Everything went well, for a while, but the task of going through the data and info from the last case and making sure everything was where it should be, was too much. I was able to stay calm for most of it, but around lunchtime, I could feel all the awful things I'd been holding back, trying to break me. Around 13:00, I noticed my hands shaking. Thirty minutes later, I couldn't hold it back and lost reality to a major anxiety attack. I fell beside my desk and clutched at my chest, feeling as though I would suffocate. Tears fell fast and I squeezed my eyes tight, trying to shut out all the memories. I could feel his hands, see the blood as dad and James died, his face. God that man I had lived with, scared to death every day. Oh why hadn't I told? Why didn't I do something about it?

I couldn't get any air in my lungs, on the edge of hyperventilation, I cried even harder. I didn't notice when a form had joined me on the floor calling out my name.

"...te," I finally heard the voice of Morgan, "Kate, sweetheart, it's ok, you're ok," he said gently trying to get my attention.

I forced my eyes open to look at him.

"There you go." He encouraged me, slowly pulling me into him, he breathed deeply, "come on, Kate, breathe with me, you gotta breathe princess."

He hugged me tight making me feel safe and secure. I pressed my body into him as I tried to match my breathing to his own. We sat like this for twenty minutes, he never relaxing his hold and keeping his breath steady as I calmed down.

Finally my breathing got back to normal and I just laid my head back against his chest exhausted. He held me until I forced myself to sit up and wiped the wetness from my face.

"I think you outta talk about whatever this is eating at you," he said gently placing a hand on my arm.

I turned to look at him and didn't try to his the pain.

"I know," I whispered, fresh tears falling, "I never have though," I finished trying to stop my crying.

With both thumbs he swiped the trails from my cheeks and rested his hands on my shoulders making sure I was listening.

"Sometimes we have to talk about things, even when it feels like it will break us. Getting it out will help," his voice soft and understanding, his eyes full of support and concern.

I didn't know what to do. I wanted so bad to just let it all out. I honestly just wanted to scream. But I was scared. I was terrified of re-living it as I said it all out loud. I'd kept this to myself for so long... how was I supposed to tell someone what had happened? What was I supposed to do?

Searching his face, fresh tears rose and my chin shook as I tried to find the words I needed. For a moment I closed my eyes and bowed my head. Still wondering what to say I looked back up and around the room fighting with myself to just tell him. Licking my lips, I looked back into his eyes. He watched me patiently realizing how hard it was for me to think about the past.

"I-," I tried to start, but broke off ashamed That I had never told anyone when I was younger.

"Hey," he squeezed my shoulders gently, speaking softly, "it's ok. If you can't tell me, it's ok. But you do need to talk to someone. Just know that I'm here for you. We all are Kate. You're part of our little family here now, and no matter what, we are here for you."

Nodding tearfully, I fell into his arms and accepted the hug offered. I was starting to open myself to this 'little family', and it felt strange. But good. It had been such a long time since I had had real friends, or family. In the back of my mind I finally knew I could trust these guys.

There was one last protective squeeze, then we stood. Looking around, my mind was going a hundred different ways.

"You gonna be ok?" Morgan asked before he stepped back out of the room.

"Um, yeah," I said lost in thought. "I'll be ok for now." I stated truthfully. "Go back to work," I added playfully, letting a small grin show.

"Alright princess," he said leaving. "You know where to find us."

Nodding at the empty space where he had been, I turned and leaned, palms down on the desk, deciding what I wanted to do. The thought of talking scared me, but I knew I had to.

'Tomorrow is Saturday, and we get the day off,' I thought hard, 'I can just ask Hotch to come over tomorrow afternoon,' I hoped that wasn't weird, I felt most comfortable in my own house. 'Nah, it's fine,' I reasoned with myself, 'he's been over at the others homes, it'll be fine.'

I decided to ask him before we left for the day. Taking a deep breath, I pushed everything back down and cleared my head as best I could. I gathered what courage I could and set to work finishing what I had been doing.

Finally wrapping ng up everything around 18:37, I shutdown my computer and sighed. It had been a long day. Covering a yawn, I grabbed my bag and headed down to see everybody else.

"How's it going guys?" I inquired cheerfully.

"Ugh," Emily said rolling her eyes, "i wish we didn't have to do so much,"

"But on the bright side, we just finished," Reid said looking up, "usually there is more catch-up work."

"Considering, I think we've done pretty good today," Morgan said cracking his usual smile as they began to straighten up their things. "Anybody up for drinks?"

"I'm in," Emily said stacking folders.

"Me too," Reid agreed.

"What about you princess?" Morgan asked.

"No thanks," I said holding up my hands, "I'm going home for more sleep. I'm tired."

"Everybody done yet?" Hotch and Rossi asked walking towards us.

"Finally," Emily answered, "we are going to grab a drink, want to join? Well, Kate's going home, but the rest of us are."

"I'm going home as well," Hotch said grinning at the three.

"Yeah same here," Rossi agreed.

"Well you are all free to go," Hotch said and Rossi moved to leave.

"Have fun," he called over his shoulder as Emily, Morgan and Reid quickly gathered their things and headed out discussing where to go, saying goodbye.

Hotch and I walked out together. Both tired and not saying much. Just before we parted ways to our different vehicles, I spoke up.

"Hey Hotch?" I asked hesitantly.

He paused and turned to me, "yeah?"

I couldn't do it, "have a good weekend," I rerouted my words, and smiled.

"Thanks. You too," he said smiling.

Sitting in my car I sighed and mentally kicked myself.

"Stupid, stupid, stupid!" I said to no one.

It was going to be a long night.

Getting home, I didn't even bother changing. Still kicking myself, I toed off my shoes, pulled down my hair and went downstairs, flipping on the lamp and turning out the other lights, I fell onto the couch, thoroughly exhausted.

A little over nine hours later I woke up screaming in a cold sweat. The blanket was tangled around me making me panic more. When I finally untangled myself I shot up from the couch standing gasping for breath, anxiety moving fast. I knew I couldn't do this alone. I grab my phone, almost dropping it my hands are shaking so bad. Without thinking I press one, speed dialing my boss.

"Hotchner," his sleepy voice answers.

"H-Hotch, I'm s-s-sorry I-I woke you," I said quickly my voice and body shaking too much.

"Kate? are you okay?" He sounded much ore alert, immediately catching my tone.

I couldn't answer right away and my lungs felt constricted.

"Kate?" He asked concern growing in his voice. Hotch was already up and dressed ready to come help.

"N-no," I managed to whisper before I lost grip on the phone and I sank to my knees. I couldn't breathe. Sobs racked my body as I tried so hard to breathe.

Hotch quickly explained to his wife where he was going and took off, still listening as the phone was still connected. He put it on speaker as he drove not liking what he heard. His hands gripped the wheel tightly as he thought about how best to handle the situation. It only took a few minutes before he was there, and he didn't have to worry about getting in because he had a key. Grabbing a glass of water from the kitchen he went swiftly downstairs.

I was half propped against the couch gasping painfully, holding my chest, lost in the past again.

"Kate," Hotch called out wrapping the blanket around me and pulling me into his embrace, "Kate, it's ok you're safe, I've got you."

I felt the touch and for a moment I struggled not realizing who it was. Then as if from far away, I heard him telling me that I was safe. That I wasn't in that horror film of a past.

Reaching out to that voice I pulled myself back to reality and sank into his arms.

"Alright, now," he continued soothingly, "you gotta breathe now, okay? Just breathe, in.. and out.." he repeated several times before I got it and shakily steadied my breaths.

It felt like an eternity before I had calmed down enough to talk, immediately apologizing, "I-I'm sorry," I whispered rubbing at my face, a little embarrassed.

"You don't need to be sorry," he said letting me go as I moved to stand. I started pacing and he sat on the couch watching me, knowing I'd talk when I could.

After a few minutes of pacing and gathering my thoughts, I stoped and halfway turned toward him.

"You're a lot like him," I said gesturing to a photograph of my dad beside the TV. I let out a ragged breath, "when, um... after they were killed, huh," I tried to tell him.

"They found the only known relative of dad's, he was a cousin, I think on his mom's side. Turns out, he didn't live far away, and I was sent to live with him. Everything went fine for the first few months, then he started getting drunk all the time. At first, he'd just yell and stare at me. Or just watch me. It creeped me out. But it kept getting worse. The first time he put a cigarette out in me, I didn't know what to do. Somewhere in the back of my mind I knew I should tell someone, but I was so scared I didn't know what to do." Silent tears were falling now, as a sat on the armrest of the couch.

I swallowed hard, "he'd hit me occasionally, but then after a while, it seemed to just be fun for him, and he'd go all out." A sarcastic laugh escaped my lips as I remembered, "he always avoided my face and arms, most of the time. But... but when he started coming into my room," I broke off trying to hold back my sobs, "that was worse than anything." I said barely audible. I heard Hotch's breath catch, putting together what I hadn't said, and I slid down into the seat pulling my knees up to my chest. I tried to say the rest, but no words came out at first.

"You don't have to say anymore if you don't want," Hotch spoke softly, his own eyes red and glossy.

After a few tries, I finally found my voice, "I, i need to say it I think," I said into my knees. I was shaking like a leaf in the wind, and it seemed the words weren't there.

Lookin over at him with tears falling, I spoke with trembling voice, "h-he raped me, Hotch, more than just a few times," I broke down sobbing after finally saying the words I was so afraid of. I was ashamed I had never told and part of me blamed myself for that, "I never told anyone," I managed to say through my gasps, "why didn't I tell someone?" I pled with him.

Hotch moved closer, embracing me again, blinking back his own tears. Not even caring that he was my boss right then I buried my face in his shoulder like a child, and held on to him like my life depended on it.

"Shhh," he whispered soothingly, "it's not your fault, you were a child," he stoked my hair like a father comforting a child and he reminded me even more of my dad, "it wasn't your fault, Kate."

Holding me gently, he told me again it wasn't my fault, and I started to believe him. I felt like a elephant was just pushed off my chest, but the pain was still there. I guess it would never go away. It was after 04:00, when I finally pulled away and wiped my face nodding at his words, sniffling and blinking back more tears.

"Thank you," I said softly with a hint of a smile.

He nodded and smiled, though we were both still troubled. But I knew I'd be okay now.

"So," he said after a moment, "you say I'm like your dad?"

I smiled and nodded.

"Yes," I reached for the photo, "he was strong, smart, always knew how to help. Or he'd always find a way to help. In a way me, him and James, we were a team. We had to work together to make our little family work. Dad was the leader. He made sure we knew he was there for us no matter how small we thought our troubles were. He'd offer advice and he made sure we stayed a family. James as well. I miss them so much." I looked up at Hotch, "but look at me now, I've got another family. You guys will never replace them, but you're pretty darn close." I laughed softly and he smiled.

My smile faded though.

"How am I supposed to tell them?" I asked more to myself than him.

"When and however you feel like you should," he said looking me in the eye, "they are all there for you as well."

"I know, I just don't know how to tell them, and I," i paused, "I don't want to drag up old memories for Morgan either." I finished quietly hesitant I should mention it.

Understanding, Hotch caught my gaze, "Morgan would be the first one to understand and support you. Yes, it's painful for him, but there's no doubt in my mind that he would be there for you just as much as anyone else."

"I know," I nodded, "he actually talked me down from an anxiety attack yesterday," I told him, "he told me that I needed to talk about what was going on, even though it felt like it was going to break me." My eyes tears up again, but not with sadness this time. "This whole team warmed up to me so quickly and have been there for me, but I've been so caught up in not trusting people I couldn't see just how much of a family we were. Penelope and Emily are the sisters I never knew I wanted," I said truely smiling as I thought about it, "Morgan and Reid, they're the brothers I didn't realize I needed, and you and Rossi, well, you're like the uncles/fathers who take care of everyone." I shrugged happily; I finally had a family I knew I could count on.

"Yeah, I guess that's true," he said laughing.

I rubbed my face, thinking again.

"Would you tell Rossi?" I asked brows drawn together lost in thought.

"Are you sure?" Hotch asked making sure that's what I really wanted.

I nodded, chewing on the inside of my lip(an awful habit really) "I think so," I said, "I'd like him to know. Does he know about dad and James?"

"He only knows that they were killed," Hotch told me knowing I was talking a big step, even though it was he who would bear the news.

"Could you, maybe tell him about that too?" I asked, "I just think it would be better to have more than one person who knew everything. I'd like to tell the others when I can, but I think Rossi should know now." I looked at him troubled, "does that make sense? Is that wrong thinking?"

Hotch smiled, "it's not wrong thinking. I agree with your assessment, I'll have a talk with him."

I visibly relaxed some.

"Ok." I said nodding. Picking up my phone I checked the time. It was almost 05:00. "You should get back to your wife, and Jack." I said smiling. "Go have fun the rest of the weekend."

"Are you sure you're okay?" He asked making sure he didn't need to stay.

"Yeah I'll be fine." I told him, "I'm going to take a nice long shower then maybe carve something or read lots of books, and listen to music. I'll call if I need you."

"Okay." He stood, "take care, Kate, remember, you can talk to any of us."

"I know, Hotch," I said offering a small wave as he turned to leave. "Thank you again."

He smiled back and left. I had a feeling it was going to be a restful and good weekend. (I was right).

Finally, I had finally told.