Betrayal?
Summary*
It is time to choose. The time to make a decision that she had never expected to face. She stands at a crossroads, and either way that she chooses, she will be lost.
I do not know what to do. I had thought my life was in my hands, yet after all these years, I am wrong. I should have known, yet how could I when I have been brought up to be this way? To be a part of an empire built upon ashes and blood? I have always been Meg McCaffrey, a member of the Imperial Household. Never have I been Meg, daughter of Demeter. To sway either this way or that would be betrayal. To do anything would be treason towards one half of me, and to do nothing would be cowardice. On one hand lies the side that I had once called family. On the other are the people that I had once called friends. No matter what I do, I will lose.
Long have I been brought up under the Roman roof. Long have I lived with the two blades as my only solace. Nero is my father, yet sometimes, I cannot help but hate 'the Beast'. It may be easy for others to hate him, but it is not that easy for me. To me, he is my security, my protection. They are two different people. Every time the Beast is unleashed, it is my fault and mine alone. It got my father killed,and if I'm not careful now, a lot more lives will be lost.
I have never revered the Olympians much. I know that my mother is one of then, and father did tell me that she loved me, but when life treats you the way it treated me, it becomes hard to believe that. Apollo had only meant as much to me as the other Olympians. He had been nothing more than a task that I had to complete. I had all but detested him when he showed up in that alley, thinking himself proud and mighty, and then realizing that he had to be saved by a girl far younger than him, but now, seeing the desperation in his face, I cannot help but wonder if I'm doing the right thing.
Even when we had entered the camp, it had all been a part if the façade. I had to get there with Apollo, preferably alive, and I had to make him trust me. I had to lead him straight into Nero's trap, and that is well what I had intended to do. My job would have ended there. It would have been much easier if it had remained that way. Never did I expect that he would mean anything to me. That anyone in that camp would mean anything to me.
It had not been my intention to find myself in the myrmeke's lair. I had not intended for him to save me. He was simply bound to me as it should have been, and we detested each other. I had not intended to hear so much sorrow from him, so much guilt. Such self-loathing. He had sung himself hoarse, all for what? I couldn't possibly feel indifferent after that. He may have been an oblivious and indifferent god, but he was helpless now. He was starting to care. I see it in the way he speaks to Will and Austin. He still loves his children. I'd have to be blind not to see that.
I had not known that it would come to this. That it would come to the burning of those campers along with the sacred woods of Dodona. I had not known that I was playing them into their deaths, but even if they had told me, would it have been any different? Nero raised me. He protected me after my father died. Would I have believed these people over his words? I do not know, and it troubles me.
If I do nothing today, those trees will burn and die, and with then, all those dryads, for no fault of theirs. Those campers will die, simply because they heeded the wrong call. If anyone is at fault, it is Apollo himself, but now, he will not be the only one who dies. They will all go down together. They will all burn. I'm a daughter of Demeter. I grow plants. I tend to the life in them. I cannot tear them down. I cannot burn them. I will not.
I do not know what will happen to me if I stop Nero now. He has already warned me of unleashing the Beast. If I disobey him now, will it still be treason? I will have no home. I'll have to run from him and the others all my life, but which is the greater evil? Will I be able to live with myself knowing that the blood of so many innocents is on my hands? I think not. I must make my choice now, and soon. Either way, I will be an outcast. Either way I'll be a traitor, but being a murderer is far worse.
At that moment, I chose my friends over my family. This was my justice. Neither right, nor wrong, but just what had to be done. Peaches would not suffer because of me. The trees would not burn because of me. If those campers or Apollo had to die, it would not be by my hand. I had no part in their creation, and it is not my right to decide when to destroy. A lot of people who deserve life die, and a lot many more who deserve death continue to live. It is not my part to give them their death. It is only my part to do what I think is right.
I have made my choice, but I cannot face anyone after what I have done. I have heard the voices in the woods, and I have watched them burn and die of their own accord, but I cannot stay. I see Apollo come after me, but I am not ready to face him yet. I cannot face myself yet. How can I, when every bit of my soul screams at being torn apart? How can I when I have let down all those who ever knew me? How can I when every fibre of my being resounds with a single word- betrayal?