tears built up behind them. "I'm sick and tired of all this, I don't want to hear anything more about collars or Hounds. I want to go home, now. I don't want to live like this anymore, I want to go home! I..." I sniffled as tears overwhelmed me. "I miss my mom and dad. Can't you just take me home?"
My voice was barely above a whisper and more a whine than anything. I stared at the floor between us, bringing a sleeve covered hand to my face in an attempt to rid the tears from my face. I hated crying so much, even more so in front of people.
"Khaz, I'd love to take you home, but...I can't."
"You can't, or won't?" I spat, not daring to look up at him.
"I wouldn't love anything more than to go home." His voice was full of anguish, he really meant it.
My mind was incapable of having pity or shutting up, unable to read between the lines of what was being said.
I dared to look up, eyes full of anger, "Then what's stopping you?"
I think I finally made him snap. "It's gone. Gallifray is gone, everyone and everything there...just..gone." He shouted harshly, making me cowar backwards.
"There was a war," He sneered, "A Time War, and everyone died."
"What?" I choked out as my heart leaped into my throat. "You're lying! If there was a Time War and everyone;s dead, then why are you still alive?" My voice was full of loathing as I locked a merciless gaze on him. I shivered, convulsing in a way, but I wasn't sure if it was because my body wanted to shift or because I was terrified that his words may be true.
"Because, Khaz, it's all my fault."
Anger surged through me and I wasn't sure if it was mine or maybe Aspen's too, but just then I wanted to tear his throat out. I hunched over as I nearly shifted from my unstable emotions. The vivid pictures I had of him lying on the floor in a pool of his own blood scared me back to sanity, but only after I realized the presence of Aspen and that she was just as angry as I was. If I continued, I fear she would slip through whatever crack was still there and take over. Sure I was furious, but I didn't want him dead.
I tried to calm myself, before I was granted an image of my pack. My parents. My siblings. He killed them all. I looked back up at him, eyes flashing.
"Listen Khaz, I had no other choi-"
My fist connected with his face. I'm pretty sure it would bruise, if Time Lords even bruised that is. I went to swing again, but he caught me. It's not like I was particularly graceful in any kind of combat aside from claws and fangs, so it was no surprised at all that he could easily pin me. I was shoved against the wall and somewhere within me I knew he wasn't trying to hurt me, but it was cast aside as I writhed against his touch. I had the rage of two beings within me.
"Calm down." He commanded, but he was wasting his breath.
It took a while, longer than I'd like to admit, but I eventually stopped struggling and tried to steady my breathing. Aspen receded back and left my mind as empty as ever. She must have used up all the energy she had, leaving me alone with my anger. Anger that suddenly didn't seem so blinding now that it was just my own. I took one last deep breath before letting it out, now much more calm.
"Can I let go now?" He asked me as I stubbornly glared up at him. There was a silence before I finally nodded my head. He released me from his hold and I wiped a sleeve once again over my face.
"I'm going to show you exactly what happened." He told me and he raised his hands to my head. I flinched at first, but then tried to relax and let him touch my temples.
My sense were engulfed by his memories. I saw everything, probably more than he wanted me to see. It was definitely more than what I wanted to ever see, let alone feel. I learned he's been trying to save the Universe. My anger was defused then and there, how could I hate someone who had saved more lives than he had killed that day? He had honest intentions and was only doing what he thought was his only option. He was a better person than I could ever be.
"I'm – I'm so, so sorry." I choked out, already beginning to cry again.
I found myself crying for a while in the Time Lord's arms. I was mourning my loss, everything I knew was gone. And finally, I understood why my parents sent me away and why my Uncle left me on Earth. They were saving me from the Time War. The thought only made me cry more.
The Doctor tried his best to comfort me, but it was no used. It was better to just let me cry for now. After all, everyone needs a good cry every now and then. I briefly wondered if The Doctor had cried too when he saved the universe. Only...he wouldn't have had someone to comfort him, he's thought he was alone all this time. But now, now we both were alone.
We were the last of our species.
I managed to cry myself to sleep, exhausted from all of yesterday and practically all of today. At least I think it was a day. Time seemed to stand still inside of the TARDIS, so I couldn't be sure.
I woke up and found myself curled up in Jack's lap on the floor. He held me in his arms and for a moment I didn't want to move at all. It was like old times when I was a dog and cuddled up next to him for comfort and warmth during the night. Unfortunately I could already feel the familiar warmth in my face. I felt Jack chuckle more than I heard him, making my face turn hotter. I groaned while I shut my eyes tightly and simultaneously nuzzling my face into his chest in an attempt to hide myself. It only made him laugh out loud at my antics and hug me tighter. I decided then that I liked his hugs.
"Hello, beautiful."
"Geez, you speak and you ruin it." I complained and detached myself from him so that I could roll off him and onto the floor. I slid back up next to him with my feet out in front of me, just like his were. With a playful smirk, I lifted one leg and placed it on Jack's nearest leg.
"Feeling better?" Rose asks.
As she spoke I rubbed my eyes to rid the sleep from them, sniffing as I did.
"Huh? Oh, yeah, I'll live." I frowned slightly as I felt the headache that came from crying. I'd have to get over it though; no doubt the three were ready to move on. "So, Doctor, where to now?"
"Anywhere, any place, and any time." He says with a brilliant grin.
Soo I mentioned school earlier, it starts next week. I might actually be considered a full time student now! Yaay(that's full of sarcasm, by the way. Although I'm really looking forward to my photography class)...anyways that means less time to write. Luckily I still have a couple weeks before I loose my buffer, but I'm working on the next episode still and trying to figure out which path I want Khaz to go down. Choice, choices. Either option I'm debating on will have an impact on how the following future chapters will be written, but I have an idea on one event that actually helped give me the idea for this story. I'm so excited for when that scene comes!~
I just need this next episode and actually I'll be done with the season.
I'll let you guys think on that last sentence lol.
Oh, oh! Before I forget, thank you wintercat18, Girlyxxx123, and of course ElysiumPhoenix (seriously your awesome :D 'cause you've been with me from the get go!~) Not to say I don't have someone stalking around out there too! I know your out there. I SEE YOUR TRAFFIC.
Just remember, if you ever feel bad about stalking someone (in a joking manner of course -is it sad that I feel I need to clarify that?), remember that my mom has an app for our Fort Knox household so she knows exactly every door and window opening and every movement in the hallways, living room in kitchen. She uses it to make sure certain people of my household are obeying household rules...said people don't know she has this app.
I want to mess with them soooo badly and set the house alarm off when just those certain people are home. Jokes on me though, cause the parrots would only start mimicking the god awful sound of the house alarm and then I'd hear it EVERY MOMENT OF THE DAY.
Okay done rambling lol, have a nice rest of the week everyone!~