"How is she, Dame Simbi?"
"I'm not sure Arch, Psychically she coping but mentally…"
"Whens her therapy appointment?"
"She's there now. But she won't talk"
"What do you mean?"
"I've been told that all she does is sit there. She won't talk to anyone. When she's not training shes sat in her room"
"What she went through, nobody should have that happen"
"I think it would be good for D'jok to talk to her"
"Well, they do deserve a break and i think they're missing their families. We've got a couple more planets to visit and then we can stop by Akillian…
1 week later
Alex's P.O.V.
"So Alexandria, this is our sixth meeting now. Do you feel like we've made any progress" I just stayed quiet. She then said
"I've been told that your nightmares are getting worse. Do you want to talk about them?"
"Not really"
"Alex, I know that it's hard but you need to talk about what happened, it will relive some of the pressure you're carrying around"
"When I'm ready I'll talk about it" I then got up and said
"Are we done"
"For today yes" I grabbed my crutches and then left the room.
I got my brace yesterday but until i get used to it i still have to use crutches when i'm not at the academy. The brace is designed to shift the ones in my leg into their correct positions, i can still bend my knee but the brace keeps it secure. My therapy session ended an hour ago, i'm currently sat in the chill-out room in the academy at the old piano. Since being back on Akillian i've been working on a new song. I've got the melody but can't think of the lyrics or even a name for it. The Academy is so quiet now that the team isn't here, it's just me and Simbi. I last saw Dad a few days ago , he tried to convince me to go for the surgery but i still don't particularly want it. He couldn't stay long but he said he'd be back soon.
Anyway whilst i'm sat at the piano i decided to play a part of my new song to try and think of some lyrics. I started to play the melody and after 5 minutes came up with some lyrics and started saying them
"This is a story that I have never told
I gotta get this off my chest to let it go
I need to take back the light inside you stole
You're a criminal
And you steal like you're a pro
All the pain and the truth
I wear like a battle wound
So ashamed, so confused
I was broken and bruised.."
I wasn't exactly singing them but i was saying them to match the tune. However i stopped when i heard an all too familiar voice
"It's been a long time since i've heard you sing" i turned around and saw D'jok leaning against the door frame, i then said
"What are you doing here" he walked in and said
"Good to see you too sis" i stood up, hugged him and said
"You know exactly what i meant" he pulled out of the hug before saying
"We were nearby so we took a break from the planet tour"
"No there's something else"
"Alright, Dad called me" i sat back down and said
"I wished you'd both stop worrying, i'm fine" he sat down next to me before saying
"Alex, i know you better than anyone. I know when something is wrong with you, you can talk to me"
I took a breath and tried to change the subject. Before i spoke i walked over to the window, i then said
"Did You know when you're drowning, you don't actually inhale until right before you black out. It's called voluntary apnea. It's like no matter how much you're freaking out, the instinct to not let any water in is so strong that you won't open your mouth until you feel like your head's exploding. But then when you finally do let it in, that's when it stops hurting. It's not scary anymore. It's - it's actually kind of peaceful" he then said
"Changing the subject. How about we get back to you, Alex?"
" I'm fine. Yeah, aside from the not sleeping, the jumpiness, the constant, overwhelming, crushing fear that something terrible is about to happen" he sighed got up and said
"Lex, It's called hyper - vigilance, the persistent feeling of being under threat"
" But it's not just a feeling, though. It's - it's like it's a panic attack. You know, like I can't even breathe"
" Like you're drowning?"
"Yeah"
"That's not all. Lex come on, it's me. You can talk to me" i had tears in my eyes as i said
"He said it was my fault. That i deserve every bad thing that's ever happened to me. All if it is my fault" tears fell from my eyes as he pulled me into a hug
"No...no, lex. No it wasn't. Mo one could have predicted what would happen. We thought he'd let us go, we couldn't have known" i pulled out of the hug and said
"How I feel, this... inside me, I wish I couldn't feel anything, D'jok. I wish I couldn't feel a damn thing…