Lafayette face planted into his bed, staying in a rented out apartment in the city centre. "Bon Dieu, monsieur Mulligan. Pourquoi es-tu si magnifique?" (Goddamn it, mister Mulligan. Why are you so fucking gorgeous?) "Vous ne le savez pas. Mais tu m'as emporté!" (You don't know it. But you've swept me off my feet!)

He stood up, picking up his headphones and looking out the window. It was dark. Lafayette slid the headphones on, listening to some French rap music. He starfished on the bed, closing his eyes and jamming out to his Spotify Playlist.

Vivre c'est des chiffres et des lettres

Des chutes et des litres

(Living is numbers and letters. Loss and liters)

Lafayette sighed, there wasn't much to do. He remembered Hercules telling him about a show called 'Recreation and Parks'? Or was it the other way around? It didn't matter, because Hercules had said it was amazing, and if Hercules recommended it, Lafayette could give it a try.

He turned off his music, placing his phone on the night stand and turning his attention to the TV on the wall. He switched it on, flicking through the channels until he found the show. Lafayette's phone pinged, and he picked it up. A message from an Unknown number.

Unknown: Hey, Laf.

Marie-Joseph Paul Yves Roch Gilbert du Mortier Marqui de Lafayette: Bonjour?

Unknown: It's Herc.

Marie-Joseph Paul Yves Roch Gilbert du Mortier Marqui de Lafayette: Oh!

Marie-Joseph Paul Yves Roch Gilbert du Mortier Marqui de Lafayette changed Unknowns name to Hercules.

Hercules changed Marie-Joseph Paul Yves Roch Gilbert du Mortier Marqui de Lafayette's name to Laffy.

Hercules: How are u?

Laffy: im good. watching the television show you suggested.

Hercules: Parks and Rec?

Laffy: oui!

Hercules: whatcha thinkin of it? ? ?

Laffy: it is funny, non? although sometimes i do not get it

Hercules: FUNNY!? ITS HILARIOUS!

Laffy: im sorry i didnt meet ur friends today.

Hercules: Ya still can. I'll add you 2 the gc

Laffy: ok!

Lafayette chuckled at Hercules' childish nature, excited to talk with his friends.

Herc added Laffy to 'Honking geese'

Assexander: Who's that?

Turts: yee who is it

Herc: calm your tits it's Lafayette.

Assexander: YOU MEAN THE

Turts: lexi stop!

Laffy: Bonjour!

Assexander: Salut!

Turts: dont start speaking french on us

Herc: I agree

Turts: both of your usernames are 2 boring 1 sec

Turts changed Herc's name to Horsefucker

Turts changed Laffy's name to FamousModelGuy

Horsefucker: Are u serious John

Turts: yes

FamousModelGuy: should i be flattered?

Assexander: Yes, you should.

FamousModelGuy: ur the 1 who speaks french, non?

Assexander: Oui!

FamousModelGuy: Magnique!

Turts: staaaaup

Horsefucker: i agree

Assexander: Yo, should we add Lafayette to the main group chat?

Turts: hell yeah

FamousModelGuy: Lafayette's my last name btw

Turts: really

FamousModelGuy: oui!

Assexander: What's your first name?

FamousModelGuy: Marie

Turts: so ur marie lafayette?

FamousModelGuy: non.

Horsefucker: Prepare urselves

Assexander: What's your full name?

FamousModelGuy: Marie-Joseph Paul Yves Roch Gilbert du Mortier Marqui de Lafayette

Turts: wtf

Assexander: Your parents must of hated you.

FamousModelGuy: wouldnt be eh...

FamousModelGuy: Surprised!

FamousModelGuy: wouldnt be surprised if they did.

Turts: did?

Horsefucker: Laf u ok talking about it?

Assexander: IM CONFUSED

FamousModelGuy: both my parents are dead.

Assexander: ME TOO! ORPHAN BUDDIES

Turts: lexi maybe dont sound so happy

FamousModelGuy: ORPHAN BUDDIES

Horsefucker: nvrm

Turts: ADD HIM GODDAMN IT

Lafayette laughed again, he liked Hercules' friends. They seemed nice.

Turtleboi has added Lafayette to 'Include every one in the sequel!'

MacaroniBitch: Angie, all I'm saying is, compared to me, you're not very strong.

WORK!: WANNA TRY THAT THEORY OUT BITCH

SickVirginian: please say no

Assexander: TO THIS

TurtleBoi: LoRd ShOw Me hOw To SaY nO tO tHiS

AndPeggy: Who's the new guy

Lafayette: Bonjour! Je m'appelle Lafayette!

MacaroniBitch: Êtes-vous Français?

Lafayette: Oui! I'm French!

MacaroniBitch: cool. I'm Thomas Jefferson.

Assexander: He's an asshole.

SickVirginian: so are you.

Lafayette: ?

CinnamonRoll: I'm Eliza Schyluer, middle child. Thomas and Alex hate each other, James is Thomas' best friend.

Lafayette: ok nice 2 meet u all!

Waiting: Hi.

WORK!: HI AARON

Waiting: yeah okay bye

Lafayette: hey

Waiting: bye

Lafayette: wow rude

AndPeggy: That's A-aron for ya!

Lafayette: Is your name Peggy by any chance?

AndPeggy: YEAH HOWD U KNOW

Lafayette: lucky guess.

HorsesAndShit had changed Lafayette's name to FrenchFry

HorsesAndShit: lol

FrenchFry: ha ha. So funny.

SickVirginian: why was "Lafayette" even added?

HorsesAndShit: cause he's my friend

FrenchFry: and im also modelling

SickVirginian: Will I have seen u anywhere

MacaroniBitch: Why are u interrogating him?

FrenchFry: when did I specify my gender?

MacaroniBitch: well are a guy

FrenchFry: oui

MacaroniBitch: my point stands.

Assexander: John come back.

TurtleBoi: this is a mess

FrenchFry: SickVirginian ur James, right?

SickVirginian: yee

FrenchFry: im the gay symbol of france

SickVirginian: cool

CinnamonRoll: ReAlLy?

FrenchFry: yeah

AndPeggy: I want proof

FrenchFry has sent an image

WORK!: YOURE IN THE MAGAZINE I BOUGHT YESTERDAY

TurtleBoi: HERC STOP KNOCKING THE DOOR ITS UNLOCKED

Assexander: insert lenny face

FrenchFry: are you okay, mon ami?

HorsesAndShit: say something Alex. I DARE you

Assexander: he... wanted to hang out

AndPeggy: Herc pm me now

"What's the matter?" John cocked an eyebrow.

"Did you not see the photo he sent!" Hercules exclaimed, bursting into his best friends flat, standing in the hall.

"Yeah? The one where..." John trailed off. "Oh!"

(Casual Shawn Mendes Calvin Klein reference)

"Why would he choose that!" He kicked the ground.

"Because he looks good!" John giggled, pushing Hercules into the living room.

Hercules sighed, sitting in his friends living room. "What's the matter?" Alexander questioned.

"I'm falling for my model!" He exclaimed, hanging his head in his hands.

John slid into the seat next to him. "Is that a bad thing?"

Hercules whipped his head up. "YES!"

His phone beeped violently, many messages coming through at once.

PegLeg: Herc

PegLeg: Herc answer me

PegLeg: what's up w u

PegLeg: I mean it

PegLeg: Is it something 2 do with Laf

PegLeg: ?

Hunkules: yes.

PegLeg: TOOK U LONG ENOUGH

PegLeg: wait yes?

Hunkules: yes.

PegLeg: holy shit

PegLeg: are u gonna ask him out?

Hunkules: he has a bf

PegLeg: how do u know?

Hunkules: we were walking and he said a guy called Samuel was picking him up. And he called me mon ami. That means my friend in French i looked it up.

PegLeg: and? He's a famous model left?

Hunkules: left?

PegLeg: right stupid auto cucumber

PegLeg: AUTO CORRECT

Hunkules: yeah he's a famous model.

PegLeg: what if it's a shofer

Hunkules: a chauffeur?

PegLeg: u know i failed english so shut it

Hunkules: but what if this Samuel guy is his bf?

PegLeg: ill break them up for u

Hunkules: DoNt Do ThAt!

PegLeg: okay okay calm us tits, and put a tampon on.

Hunkules: ha ha

PegLeg: u know u love me

Hunkules: ur not wrong, love ya Pegs.

PegLeg: MWAH

Hunkules: MWAH

He noticed John staring over his shoulder. Hercules proceeded to delete the messages apart from the last ones, he didn't know why. Maybe he'd go back to them if he was feeling low. "What's she on about?" Alex chuckled.

"I don't know." Hercules switched off his phone, glancing at the time before he did. "I'm going to bed, so don't contact me." He stood, pacing into his own apartment.

"What will we do with him?" John giggled, collapsing onto the couch.

Alex sighed in despair. "I don't know. But I haven't seen him like this since..." He trailed off.

"Her." John hissed.

Alex repeated him.

"Her."

Words: 1,305

Who's Her?!

Hehehe