The Curse of Life
Summary*
Thalia Grace had never wanted to become a Hunter. It was a decision she had taken when left with no better choice. Granted partial immortality as a blessing from the maiden goddess Artemis, Thalia ponders if that in itself is her curse- to see her loved ones die and fade away while she endures?
I'm too powerful, they had said. A half-blood of the eldest gods would be their downfall, they said. Unfortunately, that meant that I was a threat too. The prophecy was not mine to fulfil, which meant I had to stop growing. It meant I had to do the one thing I had refused to do all those years ago. I had to join the Hunters of Artemis. Luke and Annabeth were the two people I had refused for. Then, I knew I had nothing left to fight for. Annabeth had Percy. For good or bad, Luke was gone though I'd refused to believe it. There was no choice left for me. Not anymore. The goddess of the moon has always blessed those of us that had pledged ourselves to her service. Sometimes, I wonder if this is how we were meant to be. I wonder if we are indeed, praying the price for our past deeds instead.
Death never makes things easy for anybody. Those who die are gone for ever, with many an unfulfilled wish, but it is those who live on that bear the brunt of it. The guilt in itself can drive you insane. Kill you. We demigods are no stranger to it. Not all of us have parents to look out for us. We've seen death and destruction ever since we stepped out into the whole wide world,but one can never get used to it. It has always been this way. Kill, or be killed, but the pain of loss never goes away. Dealing with Jason's disappearance was one of the hardest things in my life. If I hadn't joined the hunters back then, it was also because, deep down, a tiny part of me had always believed that I would find him some day. He would make it to the camp, and he'll be part of my life again. I had never been one to coddle him as a kid, and how I'd regretted it the day he'd gone. There was no warning. Nothing. Mother hadn't said a word about it ever since. To her, he was dead. That was the day I finally ran away. If she wasn't going to find him, I would gladly do so myself. Little did I know that the world outside was not meant for innocents. I wasn't always as I am now. The girl people saw now was the one who'd been forced to grow up into a bully much before her time.
I spent days running around in search of a shelter. I searched desperately for a brother who didn't even know that I existed. Even without the monsters that would attack me on occasion, the people were no better. The boys on the street would hurt me, until the day I knew it had to stop. That was the that I'd stood up for myself, and I've had to do so ever since. That was when I came by Amalthea. I don't know why, but I followed her that day, and I'd been glad that I did, only, now I'm not sure about it anymore. I'm not sure about anything. It was from my time with Luke that I learned that family was not bound by blood, but rather by love. My mother's death hurt me. Scared me, even, but those days were gone. I had to move on. There never was a choice and there never will be.
Often, I have wondered what Luke and Annabeth felt when I was snatched away from them, living on as a pine tree instead. Now, I know. For a while, it had seemed to me they were lucky that I still stood as a reminder of our 'happy times'. It is only now that I realize that it was instead, a painful reminder of my death that they'd lived with each day of their lives. Would Luke never have betrayed us if not for my death that day? I'll never know. I don't think I want to know. At the end, he had died a hero, but could I accept him for all those he'd killed? Zoë, Bianca, Silena, Beckendorf, Castor, Lee Fletcher, Michael. So many of them. So much blood on his hands. While he has moved on, I live to see those days time and again. My failure to save Luke from himself. The what if? will haunt me forever. The Giant War was no better. I had come to accept my place in the hunt, bound to my sisters as much as I was bound to the goddess. Not much love was lost between Phoebe and I, but her death still hurt. We were supposed to have each others' backs and I'd failed her. Not only as a Lieutenant but as a sister. Orion had payed, but not enough. As a giant,he would be reformed, but what of her companions? They were gone forever.
When I had finally found Jason, my heart had wept with joy. He would be my family again. Be a part of my life no matter how many years lay between us. I was wrong. I hadn't gotten to say goodbye then, and now, I wouldn't get that chance ever again. I'd had a second chance and lost that too, without ever telling him how much I'd loved him. I never told him how happy I was to have found him once more, or how lucky I was to have been his sister. I was almost always away on a hunt, taking him for granted. I hadn't been there for him when he'd needed me most. He had mourned Leo all alone, and I hadn't even pretended to understand how much the boy had meant to him. I hadn't been there for him when Piper had ended it. He'd gone to a boarding school and I'd always assumed that he would be fine. Now, it was too late. My brother was dead, and I hadn't known it. He'd been killed by Caligula, and I hadn't been there to pretect him like a sistsr should. He was truly gone. He'd left me behind for real, to a place I couldn't follow him to. I was almost 'immortal'. I would live long after he was gone, guilt eating away at me while I still lived. Perhaps that was my curse. The Curse of Life.