Chapter 9

Thank-you to those who continue to read on. I have uploaded chapter 8 & 9 tonight. Happy Easter to those of you who are celebrating this holiday, and to others, I hope your weekend is full of family, friends, and relaxation!

Olivia sighed, feeling the lactic acid moving out front her calves. Michelle, her masseuse, worked through Olivia's tight, tired muscles, kneading away the tension. As she turned over, she felt her body whine in protest. Michelle worked her way up her ankles, calves, and thighs. When Michelle started working her shoulders and neck, Olivia heard a small chuckle. Olivia slowly opened her eyes.

"I'm sorry miss," Michelle said softly.

"It's no problem, as long as you tell me what is so funny." Olivia said raising her eyebrow.

Michelle blushed slightly, "I was just thinking about your paintball wounds and how painful they must be."

"They aren't that bad now. They definitely hurt at the time." Olivia ran her hand over her abdomen, "And you find my pain funny?" Olivia asked, giving Michelle a smile to show that she was joking.

"No ma'am … I just…"

"Please, call me Olivia. What's so funny about my paintball wounds?"

"It's not so much the paintball wounds as it is the ... um … bites"

It was Olivia's turn to blush.

"I'm sure those were a lot more fun than the paintball." Michelle smiled again.

Olivia chuckled, busted. "Yes. Yes, they were."

"Don't worry. I see it happen all the time during these police retreats." Michelle assured Olivia.

"Really?" Olivia questioned her. She was surprised that so many partners were couples.

"Oh yeah! The beauty, booze, relaxation. This place seems to set the perfect stage for officers to let go, meet some new people, and have some fun; no strings attached!"

Michelle felt Olivia tense up. "Oh please! I promise I'm not judging! Oh I shouldn't have said anything!"

"No. It's okay. It's just…" Olivia began to explain, "I'm not just fooling around with someone. We've been dating for four months. Secretly."

"Holy! Four months without telling anyone. What about your family? Coworkers?" Michelle exclaimed.

Olivia shut her eyes, relaxing into Michelle's kneading hands, "To be honest, us dating is completely against the rules. We don't just work for the same precinct …"

"You're partners." Michelle finished.

Olivia nodded softly.

"Gosh. That must be so hard! Not being able to tell anyone. Seeing each other at work, trying to keep it professional. And by the looks of it, trying to keep your hands off each other must be torture!" Michelle joked.

"Yeah. It's definitely not the relationship I imagined I'd be in." Olivia admitted.

"So how long have you been partners?"

"Over ten years."

"Wow! And you just got together?" Michelle asked, knowing she was prying, but sensing a discussion that Olivia needed to have.

"Yeah." Olivia thought about it, "He's always been … more than my partner. I always felt like he was family. But he was married up until three years ago, and even after that … it was just to big of a risk." Olivia sighed.

"So what changed?"

Olivia thought back to four months prior:

Olivia entered the house knowing that she wouldn't leave the same person. The smell of iron hung in the air, burning her nose, and sending a lump from her stomach to her throat. As she neared the first bedroom, she saw Elliot exit, his head hung low, rage and sadness etched onto his face. He caught her eye, giving her a look, telling her to turn around. Olivia ventured on, turning into the bedroom and facing a scene that turned her blood cold and shook her faith in humanity.

After interrogating the mother and father of two young boys, Olivia sat in the cribs, head in her hands, tears silently falling. The images of the two young boys, hugging their matching stuffed dinosaurs, wearing pterodactyl pyjamas, laying in two pools of blood stained her brain and stuck to the back of her eyelids. She couldn't get the image out of her head. The only time it had been replaced was to replay the nonchalant attitude of the parents, who would rather kill their children, than get a babysitter for the night. Olivia felt her stomach churn. Sure that she was going to be sick, she stood quickly and moved towards the trashcan by the door. Before she reached it, the door to the cribs swung open, presenting Elliot in its absence.

The two detectives stood, taking in the tear stained cheeks of each other. Without words, they moved towards each other, Elliot's arms wrapping around her shoulders, and Olivia's around his waist. Their arms created a barrier, allowing for each of them to mourn safely and without fear of pity. Eventually the pair had moved from standing, swaying gently, to laying on a cot in the back corner. With the lights off, and the precinct quiet, the two detectives fell into a dreamless sleep.

A slam of a locker door woke the pair in the early morning. A uniform quickly exited the room, noticing the stirring pair, but Elliot and Olivia refused to feel shame, embarrassment, or regret. Elliot stood first, stretching and taking in Olivia's expression. Her face remained neutral, but her shoulders and torso showed a weight that Elliot also felt within his own body. When she stood to move around him, Elliot grabbed her wrist, pulling her back and into his strong arms. Her arms were limp at first, before returning the embrace. When they pulled back, both wiped away the tears that had fallen silently.

"Liv?" Elliot spoke first.

Olivia avoided his eyes, knowing it would only bring more tears to hers.

"Olivia?"

"I know. We'll get through this. We'll talk to Huange, go home, spend some time alone, and come right back to work, and right back to the horrors of our job."

"What if I don't want to?" Elliot said after a moment.

Olivia made eye contact, "You mean, you don't want to come back to work?"

"No. What if I don't want to spend time alone?" Elliot asked quietly.

"Well I'm sure your family would love the visit." Olivia said, feeling her stomach tighten again.

"I mean… what if I don't want to be away from you?"

"What are you talking about Elliot?" Olivia said, starting to feel frustrated.

"I don't want to be away from you. Ever. Today. Last night. Four Weeks ago. Ten years ago. Olivia, the worst part of my day has always been when I have to say goodbye to you."

Olivia moved to walk away from him, but his hands grabbed hers.

"Olivia we both know we have been fighting this."

"Because we have to El."

"Why? Why should we both be miserable, when we both know exactly what would make us happy? What good does it do either of us to keep denying this?"

Olivia looked up at him.

"I guess I finally realized that I'd rather be secretly happy with him, than miserable without him. He's my rock. I can't imagine working without him; but I know what it's like to live without him, and it's something I never want to feel again." Olivia admitted, finding words that she didn't know were there.

"Wow," Michelle sighed, "It seems like you might more than like him."

"Yeah," Olivia smirked, "It does."