Chapter 5- Sorry, Not Sorry, Sorry

Octavia slammed her door closed and sunk onto her bunk, resting her face in her hands.

Your overreacting Octavia. Pull yourself together.

But it's unfair. I know I shouldn't be this mad, but… I hate it. I hate that she gets to relax out their in her 'perfect little valley' while I'm turning into 'the tyrant under the floor'. I hate her.

No, you don't.

Octavia sighed. No, I don't. But I'm mad. I'm so freaking mad.

There was a knock on the door.

"Come in." Octavia said, sitting a little straighter. Niylah walked in.

"Octavia." Niylah greeted. Octavia couldn't help a small smile. Niylah was one of the few that still called her by her real name.

"Hey. You need something?"

"Yeah, sort of. You're supposed to be at the fighting pits. It's supposed to begin any minute now." Niylah said. Shit. I forgot.

"Great." That's exactly what want to do right now. Go force people to kill each other. Niylah's eyebrows rose.

"Are you okay? You seem upset." Niylah asked softly, crossing the room and sitting down next to Octavia. Octavia tried to muster up her usual, 'i'm fine' but couldn't.

"I don't want to. Not right now. Not ever." Was all she could choke out. Niylah didn't have to ask to know what she was talking about.

"I know you don't. None of us to do. But we need you." Niylah slipped her hand into Octavia's and Octavia felt deja vu, remembering a similar time with Clarke. "You're people need you."

"Yeah. Sure. They need someone to kill them."

"They do." Niylah was serious. "Maybe they don't think they do, but do." Niylah stood, continuing to grasp Octavia's hand, and led her out of the room, towards the arena.

Octavia let her.

—

For the next three days, Octavia ignored the radio. She pushed Clarke to the back of her mind and went about her duties, Niylah becoming more common to be seen working at her side. When Abby asked, Octavia just said that she had already spoken to Clarke, and that Abby could have time to talk to Clarke alone. She hoped that Clarke wouldn't mention anything to her mother, and for a while, she didn't. It was the fourth day that that changed.

"Hi mom." Clarke greeted Abby over the Radio. "Is Octavia there?"

"No. Why? Should she be?" Abby was confused.

"I was just hoping…" Clarke trailed off.

"Hoping what?"

"That she would stop ignoring me." Clarke sighed.

"Ignoring you? She said she talked to you this morning."

"Yeah, well she lied. I haven't talked to Octavia since the day she first brought you."

"Why would she ignore you? Why would she lie?" Abby was even more confused. Clarke was pretty sure she knew why Octavia was upset, but for some reason didn't really want to talk about it with her mom.

"I don't know. She probably just decided I wasn't worth her time." Honestly Clarke wasn't completely sure that wasn't the reason.

"Clarke I'm sure that's not-"

"Mom. Stop. It's okay. I don't care." Clarke lied. Abby frowned at the obvious lie.

"That's a lie and you know it. You do care. And so does Octavia. She seemed different durning the days she was contacting you. Happier in a way. I just didn't know it was you at the time." Abby explained. Clarke couldn't help and odd feeling in her gut. She had made Octavia happy? She wasn't sure how she felt about it. But it makes me happy talk to her. She admitted to herself. Why, though?

"I'll just give her time. When she wants to talk to me she will." Clarke said. Abby shook her head.

"No. I think Octavia will continue to push herself away, for whatever reason. It's hurting her too whether she knows it or not."

"No. Mom. No. Please don't, just leave her alone." Clarke pleaded, but Abby wouldn't take no for an answer.

"Too bad Clarke. I'll talk to you soon. Hopefully you'll talk to Octavia before that. Love you, Bye." Abby turned of the radio before Clarke could protest more.

[ "Love you too, mom." Clarke snorted. ]

—

Octavia frowned as Abby approached her, looking determine. This can't be good.

"Octavia. Surprised to find you here." Abby said. Octavia suppressed the urge to roll her eyes. The woman literally came here looking for her.

"Do you need something?" Octavia asked rather stiffly.

"Yeah. I was hoping I could talk to you." Her eyes darted to Niylah and Gaia, obviously wanting to talk alone.

"Fine. Walk with me." She turned to Niylah and Gaia. "You two are dismissed." They nodded, understanding their invitation to leave. Abby immediately started to walk somewhere, signaling for Octavia to follow. Once they where out of earshot of anyone, Abby spoke.

"Why are you ignoring Clarke?" Shit.

"What do you mean? I talked to her this mor-"

"Oh, cut the crap. She told me." Damn it Clarke.

"That little snitch." Octavia grumbled. Abby had had it. She turned around and grabbed Octavia by the arm.

"What did you do?" Abby hissed. Octavia laughed coldly and unamused.

"What did I do? Their you go again, making me the bad guy. It couldn't possibly be your little princess, could it?" Octavia sneered. "Well guess what? It was."

"Fine. I don't care." Abby pulled Octavia by the arm, towards the room with the radio. "But what I do care, is that you talk it out with her." They where in front of the door.

"Oh, no you don't. This is none of your business. You can't just boss me around." Octavia jerked her arm out of Abby's hand.

"Watch me." Abby hissed. She grabbed Octavia again, forcing her towards the door.

"I swear to god, I'm going to throw you in the fighting pits Abby."

"Just stop this Octavia!" Abby threw her hands air. "Your hurting her, your hurting yourself. Don't argue with me, I know it's true. Now stop acting like a middle school drama queen and just talk to each other." She yelled. A moment of tense silence went by. Octavia sighed in defeat. As much as she would never admit it, Abby was right. She couldn't never talk to Clarke again.

"Screw you Griffin." Octavia snarled, although she wasn't really sure which one was that meant for. Probably both. She stormed inside and closed the door behind her, hoping Abby wouldn't follow her in. She didn't. Octavia jumped in surprise when a voice came over the radio.

"Hi Octavia."

"Your mom's an asshole Griffin."

"My day's been good, thanks for asking. How was your's?" Clarke's sarcasm cut into Octavia like a knife.

"Screw you Clarke." Octavia's words gained a moment of silence.

"Ca- can you just tell me why your so mad?" Clarke's voice cracked oddly.

"Why am I mad?! Why tf do think I'm mad Griffin?" Octavia's voice rose. "Because your a stupid, fucking, coward. Because your up their playing family, while I'm here having to force people to kill each other. And yet your the one refusing to help me because your worried people are going to dislike you!"

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry Octavia. I should never had said that, your right, it was stupid. But you're acting like I wanted prymfire to happen."

"Sometimes I feel like you did!" Octavia yelled. "You get to go on a nice break, raise a daughter, have a valley to yourself."

"Octavia that's unfair, I never-"

"You didn't even try that hard to get into the bunker. You're probably glad we're all stuck down here. Are you happy that those rocks fell onto the door? Are you happy we're just going to die slowly down here why you live a life, Wahnheda?" Octavia snarled. Her words cracked the air like a whip.

"Ho- How dare you," Clarke's voice was a low, and deadly growl, "How fucking dare you. I nearly died! I was prepared to die when I when to fix the towers. I nearly died trying to open that bunker. And when I couldn't, when I failed, I nearly committed suicide. I had the gun at my hear, my knees on the ground-" Clarke's voice broke. She took in deep breathes, regaining her use of speech, and continued. "I was an idiot for be scared to help you. Your right, I don't deserve a break, especially not after everything I've done. But don't you dare say I didn't try. Don't you dare say I wanted this to happen. All I want is my people to be safe. For everyone to be safe. You of all people should know how that feels."

Octavia didn't know what to say. Her knees felt weak and she lowered herself into the nearby chair. She still felt anger, but now it was mixed with guilt and regret for some of the things that had spewed from her mouth.

"I do." She whisper to radio, "I know exactly how that feels."

They sat in silence for few minutes, both young women took deep breathes to clam themselves down, and thought about all the things that had been said.

"I'm sorry I was too weak and cowardly to want to help you. I will admit, I'm scared of having to make hard decisions and sacrifices again. I don't want to be that person again. But I should never force you to do this all by yourself. Nobody should have to bare that alone." Clarke's voice was soft and regretting. Octavia nodded, mostly to herself.

"Yeah. I'm sorry about that too. But I'm really sorry about some of the things I said today. I know you care, I know you tried, I know you've done everything you possibly could. I know you did you're best. I know that pretty much everything I accused you of is not true." Octavia admitted. [Clarke nodded, mostly to herself]

"Yeah. Some of it wasn't."

"So, we good or..?" Octavia asked awkwardly.

"Sort of." Clarke replied. Sort of. What was I expecting? A hug, some tears, and perfect friendship? That was never going to happen.

"Sort of." Octavia echoed back at her. "Oh, and Clarke?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm really glad you didn't… you know…" Octavia didn't have to finish the sentence to be understood.

"Yeah, I'm glad 'I didn't' too." Clarke replied grimly.

"So, bye."

"Bye."

Well that went… I'm not really sure how that went. Octavia sighed.

—

A/N- Awkward… Poor O and C. They shouldn't be fighting. What did you think? I know I used a little more explicit language in this chapter but I thought it was fitting. However, If anyone is really against it I don't mid taking it down a few notches. On a completely different note…. IS ANYONE READY FOR THE SEASON 6 EPISODE 1 TONIGHT! (It's 12 am for me right now) I know I'm ready. Been waiting way to long… Can't wait any longer!