Daughter of Tethras

Disclaimer: Don't own Dragon Age

A/N:

Chapter 39 (Wavering Flames)

By the time they returned to Skyhold, all Bianca wanted to do was get some sleep. She was exhausted and didn't have the energy to concern herself with much else. She gave Varric a hug and graciously accepted his gift of the crystal grace headdress that he found, then made her way to her bedroom.

She crashed face-first on the bed and almost instantly drifted off to sleep. Letting her mind wander and her subconscious take over.

Bianca lay in her bed, staring up at the ceiling of her room within the Carta den; her arms were folded atop her stomach and her body was exhausted after a long night. Still, she couldn't sleep and she couldn't get the events of the day out of her head. Dasher had just sent her on a task with Aaron and a few of the other members of the clan. Lantos was made to stay behind after some explosives went off, nearly killing him; yet it didn't appear to be an accident.

She sat up at the sound of someone shuddering from the next room. "Lan?" She moved off the bed and made her way to Lantos's room, where she found him seated on the edge of his bed.

He was bent forward, half naked and covered in a cold sweat. His chest was covered with minor burns and blood, and his head was covered by his hands. He pulled his hands from his bruised face and turned his head. "You okay?" He asked.

"Me?" She straightened herself and clenched her fists. "You're the one that got your ass blown up back there." He chuckled once and looked to the ground with a distant gaze. She raised an eyebrow and approached carefully. "Normally that would have earned me a good verbal lashing from you."

"Not this time."

"What's going on?"

"I was just…" He raised his head up and cleared his throat. "Maybe they are nightmares," he whispered such that she could barely hear. "You know how the surfacers talk about dreams, and how we can't dream?" Bianca sat down beside him, peering at the wall in front of them in silence.

"Sure."

"Have you ever wondered if that's not the case? If it's just all a part of our subconscious, locked away for whatever reason? We have memories, we remember things clear as day just like anyone else…some things, I'd rather forget, but I can't." He put his hands on his knees and narrowed his eyes. "What if dreams are just memories? What if we do dream, but a dream is something that we forget? Or maybe it's locked away until something traumatic happens?"

The corner of her lip rose to a smirk and she moved her hand to his shoulder. "Lan. What on earth has gotten you thinking about this crap? You're not the philosophical sort."

"I don't know. That explosion. Top it off with all the stress, all the shit going on." He folded his right hand over his left and positioned them in his lap, staring down at them. "The way I take my stress out on you…" Bianca moved her hand away and looked to the side. "I should have gone with you today. I shouldn't have let Dasher talk me into staying behind." His hand balled up and a fire burned in his eyes. "To think that Aaron-I should have been there."

"You would have been a liability and you know it. You were wounded, considerably. You think it was intentional, for that matter."

"I think it was Aaron, trying to get me out of the way." Lantos stood up with a scoff and slid his hand over the back of his neck. "Nevertheless. Everything going on, I can't sleep. Nightmares, bad 'dreams' and shit."

"You almost died today."

"Maybe that's it." He shrugged. "Maybe near death experiences help us to remember how to dream?"

"I think you need to try and get some sleep." She walked him to the side of his bed and helped him in. With a smile, she pulled the covers up to his chin and looked down into his tired eyes. "What 'dreams' are you having?"

"It doesn't matter."

"Sure it does, Lan."

His eyebrows closed together and he shut his eyes. "I'll try to get better, Bianca." His lips trembled and parted with a sigh. "I know I can be a demon at times, and you already live in a cesspool of demons. I should…I shouldn't…" His forehead tensed and he began to tremble again. "It keeps chasing me, hounding me. It's going to kill me. The face it wears; it's mine."

"What is?"

"The demon." She put her hand to his face and his eyelids opened halfway. When he looked up at her his muscles relaxed and his gaze softened. "Maybe this is why we can't dream. It's unpleasant."

"Maybe. Try not to think about it, there's plenty of other stuff to think about." She tilted her head and swept her fingers gently across his forehead. "You know, I hear the Divine called for a big meeting in a couple months? That's what we found out today. I also found something else out…"

"What's that?"

"My dad's going to be there." His eyebrows rose and he started to sit up, but fell back with a wince. Bianca looked to the bandaged wound on his left abdomen and moved her hand over it. "I think so, anyway. I haven't confirmed that yet."

"You never stop going on about that man. I wonder if he'd be everything you think he'd be. I guess I haven't given you much reason to want to stay here, and after today, neither has Aaron." Her eyes clenched shut and she felt the muscles in his body tighten. "I'd like to kill that son of a bitch. I wish this was another one of these weird head visions-or whatever they are."

"Me too. I'd like not to think about it anymore, Lan…"

"I'm sorry. If that means anything at all. I'm sorry for everything, and I'm sorry if I let my stress and anger get the better of me in the future."

Bianca shot up from her bed in Skyhold, groaning aloud at yet another vivid dream. She rubbed her forehead in an attempt to alleviate the pounding coming from within. "Another dream. Of course. Why do I keep having these dreams?"

Perhaps Lantos had been right and that dreams were nothing more than subconscious thoughts. Memories. It didn't explain some of the dreams she was having that never actually happened, but the one she just had took place months before she attended the conclave-months before she almost died.

"Maybe he had a point with the near death thing." She had forgotten how Lantos could be when he didn't lose himself to his anger. Behind the anger issues that he had, he was once a good man; strong and protective. It came to her now as little surprise that Scout Harding could have fallen for him.

She felt a sudden twinge of envy in her heart and ran her hand over her upper arm as her eyelids sank halfway. "Go figure he learns to control his anger and stress once I'm out of his life." She shook herself and took a deep breath. "What am I saying? It's a good thing…I'm glad he's not hurting Harding. The Clan can't control him anymore, either."

While his anger and his abuse bore no excuse, and he was responsible, there were some things that the clan had done to make him in such a way. She'd forgotten quite a bit of it, since she'd tried to blot it all out so long ago.

A knock at her door startled her and she looked up in time to see Sandal poking his head in. "Hey." He flashed a smile and opened the door a bit further. "You okay?"

She smiled faintly, happy to see him. "I've been worse." Sandal walked up to her and sat beside her. "Sandal tell me something."

"What?"

"Do you think it is possible that dwarves can dream?" Sandal jerked his head back and blinked twice before carefully rubbing the back of his neck.

"I…am not sure. I suppose it could be. For instance, how they say someone has a dream to be something…like with Dagna, who dreamt of studying magic when she was younger."

"Right. Dwarves can't practice magic, can't access the fade, can't dream-and yet we can. In various ways." She snapped her fingers and pushed herself against the bed's headboard. "We can't practice magic because we're too human, even more human than humans, if Solas's theory is applicable."

"How so?"

"People outside Thedas can't practice magic. Only the ancient elves could practice magic. A group of humans, consistent of normal sized humans and those whose growth was stunted…the 'normal' humans mated with the ancient elves native to Thedas, and now the descendants of those humans can practice magic because it's in their blood. Our ancestors never mated with the elves."

"Right, although we can have an understanding of magic. As we see with Dagna, and well, myself."

"Exactly. Why might we not dream? Is it possible living underground for a thousand years locked away our subconscious thoughts?" She hopped off the bed and walked towards her balcony, rubbing her chin as she considered these thoughts. "When one of us accesses the fade, when one of us nearly dies, we start to dream again. Why is that?"

"I wouldn't know, to be honest." Sandal frowned and bowed his head. "I wish I could be of more help to you."

"You are. I need someone to bounce this off on." She lowered her hand and turned to him. "I've been having the strangest dreams lately with no explanation of why, and I'm not the first dwarf it's happened to. It happened to Lantos too, but it might have happened to others before."

"Lantos?"

"Yes. There was a time when Aaron came close to killing him-granted the clan had been trying unsuccessfully to kill him for the longest time-whether it was force-feeding him darkspawn blood or trying to plant a piece of dagger in his food…a bomb almost took his life, and after that he began having these terrible nightmares."

"How'd he survive? If you don't mind me asking."

"The explosion knocked a cave wall loose, the rocks hit him before the blast did. They acted as a buffer, saving his life." A sharp pain hit her chest and her eyes darted to the side as she contemplated what might have happened had he died. "No matter how abusive he was towards me, he was always-before and after that incident-the one that stood between me and the rest of the Carta…"

"And evidently your own mother."

"Yeah. Evidently." She swayed to the right and moved her hand to her forehead, groaning as a pit of nausea grew within her stomach. "God I can't wait to get on Isabela's ship and just take off. Why does everything come up magic, Sandal? I hate magic…hell, it was even involved in my father almost dying back there."

"Thedas is a terrifying place, I'll admit." Sandal stood up and placed his hands onto her shoulders, smiling as she looked into his eyes. "Everything will be okay, Bianca." She moved her forearms over her stomach and shook her head.

"No. Nothing's going to be okay. Nothing's going to be okay until Corypheus is dead and we're out of Thedas." She took a deep breath and gazed solemnly at the bedroom door. "Sandal. Dagna and Harding are planning to join us. I-I would love for you to come as well."

Sandal reached up and gently pulled a strand of her hair from her face. "You couldn't drive me away if you tried." Blood rushed to her cheeks and joy poured out from her heart. "There isn't much left for me here in Thedas without you, anyway."

"What about your dad?"

"He'll make do. He already can't stand that I've moved on from that life of his-that I don't want to spend the rest of my life working for him and that I'd rather him be a father than a boss."

Her gaze fell and her lips pulled into a thin line. "Take it from me, Sandal. Talk to your dad. If we leave Thedas, we might never be able to return." Hell, the way Solas sounded when she spoke to him, he was rather cryptic about the possible fate that Thedas may one day suffer. "If you come with us and your dad doesn't, you might regret it."

"I might, but being with you is more important to me than being without. Even if we are only friends." She was moved by the desire he had for her, and while she wanted to have that bond with him, she was afraid to get romantically tied down right now.

"You know how I feel, Sandal."

"I know. That's why I've stepped back."

She moved her hands into his and leaned back, smiling as her gaze melted into his. "I appreciate that." Bianca swayed into him and gently kissed his cheek. He turned red as a tomato and stumbled backwards. "Thank you for being patient with me. I…I do care for you, and I don't want to lead you on, but I don't know if I'm ready for another relationship right now. Not with everything that's going on. Not with everything I've been through."

"Y-Yeah."

"With that said, talk to your dad and really think about whether or not you want to leave Thedas with us. I don't want you changing your entire life because of me if you don't have to…"

"I understand, Bianca."

She closed her left hand around his and walked with him to the rail of the balcony. As she gazed at the distant sky, she put her head to his shoulder and closed her eyes for a few seconds.

Sandal squeezed her hand. "I will talk to my father. How much time do you think we have before you take that trip, anyhow?"

"I'm not sure. We'll be marching on the Arbor Wilds soon. We're hoping that will give us what we need to be able to defeat Corypheus." She raised her head up and shrugged. "Then it's over. Once we've killed him, we'll be ready. I've decided on a successor after all."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. I'm thinking Trina Trevelyan will be the best fit to guide the Inquisition for whatever comes next…She's proved her worth and it was her plan that helped save my father's life. Solas and Hawke too."

"Yeah." Sandal's head tilted to the right and he squinted his eyes. "Hey, I just realized, you said Harding was interested in joining the journey to the new land." She nodded and looked up at him. "Does that mean Lantos is coming too?" Her heart started to sink and she looked away, lowering her voice to a note above a whisper.

"No. I don't know." Harding and Lantos were having some trouble the last she heard. Harding said that while Lantos wasn't abusive to her, he seemed to be distant. She said that while he made clear that he cared very deeply for her, and her for him, she wasn't sure if his heart was fully in the relationship. Bianca felt there was something more to Harding's words, but she didn't know what that was-or perhaps she was afraid of what it could be.

"There's always a chance, Sandal, but I honestly don't know. It's not my concern what he does."

"Were things always bad between the two of you? You and Lantos?"

"Not always. I think my mother and the Carta stressed him out so much that he couldn't control his anger. I had a tendency to be a smartass, and that set him off. While I'm not trying to justify or make excuses for him-because there is no excuse-I can't sit here and pretend that I didn't play a role."

He needed someone tough, someone who could stand up against that anger while being able to calm him-and that person appeared to be Harding.

"You know he saved your dad before." She fell silent and shot Sandal a skeptical look. "I was talking to him recently and he said for me not to bring this up, but back at Haven…with that dragon that almost killed Varric-Lantos pulled him out of the way at the last minute. He said he knew your dad would never willingly go back to the Chantry that day, he would have died to keep you safe, but Lantos knew the guy needed to stick around for you."

She was speechless and struck with confusion. Lantos, in all his various rages, never once displayed any concern for her father. "I…I'm amazed to hear that. Why would he even concern himself with my dad when he's always tried to talk me out of leaving to find him?"

"Who knows? Maybe he sees how important your dad is to you? Maybe he felt like if you left the Carta he couldn't keep you safe, but saw that your dad can? Does it matter much?"

"I'm not sure, to be honest." She crossed her arms and leaned over the balcony rail. Her lips fell into a frown and her half-lidded gaze dropped to the battlements below. "It really shouldn't matter…"'

What do you think? I was thinking this might be a good theory for how they are coming about having their subconscious mind opened through coming a hair's breadth away from death. Also, I the memory at the beginning, I wanted to show a side of our mysterious anti-hero for you