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Spoilers for Chapter 465
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(:)(A)(:)
Regrets
By AbsentAngel
(:)(A)(:)
He feels empty.
It is a strange thing to feel when the fate of all the ones he loves has been strapped firmly to his shoulders. He has failed them - he knows this - but instead of guilt weighing down his steps he feels almost weightless. He thinks that maybe this is what it feels like to be a ghost.
In just a handful of minutes, Zeref (he refuses to call him 'brother') has stripped him of his identity. Everything he believed himself to be was wrong. He isn't human; he wasn't even born in this era.
In the heat of battle it was easy to be self sacrificing - it was easy to pin every word out of Zeref's mouth as a lie. Now though... In the solemn quiet of the guild hall, it is harder. As he looks at the faces of those he grew up with and those he has only more recently come to love, the empty feeling in his chest starts to churn and sour into something that tastes like regret.
He does not want to die.
He wants to grow old surrounded by the family he has made for himself in this little corner of the world. He wants to go on more adventures and become the strongest he can be. He wants to complete his first solo S-Class mission and rub it in Gray's face. Maybe even get strong enough that Erza will be afraid of his temper for once.
His eyes land on Lucy and his heart gives a painful throb. After, when this was all done and everyone was safe, he had planned on kissing her. Maybe not right after, or even that week, but someday. When the time was right. He wants to be with her everyday, see her smile every morning. He wants to marry her.
For a burning moment he hates Igneel. He wishes he had ended it - ended him - from the beginning.
It would have been easier to die when there wasn't so much to live for.
AN: I'm still alive, see?