Chapter Three

Saying that last night's reception with the people of Dorvan V was tense was an understatement. Beverly had not been present at the meetings on the planet, but she knew Admiral Necheyev's orders to remove this group of Native Americans from yet another piece of land, and, last night, she learned the feelings of the colonists. There is no way in hell they are leaving that planet.

Beverly was typing the last of her paperwork for the day. It had been a good day, but the whole ship felt as though they were on edge.

She didn't envy Deanna or Jean Luc. She knew that as good as they were at their jobs, they were doomed to fail. It's like doing surgery on a fatally ill patient. Beverly hated losing a patient- it had made her think about leaving medicine more than once - the loss, the blame, having to tell the family and friends; it tore her apart.

She could not imagine having to tell an entire planet to give up, move on and start again.

We need to focus on what the world gives us - instead of what the world takes away from us. Wakasa, a young man from Dorvan V, told her this last night at the reception. He was speaking to her about his own people, but the idea really resonated with her. So much of Beverly's life was based on what she had lost: loss of her parents, her home planet, her husband… she had been a widow and an orphan. She had lost almost too much to bear. It scared her from making new relationships. It scared her from settling into a home for any long period of time. It scare- she sighed, being as brave as she could.

It scared her from him. It scared her from being loved.

She had been so foolish the other day when she ran into Jean Luc in the corridor. She wanted nothing more than to go back to his quarters, tell him all about what was happening with her son, and perhaps...touch him. Nothing risque, just… a hug, a touch in the shoulder...thighs brushing against each other on the couch.

She was scared of losing him. She was so focused on loss.

What if she just thought about what she had instead of what she could lose. Okay Wakasa, I'll play along, Beverley mused. What do I have? I have a healthy son who is here with me, I have a job I love, I have co-workers that feel like family. I am safe, I am respected. I am never hungry, I have the privilege to help people every day. I have a man who has loved me as long as he has known me, and who I… don't want to lose. Damn Wakasa, I was so close to staying positive. Sorry buddy.

Beverly closed her reports for the day. Pulling her hair back from her face and putting her lab coat back on. She thought about the empty quarters she was going home to, and the sullen young man sitting alone in his quarters on the other end of the ship.

Screw it, Bev. I will be brave for Wesley. I need Jean Luc's advice.

"Crusher to Picard," she called out.

"Picard here" came the tentative reply.

"Jean Luc, do you have a minute?"

"Of course, I'm in my quarters."

"On my way, Crusher out."