The Daughter of Tethras

Disclaimer: Don't own Dragon Age

A/N:

Chapter 8 (A Good Friend)

Solas entered her cabin, knocking on the door to make sure she heard him. Bianca was beneath the covers with bandage wrapped around her wrist and her head. Every inch of her body still ached, surprisingly so. "You should hear what's going on with Harritt," Solas commented.

Harritt was the blacksmith of Haven, he made her armor and took apart the blade she found and forged it into something stronger. "He seemed really upset when we got back." She laid her arms over the blanket and sat upright against the headboard. "I hope he isn't still blaming himself."

Considering the armor she had failed to protect her against Lantos, she knew she was going to need something stronger and more secure. "No, but Varric is demanding he make stronger armor for you." She curled her lips up and closed her eyes. "He's giving Harritt a hard time. I do believe he's overseeing the crafting process and making certain the best material possible goes into the creation."

"Tell Varric I appreciate his concern, but it isn't needed." Solas tilted his head and stared at her. She dropped her gaze and gently swept her thumb across the surface of her hand. "I don't want him worrying about me."

"That's a tall order, I think." Solas sat on the edge of the bed. "How are you feeling?"

"Like I've just been body-slammed and compressed against a rock, Solas." She wasn't typically blunt, but she was in far too much pain to care about being polite. Bianca took a breath and brushed her fingers along her forehead, wincing as they brushed across the forehead wound. "I'm sorry Solas, I'm not trying to be difficult, I just-"

"It is understood. You've been through a rough time. Nobody here understands the history between you and Lantos, but we understand there's something there…no one expects you to be without emotion."

"Emotion? I don't know what to feel." Part of her was angry, furious with not only Lantos but with herself. She chastised herself for not being careful, scolded herself for leaving the group. "I shouldn't have left the group." Her hands closed into tight fists and her eyes slanted. "I got hit from behind and chased after the person, I shouldn't have reacted-"

"You need not to blame yourself. None of us had any way of knowing what would happen out there, and neither did you."

"I'm stronger than this, Solas. I'm not weak, stuff like this doesn't happen to me. I saw him, I recognized him in the last minute. I should have just turned and gone back to the group." When she looked up, she spotted Cassandra in the doorway, leaning her right shoulder against the frame.

"Cassandra?"

"I came to check on you…" Cassandra stepped forward and looked to Solas. The man said his farewell and made a remark about going to talk to Varric so Harritt could work on the armor without being micromanaged.

"Did someone say you were weak, Bianca?" Cassandra spoke softly and sat down beside her. "Just because one enemy caught you off guard doesn't mean you're weak." Bianca crossed her arms and turned her head away as moisture formed beneath her eyelids.

"It shouldn't have happened. Even before Lantos, I got sick to my stomach looking at one of the dead venatori. I can't enjoy that, I'm not a killer."

"None of us enjoy it." Cassandra looked towards the door and folded her hands in her lap. "Well, maybe with the exception of Iron Bull, but I think even he doesn't enjoy war. Still, the fact that you feel sick over it is a good thing, it means you have a humanity about you that others lack. You're stronger for it."

The woman reached over patting her knee. Bianca looked up at her with a furrowed brow, the mist in her eyes glistened in the sunlight. She hated for anyone to see her this way, but at this point she didn't care.

"If I was stronger for it, why do I feel like shit? What about you? You can't have ever felt like this, you seem so adjusted to the fighting."

"I've been involved in many fights. However, let me tell you something." Cassandra put her arm around Bianca's shoulders and let the girl lean against her.

"The very first time I ever picked up a sword, I was roughly twelve at the time. I was playing with a group of friends behind our house, and I'd taken my father's sword from his study." Cassandra let out a wry chuckle and Bianca's eyebrows rose.

"He wasn't happy about that, I take?"

"Not at all. It was one of those things that he treasured." Cassandra's mouth formed a line and her eyes drifted up to the ceiling. "If I recall, one of my good friends wandered off. There was this man nearby, I imagine he was watching us play."

The skin around Cassandra's lips and eyes tensed, and her eyebrows sank and came together like two clouds drifting in the breeze. "No one knew whether he was a Mage, a Templar, a simple villager-could have been a priest for all we knew. What was important at that time wasn't who he was, but the fact that when my friend wandered off, he attacked her."

"What did you do?"

"I did what I thought was best to protect my friend. This man was large, much larger than we were, and he had a knife in his hand. I had a sword, but I didn't think about using it. All that was going through my mind was protecting my friend before he killed her, so I struck him from behind with my father's blade…he fell to the ground and did not move."

Bianca turned her head and frowned as silence filled the room. Cassandra spoke after a long moment, her voice wavered at first and Bianca could feel the woman's arm tensing.

"When it hit me what I had done, I fell beside the man with tears in my eyes. I begged for him to be okay. Though I defended my friend, I killed a man that I did not know."

"But you were just protecting your friend. I mean, it was self-defense wasn't it?"

"It was." A faint smile appeared on her face and she turned her gaze back to Bianca. "And I would do it again if I had to. Am I any weaker for my actions that day, though? Am I weak because I felt horrible for taking someone's life, or am I weak for the tears I shed for that man's life?"

"I think what you did was brave."

"Tell me something, then." Cassandra pulled her arm back and Bianca looked into her eyes. "This Lantos. Does he have family? People who care about him, or people that he cares about? In that moment when he had you up against that boulder, would any of this have made a difference in any of us attacking that man in your defense?"

"I don't know." Lantos had no family, and there was hardly anyone in the carta clan that actually liked the guy. They only tolerated him because he was Dasher's second in command. "He's a violent person, probably the most violent one in our clan." Her hands balled up again and she bowed her head. "He gets what he wants, and if he's refused, he takes what he wants."

"I see. And you two had a relationship?"

"It was a volatile one, but yes. We did." She uncurled her hands and shut her eyes. The memories of his abuse came to her in flashes, and with each strike she remembered, her body tensed. "He would put me down, he would hit me when I didn't do what he wanted. It was like second nature to him. I couldn't leave him, and when I did, he would always tell me he'd change. One abusive relationship to another, that's the life I've led."

"Oh? There were others? I apologize if I overstepping boundaries."

She took in a trembling breath and leaned back against the wall. "It's fine." While it hurt to remember these things, it felt good to let it all out into the open. "Lantos was the only guy I've been with, but I was in abusive relationships all my life. My family, I guess I should say adoptive, they beat me as well..."

"I'm sorry."

"I wasn't good enough. I wasn't theirs, so I wasn't good enough." She bent her right leg and pulled her knee to her chest. Her eyes drifted to the door and her lips pressed against each other. "I wasn't good enough for anyone. Not good enough for my real mother, not good enough for the people that raised me. How can I be good enough for the Inquisition? How can I be good enough for my father?"

"Your father?"

Bianca paused her rant, realizing what she had said. Her lower lip tucked beneath her teeth and she shook her head. Maybe it was best not to keep this inside anymore, but she still couldn't tell Varric. She was too fearful of the result.

"Can I be honest with you? Can I tell you something that will stay between us and no one else?" Cassandra's brow furrowed and the woman approved with a nod.

"You can talk to me about anything if you need to."

She moved her arm over her knee and waited, mentally counting the beating of her heart. It was rushed and loud, like the heavy footsteps of somebody in armor running across the pavement.

Her head pulsed with pain and her breath caught in her throat as she fought back the fearful tears. "Okay." She inhaled slowly and opened her eyelids partially. "The real reason I'm here, probably the only reason that I agreed to stay and help…Is because of my father. My real father."

"Oh." Cassandra's gaze drifted out the nearby window and the tone of her voice softened. "I see. You were looking for your father at the conclave?"

"Someone in the merchant's guild said he'd be there. Dasher needed someone to listen in on the talks at the Conclave, so I volunteered. Lantos went with me, but that's beside the point. I went because I had hoped to meet my dad…the last thing I remember was Lantos telling me my father wouldn't want someone like me. I think he was right."

She pulled her other knee to her chest and lowered her head down to it. Her arms wrapped around her legs. She felt Cassandra rubbing her back in a slow, circular motion. The gesture was soothing and it seemed to dull the prior pain, if only by a small amount.

"I am sure that is not the case. You said you stayed because of him, does that mean he is here now?"

"Yes."

"I think I may know who you're speaking of." Bianca lifted her head and watched the look of surprise appear on Cassandra's face. "Have you spoken with him about it, yet?"

"No. I can't. Not now, and don't you say anything either…please."

"Why not?"

"There's a chance he wouldn't like me. I can't handle another rejection, not from him." She began to shake as she pictured Varric denouncing her. Her breathing shallowed and her chest tightened. "I've been looking all my life, and now that I found him, just the thought of his turning me away…"

"I don't believe he would turn you away, but I will say nothing." Cassandra smiled warmly and pat her back once more. "But when you are ready, know that I'll help you through whatever outcome if you need me."

"I appreciate that. I still just want to get to know him more, to be close to him."

"Never knowing and always fearing the result might be more painful than knowing, though."

"Maybe, but I've been through enough hell. If he were to reject me, I can't think of anything worse that anyone else could do to me."

"I understand." Cassandra stood up from the bed and Bianca glanced at the woman. "I need to get some work done. Remember, if you ever need anything, I'm here." Bianca smiled appreciatively and watched the woman exit the room.

Maybe Cassandra was right, maybe it would be better to talk to Varric, but her fears were far too damning to allow for it.

How do you feel about Cassandra's words of advice? Is she right, or do you suppose Varric would turn her away? Again, please feel free to share your input and thoughts, I value it greatly.