"Are you bringing Olivia to dinner?" Will asked.
"I'm on my way to your place. She might come for coffee. She had a tough week with memory therapy."
More like a tough four weeks. She was trying to focus her sessions on remembering Jay. Mostly everything had come back except him and it drove her and him, crazy.
"How's she doing with that? Dr. Charles says the sessions are mentally draining."
"Good I guess. She doesn't like to talk much about them."
"How are you doing?"
Jay sighed.
"I miss her, but if this is who she is now, I'm gonna help her. I'd rather have her like this and have to start over, than not have her at all."
When Jay got to Will and Natalie's, Owen made his disappointment know that Olivia, yet again, was not there. He walked past Jay and into his toy room, having no interest in his uncle. The three adults were sitting on the couch watching the hockey game, eating picky food and having a beer, waiting for the rest of the guests to arrive when the doorbell rang. Natalie got up to get the door and welcome the guest.
"Owen!" she called." Come say hello."
"Aunt Olivia!" He yelled, running to her.
"Hi bubs."
Will and Jay turned to them, and Jay smiled at her, happy she came. Jay could tell how uncomfortable and nervous she was.
"I hope you don't mind, Jay invited me."
"Not at all,'' Will said, "You're always welcome."
Jay got up and hugged her.
"I'm glad you came." He said.
"Babysteps, right?"
He walked her over to the couch and they sat on the love seat together. Owen scurried over and climbed onto her lap.
"I've missed you." He said looking up at her.
"I've missed you too." She said cautiously.
"Why were you gone for so long? Don't you love us?"
"Owen!" Natalie scolded.
"It's okay," she reassured," I've been a little sick, haven't been feeling like myself."
"Are you better now?"
Jay held her and and she kept eye contact with him as she spoke.
"I'm working on it."
"And we're all thankful for that."Will said.
As more people arrived, the more anxious Olivia got. She felt herself struggling to keep up with names and back stories. Jay could see from across the room the room that panic was beginning to set in. She excused herself from a conversation and stepped out side. He gave her a few seconds before he followed her. He found her outside taking deep breaths and shaking out her hands.
"You okay?"
"Not really. I don't think I can do this."
"Sure you can, you're doing great."
She rolled her eyes.
"You're just saying that to be nice."
"We can go if you want." He offered.
She felt guilty. He invited her and she found it kind he was willing to be there for her and help her with everything.
"You should stay, it's your family."
"They're your family too Livi. You're gonna get through this, we're in this together okay?"
Her eyes filled with tears.
"What if I don't? what happens if I never get my memory back?"
"Then we'll figure it out."
She hugged him tightly. Jay had missed that.
"I like that you call me Livi and no one else does."
"No one else is allowed." He laughed.
"You're joking?"
"Let's go back inside, it's freezing."
Jay was at the counter pouring coffee after dinner when Adam came up to him.
"I don't know how you do it my friend."
"Do what?" Jay asked.
"The whole Olivia thing. It's like you have to start over, constantly babysit her."
"I'm gonna pretend I didn't hear that, and walk away."
"Just saying dude, she's a great girl, but maybe you should throw in the towel."
"Quit while you're ahead Adam."
"Just trying to look out for you."
"Well I'm fine."
Jay walked away and his phone pinged.
To Jay, from Olivia
I'm sorry, but I had to go. Please stay, enjoy the free time
To Olivia, from Jay
Don't push me away Liv, please
To Jay, from Olivia
I just need some space, today was overwhelming
Jay stayed for a little while longer before heading out. He was halfway home when he turned and went to Olivia's. he hadn't been here since he brought her home from the hospital. He saw that most of the lights were on in the house, so he knew she was up. If she were sleeping there would only be the front porch light and kitchen light on. He knocked on the door and waited, figuring it was best not to use his key.
"What are you doing here Jay?" She asked, exhaustedly
"Can I come in?
She stepped aside and let him in. She had pictures and photo albums and frames all over the living room.
"What're you doing?" He asked.
She rolled her eyes again.
"Knitting a sweater." She said sarcastically.
"Olivia." He said sharply.
"Jesus Jay! Stop acting like I'm a child. I'm 30 not three, just cause i don't remember some stuff doesn't mean I need a babysitter."
Jay dropped his head.
"You heard Adam."
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"Yes you do. And he shouldn't have said that. He was out of line."
"Was he? Because he seemed on point to me."
"We'll he's not! Today was a huge step forward."
She scoffed.
"For who, cause it felt like a shit show to me."
"I think you did great."
"You have to say that! You feel obligated as my friend."
"Not true, I'm always straight forward with you. I've told you when you put red streaks in you hair that it looked decent but not the best, when you dyed your roots teal that you looked like the joker from batman. When you used the wrong color to tone your hair and you looked like draco malfoy from harry potter, who was honest? Me."
"I got nothing out of today but disappointment. No memory, no flashbacks."
"Okay, maybe next time."
"We're at the three month mark, it's never coming back."
She sounded tired and scared.
"You can't give up."
"Giving up is different that accepting the truth."
"Well I'm not."
"It's not your life Jay, it's mine!"
"It is too my life! This isn't easy for me Olivia. This is the hardest fucking thing. I walk on eggshells around you because I don't want to hurt your feelings. But you know what, I'd rather that, I'd rather have to start everything we ever had over than not having you at all because I love you. So yes, your life is my life because you are my life!"
They stood quiet for a second.
"You love me?"
"More than I ever realized. What you do or don't remember doesn't matter to me."
Her lips trembled and all he wanted to do was kiss her again.
"Can you stay the night?"
"As long as you don't steal all the blankets."
She shoved his shoulder.
"Are you kidding! You're the one who always steals all the pillows. I have no choice but to take the blankets."