'This is our last goodbye
But darling will you please

Remember me from time to time
The one who loves you
Remember me from time to time
I won't forget you'

Stop playing that fucking album, she knew what her daughter would say. But Agnetha Fältskog had one of those voices that could pinpoint the hurt in the heart. There were some weeks where she could not stop playing it. Elinor had been out all day so she could indulge in sobbing her face off while preparing dinner.

'I watch you walk away
But in my mind you stay
An everlasting dream
To me you've always been
And please don't turn around as you walk away'

Oh she'd stupidly done that. One of the biggest mistakes of her life. But there was no undoing it now. She'd been paying for it ever since. There were times where she'd stared out of the window and wondered how much better it would have been if she'd hurled herself off the roof of Holby hospital all those years ago. It wouldn't have been fair on anyone. But sometimes she felt like she just should have done it. She'd had nightmares about it sometimes. She'd been too exhausted to have nightmares when Elinor was in a coma and they thought she'd never wake up. But now that she was back to normal, Serena had to focus on other things. Being a great aunt was wonderful but tiring. Downscaling her work was a decision she didn't want to make but decided was inevitable. It left her time to think but too much time with her thoughts unsettled her. She'd spent many hours of those last three years with a heavy heart, an agonising tear within her chest when she thought of whom she'd misguidedly let go. She thought she was doing the right thing at the time. But she was unprepared for the grief to engulf her, it was as if Bernie had really, truly died. Someone so remote it was pointless to turn around and tell her things or share anything with. She'd sat in the garden so many times in the evening, wondering about the person she was sharing the same sky with and how she was getting on. She could imagine a life much more exciting for Bernie than Holby. She didn't deserve a humdrum life here.

Her phone rang, serenading the end of the song as it faded away. Serena stopped chopping and switched it off with a little finger. Peering at the screen, she didn't recognise the number. She clicked to take the call 'hello?'

Silence on the other end. Almost silence. Just the sound of a distressed breath. She repeated. The caller didn't seem to want to respond. They hung up. Serena clicked her tongue in frustration. The second call came as she had finished washing her hands.

'I'm giving you five seconds before I hang up' she warned them.'

'Serena?'

Her heart felt like it had missed several beats. She'd know that voice anywhere.