A Father's Love
Severus sat in the living room of his private quarters, having put Lily and Harry to bed an hour or so ago. He sat there in silence, his onyx colored eyes staring into the dancing flames in the fireplace as he found himself becoming more and more lost in them as he thought over how it would soon be the Christmas holiday and that he had at times thought to lift the grounding from Lily and Harry. At least until he reminded himself that the two were still only children and it would have been far too easy and quick for something to happen to them since neither of them were trained to know how to use their magic which made them easy targets for any that might mean harm to them. Though after a few moments, Severus closed his dark eyes as his lips parted ever so slightly to allow a faint sigh to pass through as he was thinking back on when Lily and he had first moved to their home.
It had been a cold morning, even for early November when he had woken the following morning, thinking to himself that there was no way that Dumbledore would have entrusted a small child to him. However as he lay on his bed staring at the new ceiling he heard nothing but silence which allowed him to convince himself that there had been no child, at least until an ear splitting scream tore through the silence. Severus sat bolt upright and ran from his room with his wand drawn only to see through the open door across the hall from his room that there was a crib by the window, and a house elf there cradling the crying baby.
"Oh! Mistress please calm down." The elf was crying along with the small baby who only seemed to cry more with the house elf. "Mistress, please! Twinkle did not mean to wake the mistress!" the elf sobbed only for Severus to become more and more frustrated as he walked into the room setting his wand down on the small dresser beside the door as he walked over and yanked the infant out of the arms of the sobbing elf.
"You are just making the noise worse!" Severus ground out due to how the screaming and crying from the elf and the child were giving him a migraine. Though once he had fallen silent he noticed that the child had stopped crying as well. Shocked to say the least, he looked down at the child to see bright blue eyes staring up at him as there were still tear streaks down from her eyes and even hints of more tears in her large eyes. "What are you looking at?" Severus asked in frustration glaring down at the child in his arms.
He had half expected the crying to start anew only for the child to smile showing a few baby teeth that had already come in as she giggled. "Da!" the girl seemed to squeak as she looked up at Severus only for him to shift her holding her out away from him with his hands under the girls arms as the two just watched one another, Severus with a glare, the girl with a grin on her face.
"I am not your da!" he ground out since Dumbledore may be forcing him to raise this child but he refused to be a parent to her. He had no younger siblings and his parents had not exactly set a good example to allow him to learn how one was to raise or even treat a child. So that alone made Severus question if Dumbledore was going senile in his old age. 'Must be! Who in their right mind would ever think to put a child with someone like me?' Severus thought as the stare off continued between himself and the child that Dumbledore had said was named Lillian. 'That is a beautiful name, but I much prefer Lily or Lil…' Severus thought before his onyx eyes went wide as he shook his head only to hear a giggle from the baby. Though Severus opened his eyes and glared at the baby. "What is so funny?" he asked before he heard a soft voice from the house elf who was standing close to him.
"Master Severus, please be gentle with Mistress Lillian." The house elf said as Severus looked down at her as onyx glared into hazel. "She is just upset, sir." The elf continued as Severus recalled the name of the elf was Twinkle.
"Of course she is upset, you were screaming your head off." Severus said coldly as he felt tapping on his wrists only to look and see that it was the baby Lillian doing it. Though as he looked at her he felt a pang of sadness as when he thought of her name, he pictured the woman he loved. "Take care of her!" Severus said suddenly thrusting the baby toward Twinkle as he turned on his heel and went over to the dresser retrieving his wand from there and leaving the room even as he heard a cry from behind him.
"Da! Da!" Lillian kept crying after how he had discarded her to the house elf, though he did not look back, but just went down to the basement of the small house that he worked on converting to be a lab for him to work on developing and brewing potions as need be. Though for the moment all he wanted was to bury himself in the art he excelled in to flood out the memories that were stabbing at his conscience.
Severus opened his eyes to find himself once more staring into the flames in the fireplace. He found it surprising how even from the beginning, Lily had been determined to never be pushed away. Sure he had ended up reading some books on parenting that a few of the other professors had pushed off on him once he had started working at Hogwarts a short while later, but that had led to him growing concerned. All due to how he could not just ask Lily why she cried so much when he left her alone with Twinkle or when she woke after being put in her crib or to bed once she outgrew the crib. So he had instead gone to ask Dumbledore about the truth of Lily's true parents. Severus leaned back more against the dark material of the arm chair he was sitting on as his mind went to a later time, after his first week of teaching Potions.
He had just finished a class for the first years as he went to gather up the essays he would need to spend the weekend grading only for a frantic Twinkle to appear before him with a screaming Lily beside the elf. "What did you do this time to upset her?!" Severus roared as he rushed around the desk to gather Lily up in his arms as Twinkle was frantic as she answered.
"Twinkle only put the young Mistress down for a nap and she woke crying." Twinkle said in a frantic tone as she looked as though she was afraid to be punished since Severus had left the elf in charge of taking care of Lily while he was teaching. Though in Severus' mind he considered scolding the elf, but something told him that it was not her fault, but that there was a much deeper problem. So banishing any thoughts of punishing Twinkle for how upset Lily was, Severus went back over to his desk while Lily had buried her small face into the base of his neck slightly on his shoulder as he used his free hand to gather up the essays before handing them to Twinkle.
"Take these to my rooms and then prep a snack for Lily, we will be back shortly." He ordered as Twinkle nodded to him with tears brimming in her hazel colored eyes as she bowed only to vanish. Not even a second later, Severus was walking toward the door of the room, which he opened only to close it behind himself and set off up the corridor leading out of the dungeons. Ignoring the looks he got from some students that he past, Severus made his way to the headmaster's office as he stopped before the statue only to say the password. "Cauldron cake." He said as the stone gargoyle moved to the side to reveal the spiraling staircase that led to the headmaster's office at the top.
Without any hesitation, Severus started up the stairs as he soon reached the headmaster's door as he did not even bother to knock since to him it was an emergency. So as soon as he entered he spotted the older wizard as he walked over with a furious look on his face. "Headmaster!" Severus ground out drawing the attention of the older man who had been looking at a piece of parchment on the desk before himself. "We need to have a serious discussion." He said in an annoyed tone as the older man looked up at Severus over his half-moon spectacles, an annoying twinkle in his blue eyes.
"About your daughter?" Dumbledore asked but Severus scowled at the older wizard. "Severus, surely you have come to accept that Lily is your daughter, it has been almost a year." He said since Lily was two years old now but she clung to Severus, though she had cried herself to sleep long before they had even reached the office.
"No, I have not, nor will I ever accept she is mine." Severus ground out in frustration. "But I need to know what could be causing her to be so clingy to me, more so than any child with separation anxiety, it is to the point of ridiculous!" Severus said in an annoyed low tone so as to not risk waking the child who was asleep in his arms. "I need to know why exactly you placed her with me!" Severus said in frustration as he felt Lily stir against him.
The twinkle died in Dumbledore's eyes as he brought his hands up to intertwine his fingers before him while his elbows rested before him on his desk. "First, have Twinkle come and take Lily back to your quarters, I do not wish to risk the chance that she may even unconsciously remember this conversation." Dumbledore said in a serious tone as Severus nodded at him, glad that after a year he was finally going to be told why he was the one Lily was placed with.
"Twinkle!" Severus called as the small house elf appeared beside him bowing. Though he did not allow the elf to speak as he removed Lily's grip around his neck and handed her to the elf. "Take her back to my quarters and give her the snack I told you to prepare and then do not let her out of your sight." He said as Twinkle nodded, accepting the toddler who was slowly starting to wake before Twinkle vanished with Lily before she could begin to fuss, the way she always did when handed over to the elf rather than be allowed close to Severus. Once the elf had left with the toddler, Severus turned back to the headmaster. "Now, tell me why did you choose me, and why is Lily so clingy toward me!" he demanded but Dumbledore merely gestured for Severus to take a seat before intertwining his fingers once again as the younger man took a seat facing the headmaster.
There was a few moments of silence between the two as Dumbledore seemed lost in thought before he spoke. "First off, I want you to know that even when I tell you the truth, you will not be allowed to back out of guardianship of Lily." Dumbledore said in a matter of fact tone as Severus glared at the older man due to how that made it sound like he knew that was what Severus was considering since the child was so clingy to him that it was unnatural. "Is that understood?" Dumbledore asked matching Severus' glare with a stern look over his half-moon spectacles.
After several moments, Severus finally relented as he closed his eyes, sighing in frustration. "Alright, I will not relinquish my guardianship of that child." He said since he was forcing himself to not feel attachment to Lily all due to how every time he developed attachment for another living thing, person or pet, they always died leaving him alone.
"Good." Dumbledore said before leaning back ever so slightly. "I guess I should start from the beginning." He said as he looked toward the ceiling as though recalling some memory. "It started when you would have been in in the last year of the wizarding war." Dumbledore said as he paused for a brief moment. "After you overheard the prophecy pertaining to Harry, Sybil made another prediction just two months before Lily was born." Dumbledore said which mean about mid-June because of how Lily was born on August thirteenth. Though after a second, Dumbledore continued. "This prophecy was that one who was to be the greatest ally to the one to bring about the fall of the dark lord would be born shortly after, and that the child would bear and odd mark, branding them a child of the night or child of the moon."
"And this child was Lily?" Severus asked in a skeptical tone since he had never once seen a mark even related to that dark mark on the child. However Dumbledore nodded to confirm it. "Forgive me, but I have never seen such a mark on the child." Severus said but Dumbledore sighed.
"It is because when she was born with it, her parents both begged me to cast concealment charms and spells on their child. Since the mark would be easy to identify should it be seen." Dumbledore said as he kept a stern gaze on Severus. "The mark of the black crescent upon the child's back between the shoulder blades. It is a mark Lily was born with and that by my spells and charms, is kept hidden so that she may know a normal childhood before her true destiny is revealed." Dumbledore said in a grave tone. "Because while she may be the greatest ally for Harry, she is also destined to bring him nothing but heartache and misery."
"But how is that?" Severus cut in before Dumbledore could continue. "From what I have seen this last year from her, she is nothing but a pure hearted child. Not even capable of doing anything like that to anyone. Unless one counts how she won't let me get a peaceful nights rest unless she is asleep right beside me." Severus said in a low frustrated tone. All due to how that was true, that since Lily had gone home with him, he had not gotten a single nights rest.
"I was getting to that." Dumbledore said in a calm tone. "It is because of how Lily was only allowed to be with her family until shortly before the Potter's were killed." Dumbledore said. "Truth be told, due to an affliction she has, as soon as she was born her mother became weaker and weaker until she passed around mid-October." Dumbledore said in a grave tone due to how he was not sure how the younger man before him might react to this. "From there her father entrusted her to me as he sent his son who was four at the time to live with relatives, meanwhile he entrusted his infant daughter to me, begging me to place her in the safest place I could think of. I gave him a set of conditions. That he relinquish full custodial rights to the child until she is thirteen, at which point he is allowed to resume contact should he wish to, but not before then." Dumbledore said as Severus gave him a frustrated look. "However, your custody of her will not be revoked, since the safest place for Lily is with you."
"Oh yeah!" Severus said sarcastically. "With one who is an ex Death Eater, and seen as the worst human to walk the face of the earth by many of the student body." Severus said in frustration but Dumbledore merely smiled at him.
"You will come to see it my way." He said happily. "Because even if you try to resist, you know that I am right. That you need Lily just as much as she needs you." Dumbledore said only for Severus to stand and leave since he figured that was all that the headmaster would tell him about where Lily had come from. Something told him that Dumbledore was deliberately holding back on telling him who Lily's biological father was. Though as Severus was walking along the corridors back to his private quarters he felt himself wondering why Dumbledore insisted that Lily and him both needed one another.
'That is not likely.' Severus thought as he entered the dungeons of the school heading deeper down the corridor with every echoing footstep. 'The only one by that name that I ever wanted or needed is gone, and just because the child shares the same name does not mean that I need her or that she needs me…' Severus thought as he had figured that leaving the child primarily in the care of the house elf who seemed to love caring for the child was the best course of action, since at least that way the child would have someone who did care for them. Because he had never really been loved, except by Lily Evans, so he did not know the first thing about caring for another person.
Thinking back on that, Severus found it hard to believe that he had once had a wall around his heart to try and keep himself from loving his daughter, but at the same time he knew that it was because of how he had been afraid of allowing himself to love. All because of his past. Thinking of that Severus unconsciously brought his right hand to his left forearm, where under the sleeve of his shirt lay the dark mark that he had taken in his foolish youth. A decision that had cost him dearly. 'What if Lily were to ever find out about it? Would she hate me just the same as the woman I loved did?' he thought to himself as he lived each day with that worry since he knew at the moment his daughter was too young to understand what the mark on his arm would mean. Though that did not stop him from doing all he could to conceal it from her.
'I will not allow her to know that darkness, even if it is to be her fate…' he thought to himself since in the time since when Dumbledore had first told him the reason that he had placed Lily with him up to a month after that, Severus had continued to be distant until Dumbledore had put his foot down. A memory that Severus now felt his mind drifting to as he allowed it to do so as the memory played out in his mind.
Dinner had just concluded and Severus had summoned Twinkle, ordering the elf to take Lily who had refused to sit in her high chair for dinner but wanted to sit on Severus' lap. A request he kept ignoring to the point that Minerva McGonagall had come over, scolded Severus before picking up the fussing Lily and took her back over to her seat and sat the small girl on her lap. 'Good riddance!' Severus had thought in pure frustration at the time, and more so when the elf had come and retrieved the girl. Though as he had gone to head from the Great Hall, sending glares at any student who dared to look at him in a mocking way for how a toddler was making him look like a pure jackass in front of the rest of the professors, he heard a stern voice call his name.
"Severus! A word, if you please." The voice he knew all too well, it was the voice of none other than Albus Dumbledore.
Severus had stopped in his tracks and allowed an annoyed sigh to escape from his lips before he looked back at the older wizard. "I really do not have time, because I have essays to grade and then prep for more classes tomorrow." He said in a frustrated tone but Dumbledore ignore that as he walked along the table toward the younger wizard. "So another time, headmaster." Severus said only for him to turn and try to walk away, had it not been for the hand that rested upon his shoulder.
"No, now." Dumbledore said in a tone that showed he would not accept no for an answer. Even more so when Dumbledore proceeded to lead Severus by keeping his hand on the younger man's shoulder out of the great hall and then proceeding to his office. "This has to stop!" Dumbledore said in a calm but stern tone to Severus who merely rolled his eyes.
"You told me to raise the child-" He started but Dumbledore interrupted.
"Lily. Her name is Lily and she is your daughter, a fact that you seem to be resisting to the best of your abilities, something that in doing so you are condemning her!" Dumbledore said in a frustrated but oddly calm tone as he walked around his desk and sat down gesturing for Severus to take a seat as well, which the younger man did but it was obvious that he was reluctant to do so. "You know so little, and yet it seems I have been left with no choice but to tell you the full truth about why Lily was placed with you of all people when she could have been easily placed with Minerva or even another family all together." He said as Severus gave Dumbledore a shocked look.
"Are you really going to tell me or are you just saying that you plan to only to withhold certain bits?" he asked as he was slightly doubting that the older wizard would do as he had said since before he had only scratched the surface from what Severus was guessing.
"I believe this will explain it further." Dumbledore said as he opened one of the doors on his desk and pulled out a small orb that had a fog within it as he placed it down on the desk as the smooth surface was facing toward Severus, something he noticed.
"A prophecy, but it surely couldn't be about the girl…Lily." He said as he caught the look from Dumbledore that forced him to refer to the child by her name.
"It does, and unless something changes, then part of this prophecy will come true that will mean nothing but chaos." Dumbledore said as he picked up the orb and dropped it upon his desk as it shattered, releasing the mist into the room as an odd darkness seemed to overtake everything before a voice began to echo in the darkness.
The time of the Chosen one is close at hand, though another with great power to aid or destroy the chosen one is also fast approaching. Before the month is half done, the one meant to help or destroy the hope of all will be born. She will be born with the mark of darkness upon her at birth, as within little over a year her journey will begin. Should she be denied by all, she will become the Child of Darkness, and aid the Dark Lord. Should she be allowed to know love in different forms, her heart will remain with light and she will aid the Chosen One in his coming battle.
Seconds after the prophecy was done reciting, the darkness cleared as Severus gave Dumbledore a confused look. "So Lily is the one in this prophecy?" he asked in a skeptical tone since he had seen nothing but pure light in the child since she had been given to him. "I find that hard to believe, headmaster." Severus said showing he was skeptical of the contents of the prophecy but Dumbledore shook his head at the disbelief of the younger wizard.
"She is. She has the potential to be a strong and great ally for the fight against Voldemort," Severus flinched only for Dumbledore to ignore that and continue, "when he eventually returns, or should she be denied knowing acceptance and love, she will end up siding with Voldemort." Once again Severus flinched at the name of the Dark Lord but Dumbledore once again ignored it.
"If her fate relies on her feeling loved, then why give her to someone like me?" he asked in a low tone as he was confused and frustrated at the same time. Surely Dumbledore knew that he, Severus, was incapable of loving another after how his heart had been broken when he had accidentally pushed away the woman he loved into the arms of the one who had tormented him all through school.
"I did so because you are the only one suited for it. You have an overflowing amount of love to give, and are in need of being loved more than any other person that I know." Dumbledore said in a matter of fact tone as though it were obvious.
"That is ridiculous!" Severus ground out in frustration since he had in his own mind made peace with that he would not ever be loved by another after what he had done to Lily Evans. Though despite that small outburst the headmaster remained with the same set look on his face, showing that the old man still believed that he was right. "Place her with someone else, I am sure McGonagall would love to have a daughter." Severus said in an upset tone as he went to stand only to hear the voice of the older wizard once again.
"Try opening your heart to her, I am sure you will not regret it because as I have told you before. You and Lily need one another." He said as Severus merely turned his back to the headmaster before he headed out of the office and down toward the dungeons to his own quarters.
Severus closed his eyes as he was thinking on that memory, mainly the prophecy. Even now it rang clear in his mind even though it had been some time since he had thought about it. 'I still do not see what it could be that would cause her to not know love besides my own fear of loving her as my own for the first year that she was in my care…' he thought to himself as he thought then on the night his heart truly did open up to Lily.
It was during the Christmas holiday that same year. Severus had been against any decorations in his quarters, and yet Twinkle had insisted for Lily's sake, so Severus permitted it but only in the child's room. However it did not remain that way for very long all due to how Lily had persisted on dragging decorations out and leaving them in random places despite Severus getting worked up and scolding the child. Yet each time Lily merely smiled innocently at him as the words of the prophecy rang clear in his mind of how Lily would either be a great ally for the Potter boy or for the dark lord, something he found to be all but impossible with that sweet smile. However he went about continuing to ignore her, despite the girl's obvious attempts to get his attention.
Just a few days before Christmas, it happened. The day that the ice around Severus' heart was melted and he allowed the love for Lily to come flowing through. All due to how early in the morning there had been a faint sound of someone in his room as he slept only for him to open his eyes and after a moment they focused and revealed the small child standing not too far from his room as she looked like she had been standing there for a while barefoot as her small feet could be seen under the hem of her light blue night gown as her dark hair fell about her pale face.
"Daddy? Why you no love me?" she asked in a small voice as Severus had shifted only to freeze and look at the small child with shock and confusion evident on his face, even more so when he saw tears brimming in the child's round eyes. "What I do wrong?" Lily asked looking at the one she saw as her father with tears threatening to start falling once again due to how she was near the point of breaking. She almost wondered if it was worth it to do this one last desperate attempt at being loved, something that Severus could see in her expression.
"Lily, what makes you think that you did something wrong?" Severus asked as he sat up, his blanket falling away revealing his long sleeve grey shirt and black pajama pants he was wearing as his onyx eyes remained on the child before him.
"I always do something wrong." She said sniffling ever so slightly. "No one ever want me, not even daddy." Lily said in a sad tone showing that it was as the headmaster had told Severus. Lily had been denied being loved since she was born…much like Severus had been. "You no want me?" Lily asked bringing Severus out of his thoughts as he gave her a shocked look due to how the sorrow in her voice was almost unbelievable that a child could feel that much.
"No, it is not that." Severus said, his voice shaking ever so slightly before he gestured with his left hand to Lily. "Come sit up here before you catch a cold." He said as the small child before him slowly walked closer but she was not yet tall enough to reach the bed to do more than tug at it so when she was close enough, Severus lifted her up onto the bed and then turned slightly to face her. "It is complicated with why I have been shutting myself away from you." He said but the tears remained in the round blue eyes that stared at him.
"So you leave like everyone?" Lily asked showing that despite her being very young that she still apparently had vague memories of how she had been abandoned by her real father, something that for some reason pained Severus.
"No! I will not leave." Severus said before he realized what he was saying, but it had already been said, and Lily was staring up at him with tears in her eyes. "I will not leave you because you are…" he trailed off only for Lily to get on her hands and knees and crawl over closer to Severus and onto his lap only to snuggle against his chest.
"A monster?" she asked in a shaking voice, not seeing how the two words she had spoken had rattled Severus. All due to how he was sure that she was the opposite, she was so pure that there was no way that she could be a monster, so why would she say such a thing.
"Why do you think you are a monster?" Severus asked after a moment but Lily did not answer, but remained silent against him. Hesitantly he brought his arms up and encircled he only to in that moment realize just how small and frail the child…no Lily, was. Though with having realized that and not even thinking of what he said next, he held her closer as he whispered. "No, I do not want to know that, because you are not a monster. You are mine. My little Lily." Severus whispered as he soon realized that Lily had fallen asleep against him, something that he could not help but smile at all due to how in her sleep she was smiling when he repositioned her so that he could see her face once again. After a moment, Severus shifted so that he was on his knees holding Lily's small sleeping form as he placed her down on the other side of his double bed before bringing the midnight black comforter up and tucking it around the small child before he laid back down as well. He was about to fall back asleep himself only to feel shifting on the mattress as he turned his head slightly only to see Lily had inched closer to him. Acting out of an instinct he did not even know he had, Severus brought his hand up only for Lily to catch it in her small hands as she hugged onto it for all she was worth as she fell asleep uttering three small words that caused a flood of emotions in Severus.
"Love you Daddy."
Rising from the armchair, Severus went back to the room that Harry and Lily stayed in. Bringing up his left hand he quietly pushed the door open to see that Harry was sound asleep on his bed, looking more and more like James Potter with each passing day. Something that disgusted Severus, but after seeing first-hand how Harry had been treated by his relatives, Severus had given Harry a chance only to find that he was a well behaved kid, despite sometimes getting into trouble, like what had gotten both Harry and Lily grounded.
Shaking his head ever so slightly at the memory of when he had found Harry and Lily in the company of the headmaster, Severus found his gaze going to his little angel. Lily. She was sound asleep, bunched up on her bed, though she looked like she was having a fitful sleep so Severus quietly walked into the room, brushing his hand against her forehead as she seemed to calm instantly and smiled in her sleep at feeling her father's touch. "Sweet dreams, my little Lily." Severus whispered as he leaned down only to place a gentle kiss on Lily's forehead before he turned and walked from the room, quietly shutting the door behind himself before heading to his own room to go to bed. As he lay down and drifted off to sleep he thought to himself.
'No matter who Lily is related to by blood, she is my daughter.'
A/N: I am so sorry about the delay with this update. I am having a bit of a hard time with finding time to sit down and write or type up my stories, as any reading all three of my active stories have probably noticed since it has been over a month since I updated any of my stories, and I feel bad for that. Though I am hoping that despite a bit with the upcoming holiday next month that things will be smoother and allow me more time to write. I want to say a special thanks to Toraach for reading and reviewing every chapter so far. I hope this chapter is to your liking.