Chapter 4- Mama Griffin. And Those Annoying Things Called Emotions Are Back.
Octavia shifted nervously in her seat, watching the clock. 15 more minutes, and it would be acceptable to leave the mess hall. Octavia couldn't help but imagine what she was going to say to Abby. "So, I've sort a been talking to your daughter, whom you've been worrying is dead, for like two weeks, and have yet to tell you because all I was thinking about was myself." Yeah, that was probably not the best way to phrase it.
15 minutes later, people had begun to file out the hall in pairs and groups, chatting quietly. Octavia stood and passed behind the older Griffin's chair.
"Abby. Walk with me." She said quietly, putting a hand on the woman's shoulder. Abby turned her head and furrowed her brow, but to Octavia's relief, did not protest. The two women left the hall silently, and waited till they were in an empty hallway to speak.
"I assume you needed to talk to me." Abby said curtly. Octavia nodded. She and Abby had gotten to know each other better in the last couple months, and yet their relationship was quiet strained. Octavia thought about what she was going to say carefully as they approached the radio room. Abby did not seem very surprised by where Octavia had led her to.
"I'm sure you know of my efforts to radio Bellamy and our friends-"
"Octavia, we've talked about this. It's expected that any radio transmission won't reach, especially with all the nuclear-"
"Abby. Just hear me out out." There was slightly desperate tone in her voice she couldn't get rid of. "Please." Abby criticized Octavia's expression carefully.
"Okay, fine."
"I promise you won't regret it." Abby didn't miss the smiled that slip across the young woman's face, before it was gone again. "So, I'd been trying to radio Bellamy for awhile. It wasn't working. I started changing up the frequencies a bit. And, it was just the other day," totally not two weeks ago, "That I came across something. Something I think you'll like." Abby had a feeling she knew where this was going, but shoved that thought down. She'd didn't want to find out she was wrong.
"Okay.." Abby said nervously. Octavia picked up the speaker, turning the radio on.
"Hey. It's me." She said, quietly. There was a moment of tense silence before a response.
"Hey, O. Is she there?" Clarke's voice was equally quiet.
"Yeah. I'm handing you over." Octavia handed the speaker to Abby with a encouraging smile. Abby took hold of it.
"Hey Mom. It's me. Clarke." Abby sucked in a breath, her eyes rapidly filling with tears, and her legs shook. She lowered herself into the chair.
"Clarke." She said softly. "Oh, Clarke." She covered her mouth, stopping a sob. [Far away, Clarke did the same] "You're alive. You're okay. You are okay, right?"
"Yeah. I'm okay. I'm good actually."
"Clarke I love you. I love you so much." Abby choked out. Octavia looked away awkwardly, feeling invasive of such a privet moment.
"I love you to mom." Abby smiled and cried softly.
"I'll give you two a moment. I'll be back." Octavia said awkwardly. Abby gave her quick nod, which was all the girl needed. She all but ran out of the room, closing the door softly behind her. Octavia swallowed thickly and slid onto the floor.
Stop that. I know what your feeling. I know your feeling jealous, Octavia told herself. I know, I know. I'm trying not to. I shouldn't be jealous. That's terrible.
But you have every right to be. Another part of whispered.
No, no I don't.
Yeah you do. Clarke has a loving mom, always has. She's always been loved and respected. You haven't. You had to hide under the floor. You had to earn your respect. Clarke grew up with a loving father and mother. And friends.
I had my mom. And Bellamy.
Yeah, and a dark hole in the floor. Octavia squeezed her eyes shut and massaged her head. This was stupid. She shouldn't be jealous of any of the 100. Especially not Clarke.
Clarke had it easy. Octavia had had enough of these stupid thoughts.
No. NO. Clarke never had it easy. She had to fight for respect. Lead a bunch of teenage criminals. Than lead a bunch of even stupider adults, who thought they new everything. She was expected to save everyone, when the very people who she was trying to save stood in her way. She was given impossible decisions, and was expected to make them when no when else did. She bore it so they didn't have to.
Clarke just told people what to do. Sure she made the hard decisions, but she never executed them. You were the warriors that had to go out and kill people for her. You were the ones that had to lose people you love. Like Lincoln.
That's not true. None of that's true. Clarke pulled the door closed on the drop ship. Clarke pull the switch in mount weather. Clarke made alliances with the the Commander.
She made more than just alliances with the commander…
Clarke sacrificed so much. And she lost people too. Wells. Finn. Lexa. Her dad.
ENOUGH! Octavia had had enough of this stupid internal battle. Both of them had been through so much. Pain isn't comparable because it's different for every person. Everyone had their own battles to fight. Now get up off your stupid ass Octavia, and go do something.
Octavia grumbled to herself and stood up, trying to slow her breathing. When she felt calm enough, she opened the door softly.
"Octavia." Abby said gently. Octavia gave her nod in acknowledgement. The older woman looked tired but happy. "Clarke told everything. How she survived, and how she found Madi and…" Abby smiled softly, tears slipping down her cheeks. Pushing away any feelings she had before, Octavia stepped forward and gently pulled her into a hug.
"She's safe. And in a couple years, the ground will be too. And we'll see her again." Octavia whispered. There was a moment peace, where Octavia just held Abby.
"Thank you, Octavia. Thank you so much." Octavia didn't know what to say, so she didn't say anything.
After a minute or so, they separated. Octavia looked at the radio.
"I suppose you want to talk to Clarke." Abby guessed.
"If you don't mind."
"Of course. Go ahead." Octavia smiled her thanks and picked up the speaker.
"Hey Clarke, its O."
"Hey." Clarke laughed gently. "Thank you O. For that. For everything."
"Its me who should be thanking you." Octavia whispered. There was moment of silence.
"Anyways, we need to talk to my mom about the whole, not telling people things." Clarke said. Octavia sighed. That was going to an awkward conversation.
"Right now?"
"Yes, right now."
"Fine." No point in delaying it. Octavia turned to Abby. "Abby, we need to talk. You and me and Clarke." Abby raised an eyebrow.
"Okay…"
"So, I sort of haven't told anyone besides you about being able to contact Clarke."
"Yeah, I figured."
"So.. Can we keep it that way?" Octavia asked, hoping to not have to go in depth about this decision. Abby analyzed her silently. It was sightly intimidating.
"Why do you want to keep it a secret?"
"Well, for one reason, I don't want people thinking the ground is safe, and trying to leave. They might even think we've been lying about having to stay in here for 5 years."
"And the other reason?" Abby quizzed her. Octavia chewed her lip nervously.
"Honestly, I don't really know." And that was honest. Abby nodded.
"I understand your worry about people trying to leave, but what if we just told the council? Clarke would be a great asset to the council."
"NO!" This time it was Clarke. Both Abby and Octavia spun to face the radio in surprise.
"Yes Clarke?"
"I- I mean, that's not what meant. Sort of." Clarke babbled.
"Then what did you mean?" [Clarke swallowed, her face going pink, and found herself glad for once, that they couldn't see her.]
"Uhhmmm… I just, I don't think I'm ready. To lead again. To make decisions…" No one said anything. Clarke rushed to explain herself. Sort of. "I mean, I'm really not liked by the grounders after what happened. I doubt they'll listen to anything I say. And they'll stop respecting you if you listen to me. You guys probably don't want another coup on your hands."
Abby nodded in agreement with Clarke's second statement. Octavia, however, didn't hear it. She was busy thinking about the first. All the feelings she had pushed aside earlier came rushing back to her, and Octavia felt her jaw tighten. She needed to get out of here. She needed to calm down. She needed to think. She needed to-
"Octavia. Octavia!"
"What?" She snapped, pulled out of her daze. Abby looked taken aback.
"So we decided? We're not telling anyone? Their's no reason to tell the civilians anyways, and I agree with what Clarke said about the council. Most of them are grounders. It'll probably do more harm the good. For now." Abby explained.
"Yeah, yeah. Keeping it a secret. Got it." Both Griffins where taken by surprise of Octavia's attitude, but let it go. "Speaking of which, we should probably get going, before anyone comes looking." Octavia added. Abby nodded.
"Yes." She turned to speak directly into the speaker for the radio. "I love you Clarke. I'm so glad.." She trailed of. Their was many things she was glad of right now.
"I know, mom. I love you too. Take care."
"I will. I love you so much. Promise me you'll stay safe."
"I promise I'll try. Talk to soon Mom. Love you."
"Love you too. We'll talk soon." Abby handed the speaker to Octavia with a nod, then left the room swiftly. Octavia was left awkwardly holding it.
"Thank you. For that. It was great talking to you again."
"Yeah. Bye." Octavia said stiffly. Before she could say anything else, Octavia turned the speaker off and left the room, trying very hard not to scream in frustration.
[On the other end, Clarke put down the speaker slowly. She had upset Octavia. She just knew it. Octavia was probably fuming. And Clarke wasn't exactly sure why.
"Did it go.. good?" Madi asked. Clarke furrowed her brow, for once ignoring Madi's inaccurate grammar.
"I think… I think I said something very stupid."]
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A/N- So, Octavia's being a bit of a sensitive asshole. It's not her fault though, she's going through a lot :{ What did you guys think? Please don't be afraid to give me any suggestions, I am trying to improve my writing. Also any suggestions on the Niytavia thing? I think I will, but I'm not completely sure. I can't stop planing it in my head though. Anyways, thanks for reading!