The Daughter of Tethras
Disclaimer: Don't own Dragon Age
A/N:
Chapter 4 ("Nobody Important")
"It is difficult," Bianca said as she walked with Mother Giselle through the main camp of the Hinterlands. All around them were bodies of rogue Templars and rebel mages, a horrific sight that was hard to take in. "My clan in the carta…Dasher always tried to keep me away from the violence. This isn't the first time I've seen death, but it's the first time I've had to kill people."
"Sometimes death cannot be avoided," Mother Giselle replied softly. Bianca furrowed her brow and looked up to the woman. "If you are being attacked, and there is no other alternative, it is understandable that you must do what you must to protect yourself and those around you."
Today, she protected the refugees in the Hinterlands. Aside from the deaths that occurred, it was for a good cause. "I see." She leaned her head back and closed her eyes as a gentle brush of wind caressed her tanned cheeks.
All around them were countless hills and mountains with green grass that rams and other animals grazed upon. The brilliant blue sky with painted puffs of clouds was much different than the broken sky of Haven.
Still, the Hinterlands were littered with rifts, demons, and numerous bandits. Not to mention the mages and Templars. "How can a place so beautiful be drenched with so much blood, Mother Giselle?"
"These are truly difficult times, as I am sure you are aware." She opened her eyes and looked to the distance. Cassandra was off speaking with Corporal Vale about the refugees, Solas was helping to heal the wounded, and Varric was standing on a high rock that looked over the entire campground.
Mother Giselle followed Bianca's gaze to the man and breathed in slowly. "It is a world where lives are lost, men and women become desperate. Children lose their parents and parents separated from their child…" Her lips parted and she continued to study Varric. His arms were crossed and his gaze was like a hawk's. "In these days small blessings can truly inspire-to see a child reunited with their parent is but a small blessing with great impact."
"I explained to you why I can't tell him." She hoped Mother Giselle would honor that decision. "I can't be rejected again. Not by him, not when I've looked for him for so long."
"I understand. But I do hope that the two of you may not miss a chance to be reunited. We know not the outcome of our futures, and today we know our tomorrow is uncertain."
"You're a very wise woman."
"Thank you." Giselle positioned her hands at her waist, folding her right over her left. "You are young yet, with much to learn, and yet you have been given a great responsibility."
"I'm not sure a lot of people would be willing to take it on. I don't even feel strong enough-tough enough."
"You are as strong as what is in your heart."
"Right…" Mages, Templars, demons and blight-ridden animals; she had already had almost all she could take of it. "I'm going to miss having the only thing I need to hide from being my ex boyfriend when he's angry or demanding sex-if I can even call him that." She rolled her eyes and froze, realizing what just came out of her mouth.
When she looked to Mother Giselle, the woman's eyebrows were high and her mouth hung open. Bianca closed her hands and sighed. "Sorry, I was speaking without thought."
"It is okay. Tell me, was this lover of yours a dangerous man?"
"He wasn't a lover. Not exactly." She wasn't sure what the word for it was, and she didn't feel like thinking too hard on it. As far as she was concerned, Lantos was someone she hoped never to have to deal with again.
"Lantos was dangerous though. I'm not sure how dangerous he is now, or even if he is a threat to anyone, but he's not someone I want to see again. I'd throw myself into the breach before I have to spend any more time with him."
She found that, in a way, the conclave may have been a good thing for her. Primarily because she was now out of the life of the Carta, but that didn't help her to feel better about the situation she was in now.
"I'm adept at fighting, but I'm not sure how well I'd be able to deal with Lantos again if he showed up." She scratched her arm gently and looked towards her father, still watching over the area. It may be a stretch to say she felt safer this way, but it was true enough. "Not like I need anyone or anything, I've just never been able to fight him that well."
"It is not a weakness to depend on others for assistance. I am sure the others would be more than willing to stand at your side should great danger come. As you would them, I suspect?"
"I would. I'm just not used to all of this yet. This is bigger than anything I've ever dealt with, and yet, I feel selfish."
"Why?"
She lowered her gaze from Varric and locked her forefingers together in her waist. Her thumbs pressed against each other and she took a deep breath. "Because, I didn't join the inquisition to stop a war between mages and Templars." She glanced at Giselle and raised her shoulders. "I didn't join just to seal the rifts all over the place, though I recognize I need to."
"You joined because you want to be close to your father."
She took the remark as a statement rather than a question, and it didn't have a derogatory tone to it as she expected it to. "I did." She held her breath, waiting for the woman to tell her if it was selfishness.
"If he had been at the Conclave like he should have been-if he had died-I think I would have ran…because at that point, I would have had no one." Giselle turned with the wind and looked up to the horizon with a gentle breath of air. Bianca opened her hand and looked at the mark on her hand with a lingering sadness. "I honestly don't think I was meant for this. I mean, haven't I been through enough crap in my life?"
"The Maker has a funny way of grooming us." She looked up to the woman. The corners of her lips fell into a frown and her brow furrowed. "The trials that we go through, the events that happen to us in the life we lead, these are what build us and make us stronger. You are not the first to wonder 'why me', you will not be the last, but understand that the things that you are put through…the struggle you will go through...you can learn from it and become stronger mentally and physically, or you can let it defeat you."
"Heh." She crossed her arms and shrugged. "Running always seemed to work."
"But how long can you run and avoid conflict before it catches up with you?"
"I'm just used to it, you know." She walked over to a rock and sat down. She dropped her hands between her legs and looked down at a weed growing next to her feet. "I've been running all my life. Whether it was from my adoptive family or some other danger."
She tucked a strand of hair over her ear and slanted her eyes. "They can't hurt you if you don't stay still long enough, Mother Giselle. That's what I've always believed." Giselle moved her hands behind her back and smiled warmly, looking at her with silent eyes and open ears. "Do you still think I'm meant for this 'Herald' stuff?"
"What I believe does not matter." She leaned back, pushing her hands over her knees. Bianca stared at Giselle as though she had just spoken in some foreign language.
"What does that mean?"
Giselle sat beside her and placed a soft hand to the middle of her back. "It means, child, that what matters is what you believe. You must believe in yourself, nobody else can make you do so. Nobody can tell you whether you are meant for something or not, only you can decide that."
"They're calling me 'Andraste's chosen'." She scratched her head and groaned. Her eyes clenched and her teeth grit together. "They're treating me like I'm some holy thing because the Divine or Andraste, or whomever pushed me out of the fade. I'm not anything special, I don't want to be anything special."
"Why is that, dear?"
She dropped her hands and shrugged. Her voice rose to a peak, then fell soft. "Because I'm not." She bit down on her lower lip and her eyes darted sideways. "I'm just some girl that was born a mistake-born because of someone's affair on her husband." She let out a loud scoff and threw her hand up into the air.
"I'm some woman that spent the first fifteen years of my life being beaten and spit at by the family that raised me, some nobody that spent a year running away until I found the Carta…and don't even get me started on that." Giselle leaned to the right and folded her hands on top of her raised right knee.
The woman's eyes held an inexplicable wisdom and calmness that when looking into them, soothed Bianca's raging nerves. She lowered her head with a sigh. "Honestly Mother Giselle, I was just in the wrong place in the wrong time. All I remember was trying to get the hell away from Lantos, and after that, nothing. I shouldn't even exist."
"Why?"
"Affair." She rolled her eyes. Either Giselle wasn't understanding, or there was something else to the woman's questioning. Bianca ran her hand across her forehead, then placed her palms on the stone as she leaned backwards.
"You have a world of pain hidden behind those blue eyes of yours." The muscles in her arms tensed and she looked slowly at Giselle. The woman closed her eyes and shook her head. "So it's understandable that you should focus on the negative of your past without seeing the potential for your future or even the good among the bad."
"What good can come of any of this?"
"First of all, look what that mark on your hand has given you?" She extended her hand before her, studying the glowing mark with disgust and anger. "Because you walked into the room of the Conclave that day, because you received that mark, you were taken in by Seeker Pentegast." Giselle looked at the hill where Varric was still standing and her lips curled into a smile.
"Though you may not wish to tell your father who you are, you have been given a chance to be with him." Bianca lowered her hand and looked up at Varric. Her lips pursed and her eyebrows rose. "You are also away from the life you once lived in the Carta, no more must you suffer the abuse of the one you call Lantos. You have your freedom now, your life, and it is all because of the 'mistake' of walking into that room."
Giselle rose up and brushed some dirt off her robe. "So remember…" Bianca peered down at her hand, frowning as she processed Mother Giselle's words. "It's good to think about the negative sometimes, if only to grow, but for every bad that exists there is a good that shall counter. The mark on your hand you may bear as either a curse or a blessing, or perhaps both."
She let out a heavy sigh and dropped her hand to the stone. "I…thank you." It wasn't hard to understand what the reverend mother was saying, but it wasn't easy to come by. This 'mark' came with a lot of responsibility that she wasn't sure she was ready to handle.
"There's Maker knows how many rifts I have to close with this thing, then I'm having to work to help stop a war between the Mages and the Templars, and now-" She whisked her hand out into the air, chuckling madly. "Now I have to go talk to nobles and chantry leaders in Val Royeaux."
"Nobody said it would be easy, as I am sure you have learned through life that life itself is not easy."
"Yeah."
"Then is when you rely on those around you for support. You do not need to go through this alone. You do not have to bear the entire weight of the world on your shoulders."
"I'll try not to." She appreciated Mother Giselle's advice, and she would do the best she could to heed it. "How bad can things get? I mean, yeah this war is insane, but it can't get much worse than it is now…"
What do you think? Mother Giselle has some good words to say, would you agree? It's true Cadash has a heavy burden to bear, and she could look at that mark as a curse, but is Giselle right to say there's even some good to be had with that mark in itself?