That evening…

Charles and Charlie came over to Jack and Elizabeth's home for dinner. Julie was there too, of course.

She had met his eyes a few times across the table but the truth was, she had so many emotions floating around her body, Julie thought she might just start crying or blurt out how she felt about him if she actually spoke.

"Are you going to talk to him?" Elizabeth asked as they did the dishes.

"I don't know what to say to him, Beth."

"He's a family friend who you've known forever."

"Who I have strong feelings for," she whispered. "Who was married to our sister. How can I do this to her?" she asked, fighting her tears. "Its just easier if I stay in Hope Valley."

"Julie. She's gone. She's not coming back and she wouldn't want Charles to be alone forever and she wouldn't want Charlie to be without a mother either."

Charles walked into the kitchen. "Julie, may I speak with you, please?"

"I'm doing dishes, Charles."

"I came all the way here, Julie. At least give me a chance to tell you why."

Elizabeth put a hand on her back and looked her in the eyes, telling her to go and giving support without using words.

Julie sighed, handed the towel to Elizabeth and slowly followed Charles to the porch.

They stood about six inches apart, each with both hands on the railing. Silence prevailed for a few moments until Julie decided she needed to speak.

"Why are you here, Charles?"

"Charlie misses you. He hasn't been the same since you left." Truth be told, he missed her too.

"He would have recovered. You didn't need to come all this way."

"He wouldn't have. Not for a long while. I heard him earlier, Julie. He called you Mama."

"I'm so sorry, Charles. I know that must bring back so many painful memories. I never asked him to call me that."

"I know. Honestly, it broke my heart that he doesn't remember Vi. But it also meant that he wasn't hurting with grief anymore. Until you left. He kept asking for Mama and I assumed he meant Vi and somehow he remembered her. Once he saw you and called you Mama, I realized he needs you."

"Charles, I can't do this." He watched her wipe her eyes and turn away. "It isn't fair to him or me or you for that matter. The longer I stay watching him, the more attached he will get. The harder it will be to leave when you have moved on and he doesn't need me anymore."

"He will always need you, Julie."

"I can't do it. It hurts too much. Seeing you hurts too much," she told him quietly.

"Why? Because of Vi?"

"No….well yes. Charles…I need to go help put Helen and Sammy to bed. It's getting late."

"Yes, I better get back to town with Charlie…unless you wanted to keep him here tonight."

"That's fine."

"I'll come see you in the morning." She nodded and walked inside.

That night, Julie listened to all three children sleeping, their breathing calm and steady. She loved all of them. She was at a crossroads. One way went toward Alberta, back to the life she had lived since she was born. That one had riches and a comfortable life, close to Charles and Charlie and her parents. The other way led her here, to Hope Valley, also comfortable, but different. No Charlie or Charles, but it had Beth and Jack and Helen and Sammy.

She didn't want to make a choice because each one would hurt her heart, and yet she knew it would eventually need to be made.

She gently got up and headed into the living room to add more wood to the fire and to think.

She found Elizabeth sipping tea on the couch, a blanket over her lap.

"Beth?" Julie whispered. "Why aren't you asleep?"

"Every time I relax, this little one decides it's time to play," she said, rubbing her belly. "He or she has their days and nights mixed up." Julie picked up the edge of the blanket and scooted closer, leaning against Elizabeth's shoulder. "How did things go earlier, with Charles?"

"I don't know. He told me he came because Charlie missed me. I told him that being around them wasn't fair to anyone and it hurts too much."

"Did you tell him what you mean by that?"

"No. He doesn't need to know. What good could come from telling him when he's never going to feel the same?"

"You don't know he will never feel the same, and you would at the very least be his friend and in his and Charlie's life."

"I want more, Beth. I want this," she said, gesturing to her belly and the home. "I want a husband who loves me and a handful of children and a home."

"You could have that with him. You just need to be patient. It hasn't been that long."

"Yeah, well, patience has never been my strong suit."

"True. But when it comes to something as serious as loving someone, time is your friend, not your enemy."

….

The next morning, Charles showed up as promised and Julie decided to give him a chance. She definitely wanted to be his friend. "Morning, Julie."

"Morning. Are you hungry? We have some biscuits and gravy left."

"If it's not too much trouble."

"Have a seat. Coffee too?"

"Yes, please."

Charlie ran in with Helen and Sammy. "Hi, Daddy!"

"Hi, son. Are you having fun?"

"Yeah. Playing blocks!"

"Oh! That sounds so fun!"

"Yeah." The kids ran off to the living room and Julie brought in his plate of food and cup of coffee.

"Thank you," he told her, looking up at her. "Will you join me?"

"I have things I promised Beth I would get done while she's at the orphanage."

"Please, Julie. I feel like you're avoiding me and I'd like to know why."

"I brought you food and coffee. I'm not avoiding you." He stared up at her, raising his eyebrows as he sipped his coffee. "Ok, maybe I am."

"Why's that?" He gestured for her to have a seat so she sat.

"I told you last night. It's too hard."

"Being my friend is too hard?"

"Yes."

"Julie, we have known each other for so long. Why is it hard?"

"That was before. You were with Vi and we were all just around. It was easier then."

"Because?" He was pushing and they both knew it.

"Please, Charles. I need to get the dishes done."

He put his hand on hers for just a moment and her heart sped up, causing her cheeks to flush. "Just tell me."

"Because I have feelings for you. Okay? I feel so guilty about it and I just can't be around you anymore."

He squeezed her hand and held her there. "Julie, look at me, please," he told her quietly.

"I don't want to. Now, not only am I feeling guilty, I'm embarrassed. Please let me go." She pulled on her hand and stood, walking back to the kitchen.

Charles didn't follow right away. He finished eating his breakfast and listened to the kids chattering in the living room while they played. All the while, he was thinking about what Jack had said about friendships turning into fondness in the weirdest of situations. He was already feeling fondness for her. She was great with Charlie and Sammy and Helen. She was a kind, loving person who selflessly took care of her dead sister's husband and child and for that he was grateful and she certainly shouldn't feel guilty.

He picked up his plate and cup and walked into the kitchen. "Julie?" She spun around away from him and wiped her eyes. "Julie, please don't cry." He put his dishes down and rested his hands on her shoulders. "Can we talk about this? I don't want to lose you as my friend. But right now, that's all I know how to give you."

"I'm never going to pressure you for more, Charles, but that's why I can't go home to Alberta."

"I'm grateful for you, Julie. For everything you've done for us. Vi would be grateful too." He gently turned her toward him. "But I think you belong with us."

"I know you don't mean that the way it sounds."

"I mean, with us, in Alberta. That's where home is. That's where Charlie is."

"That's where you are." She could grab his hand or just throw caution to the wind and reach up and kiss him but she wasn't sure enough that she wouldn't die of a broken heart if he rejected her. So she did nothing. "I need time to figure out everything, Charles. In the meantime, I am going to stay here and help Elizabeth. She's getting closer to having her baby and the kids are a lot sometimes."

"Very well. I will be staying a few more days. Maybe you can let me know when I leave."

"Maybe."

….

A few days later, Charles was preparing to leave to head back to Alberta. He packed the suitcase and tried not to think about what he would be leaving behind when he and Charlie got on that stage.

At the very least, he was leaving his good friend and the only person Charlie needed other than him. He knew that saying goodbye was going to be difficult and he wasn't looking forward to it.

When the time came, rather than make a scene out in public, goodbyes were said at Jack and Elizabeth's.

Julie held Charlie tight, reveling in the feel of the boy wrapped around her waist and neck. She loved him so much and it was killing her to watch him go. But it was necessary. Charles couldn't be with her yet, nor did she have high hopes that he ever would.

"Mama!" Charlie cried into her shoulder. "Me stay! No go!"

"Shhh," she gently told him. "I'll see you soon," she said, not entirely sure how soon it would be.

Charles tried to pull his son away from Julie but he wasn't ready. It was a good thing they had a bit of time.

"Listen, sweetheart," Julie told Charlie, loosening his hold. "Its time for you to go now."

"No no no," he sobbed. "No, pease."

Julie was finding it next to impossible to keep her own tears away now. She didn't want to lose him but she knew it was happening and it broke her heart. "I love you so much, don't forget," she told him, kissing his wet cheeks before finally setting him on the floor and walking out of the room.

As Charles and Charlie bumped along the road toward Aberdeen, he thought about what Jack had told him when he first arrived.

"Don't close yourself off to what God is preparing you for."

Was Julie what God was preparing him for? It certainly had been hard to leave her, but was it just because it was so hard for Charlie?

Charles didn't know what was in his heart anymore. Vi was fading a bit as it approached six months since her death. As she faded, Julie was there in his mind. Again, he wasn't sure if it was because of Charlie's needs or his own.

"I don't know what to do," he prayed for the first time in months. "I need guidance here. I'm so lost."

….

Julie stayed in the kids room the rest of the morning, letting herself cry for the boy that was now gone and for his father. It felt like an ending to her.

Around lunch, Elizabeth came in the room. "Julie?"

"What?"

"Are you okay?"

"No." The simple answer summed it up. Would she be okay again?

"Are you hungry? I can make you a sandwich."

"No, thank you."

Elizabeth kissed her hair and left the room, shutting the door.

The next few weeks were the same. Julie did force herself to help at the orphanage because Elizabeth couldn't, being almost eight months pregnant.

At the beginning of May, Julie made a trip to the Mercantile for Elizabeth. She hadn't expected it, but there was a letter waiting for her from Charles.

She waited until that evening to read it as she sat in the living room.

Dear Julie,

It's been five weeks since we left Hope Valley for home. It was rough for Charlie. He asked about you multiple times a day, sad when you couldn't be there to read him a story before bed.

My intention with telling you that was not to make you feel guilty, but for you to know that he loves you and misses you dearly.

Please come home soon.

I've thought about our relationship daily as well and I've come to a realization.

We need you in our lives. Even if I can only offer you friendship now, we could make it work.

So I'm offering you a marriage of convenience, much like what Jack and Elizabeth entered into for the sake of Helen. Will you consider it? Consider us to be your family?

Best regards, your friend,

Charles