APOV
8am. Way too early for a Saturday morning, but I wanted to try and get a smoothie in before my time with Claude. Gail already has it made by the time I reach the kitchen. I thank her and make my way to the balcony since it looks like a nice day out.
I finally look at my smoothie. It's an ugly pink-ish green colour, not very appetizing. It's fuelling your body. I remind myself then take a sip. It's not as back as it looks, and the little crystals of ice are crunchy which is nice. The smoothie goes down surprisingly easily and I don't feel too bad about it.
I drop my cup off in the kitchen then go back to our room to change into shorts and a t-shirt. I brush my teeth then make my way to Christian's workout room. Just as I'm getting there I see Taylor letting Claude in.
"Good morning." I greet both of them. Taylor nods back to me and Claude and I enter the workout room.
"Morning Ana, I thought we'd start with some cardio to warm up. We can try the treadmill and see how you like that first." He suggests.
"Okay." I say and step on the treadmill. We start off with a walk. At about the 5 minute mark he asks if I'd like to try a jog or slow run. I nod and he turns the speed up. It reminds me of the few occasions I'd jog outside and I know it's something I want to add to whatever workout we decide on.
Next he suggests we try weight lifting. We try the multi-exercise machine Christian has to do some leg extensions and curls. We also do some lateral pull downs and pec flys. After that we move to the free weights. He instructs me on how to do some bicep curls and tricep extensions.
"Not feeling these ones?" Claude asks. I scrunch up my face and shake my head.
"Not really. Is there anything else we can try?" I ask.
"Sure there is." He tosses a set of gloves while he puts on big pad looking things on his hands. He explains to me how to properly punch them and we practice that for a while. Next he introduces how to dodge. It's fun, almost like a dance, knowing the moves and anticipating he opponent's next move.
Eventually he suggests we try one more thing. Yoga. We start out with some easier poses like sun salutation and transition into some harder ones like downward dog. Yoga was harder because it required balance that I didn't have much of. Finally we ended in corpse pose. It was my favourite because all you had to do was lay there.
"So which ones do you want to keep?" Claude's voice breaks me out of my rest. I open my eyes and push myself into a sitting position.
"I like the running. I want to get up to running for a decent amount of time. I didn't like the weights too much so we can skip those. I like the boxing. So let's go with boxing and running." I answer.
"How about the yoga?" He asks.
"Um, maybe once in a while but not on a daily basis."
"Sure no problem. You get home before Christian right?" I nod. "How would working out in that time work for you?" He suggests.
"Sounds good to me. I'll have to let you know weekly what day I go see Flynn." I tell him.
Once I say goodbye to Claude I make my way upstairs. Christian is sitting at the counter eating breakfast. I give him a quick kiss on the cheek and promise to tell him about my workout after I shower. He nods and I make my way upstairs.
The hot water feels great on my tired muscles. I'm sure I'll feel all this tomorrow. I'm just standing under the water when I hear Christian step in behind me. He places his hands in my hair and starts to massage. He's washing my hair and I'm grateful because my arms are so tired.
I hum in appreciation and turn around to wash the suds out. He tells me to turn around again and rubs in the conditioner. I go to grab the shampoo but he tells me he's not going to wash his hair this time so I put it back and we wash each other's bodies instead. It's something we haven't done in a while and I know this is making us feel connected again.
Once we're dried off we make our way down to the piano. We both sit on the bench and I tell Christian about what I've decided for working out while he plays a soft tune. We sit together for a few songs before going to get lunch.
Gail serves us a garden salad with chicken like we had planned. Christian has more chicken and his is on the side but it's a filling enough meal for both of us. I have to remind myself a few times that it's good for me and it's healthy but I'm able to finish my whole meal.
We spend the afternoon in the library, Christian building model planes and me reading. It's peaceful and quiet. I'm sitting on a couch under a window and the light streaming in is warm. Everything feels right; I'm not worried about anything and I feel empowered to take back control over my body and thoughts.
The next few days go by without much happening. I continue to do good with my meals and I keep up with the journaling if there's anything to write about but Christian and I spend time together without many arguments so things are pretty smooth. Even work on Monday and Tuesday go pretty well.
On Wednesday afternoon maintenance has to come in so the whole office gets to leave early. I decide to grab a tea from the shop across the road on my way home and end up in line behind Tyler…
"Oh hey Ana." Tyler greets first.
"Hey, what's up?" I ask casually.
"Just grabbin' some coffee on my way back to Tech. How about you?" He says nonchalantly. I'm confused for a moment.
"Tech? Like Tech Corp?" I ask, he nods. "I thought you worked at that clothes store, Wellers?"
"Oh, uh, right. I just switched jobs the end of last week. Decided to challenge myself a bit." He says and it feels like he's trying to cover something up.
"Oh, okay. Well I hope you're liking it there." I say and then he's called to come to the counter. Our conversation ends there and leaves me uncomfortable. I decide then and there that maybe Christian is right and I'm going to try and limit our contact.
The rest of the week goes smoothly. I find the meal plan we set easy to follow for the most part, and whatever hesitations I have are helped with the addition of a workout. Claude is still teaching me the basis bit it's still fun. Friday and my appointment with Flynn comes pretty quickly.
"So how have things been Ana?" Flynn asks.
"Pretty good. The meal plan we came up with is more than I'm use to but it's all stuff that fuels my body. It's enough food to make Dr. Green and the dietician happy but little enough that I can actually stick to it."
"Good, I'm glad we're starting to find a balance. How about working with Claude?" He counters.
"Good, the first day we tried running, weight lifting, boxing, and yoga. I liked the running and boxing so that's what we decided to start with. He mentioned for now that I only workout with him so that I make sure I'm not overdoing it. He said I'll get used to it and learn what's a healthy amount." I explain.
"Yes, make sure you follow that. There are people who get addicted to exercise so make sure to follow his suggestions. Did you get a chance to practice the balanced thoughts anymore?" He questions.
"No." I say sheepishly.
"It's okay. Would you like to give it another try now?"
"Sure." I say and he pulled out another empty worksheet.
"Is there any specific example you'd like to try today?" He says gently.
"Um, how about me being normal and Christian being this big successful billionaire?" Flynn nods at me and I write that in the 'situation' box. Next I move onto the 'feelings' box and write; 'worthless, sad, guilty, lonely'. Flynn looks pleased that I moved on and did the next box on my own.
Next I move onto 'thoughts'. 'I don't bring anything to the relationship, Christian provides everything for us, I bring more baggage than good things, Christian is better than me'. Nothing else immediately comes to mind so I finish that box there.
The next box is the 'supporting evidence'. I think for a second. What makes me thing Christian is better than me? I write down; 'Christian pays for most of the stuff we do, I bring student loans with me, Christian runs his own company'.
Next box is the opposite of that, what proves I contribute to the relationship? I write down; 'I make Christian smile and laugh, I've helped Christian break down his touch barriers, Grace has said Christian had opened up to the family since I've come, I've helped Christian realize Ms. Robinson isn't healthy for him, I have a job so I can pay sometimes if I'm quick enough, I'm opening Christian's eyes to a life he never thought he'd have; a house, maybe kids, love'.
The last box is the 'balanced thought'. It doesn't come to me right away, but looking at the list of things I contribute vs the list of things I don't makes me realize this exercise is important. It's helping me look at all sides of the life I'm living. Finally it comes to me and I write; 'I might bring some student loans but I'm bringing Christian so much more than money can buy'.