Chapter Three: Third Time's The Charm

The fact that my vision had been spotty at best had begun to plague me just after Yev's arrest, and after I'd bailed him out. I'd gotten on the plane with Hailey to Los Angeles as scheduled, and, once my daughter fell asleep, the pounding in my head began as we took off. I did my best to ignore it throughout the summer, as Andy signed the documentation, and initially chalked it up to the family drama I'd left behind, plus the legality of issues I'd likely find myself in if Andy was aware of the full truth behind the paperwork, and that I hadn't filed it until returning home. I knew that it was dangerous to keep going on like I'd been, given that I had a job and a daughter to take care of, both of which needed me to see, so I did what I did best and headed out to an optometrist, the same one that Dad saw.

"What seems to be the problem, Iana?" Dr. Schumann asked, smiling at me as she came into the exam room.

"Honesty? My vision seems to be failing," I replied, as she stepped forward and pulled the looking glass thing towards me.

"Well, let's see what happens when you look through this," she said, gently pushing it towards my face so that it fit. "Read the smallest row you can."

"V, C, J, P, B, M, U, T, X," I said without hesitation.

"Very good," Dr. Schumann replied. "I think it must do with the stress you've been having recently in your life," she said, pulling back the looking glass, and when I stared at her, she gave me a smile. "My wife and I are clients and old friends of your father's. Trust me when I say this, Iana, that we know your full story."

I leaned back against the seat. "So, you know that I have a baby?"

She nodded. "Of course. Hailey will be two in January."

My brows knit together then. "And you know that Nicholas Blomqvist is not my biological father?" I asked.

Dr. Schumann smiled. "Yes, he adopted you when you were three, after he married your mother, shortly before the birth of your younger brothers. I also happen to know that your biological father is married to your mother's twin brother."

I scoffed, rubbing my temples. "Yeah, we tend to keep it in the family…"

"Not to mention that your older brother is in some significant trouble with the law, and that you've been a direct support system for him," she said, and I slowly picked my head up to stare at her. "I know stress when I see it, Iana. And then there's the notion that you signed a custody agreement with your daughter's biological father last summer. You've got a lot on your plate, so I think my diagnosis is stress."

I nodded. "So, what can we do?"

"Glasses or contacts, whatever you prefer," she replied.

"I'll take the contacts," I replied.

She blinked. "Don't have an aversion to touching your eye?"

I scoffed. "Please. Someone I care a lot about is marrying someone else in less than a year. I don't have an aversion to much of anything anymore."

. . .

After dropping off Hailey at daycare the following Monday, I returned home to login to the website of the University of Chicago, where I would formally begin my classwork. As a college freshman, several things had changed since the first time I was going to be taking that title. I remembered my plans, and big dreams, I'd had in the years leading up to my high school graduation, and how many things had been derailed since that. Even though I was starting college two years behind most of my graduating class, I knew I'd done the best thing for me in my life, because now Hailey was here, and I wouldn't change that for anything.

I'd replied to Axel's text about an hour into my work, letting him know that I was busy writing an essay for my Business 101 class. This assignment was about our foray into the business world, and why we'd selected it for a major in the first place. Another component of the essay was why we found ourselves in college right now, if at all, and I was able to inform my professor that I'd had a surprise pregnancy, and now, at eighteen, the typical age for a college freshman, I was officially two years behind in my learning. I further explained that Hailey was the light of my life and, combined with my supportive family, I'd made the right choice for me.

I picked up my phone again, when I was about three-fourths of the way done with my essay, and found I was smiling at another text from Axel. He was asking me if I'd be available for dinner two nights from now; I had the closing shift tonight, the opening and lunch rush the following day, and off on Wednesday. I told him that I would of course be available for dinner, as Mom was handing over the reins of the diner more and more to Franny, so she'd only be too glad to take Hailey for a couple of hours in the evening. I'd be able to finish my essay the following evening, or in the hours before my day off, before its Friday due date, and then I'd feel more comfortable going to dinner with Axel. I explained to him my plan, and saved my document, before heading out of my bedroom and getting in a shower before work.

"You're still good to pick up Hailey from daycare later?" I asked Mom, tying my apron in place in the employee locker room, when she came to check up on me after I'd arrived.

"Of course, darling," she replied, smiling at me. "How was the first day?"

I sighed. "Good. I've started writing an essay for my Business 101 class."

"That's amazing, sweetheart," she said, grinning. "You taking any other classes this quarter, or is it just the one?"

"Algebra and English 101," I replied, proud of myself for having placed into a college-level English class, which would make things easier for me in the long-run.

"Any assignments from them yet?"

"A simple math test of ten questions, which I took. Got a nine," I said, pleased, although math and I had never been best friends. "And as for my English class, an essay due Friday after next about our favorite genre of literature."

"Have you started the other essay yet?"

"The outline," I replied, shrugging my shoulders slightly as I gathered up my hair into a ponytail, with a small smile. "I was focusing more on my business essay, because it's due first. I got about three-fourths of the way done."

Mom nodded. "That's great, sweetheart. Seems like you're keeping on top of things." She hesitated for a moment, a knowing smile crossing her face. "What do you want?" she asked, in typical mom fashion.

I bit my lip, wanting to approach the subject delicately. "Well, you know that Axel and me are back together…"

She pursed her lips, clearly not pleased with that fact. "Yeah," she replied.

"Well, he asked me if I could go to dinner on Wednesday night…"

She sighed, rolling her eyes. "And you need me to watch Hailey…"

"If it's an imposition, I can take her with, but I've no idea where he's taking me, plus it's our first date back together, and I don't know how long we'll be…"

Mom stared up at the ceiling for a moment. "Fine," she muttered.

I blinked; had it really been that easy? "What?" I asked stupidly.

She clicked her tongue, clearly growing impatient before she looked back down at me. "Fine, I will watch Hailey on Wednesday night," she said, dragging her hands through her hair. "But honey, just so you know, none of us approve."

I shook my head. "Wait. Don't approve of what?"

She nibbled her bottom lip, turning around to go back to her office. "Of you, getting back together with Axel," she said, shrugging her shoulders.

I sighed. "It's not your decision, Mom."

She looked over her shoulder at me. "I know it isn't, sweetheart. But I also know that you have feelings for someone else, and feelings can't just be turned off."

I crossed my arms. "Mine have."

She smiled sadly then. "That's where it gets really bad. When we think we've managed to erase something, which can never be erased. They don't just go away, darling, they can't. And the sooner you realize that, the better," she told me, her voice gentle, as she continued down the hallway by the kitchen and into her office.

. . .

My jaw dropped when I saw we were going to the same steakhouse we'd gone to, back when our relationship was on solid ground. Well, not so solid; Axel just couldn't get it out of his mind that there was something between me and Liam; I could see it in his eyes. Of course I knew, deep down, that he must still feel that way, especially when he did his best not to sneer when he saw me wearing the heart-shaped locket that I always wore. Why he thought someone like Liam would be so charming and get me something like that, I didn't know, but I resolved to keep my mouth shut about it.

We were led inside and to our table, yet another private booth in the back, and I smiled at the hostess and thanked her, taking my menu after I sat. "This is nice," I said casually to Axel, once the woman had left. I wasn't even going to bring up the fact that she'd been blatantly checking him out in front of me.

"We've been here before," came his reply, slightly clipped, and I grew increasingly annoyed that he was obviously obsessed about my necklace.

I decided to let it slide. "I know," I replied. "It's nice here."

"Mmm-hmm," he replied, staring into his menu and pretty much ignoring me. "Probably why I picked it in the first place."

I swallowed then, staring at my own copy of the menu, and yet found that the items and their descriptions were merely swimming in front of me, as I was not making an effort to focus. My contacts still hadn't arrived yet, but given the size of the text in front of me—not to mention the fact that it wasn't on a screen which blared into my retinas with its powerful light—it was much easier for me to handle. I bit down on my bottom lip, contemplating why Axel was acting this way, given that he'd worked so hard all summer to get me back.

The waiter came by shortly thereafter, and took our drink and appetizer orders. Axel got a beer and I got a cranberry juice, and I barely heard what he ordered for our appetizers. I looked around the dining room, sizing up all the other patrons around us. I could sense several business meetings, given the attire of the diners and the monotones of their conversation. Then there were the several levels of couples around us—first dates; blind dates; seasoned couples; older ones; younger ones… I even saw a proposal going down on the other side of the dining room, and all the tables nearby applauded the groom-to-be's efforts.

"You're quiet."

"Hmm," I said, slowly picking up my water—which was in one of those short-stemmed wine glasses—and tipped it to my lips, the pieces of ice cube clanging against the sides. "Guess so. I mean, you're the one who didn't seem particularly talkative tonight."

Axel sighed, and I did my best to appear interested in my menu again. "It's been a hard week at the prison, Iana. Can you blame me?"

I sighed, rolling my shoulders. "I don't know, Axel," I replied, trying my best to keep my tone civil with him. "You're finally getting a date with me—our first one since getting back together, mind you—and yet you're the one giving me the passive-aggressive treatment. You've barely said two words to me since we've got here, and you know it."

"I've got a lot on my mind, Iana…"

"Well, so have I," I said, finally deciding on a main course and shutting my menu. "I paid off my daughter's biological father so that he wouldn't come near her. My brother might be going to prison if the district attorney has his way. My cousin and best friend has a failing marriage. And I just started college after quitting a solid career, because of complexities regarding me and the family I work for. I'm essentially back to square one, Axel," I said, shaking my head at him and feeling weakened. "I'm eighteen, I'm a mother, I have bills to pay… I don't have the freedom I once did to just run around and do whatever the fuck I want. I feel like I'm drowning constantly, because I'm stretching myself so goddamn thin. I want to be enough for my daughter, for my family, and for you. I just don't know how to do all that…"

Axel sighed, massaging his temples. "I'm sorry," he said, his voice quiet. "I've got to work on considering things from your mindset, Iana."

I reached out then, taking one of his hands, which got his attention enough to raise his eyes slowly to mine. "Hey, we've all got shit going on in our respective lives," I told him, my voice far more gentler this time. "I guess we just have to figure it out. Together."

Axel smiled then, taking my hand and kissing it. "Together. I like that sound of that."

I returned his smile. "Thought you might," I replied.

. . .

"You okay?"

I turned briefly to Yev then, as we sat at the stoplight, and sighed. "I should be asking you the same question," I replied, a nervous laugh escaping my lips. I turned back to the light, stepping on the gas once it turned green, and we were pulled through the intersection.

"Can't complain," Yev replied, shrugging his shoulders. "You manage to get your first essay done for your Business 101 class yet?"

I laughed aloud then, this second laugh far more convincing than my first one just now. "Yeah, I mean, sure…"

"Your mother won't be happy if you didn't," Pops said from the backseat.

I peered up at him in my rearview mirror, and rolled my eyes, before turning my focus back to the road in front of us. "Stop texting Uncle Ian for two seconds and focus on your kids," I said, turning the final corner before arriving at the courthouse.

"My husband wants to know the developments of the day, thank you," Pops said, humor behind his tone as I drove up to the garage across the street from the courthouse, scanning Dad's pass that he'd given us and pulling inside. "Why don't you focus on finding us a halfway decent parking space?"

"Yesh, am I the only one completely calm here?" Yev asked, leaning back against the passenger seat as I began searching for a spot.

"You're only calm because you told Desmond he didn't have to come today," I said, giving Yev a smirk as I finally found a good spot.

"I'll have you know that Desmond doesn't need me to tell him to—"

"Hey, hey," Pops said, interrupting Yev's words as I pulled into the parking space. "I'm happy that you've got a boyfriend, son, but I don't need to hear the gorey details."

I found I couldn't stop laughing then as I finished parking, and thanked Yev when he tossed my bag to me. I pulled my keys from the ignition, watching as Yev and Pops got out of the car, and I hopped out myself, locking up behind me. "Least you're getting some," I muttered.

"You're not?" Yev asked.

"Jesus," Pops muttered, deliberately walking ahead of us in an effort to drown out our topic of conversation as he found the staircase that would lead us outside. "You kids take your time. I'm going to find Nicholas."

"Fine, Pops!" Yev called after him, before turning back to look at me. "So, you and Axel. I mean, you're not…?"

I shook my head, allowing Pops to go ahead before I spoke again. "Nope. I've only been out-out with Axel once since we started… Well, whatever this is, between us again," I said, shrugging my shoulder as Yev and I trooped down the stairs after Pops. "I don't exactly know what you'd call this thing…"

"Would you call Axel your boyfriend?"

I scoffed. "Maybe. I don't know," I replied, nearly tripping and falling down the final bit of stairs, and would've too, if Yev hadn't grabbed onto me to prevent me from doing so. "Thanks," I said, looking up at him, and putting my arms around him, standing on my toes so that I could put my head on his shoulder.

"Hey," Yev said, pulling me into a hug, "it's all right. You okay?"

I sighed, pulling back from him and dragging my hand across my face, relieved that I hadn't succumbed to tears. "No," I said, shaking my head. "Not really."

"Yeah?" he asked, checking his phone. "I don't have to be there for another twenty minutes, Iana, so talk to me. What's going on?"

I bit my lip. "You sure?" I asked. "I mean, we've got your jury selection today and that's really important in the build-up of a case…"

"I'm sure," Yev said, his voice firm. "You're my sister. I think, out of everyone in our family, I love you the most, Iana. So, come on. Come on and tell me what's bothering you."

"Yev, I don't think…"

"Well, I think it's a good thing," he interrupted me.

I crossed my arms. "Yeah? How?"

"Well, let's see, we've been separated for more years that we've been together, for one thing," he said, smirking down at me, and I rolled my eyes, "so the whole little sister asking her big brother for favors is at play here."

I scoffed. "Okay. That's one reason. Got any more?"

"Uh, yeah," Yev said, looking triumphant. "Even though I didn't ask you to, you originally took the blame for this whole thing with Terry," he said, spreading his hands. "If the police hadn't caught on, it would've been buried."

"Yeah," I said. "So?"

"Well, I owe you a lot, Iana," Yev said, and I looked away from him. "No, I mean it," he said, and reached out then to squeeze my shoulder, which caused me to look at him again. "You saved my life, Iana, by seeking me out, and reuniting me with our family. If it hadn't been for you, I would've probably gotten back on the needle again, and ended up dead in a ditch somewhere. I didn't have the courage to go on for much longer, Iana, because I never knew what a support system even was. You saved my life, and I'll always be grateful for that."

I smiled slowly then. "All right, mister," I said. "I guess I can say that a lot of the old issues that drove me and Axel apart the first time around are coming back up."

Yev looked guarded then. "He hitting you?"

I shook my head. "No, no hitting involved."

He nodded. "Okay. Did you bring your gun with you on your date?"

I raised my eyebrows. "Jesus, Yev. No. He just took me to that steakhouse he did last year, when I thought things were good, but, as it turns out…"

"They're the same as before?"

I sighed. "Yeah, it feels that way…"

"Then, why'd you do it?" he asked, spreading his hands. "Why'd you get back together with Axel at all, Iana?"

I shrugged. "I don't know."

"Yeah, you do know," Yev said, his tone slightly annoyed.

I rolled my eyes. "I don't want to do this."

"Too late—we're doing this," Yev said, crossing his arms. "I'm pulling the big brother card on you, little sister."

I shook my head at him. "The fucking what…?! That doesn't exist, Yev!"

"I'm invoking it into existence now," he replied.

I raised my eyebrows. "Did you just say 'invoking'?"

"Don't change the subject," Yev snapped, clearly becoming more and more impatient with me by the minute. "Just spit it out. Why'd you get back together with Axel?"

I sighed. "It's complicated."

"Don't give me that 'it's complicated' bullshit, Iana. This is serious."

I shook my head at him. "Not that serious."

"It's very serious, Iana," Yev shot back. "Last time around, Axel got violent with you, and it got so bad that you had to pull your fucking gun on him!"

"He triggered me," I said quietly, wrapping my arms around myself, my nails digging into my arms as my mind went automatically back to the terror I'd felt that day. "He triggered me and I remembered Tommy…"

Yev sighed, dragging his hand down his face. "Jesus," he whispered. "And you would actually go back to a man who made you feel that way?"

I shrugged. "Yeah. Yeah, I guess I did…"

"And you honestly have no idea why you would do something like that?"

I swallowed, turning away from Yev as my eyes filled with tears. "I needed someone, Yev, and he was there for me," I whispered, shuddering. "Not many people understand what I've been through, and not many people can, unless they've been there themselves…"

"What?" Yev asked, and I sighed then, attempting to stop myself from sobbing aloud. "What are you talking about, Iana?"

I sighed then, a sob escaping from my lips. "He went through hell, just like I did, when he was just a little boy," I whispered then, covering my face with my hands. "He was just a little boy, Yev, and I was just a little girl, and then men in our lives—men who were supposed to love and protect us—they did just the opposite…"

"What are you saying?" Yev whispered.

"It was his stepdad, his mother's husband," I said, slowly dragging my hands off from my face so as I could look up at him. "He did terrible things to him growing up, on the same level of what Tommy did to me. That's why," I whispered then, my voice trembling. "That's why it's so easy to be with him, and to forgive him whenever he lashes out. He doesn't do it to hurt me, Yev; he does it because, like me, he's just unable to control it sometimes. All I want is for him to be happy and safe, and I think I can help him do that…"

Yev shook his head. "You sound more like a mother than a girlfriend."

I scoffed. "Mothers shouldn't mess with their children that way, Yev."

Yev sighed. "Do you even love him, Iana?"

I swallowed again. "I don't know."

"Iana…"

"No, it's different," I said, shrugging my shoulders. "It's different than it was when I was fourteen and we first got together, and then when we got back together last year, after Pops got shot when Uncle Lip and Aunt Mandy got married. But he's done so much; he had the information that led me to you. I'm so thankful for him, Yev, more than you could ever realize, and our relationship… It's different."

"But do you love him?" he pressed.

I raised my eyes to his. "That's not a simple answer, Yev," I replied.

"And what about Liam?" he asked.

I shrugged. "What about Liam?"

"Do you love him?"

I narrowed my eyes at him. "I hate Liam," I replied, my voice filled with loathing as I walked past him then, and towards the courthouse.

. . .

"How did jury selection go?"

"Hmmm? Jury selection?" I asked, picking my head up from where I'd been staring at my computer, writing up my second essay for my Business 101 class. "Fine, I guess…"

Axel nodded, his arm draped casually around my shoulders for the moment. He'd received a big promotion at the prison, and it was now his duty to do up the schedules within the ranks of the various employees. "I'm glad to hear it."

I forced a smile to my face, before leaning in and kissing him on the cheek. "Thanks for asking me," I said, turning back to my computer. "Thanks for being so considerate and letting our second date back together be at your place with pizza."

"Hey, anything for a couple of hours alone with you," Axel said, squeezing my shoulder as he went over the schedule on his own laptop. "How's Hailey adjusting?"

"She loves her new daycare," I said, flashing him a smile. "The employees are telling me she's on the fast-track for preschool, which is amazing."

"Yeah, of course," Axel said. "She sensing shit's up?"

I shrugged. "You know Hailey. Always questioning…"

"So, she gets it?" he asked.

"Well, I mean, Yev and I have discussed what we'll tell her if, on the off-chance he goes to prison for a time," I said, shrugging my shoulders. "All I know is, it could destroy her if I don't end up telling her right."

"Why do you think so?"

I sighed, saving my document before turning to look at him. "Isn't it obvious?" I asked, climbing into his lap, which made him chuckle, and move his laptop out of the way. "The last thing I want is for my daughter blaming herself that her uncle is in prison."

Axel placed his hands on my shoulders. "You don't really think that Hailey would think something like that, do you?"

I sighed, putting my forehead against Axel's. "Just because she's far more advanced than most children her age, Axel, doesn't mean she doesn't occasionally think like them."

Axel cocked his head to one side. "Meaning?"

I sighed. "Meaning that she'll become insecure, and think that every little thing she does has consequences," I said simply.

Axel's brow furrowed. "Well, it's true…"

"Yeah, but not on such an extreme level," I said quickly. "I don't want my daughter turning into a fragile and timid creature…"

Axel grinned. "You know very well that the won't happen."

I sat back on my haunches then. "Yeah, well, how do you know?"

"Isn't it obvious?"

I shrugged. "No. I mean, not really."

He smiled. "I think it's obvious."

"Well, then, enlighten me, good sir, so that I may be privy to this knowledge you suddenly have about my daughter's future," I said, a laugh escaping my lips.

Axel chuckled then, grabbing me by my waist then and pulling me lengthwise against him; this caught me off-guard to the point where I squealed. "Because she's your daughter," Axel said simply then, kissing me. "Any daughter of yours couldn't be fragile and timid."

I smiled down at him. "Thanks for the vote of confidence, Mr. Richland," I said.

Axel smirked. "Anytime," he replied.

. . .

Jury was picked a week after selection had begun, and, just two days later, I had some time free, so I went out with Axel again. We had a pleasant conversation, and that's how our date went, at first, as we caught each other up on our professional and personal lives. I loved that Axel loved hearing about Hailey and the trial, and I would smirk behind my hand at the notion that Axel was giving himself the best schedules in the prison.

"Are you happy?"

I turned and looked at him from the Michigan Avenue Bridge, where we currently stood. "Do you mean generally, or right now?"

Axel smiled. "Let's start with generally."

I sighed. "Well, I'm still kind of freaking out about my academic and parental futures," I said honestly, hunching my shoulders around my frame then; it was the final day of the first full week of October, and so cold and autumn weather had officially set in to the South Side. "Not to mention the fact that my brother might be going to prison…"

Axel sighed. "I'm sorry."

I shook my head at him. "Don't be," I replied. "You didn't force me to change my academic plans once I got pregnant. And then there's the fact that you did not get me pregnant," I said, and found myself laughing at that fact. "And you also didn't ask me to take the blame for Yev's sake when it came to Terry's assault." I sighed then, blowing out the air from my cheeks, which turned into a puff of hot air, which floated down from the bridge where we stood, and down onto the surface of the water below. "Although, personally, I think you would've tried to talk me out of doing that…"

Axel nodded. "Probably," he admitted, "even though I understand your reasons for wanting to do something like that."

"You ever take the heat for Cara doing something?" I asked, turning back and looking up at him in the sunset. "I mean…"

He sighed. "A few times," he said, stuffing his hands into his pockets. "Usually for parties and shit like that when we were growing up."

I nodded. "I see."

"Guess I'm just glad that I've got you back in my life," he said, taking one of his hands out of his pockets and putting it around my shoulders.

I leaned back into him. "Thanks, Axel," I said. "I'm glad, too."

He hesitated for a moment. "I need you, Iana."

I smiled, turning and looking out at the water. "It's nice to be needed," I said quietly.

"No, I mean…" Axel cut himself off then, allowing his hand to wander from where it was, just over my shoulder, before it moved to cup my breast.

"Axel, what are you…?"

Axel turned me around then, kissing me, just as he wrapped up the two of us in his coat, and continued to run his hand over my chest, effectively pawing at me. "Iana," he moaned into my ear, and I found I wanted to break away from him. "Please," he whispered.

"Axel, don't," I said softly.

"Why?" he whispered, pulling back and looking down at me. "I want you."

I swallowed. "But…"

"We're back together," he said, his tone filled with desperation. "You've come up with excuses not to do it ever since we've gotten back together. Why?"

I shrugged. "I don't know…"

His touch turned cold then, and he merely left his hands were they were, on my chest, and yet made no moves to flex his fingers to fondle me there even further. "Is it because you're still not over Liam?" he asked.

I yanked back from him. "What the fuck that's supposed to mean?!"

"It's a simple question, Iana," he shot back. "Are you over him or not?"

I crossed my arms. "You think that just because I'm not in the mood to fuck you right now that it means I'm not over Liam?!"

Axel shrugged. "If the shoe fits."

I scoffed then, reaching out without hesitation and slapping him across the face. "Fuck you, Axel," I said, stomping past him.

"Where are you going?" he demanded.

"Home," I said firmly, not turning back to face him. "Alone."

"Let me drive you," he said. "It's late."

"I am not some damsel in distress, Axel!" I yelled, turning around to face him again. "I'd rather walk than go anywhere with you and your false accusations! If you want to accuse me of shit like this, then I don't know if we can ever really become a couple again!"

Axel sighed. "It has to be what you want, Iana."

I shook my head at him. "Fuck you," I said. "I think I've made it abundantly clear what I want from this, Axel."

"If you're not going to fuck me…"

"You're being ridiculous!" I said, throwing up two middle fingers at him.

"I don't think I'm being the ridiculous one here, Iana."

I shook my head. "What are you saying?"

"I'm saying that the ball's in your court," he replied, turning around and walking in the opposite direction, towards his car.

"Axel!" I screamed, but he didn't turn back to me. "Axel!" I yelled, one last time, but, seeing that his mind was made up, turned around and walked away on my own.