Never
It had been three days since Aro had left with Tara and I had wondered what happened to her, in a way I felt guilty that I could be the cause of her demise when I know she brought this on herself. Even still I couldn't help but wonder what became or didn't become of her. We were all still processing the past few days and I was unusually quiet, not sure what to say. It seems as if I put my family into danger once again, and this time I had no control of it. I couldn't help think that everything they have had to endure was my fault, and I doubted my life with Edward. I questioned if I should stay and keep them in harms way, or run, leave them all behind, even Renesmee, just to keep them safe. Eventually my fate would lead my family into more danger and I wasn't sure I wanted to take that risk. Edward and Renesmee were my life, they were what kept me going everyday, and I didn't want to loose them, but was it inevitable that one day I wouldn't be in their lives anymore?
"Bella, Alice is on the phone, she wants to talk to you," Esme called from the kitchen. She was cooking for the wolves that were now back at the house, they could eat more than Esme was able to cook and they joked that they loved her snacks, if you could call a buffet a snack.
"Is something wrong? Is Renesmee fine?" I asked nervously.
"Yes, everything is fine, here just talk to her please," Esme called.
"Alice, how is everything?" I asked trying not to let her hear the worry in my voice.
"Just fine Bella, I was wondering though if we could stay a little bit longer, Nessie is having a great time and Zafrina wants to show her much more, but we are scheduled to come home in less than a week. It is up to you hun, I wont push it Bella, if you say no, then we will come home on time," she almost begged.
I thought about it for a second and had realized that Edward and I still had not gotten a chance to go away for our anniversary, which made me realize that tomorrow was our anniversary. "Of course Alice, that would be fine, how much longer do you plan to stay?" I asked
"Another two weeks if that is okay with you, we don't have to stay that much longer, its just that Nessie is having a blast and I don't want to take her away too soon," she sighed thinking I would turn her down.
"That is just fine, just make me a promise though, make sure when you guys are on your way home, fly. Please?" I said pretty much telling her than asking.
"Whatever you want, we can fly home, Emmett will be relieved about that," she joked. "Thank you Bella, this means so much to us, and Zafrina sends her love, she said she will come and us soon too. Well I have to run now, they are taking Nessie to see some ruins deep in the jungle," she exclaimed.
"Okay, just call me and let me know later this week exact dates you are coming home so Carlisle can arrange plane tickets to be waiting for you at the closest airport, and tell Renesmee that Edward and I love and miss her so much," I said a little depressed.
"Will do Bells, I'll talk to you later then, choa," she said before hanging up.
"Is everything okay love?" Edward asked.
"Yes they are staying an extra two weeks and then are going to fly home so that way it wont take as long to get home," I sighed.
"What's wrong then Bella, you haven't been yourself since Aro left, does it have to do with the prophecy? You know everything will work out, it always does love," he said trying to make me feel better about the situation.
"I'm fine, don't worry about me Edward, its just been a long week that's all," I lied.
I walked away saying I needed to tell Jacob that Nessie would be gone and extra two weeks, he would be devastated, he was already planning a coming home party for her and everything. As I was explaining to Jacob the situation, his face went from joyous to a definite depressed, and I wondered if that was how I had looked the past few days.
I slipped out the back door, and made my way across the little creek and to the empty cottage, I just stared at it and wondered if that's what I wanted the rest of my life. Was I going to live with Edward in this tiny shack and raise Renesmee, could this be it for me, would I be happy for all eternity living in such a confined place? Our little home started to resemble a prison to me, I didn't want to be stuck the rest of my life, I wanted to do something with my new life, seeing I would outlive Renee and Charlie, after they were gone I wouldn't want to stay here in Forks anymore, it would be too painful with Charlie gone. What about the wolves, I was bound to outlive them, how would I deal with losing Jacob, how would Renesmee deal with losing him too. So much raced through my mind as I opened the door to my tiny abode, I was so empty, my sweet Renesmee was away with Alice and Jasper, and Edward was still at the main house with Carlisle, probably unaware that I had even left yet. I was kind of nice to have time to myself; it gave me time to think about the future that was so unsure.
I went and laid down on our bed, it was soft and warm and as I laid there I could feel myself sink into its comfort. It was like the bed wrapped itself around me and for once in a long time I felt relaxed, I didn't have to listen to everyone talk about the Volturi, or Tara, or me not being myself, which seemed to be the focus since this morning. I was at peace and it made me wonder again, maybe this is what I wanted, but I still wasn't sure. I laid there for about an hour just remembering everything that has happened in the past year, the obstacles that we had to overcome, the challenges of getting married before I was even twenty, a mother just weeks after that, the way I had to hide everything from Charlie, that was the worst. I loved my dad more than he knew, and I knew there would come a time where I wouldn't be able to see him anymore because I would never age, and he would start to ask questions. Edward and I agreed that the less Charlie knew the better off he would be, the safer he would be. He was moving in with Sue Clearwater now, she would look after him, take care of him, make him dinner every night, and I was thankful for that, but he was my Charlie. It was hard to think of me not being able to celebrate birthdays with him, or him being able to watch Nessie grow up, she would only look like she were eleven or twelve when she was fully grown, if even that old. How much longer would it be before he asked questions, what would I tell him, and if I decided against our decision and spilled everything to him, would he accept me, us? Jacob eventually told Charlie that he was a wolf, and that most of the younger boys and men on the reservation were too, Charlie had basically busted him when he and Billy were on the lake fishing and he saw them on the shore in their wolf form. Charlie was still trying to deal with that and was having a hard time with it, especially since he was moving to the reservation with Sue, Jacob thought it was a need to know kind of thing and that Charlie need to know.
Charlie was the least of my worries right now, a big part but still the least as my mind wandered from thing to thing. I started to wonder what my life would have been like if I had never met Edward, would I have ended up with Mike Newton? Would I have not caused so much pain to those around me, would I truly be safe? What if I were to leave without telling anyone, before Alice could see me doing it and call ahead to warn Edward, would I ever be able to hide so they would never find me, so I could never hurt them again, how would Edward deal with me leaving? I was ashamed to think this way but with the past few days, its what came to me. Then the ultimate realization came to me, was I regretting becoming a vampire, the only reason I wanted to be like the rest of them was so that I could be with Edward forever, I really never considered my own feelings, was I happy now that I had what I wanted or did I suffer for my decision. Would I have wanted Edward to let me die, did I hate him for turning me, its what I wanted before, but the question was, did I want it now?
As I thought about everything I could feel the burning in my eyes and realized I was crying once again, I embraced it with everything I had, it was my only connection with being immortal and I didn't want to give it up. The tears came without ease, and I felt a sinking feeling in my chest, I didn't know what I wanted anymore. I loved everyone as if they were family, but I wasn't sure it was enough, I had planned to go to college and try human things before I became one of them, and when I was turned it wasn't the way I wanted it to be, I didn't have time to do what I wanted and needed to experience, and in a way I hated myself for not being smart about Edward and I.
"Bella, are you okay? Are you crying?" I heard Edward ask.
"I'm sorry Edward, I didn't mean for you to see me like this, there is just so much right now that I'm confused about, so much I am unsure of," I said still sobbing as Edward came and sat beside me on the bed.
"It's okay love, I am here for you, just let it out, you don't have to talk if you don't want to," he was calm and supportive and that's exactly what I needed right then.
He rested next to me for a while, his arms around me, I could feel him breathing on the back of my neck and for some reason it was a comfort to me. I had stopped crying, him just being there was a comfort, it assured me that I was happy with Edward, I would never find someone that loved me as much as he did, and I knew I would never be happy without him. My worries and fears were just me being stressed and I knew I loved him and would never leave him. I turned over to face him, his eyes were closed and he never moved as I came to face him, he was quietly humming my lullaby, knowing it would relax me. I ran my fingers through his bronze hair, feeling the soft waves between my fingers, and I knew everything would be fine.
"Edward I love you," I whispered.
"I know love, I know," he slightly grinned.
We stayed there for a few hours, touching each others face, as if searching for any imperfection we knew we would never find, but it was comforting none the less.
"Edward, I don't want to leave," I said after a while.
"Leave? Where were we going?" he joked still thinking we were going to go away.
"No where, Edward for our anniversary, I want to stay here in Forks, home is where I want to spend our time together, we have the rest of eternity to go away, but this is where I want to be right now," I sighed hoping he wouldn't be disappointed.
"Really?" he asked surprised to my request. "Well your wish is my command," he now joked, seeing I was serious.
"Yes love," I said closing my eyes and bringing my face to his chest, letting out a relieved sigh that he didn't fight me on the issue.
Edward knew I wasn't myself and anything he could do to make me happy, he was bound and determined to do. Seeing tomorrow was our anniversary, I knew he had something planned whether we were out of town or not, but it didn't matter as long as I was with him, that's what was important to me. I couldn't let him be the only one to plan something so I slowly got up and told him I needed to go to town and pick up a few things. He wasn't stupid and knew I was going out to get him something for our anniversary.
"I don't want anything you know," he said, his eyes still peacefully closed.
"Neither do I," I quickly responded to him.
"Good, then we don't get each other anything right?" he asked
"Right," I lied. " Esme wanted me to get some groceries, we are running low and the wolves aren't going to feed themselves," I joked.
He was still lying on the bed when I kissed his forehead and headed back to the main house, it was only five o clock and I knew some of the stores I wanted to go to would close in an hour so I needed to hurry. When I got back to the main house, I grabbed Rosalie and told her to hurry we needed to get to town soon, I really didn't have to explain why we were going, she kind of figured it out when I grabbed my wallet to make sure my credit card was still in it, I had a habit of leaving it places and didn't want to get stuck without it.
We went to a little jeweler in town and looked there for a while before I decided that nothing was worth buying. A few things caught my eye, but nothing really stood out, so we were on our way again. This time we decided to head to Seattle, the shops were open later and I would have more time to pick something out for Edward. The car ride was quiet for the most part, a few exchanges about the weather here and there, it was a bit awkward, and regretted not taking Esme instead. Finally rose broke the silence and I caught me off guard.
"Bella, I know we have not been the best of friends, and that is my fault, I'm sorry," she sighed. "I can see how much you love Edward, how much you love us all, and it isn't fair that I don't always act like I appreciate you. Really Bella, I love you like a sister, you're the missing piece to our family puzzle and I would not change it for the world, I just wanted you to know that," she sounded apologetic.
"Its okay Rose, I understand where you were coming from, you were afraid I would tear your family apart, that I would hurt Edward and cause problems for your family, and I know I have. I'm sorry Rose, you mean just as much to me as Alice or Carlisle does I hope you know that," I said sincerely.
"We are glad you are part of the family no matter what happens, we all stand behind you and Edward, and without you guys we wouldn't have our Renesmee, and she is the best gift you have given us, not to mention none of us have seen Edward so happy. That's what counts Bella, and I promise you that things will be different from now on," she said shyly. "So have you decided what you want to get Edward, anything specific you are looking for?
"Nothing really, I'm just waiting for something to jump out at me I guess," I said ashamed that I hadn't done this early in the week, but the situation didn't permit me to.
"Be careful what you wish for!" she joked.
We arrived in Seattle a little bit before six and most of the shops were thankfully still open. We browsed a few looking for clothes, and different things, but we were running out of time and I still had nothing. The last shop we entered was an antique store and I didn't think we would find much in there, it was almost nine already and the time had flown by too fast and I was still empty handed. We looked over a few furniture pieces and nothing was what I had been looking for. Finally we settled on some jewelry under a glass case and a pocket watch caught my eye, it was sterling silver and in immaculate condition. It was from the mid 1800's and seemed to fit Edward's style. I asked the clerk to see it and he carefully removed it from the case so I could get a better look at it. He said that it had just came in a few days before, and it was an older woman that had brought it in, he also said that it had been her great grandparents and that it was engraved. The clerk mentioned that if I wanted I could have it re-engraved or it completely wiped out. It weighed heavy in my hand and I could hear that it was still ticking; I opened it to make sure it was still in good condition and when I did the engraving struck me as odd. It was in old style script and said, " To my dearest love, may you count the time we spend together for eternity, Isabella." This is perfect I said as I handed it to Rosalie, her eyes said everything as she read it to herself. I told the clerk I wanted to buy it and asked if he could ring me up, which he did without hesitation. I had finally found the perfect gift, I could not believe the engraving on the watch and knew that it was meant for Edward, just the engraving alone made the hair on my arms stand up and shivers shot down my spine, it had definitely jumped out at me.
" Edward is going to love this Bella, this is the best gift, thoughtful for sure," Rosalie exclaimed in excitement.
We stopped at the grocery store on our way home and spend over two hundred dollars on food we would never eat, I thought it was pretty ironic, I hadn't even noticed that I was picking the favorite foods I had once loved and chuckled at the thought. I grabbed enough frozen pizzas to last a week even though they would be gone before they even had a chance to cool. I knew Esme loved to cook so I bought tons ingredients for her to create some type of meal with and before I knew it we were loading the groceries into the shiny silver Volvo. We made our way home at normal speed, chatting about all kinds of things like normal sisters do, and it made me feel better than I had earlier in the day.
Once we got home I hollered for the wolves to come help bring groceries into the house for Esme to put away, and they happily obliged. They were probably sick of the hot dogs she had down graded to making and welcomed the thought of a hot meal. Edward was sitting with Ryan and Joshua who were still here and talking about Charlie and how he was still a big part of our life, and Renesmee's too. I didn't really pay attention to their conversation and made my way to the kitchen. I told Esme that Rose and I would throw in the pizzas for the wolves so she could relax and spend some much needed time with Carlisle. Rose and I were in the kitchen and heating the oven before all the groceries were in the house, Rose was putting away the cold food and I was sorting out what went where.
"So where did you and Edward decide to go for your anniversary?" Emmett asked as he came in and kissed Rose on the forehead.
"Well I wanted to go somewhere special, somewhere we could enjoy ourselves together, and have the company of good friends and family," I said as he looked at me confused. "We are staying home, here in Forks, I would rather spend time with him and the family for our anniversary, I want to share it with you guys too," I said slowly, making fun of Emmett as if I were slow.
"HAHA Bella real funny, I'm not stupid," he chuckled.
We made the pizzas and fed the wolves and joked with Jacob about getting dog bowls with their names on it so they wouldn't fight over who got what and how much, of course he laughed and said something about me keeping my sense of humor even though I was a leech. After everything I went and sat with Edward in the living room for a while before I said we should head back to the cottage. He got a gleam in his eye and I just smiled and got up, of course he followed closely in anticipation of getting home to the cottage, to "bed".
Edward had put some wood on the fire as he did every night before Renesmee went to bed, it was just old habit I guess, but it lit the room in a brilliant shade of orange and the timber caught fire. He turned out the lights and made his way to the bedroom where I sat on the bed, I was in little black shorts and a thin black halter that outlined my breasts perfectly, his eyes lit up when he entered the room, the only light we had radiated from a few candles I had lit before I changed and it made the room feel warm. He paused at the door for a moment to take in my barely there outfit before making his way swiftly to me. He grabbed my hand and pulled me to my feet and before I knew it he was slow dancing with me around the room, his chin rested on the top of my head, my head on his chest. This moment was perfect, I couldn't wait any longer to give him his gift. I stopped him where he was and told him to wait here and close his eyes, as I ran to the closet to grab the dark blue jewelry box I had stashed earlier. I stood in front of him, he was grinning ear to ear with his arms crosses as if he could really be mad that I got him something anyways.
"Give me your hand Edward," I asked lightly.
"I thought we agreed love," he argued still grinning.
"Yeah yeah, just give me your hand please," I sighed.
He slowly moved his hand out in front of him and stopped it short of mine, I tried to open the lid of the box without letting him hear it, but I was in such a hurry that he recognized the sound right away and chuckled. I pulled the watch out slowly by the chain and rested it in his hand wrapping the chain around his hand.
"Open your eyes dear," I said waiting anxiously.
His eyes flung open and he seemed shocked to see the pocket watch in his hands, I think he was surprised more than anything, it didn't seem like an appropriate gift for an anniversary, but then again, he hadn't read the inscription yet.
"Open it please," I begged.
He looked at me smugly and opened it, I knew he saw the inscription by the look on his face, it looked like he would cry if he could have.
"Bella this is wonderful," he exclaimed as he picked me up and twirled me around.
"Well I have to explain the inscription to you, so you understand," I said so he would put me down.
"I think its perfect, its pretty self-explanatory Bella, don't you think?" he asked a little puzzled.
" Not really Edward, I didn't have it engraved," I said almost ashamed that someone else beat my to it. " It was that way when I bought it, I could not pass on it Edward, to me, this is just proof that we are meant to be. Just the way its written made me realize that no matter what, you're it for me," I said excitedly.
"Really Bella, it fits us perfect, I don't know what to say, except that I love it, thank you love," he said as he picked me up placing the watch on the night stand, and taking me over to the bed.
He was tender like the time before and his hands were felt amazing as he caressed every part of my body, I could tell he was hard when he leaned against me and it brought my arousal to a new level, it was after midnight now and we had been married a whole year now. How did time fly by so fast I wondered, you couldn't have told me that I would be married to an amazing man, with a beautiful daughter and a loving family, with many wonderful years to come. I never wanted this moment to end, and Edward was going to try his best to make it happen.