Chapter 27 = = Interlude
After what had been a silent ride, the group made camp just before sunset. Afterward, Aedan gathered everyone together. "I know it's been a difficult week–"
" 'Tis an understatement. If he weren't as necessary as you claim, I would have turned him into a toad."
"The healer embodied her role with a dedication that is worthy of the Qun."
Morrigan crossed her arms and looked at Sten disdainfully. "Really? And just how could she be such a dedicated healer with her tongue removed, and her lips sewn shut?"
Sten practically growled. "Healers have a special place in the Qun, they are not treated like other saarebas. You, however, would benefit from having your tongue removed."
"Try it, and you will lose your own."
"Enough, you two!" Aedan boomed. "Don't let the Arl's poison affect us."
"Emmalynn should be able to use her Maker-given talents outside of the Circle, yes? It is a waste to have her in the Circle. Although we are fortunate to have you, Senior Enchanter Wynne, I did not mean to offend you," Leliana clarified quickly.
"Please, everyone, just call me Wynne. Leliana, no apology needed. I know I'm not Emmalynn, and I am not so vain as to think that I can replace her."
Zevran sat on a rock watching and listening. Alistair was standing next to him. "Amigo, you don't need to listen to this."
"No… no, it's okay. It helps to know that I'm not alone in missing Em."
"That is true. We all miss our Esperanza and were this cabrón not necessary to the Wardens, I would happily let our dear Morrigan have her fun."
After everyone had a chance to talk about the situation, Aedan brought the discussion to a close. "I think we can all agree that the Arl of Redcliffe is a manipulative bastard who would probably be better off as a toad. Right now, though, our focus has to be on stopping the Blight. Tomorrow, we will leave for Orzammar. I think we'll leave just after lunch so we could spend the morning working with Wynne and Jowan to integrate them into our various battle strategies. Is that alright with the both of you?"
"Yes…of course," Jowan answered.
"Of course. I know Emmalynn, and I have different approaches," Wynne agreed.
Later, Aedan and Surana sat next to Jowan at the campfire. Wynne had retired, as had Alistair, Leliana, and Morrigan. Sten and Zevran were on watch.
"Jowan, I know that you had anticipated M helping you with your magic. I doubt you want to work with Wynne, and frankly, I don't blame you. I can help if you are okay with that…well…given our former relationship."
"I'm fine with you and Zevran because he makes you happy, and yes I would really rather you help me. Wynne and I talked a bit at Redcliffe and– ugh– it felt as if I were in back in the Circle!"
"She has that effect on people. Look, I know you know how to use a dagger…perhaps Zevran can help you learn how to use it to kill others if you need to?"
Zevran, with his usual good sense of timing, sat down next to Surana and said, "I would be more than happy to help Jowan. At least you know how to hold a dagger, I just need to teach you how to inflict damage on others, yes?"
"Zev's right, you can just stick them with the pointy end," Aedan smirked.
Zevran, Surana, and Jowan chuckled.
~oOOo~
Emmalynn woke up that first morning in her cell and noticed the lights on the walls had just come up. Remembering Ser Arthur's instructions – the light comes on at Matins - she sat up and realized that, aside from reading the Chant, she had nothing to do. I can sing the chant for five days, I have the book here, but apart from that, I have nothing to keep me busy…nothing to do…nothing to stop me from thinking about Alistair…nothing to prevent me from feeling the pain.
As the tears streamed down her face, she lay back down on her side and quietly sobbed. She'd lost track of time and started as she heard Ser Arthur. "Breakfast. Please stand back from the door."
Emmalynn stood up and wiped her eyes with the hands, waiting by the back wall of her cell. Ser Arthur opened the cell door. Anika, a tranquil assistant Emmalynn knew well, was pushing a cart containing her breakfast, as well as an ewer of water and linen cloths, and a robe. She placed the items on the desk. "Does your chamber pot need changing?"
Emmalynn shook her head. "No. Thank you, Anika."
Anika nodded, and as she left with the cart, Knight-Captain Hadley arrived.
"Arthur, you can go back to your post." Hadley entered the cell and motioned for Emmalynn to sit. "Senior Enchanter, how did you sleep?"
"Better than expected. Thank you."
Hadley noticed the red puffy eyes and red nose. Greagoir told me he wanted her to have some time in which to grieve. "I will tell the guards to bring you a stack of small cloths you can use when you cry."
"Thank you, Knight-Captain." Why do I have the distinct feeling that I am here for more than discipline?
"Ser Arthur is going off shift, he will be on the night shift for the length of your time here. Day shift is Ser Delbert."
"Oh, he was brought back from Jainen? I'm glad."
Hadley nodded. "We are happy to have him back. Now, eat your breakfast, I'll see you this afternoon."
"Thank you. Knight-Captain." Emmalynn bowed.
Hadley returned the bow and left.
Emmalynn turned to her breakfast. Day one of five officially begins.
For the next three days, Emmalynn alternated between reading the chant, crying, and sleeping. Mother Elaine visited each night, for which Emma was grateful. She genuinely liked Mother Elaine's approachability and her caring ways. The kindly mother arrived after dinner, staying for an hour during which she listened to Emmalynn talk about what had happened. After praying with Mother Elaine, Emma was able to go to sleep.
On the fourth day she was exhausted from the emotional tumult, and except for eating–during which time she spoke with the Knight-Captain–and Mother Elaine's visits, she slept.
On her last night in the cell–before she lay down to sleep–she knelt at the side of her bunk saying her prayers and then dedicated herself to moving forward. She keenly felt Alistair's loss and believed that she always would, but she needed to move on with her life. "I am Senior Enchanter Emmalynn Amell. I work with apprentices and guide them through the process of becoming a mage of the circle. I teach Creation magic and mentor Mages. I am Emmalynn Amell, I follow the teachings of Andraste. I bring healing to those who need it and above all show people that hope exists even in the darkest of times."
The day she was released, she'd had breakfast in her cell. She went to her quarters to wash and dress for services. On her way to the chapel, she was given a note from Irving to meet with him and the Knight-Commander immediately after morning services.
That night she wrote in her journal.
2nd of Bloomingtide
I saw Connor briefly, Greagoir and Irving are sending him to Jainen. Given what the Arl has shown himself capable of, perhaps having Connor and me in different Circles is for the best. Especially as the Knight-Commander and First Enchanter want me to train as Irving's replacement. As of this afternoon, I have officially become Apprentice First Enchanter, Emmalynn Amell. I was expecting resistance from the older senior enchanters who I would have anticipated wanted Wynne to be Irving's replacement, but they seemed very accepting.
For the foreseeable future, life is going to be very busy, and perhaps that's a good thing.
~oOOo~
7th of Bloomingtide
My schedule is a bit crazy–well a lot crazy really. I wake up, have breakfast, go to services. After services, on the first day of the week, there is a teachers' meeting. After services, during the other six days of the week, I meet with Irving. Sometimes the meeting is more like a lecture. Sometimes it is a discussion of current events here, in the Jainen Circle, or in Ferelden, and the politics of the College of Magi in Cumberland. Sometimes Greagoir sits in.
I have lunch, then teach my two Creation classes.
After class, I spend an hour with the apprentices in an informal discussion group. We talk about issues that worry them, questions they may have, or anything else they want to talk about or that I need to speak to them about. Right now, the apprentices are still be grieving over the friends they lost during Uldred's rebellion. I'm glad to be here for them; while I was gone, it seems that none of the other mages or Enchanters have been so busy with their own grief, the apprentices were not given the help they needed.
The hour before dinner I spend prepping for the next day's class.
After dinner, I meet with Greagoir. My meetings with the Knight-Commander are intensive. He wants me to learn what seems to be everything about the Templar order, which means after my sessions with him I have plenty to read and study. I start in the library and then read in bed before falling asleep.
Oddly enough, I've found that I am less awkward than before I left the Circle, less shy. I think because my time with Alistair gave me some inner confidence. It's odd to not stammer, or at least not pause as much. It is like 'who are you and what have you done with Emmalynn?'
That night she was in the Fade and found herself on a sitting on a riverbank next to Hope.
"What does the Arl gain with Ali on the throne?" Emmalynn had been ruminating on this question for a while and wondered if Hope would know.
"Emmalynn, Alistair would need to marry if he took the throne; aside from just producing an heir, the marriage would need to be politically beneficial to Ferelden.
"Eamon wants Alistair to marry an Orlesian, doesn't he?"
Hope nodded. "The Arl has more connections to Orlais than many would suspect. If he could be the one responsible for 'lasting peace' between Orlais and Ferelden…"
Emmalynn sighed and shook her head. "Thank you. That makes a lot of sense. Ferelden politics is only my concern as far as it impacts this Circle. King Cailan and Queen Anora were always kind to us. If Ali...Alistair takes the throne he will also be kind to the Circle."
She stood up and stretched. "In fact, the outlook for the Circle is quite good. With Greagoir's trust in me, perhaps we can be less of a prison." Emmalynn sighed and shook her head. "Great, now I sound like Anders!"
"No, you sound like Emmalynn extending hope to the mages under your care."
"Well, the mages are or will be, my responsibility, their lives need to mean something to them, to be well-lived. That cannot happen if they see the Circle as a prison."
~oOOo~
13th of Bloomingtide
Irving just found out that King Endrin died. Apparently, he died a month ago, which would have been before we came back from Haven. I hope Aedan and Rana don't run into too much trouble when presenting the treaty.
After writing in her journal, Emmalynn looked in the mirror at her newly cut hair. Given how busy she'd become, she decided that short hair would be more manageable, so she'd had it trimmed close. I can still hear Alistair telling me how much he loved my hair, how he would play with the long curls. Sighing, she went to bed and was trying to read, but her thoughts strayed to that night in Redcliffe.
We made love for the first and last time that night. Ali– you were my first, and as I promised then, you will be my last. I will cherish the experience for the rest of my days. Emmalynn blew out the candle.
AN: Thank you for reading and following! Thanks to my awesome Beta ElyssaCousland.