[A/N]: Sorry it's been so long! Shit hit the fan and all that, but now I'm done with uni so I hope I'll have more time for writing :) Anyways, enjoy!

Chapter title is a song by Bring Me The Horizon.

Gwen did not know whether she wanted to cry or laugh. Tears had welled up in her eyes, but at the same time she felt laughter bubbling up inside of her as she took in the scene before her. She didn't have the time to think about why, or even how, she was feeling two seemingly contracting things at the same time.

With his hands held in the air, James stood still as the human in front of him pointed a sword at him. He may as well have stopped breathing. Somewhere to the side, just out of her sight, Quinn half-crouched and watched over their hostage. Why was he even here to begin with? Was he not supposed to stay away, in case something happened?

In case something like this happened.

The sword clattered as the stout woman held it in front of her, staring at the man she aimed it at with wide eyes that darted to and fro. Even from where Gwen stood, she could hear the chattering of her teeth behind her lips, pressed into a thin line. A bead of sweat slipped down the side of her face, paving a way through the dust and dirt that covered the woman's body.

"P-please leave," she said in the smallest voice Gwen had ever heard.

At the sound of the woman's – though she looked more like a girl – voice, the half-elf's throat tightened, all possible mirth seeping away as though dragged away by the wind that was ever-present. It reminded her of how she used to be, although she had been less helpless back then. At least, she thought so.

She began to lower her arms, her will to attack this person – dh'oine or no – nowhere to be seen any longer. Just then, James clapped his hands together, capturing the blade between his palms, and wrapped his fingers around it. Thin lines of blood trickled down his skin, and Gwen could not look away as the droplets fell to the ground. The human's mouth dropped open, but other than that she did not react when he tore it out of her grasp.

James had barely turned the sword around to aim at her instead when Quinn leapt towards them with a yell. Once he skidded to a halt between James and the girl with his arms raised, Gwen saw the rage on his face, which looked like it had darkened with the emotion. The squeak that came from the girl only seemed to fuel his anger and his fingers twitched.

Neither of them said a word as they glowered at each other. The wind played with Gwen's hair, rustled through the leaves of the trees surrounding them. The birds and crickets had quieted, as if holding their breath while watching the confrontation from a safe distance.

"What're you doing?" Quinn ground out, his shoulders heaving. The human behind him took a step back, but did not turn around just yet.

"Following the plan." Even when facing Quinn, James did not lower the sword. "Unlike others."

Keeping her eyes on the two of them, Gwen circled around them towards Richard. Bound and once more gagged, he stood where Quinn had left him, frozen to the spot. It did not even look like he was breathing.

"Murderin' innocents was not part of the plan." The tall half-elf stepped forward, closing the distance between himself and the human and stopping just shy of the tip of the blade. When James did not budge, his face as impassive as ever, Gwen's feet took her away from Richard and closer to the others.

A glance from her and James finally lowered the sword and moved back. This time it was Quinn who stood his ground.

"Stop it!" she snapped at him, placing her hands on her hips before looking over her shoulder at James. "Both of you."

Quinn pressed his lips into a thin line. "But—"

"No. We're leaving."

Gwen did not wait to see if they followed her as she went back to Richard, whose restraints she grabbed to drag him back into the forest, leaving a terrified woman alone by her house. It did not take long before a pair of footsteps appeared behind her, followed a slower, lighter one.

The group was silent as they walked, the only sounds being their boots moving through the grass and that wind from before. Richard breathed heavily through his nose and the ropes around his wrists scratched against the creases in her fingers as she pulled the soldier along.

Just like their surroundings, Gwen felt eerily still. Especially after the powerful emotions that filled her up mere moments ago, the quiet inside of her unsettled her. How could she be so calm after that shit show? Even her irritation at the two men, who seemed more like two boys in that moment, dragging their feet and sulking as they followed their mother, had ebbed away.

It was because of this that when someone behind her stopped walking, she could turn around and watch in silence as Quinn roared, "What the fuck was all that about?!"

James came to a halt and glanced over his shoulder almost dismissively. "Was following the plan. Finding a proper weapon."

"By robbin' a young woman of her only means of defence?!" Quinn yelled and threw his arms in the air.

"Fine." Turning around fully, the other man took a step back towards where they had come from. "Then I will give her the sword back."

Quinn moved to the side, in front of the broader man. "No! Don't! Just leave her alone! You've done enough already!"

"You're the one who went again the plan, if I remember correctly." James's mask began to slip, his shoulders trembling and his hands clenching and unclenching and clenching again. "This wouldn't have happened had you listened to us."

"If I had listened to you, then you would have robbed her of her life as well!"

"If that had been the case, then so be it. Or would you rather we all perish, if only to spare a single life?"

The half-elf bristled and his shoulders heaved again as he ground his teeth together, the movement visible even to Gwen, who watched the conflict from behind James. Once in a while he would interrupt his jaw-clenching by opening his mouth, only to close it again without saying anything. Even so, Gwen could all but see the cogs in his mind turning, trying to come up with a retort.

When he remained silent, James let out a snort and spun around. Almost crashing into Gwen, he continued his way towards what little they had managed to collect during their time on the road. As he passed her, he released her of the burden called Richard, tugging the poor man along with him and ignoring the muffled protests that came from the prisoner.

As if approaching a rabbit while on the hunt, Gwen sauntered over to her friend, who trembled on the spot. By now it seemed like he had begun to chew on his tongue, his eyes vacant as they stared ahead of him. He did not react when she came to a halt in front of him, tilting her head with a raised brow.

"Are you all right?" She placed a hand on his shoulder and jumped back when he jerked away from her, almost hitting her with his flailing arms.

He toppled over and hit the ground with a thud, limbs sprawled out around him. Though he gave no sign of pain, he did not stir either.

"Quinn…?" Frowning, Gwen leant over him and found him gazing right back at her this time.

With a sigh, he focussed on something moving behind – above – her. The half-elf glanced in the same direction and caught sight of a pair of birds flying in the sky, flitting between the branches and the leaves of the trees. Almost like a dance, they wound themselves around each other, diving down and coming back up with graceful curves.

A sigh snapped her attention back into focus. Quinn rubbed a hand across his face and he let out another breath.

"It's just not fair, y'know?" he asked without taking his hand away from his head, hiding his eyes from her.

Gwen hummed. "Yeah, I know."

"I'm tryin' so hard to fix things. To make up for everythin'." He inhaled before he swallowed thickly. "For… For what I did."

"…what do you mean? For what you did?" The half-elf's frown deepened as she lowered herself to the ground beside her friend. From the start, she should have known something else was going on. Even for Quinn, his reaction to the situation had been rather extreme. Not that she wasn't grateful for it, since she hadn't wanted to hurt the woman either. Just…

"I… I… I…" He couldn't get past that first word and his respiration quickened until his breaths came out in puffs.

"Hey," Gwen murmured as she placed a hand to his arm, which tensed under her touch. "It's all right."

Swatting her away, he yelled, "No it isn't, Gwen! Not at all!"

She watched him, took in his eyes that darted around and avoided hers, and his flaring nostrils. How often had she sported that look when others confronted her about her past? Feared what they would think, hated the helplessness? Hated herself so much that her fingers twitched, begging for a blade to dig into herself?

Until this moment, she had never stood on this side – the other side – and had never witnessed another break down like this. Think. Think! What had she wanted the most during when these things happened?

"I know what you're doing. And I know it won't work," Iorveth said, his fingers wrapped around her arms.

"What? That I'm doing what exactly? There's nothing wrong with me, you and all the others, you are the ones acting differently!" Gwen exclaimed as she waved both her arms and his around.

The commander gave her a sharp look.

"Gwen," he started, her preferred name rolling off his tongue, tinged with irritation. "That cachwr raped you and denying it won't help any of us."

"Shut up!" she yelled and she ripped herself free so that she could turn her back to him, hugging herself as she stared at nothing.

He was lying. They were all lying. These stupid elves only wanted to see her hurt, they would do anything to drag her down. She couldn't remember anything like that happening at all! Or could she?

If she closed her eyes tight enough, she could hear him breathing in her ear again, could smell the stench of him surrounding her, could feel him inside of her. She tightened her grip on her sides and remembered how his nails had dug into her skin there, still sore from the abuse.

And in that moment, the half-elf realised that she was all alone in this world and that that would always remain so. She had no one who would help her; at least back then she had had her mother to reassure her and pull her through.

"It wasn't the first time, and it might not be the last," she finally whispered, her shoulders slumping in defeat. "This world is not a place for half-breeds like me. I thought I had learned that a long time ago, but it seems that I had to be reminded."

Strong hands once more grabbed her arm and spun her around so that she was facing Iorveth once more. The anger in his bright green eye surprised her, and she found herself wondering how he had lost the other one.

"You stupid bitch," Iorveth spat at her, "this is no way to get over something like that."

"And how would you know that?" Gwen threw back at him, venom lacing her words. "Have you ever been at the mercy of a man who would not take no for an answer? Who would force himself on you and in you, in more ways than one? Do you-"

The sound of leather against skin filled the air, and all of a sudden it seemed as if the whole world held its breath, awaiting the next move.

Gwen lifted a trembling hand to press against her cheek, which must have become red and swollen already. Both her eyes and mouth were wide open, and she knew not how to react.

"No, I do not know any of this," Iorveth replied in an almost cool manner, "but I do know that this is not the way to recover. You are not the only one who has suffered such things."

He reached out and turned her head to look at him again. Though his demeanour was cold, the anger in his eye had turned into fury. Gwen wanted to pull away from him, to scream at him and to kick at him, but his gaze made her feel so small that she dared not move from her spot.

"I won't apologise," he went on when she remained silent. "I did not become the leader of this unit without knowing what people needed and when they needed it. You belong to me just as much as any elf here, and while you are a part of us you are my responsibility." Letting go of her, he got to his feet and retrieved his sword, reattaching it to his belt. "I have failed you once already, and now I am to make sure you recover, whatever the cost. Understood?"

When he stood in front of her again, he looked down at her, holding out a hand to her. The fire in his eye had died out, and instead he held an inquisitive look. She realised he wanted an answer from her, and so she nodded mutely.

She had planned on making that her only reaction, but she couldn't help the tears that filled her eyes as she placed her hand in his and let him help her up. He investigated a suddenly very interesting patch of grass somewhere to the side while she wiped the back of her hand across her face.

She held onto the feelings that flooded her at the memory. Beside the bitterness aimed at the man himself, there was loneliness and despair. Sadness and rage. A hint of emptiness. And then there was blooming pain on her cheek, followed by a warmth that spread throughout her, starting at her centre. A feeling she had come to associate with home.

No matter his ulterior motives, in that moment, Iorveth had helped her. Had offered a hand, both literally and figuratively, and given her a chance of a new beginning. Though she didn't plan on slapping Quinn, she wished to offer him the same sensation. Except she wouldn't betray him in the end.

"Then tell me," she said in the calmest voice she could muster. She lifted her hand again and, after hesitating shortly, placed it on top of those self-loathing fingers of his, stilling their trembling. How had she not noticed the scabs and scars that covered his skin until then?

That, at least, seemed to gain his attention, and he lifted his head to meet her gaze while blinking the tears away. "You don't understand, Gwen. I… I've killed. Humans. In… the war. But still."

The half-elf stiffened and tried her best to keep her expression blank. Quinn, who had always admonished her for her hostility towards humans. Quinn, who would always feed the stray dogs when the others ran after them with sticks. Quinn, who she had always seen as her little brother, whom she had to shelter from the world. Who had never hurt anybody.

Somehow it seemed naïve for this to hit her so hard. Rather, she shouldn't have expected him to stay the way he had always been. His physique belied a great power, and he could easily take on more than a few enemies at once. Gwen had experienced his strength first-hand, after all. But war was a cruel mistress who forced people to do deeds they would later regret. Indeed, she shouldn't have expected him to remain unsullied by its taint.

But Quinn didn't need to know that, and so she forced herself to relax again. "What happened?"

Apparently, that was the wrong thing to ask.

"I… Honestly, I can't even remember." He once more covered his face with his free hand, his shoulders tensing as he tried to hold back the sobs that threatened to escape. "I just… see their eyes, y'know? Starin' at me. Gods, that sounds so… so…"

"Relatable?" she offered.

"Cliché. How many times have you heard or read of it?" he asked with a shake of his head.

She thought back to Loredo's corpse beneath her, his blood on her face and blade. The satisfaction that filled her at the image grew weaker every time the sun set, but it remained nevertheless. Just because she didn't have a heart didn't mean Quinn had to be the same, though. "Only because there's a truth to it."

"It's pathetic, that's what," he spat. "I did it to protect myself and the others. It was always in defence." When he looked up again, the tears had begun to trickle down his cheeks. "Then why… why do I still feel so… guilty?"

"You idiot," Gwen muttered and shuffled closer to him so she could wrap an arm around his head and press his face against her stomach. Stroking his hair, she tried not to wonder where this motherly streak had come from and said, "That's because you're a good person."

"How…" He coughed and sniffed. "How can a killer be a good person?"

Placing her hands on his shoulders, she pushed him away from her and forced him to look at her. "You just said so yourself, did you not? You did it to protect yourself and your family. You reacted to the actions of others. If you hadn't, then you would be dead, too. What kind of world would we live in if the person who was forced to defend himself was considered a bad person?"

"You tell me."

"I'm pretty sure I just did."

Silence and a frown came from her friend. Then, "Why is the world such a cruel place for people like us?"

"Oh, Quinn…" She wanted to tell him that he was nothing like her, that they belonged to other worlds, but her mouth refused to work as realisation dawned upon her. For the duration of a heartbeat, although it felt more like an entire season, the world around her stilled.

Someone like Quinn, who did not seek confrontation and instead tried to run away from it, who only raised a sword in order to defend himself and those close to him, was nothing like her. Someone who fought and yelled and flailed because she knew not else what to do. Because that was all she could do.

Maybe, in a world like this, she of all people deserved what she got. After all, it could not be a coincidence that she came upon conflict after conflict, could it? She sought it out. She attracted it. She never tried to better herself afterwards. Not like Quinn.

Maybe… Maybe Iorveth had known all along.

No.

The heat inside of her, dampened by the previous events, gushed forth once more. It hit her with such force that it made her limbs tremble and her blood rush in her ears. For a short while, her surroundings turned a crimson that reminded her of blood.

If anything, Iorveth did not have the right. He of all people knew what it was like. His whole life had been one big fight, after all, when he could just as easily have crawled back from where he came from. But he didn't and he never would.

No. If anything, he was the one who had to pay.

Everything fell back into focus when footsteps sounded behind her, and Gwen looked over her shoulder to find James standing there with his hands on his hips.

"You guys coming or what?" he asked, ignoring the sorry sight the two of them must have offered him.

Quinn lowered his head and pushed himself up before dusting himself off as if nothing had happened. As if his cheeks weren't red and wet, his eyes not puffy. He offered Gwen a hand, who stared at it while chewing her lip. Then, slowly, she accepted it, and he hoisted her up like she weighed nothing.

When she stood on her own two feet, her vision darkened and for a moment she could not feel her body. Her stomach dropped as she sensed her fall, and she reached out for Quinn, who should have been standing in front of her.

"Woah!"

A pair of hands grabbed onto her shoulders, halting her descent and jostling her so that her teeth clacked together. The taste of copper filled her mouth, but that was the least of her concern then.

"Are you okay?"

Opening her eyes, she noted that the only reason she still stood upright was because Quinn held her. James had frozen mid-step behind him, his arms reaching out towards her. Both frowned at her as if she might melt right before them.

"Y-yes." She nodded slowly, afraid any sudden movements might make the world spin again. When she did not faint, she pulled herself from Quinn, although the man seemed reluctant to let her go. "I… I just need to eat something."

With his lips pressed into a thin line, her friend released her and moved to the side so she could pass. As she walked by him on unsteady legs, James stood with his arms still in the air, ready to catch her at the first sign of distress. That sign never appeared, and they soon followed her back towards Richard, who sat on the ground beside their collection of items with a lowered head.

"If we're so hard-pressed for weapons, I can always make us some bows," Gwen stated and turned towards the men behind her, her voice sounding a lot stronger than she felt. "That sword will do us no good when hunting, which I suppose is more important than our being able to defend ourselves right now. No use protecting ourselves when we're starving."

"Might be a good idea," James replied, coming to a halt in front of the half-elf.

The other man hung back a bit. "How long d'you think it'll take you to make one?"

With a shrug, Gwen said, "A couple hours, if I can find the right wood."

"Better hurry up with that, then," the human said, his eyes on the sky. "Need something to eat soon."

Though Gwen wasn't sure whether he was talking about her specifically or all of them, she nodded and began to explain what kind of wood she would need to create proper bows. With the two men listening attentively and setting out soon after, it did not take long for both of them to have procured more than enough wood for both a couple of bows and a campfire. For once, Gwen hung back willingly, all the while ignoring the slight tremble in her limbs. When the sky began to darken, the group of misfits sat around a fire, enjoying their stew in silence.

Meanwhile, in a dwarven city to the north, an elf jogged through town, the beads of sweat that covered his forehead reflecting the light of the setting sun. Breathing heavily, he made his way towards the slums, where an elf with a scarred face leaned against a stone wall, his arms crossed and his gaze on the sky above him.

"Iorveth!" the elf managed in between pants. He stopped in front of the commander and rested his hands on his knees as he gasped for breath. "News… from… Flotsam…"

"What is it?" the unit leader asked and his eye snapped to those of his subordinate as he broadened his shoulders and straightened his back, as if bracing himself.

"Ivor… Ivor never… he never arrived…"

Iorveth groaned and ran a hand down his face. He remained silent for a short while, ignoring the expectant look he received from the elf in front of him. Finally, the commander sighed and his shoulders sagged.

"The vatt'ghern and I are departing for Loc Muinne tomorrow, so there is naught we can do right now. For now, leave him be. I will take care of it when I get back."

With a nod and an awkward salute, the elf turned and hurried away. Iorveth moved his gaze back to the clouds floating by in the sky that grew darker with every passing moment.

"Ivor… Beth wyt ti'n gwneud?"

"Ivor… Beth wyt ti'n gwneud?" is Welsh for "Ivor… What are you doing?"