Gradual Remembrance and Discovery
Once changed into her regular clothes, Yoichi does some stretches and warm-ups before heading out to train. While doing stabs and swipes with her sword and twirling the Tanto by his clear chain at the same time, Yoichi feels the ease of the movements gradually coming back. (Warming up seems to do wonders.)
Yoichi tries to push her skills harder and faster ecstatic that her bodies muscle memory is still intact. She sees the effortlessness of which she practices all the blades techniques and wonders of her past. (What in the world am I doing in this place? Who am I?)
An early memory flashes in her mind with a buzz of excited revelation.
Beginning of an Ally
Yoichi is seven, a year older from arriving in the Rukongai, and spends her mornings scavenging for food as she has noticed that her hunger seems to be frequently growing. On this day she is passing through a scarcely housed village when she comes across two waring raider clans. She crouches and hides behind a hut as she hears the groups swords clash violently. She wants to peek at them but is afraid she will be spotted. (Ooooh lucky me. Maybe I can get stuff to trade. I will have to be careful.)
It is good that she is not staring as it is a horrific sight. Nearly every member on both sides has been slaughtered just for territory rights. The floor is a mess of bloody bodies clutching rusty swords and dressed in rags. The grounds morbid decor makes it harder for those who remain to fight without tripping as their fallen comrades and enemies seem to curse them even in their second death.
Yoichi manages an impulsively quick peek at them to see how much longer she will have to wait. She finds that seeing profuse amounts of blood does not bother her anymore, only the remaining nightmares of her memories when she was dying do. Four brute dualists remain, however through the matted and fresh blood on their bodies and loin cloths it is unclear what men are on who's side. Not that Yoichi cares. She just wants it to end so she can see if they have anything good on them. (Maybe I can get a few weapons.) She can see a round six hopeless Katanas scattered about the corpses. She misses the feeling of a blade in her hands.
Yoichi has been fortunate so far not to face any of the territories half-hazardously organised clans. The scariest thing about living in this area is that the raider groups would always be bloodthirsty and vengeful. If you did any trivial thing to upset them, they would take the time, even if its many years, to hunt you down and kill or torture you to death. Yoichi overheard the tragic stories from the times she hid from approaching adults. Due to her size she has had the advantage of speed and when it comes to hiding and listening for information, but not strength or escaping.
The second last man stabs his opponent through the stomach and even though that man is slumped in defeat and leaning on his murder he does one more desperate attack and slices his killers throat wide open. The fatal slice spirts blood to rain over them both. The remaining men collapse to the floor and bleed to death around the numerous chopped bodies of fallen friends and foes.
Scanning the surrounding trees, shrubs and huts Yoichi waits a few moments for them to die before scampering out to search the cadavers. There is nothing wrong with being too careful. Yoichi has seen many of the rasher children and adults meet their doom at the hands of carelessness. She is not the only scavenger, especially in the poor district she lives around.
After trying hard not to get her hands covered with the gore, she still manages to have them splotched in sticky red by the end of her search. She hasn't found much. Just a few clean-ish rags, rusted weapons and a morsel of food. She sighs as she looks at what she has gathered. (I should have gone out earlier to see if I could get one to talk about where their base was before they died. If I did then I might have found something worthwhile. But maybe with a polish I could trade these weapons.) Trading is risky business because she is merely a child and the beasts buying such weapons, more often than not, try to forcibly steal from her instead of obeying the common courtesy that sustains her business.
She stands from squatting over the man who she found food from and is about to turn to leave when a particularly shiny blade catches her eye. She hops over the bodies and tries to avoid the puddles of blood, but feels it cling to her bare feet regardless. Cleanliness is one of the hardest things to maintain when living in such poor conditions.
She shoves the dead man's torso up to find a particularly well-kept Katana and its sheath covered in blood beside it. (Oh, what a find. I may be able to get a few days' worth of food from this. Or should I keep it? Hmm. We will see. If I can get a decent amount of food from the other swords maybe I can keep this one for defence.)
She skips back to her temporary home with as many of the weapons as she can carry in one of the particularly big cloths that she found. She places her treasures to be hidden under some floor boards but keeps the best Katana in her arms as she sleeps.
Waking up in the middle of the night with a pounding heart and cold sweat was common for little Yoichi and it usually came with confusion and flashes of memories that she would rather forget. Tonight, waking in her emotionally wrapped state was no different, but this time something was peculiar about the reasoning.
She blinks many times and widens her eyes to see better in the dark. (Have I only been asleep for a few hours?) When she looks beside her body she is surprised to find a brand-new Katana on the floor boards, replacing the older weapon. It is a random sword which is in a much better condition from the one she had kept close by from that cadaver five months ago.
(Where the heck did this come from? A gift?) It is an entirely different sword with a long dagger attached to it by a lengthy clear glass chain. She picks it up and slides open its sheath, revealing its blue centre and shining silver blade. (Beautiful.) Unknowingly she has for the first time touched her Zanpakutō and feels a little safer in her dirty rags and dingy hut.
Later that night, when she goes back to sleep, she dreams of her Zanpakutō, but he cannot speak to explain to her what he is and why he has appeared again. At this time, he is merely the imaginary friend that Yoichi believes she made out of her intense need for secure company.
Yoichi blinks away the fond memory and smiles wide. (This one was not nearly as bad as the other ones. Yes, I know a little more! I wonder how much more training will reveal my life to me?)
Within her mind scape again Yoichi still has her Zanpakutō's cloak from the last time she materialised and from Yoichi telling her Zanpakutō about her recovered memory they come to the topic of telling stories of her past. She listens closely to him and is careful not to interrupt too much as he was previously so reluctant to tell her anything about her history.
On this day her Zanpakutōs' black mess of a hair is in a shoddy braid, but Yoichi thinks he looks nice regardless. "Most souls do not remember their lives before arriving in the Soul Society. We discovered this during our journey from district to district. Therefore, it was peculiar that you knew how you died and lived. I must say even with that factor I felt as if you were still a child and needed protection from yourself. The memories you lost later were, in total, vicious one's worth forgetting and ones that no 'child' should ever have to experience or remember. I should have realised even though I felt you a child that through The Incident, causing your severe memory loss, that I should have been more supportive in recovering what you had lost instead of making it worse through false ignorance."
Intrigued Yoichi says, "What 'incident'? Oh wait," Cynically imitating her Zanpakutō's deeper voice, Yoichi says, "'I cannot tell you because hearing it from me will achieve little considering you will not remember the event yourself.'"
Pushing past Yoichi's laughable imitations of himself the Zanpakutō, with a twitch of the lips, keeps his cool. "Correct. I will tell you when I sense the time is right. Who knows, you may gather many more memories now that you have begun to heal properly."
Yoichi smiles at succeeding to amuse her usually straight faced Zanpakutō and feels no longer sad or angry about him keeping her past from her but more at peace. "I hope you are right. However, as you can probably guess, I cannot completely forgive you straight off the bat with your explanation and reasoning. I will try, because you were only looking out for me even if this decision has caused me more harm than good. But that really doesn't matter right now. You made a mistake blinded by compassion for a 'child'. I should say thank you, instead of blaming you." Yoichi steps away for room on the clear floor and bows deeply as she sincerely says. "So; thank you for protecting me and giving me your powers for all those years."
A bit flustered at being thanked and bowed to by his mistress the Zanpakutō brushes it off. "Don't worry about it. Your thanks is not necessary as I am sure it is countered by the fact I screwed up." His bushy grey tail sways in delight. (Maybe it is time I told her a little bit more about herself.) "Would you like to know more about your time in the Soul Society?"
Yoichi jumps at the chance to talk about what she cannot remember. "You know I absolutely would. What happened? From the very beginning."
The Zanpakutō's eyes glitter with seeing Yoichi's inquisitiveness and excitement returning. "When we were first drawn to your soul we were trapped in your mind. For around twenty-two years we merely observed as you increased your strengths and further honed your Kendo techniques."
Raising an eyebrow Yoichi asks in a higher tone of voice, "Wow, wait. Wait a minute. How old am I exactly?"
He pauses for a moment. (It should not be harmful to tell her a simple thing such as her age should it?) "Hmmm. As of a couple of months ago you have been in the Soul Society for 362 years."
"WHAT? Three hun…. Three hundred and sixty-two?! I am so old…I must be heck-a strong." Yoichi stands and does little hops as she does some light stretches because she is so pumped up at her possible potentials in the future. (Now I really REALLY want my memories back if not to see how powerful I really am.)
"Yes, as Yoruichi said; 'age means little in the Soul Society' because of how long souls can live. Since you are still stuck in the 'alive ways of thinking' you do not realise how young you truly are. I am quite old mentally therefore you will always be a child to me Yoichi~chan."
"It makes sense then for you not to know exactly when to tell me about my amnesia problem if you always see me like that." She stops her moving about and stands attentively. "What else?"
"The place you first arrived in and survived on your own was in district 78 Utau Hari (歌う針) of North Rukongai."
"Singing…. Needles, right? That is a weird name for a place. Any particular reason it's called that?"
"It could be because while we lived there, there were a lot of windy mountainous ranges which sounded a bit like whistled songs, but I cannot be certain as it was never confirmed by anyone while we were there. At least that was our theory when we came across the areas name. Now shush I am going to tell you a lot more of our story."
"Oops sorry. Please continue." Yoichi sits on her invisible platform with her feet dangling over its seamless edge. She snuggles closer into the big coat as a chilly breeze teases her wavy chocolate hair from under the hood.
He covers his mouth with his fist and clears his throat. "I watched over you since you arrived in the Soul Society, but I was rarely able to come to you and if I did it was only in your dreams. At the time, you thought I was like an imaginary friend and did not know anything about Zanpakutō's because I could not talk to you. I was muted by your spiritual energy not being of significant strength. I possessed that tattered, yet special, Katana from one of the corpses of the slaughtered raiders and made it new. When I appeared in the sword that night, you assumed we were different weapons from the one you had taken and a gift from someone. But you know this already. In that kind of place, it was extremely unlikely to receive such a thing, but you did not question it too much considering you did not have anything but your weapons and the rags on your back. Merely the necessities to survive."
Yoichi's most recently recovered memory instigates her curiosity which wins over the commands of her Zanpakutō. "I didn't even have shoes. Did I?" (I was avoiding getting blood on my feet at the time.)
He gave her a 'You cannot help yourself, can you' look and replies with, "Especially not shoes. It is said that in any direction from the Seireitei no soul wears shoes outside of district 56. Beyond that point it is also said that they only wear rags which you obviously did as well."
"Where did I get these clothes from then?" She gently tugs on her black shirt in reference.
Sigh*. He is tired of answering unimportant questions. "I will tell you later alright?"
Yoichi states in all seriousness, "No. Tell me now."
(Child.) Ignoring Yoichi's stubborn persistence to interrupt and ask him questions, her Zanpakutō continues with a roll of his eyes. "Moving on then." (Attitude much. Haha.) Yoichi gives a giggle at his melodramatic reaction. "You led a very violent life as you grew, but it was crucial in where you were placed, and you survived exceptionally well for a six-year-old."
Surprised, Yoichi repeats her Zanpakutō's words to let the facts settle into her memory. She remembers her death and a bit before that, but she was so young and from pure time passage it is hard to remember specifics. "I was only six when I died. And I survived in that low of a district? I must have had a hell load of determination and street smarts."
"That, you definitely did and probably still do. Back then you knew when to fight and when to run. Although you fought most of the time when you became older and stronger, which I can't say I approved of. It did you good when it came to your even later years of survival as you travelled to harsher districts; such as district 79, Kusajishi and 80, Zaraki." The Zanpakutō's feels eager for Yoichi's next question as he nods to himself.
With a pondering face, Yoichi retrieves her knowledge of how she gained access to her powers 22 years after she arrived in the Soul Society. "Then I must have been 28 when I officially gained your powers?"
The raven-haired man nods with a small smile. "Exactly. I was very proud as I watched over you. I knew that you would become so strong. Your powers had come to a point where they needed help being controlled and coincidently by this time you were worthy of wielding me. I came to you in vivid premonitions and dreams and then we fully connected. I must say you freaked out a little because you had no idea what I was, but overall you took my appearance well as you had seen me before. It must have been because of those brief encounters we had from when you were a child, although I think that might've made it worse because you thought I was not real at that time considering I came only in dreams and could not speak." Smiling to himself the Zanpakutō looks back fondly at the memory causing his ashen tail to swish in a broader span behind him.
Furrowing her eyebrows, Yoichi feels bubbling anger and envy towards her Zanpakutō and how he alone has access to her trapped memories. They both feel the mountains rumble beneath them, and it catches her Zanpakutō's attention as his shoulders tense.
Stiffly standing with her misguided rage steadily rising, she balls her fists and grits her teeth. "If I was much older when The Incident happened why didn't you tell me about everything I had lost? Why did you let it escalate to me not remembering anything of our time in the Soul Society?" Her angry eyes pierce her Zanpakutō's defences.
Shuffling his feet and looking down and to the side, like a primary school kid caught eating junk-food he wasn't supposed to, he quietly explains, "I already told you why. I constantly see you as a child Yoichi-chan. I am much older than you, so your age is irrelevant to me. I will always feel the need to protect you even if it is from your past or yourself."
Taking in his explanation and recalling his previous one, Yoichi takes a breath and relaxes as the next question comes to her. She sighs away the remnants of her wrongful words. "Sorry for my outburst. I do remember your reasoning and should not be so rash in my judgments, but as you can understand my whole life has been stripped from me and you are part of the reason it's happened, so it is difficult for me not to blame someone for all of this mess." The trembling mountains stop, and a few rocks and boulders crash into the ocean below.
"I accept that it will take time for you to come to terms with your condition, the new information on your past and forgiving my blind care. I am still very sorry for not telling you sooner, but please let us continue with what more you would like to know."
Glad that her Zanpakutō can understand and forgive her lashing out emotions gives Yoichi warmth to her freezing skin. It feels good to be supported in such a way. "OK then. Ummm. Wait a minute. Hey Zanpakutō. When I lost the right to call you by your name did it cause my memories to be locked away? Or the other way around?"
"We semi-share memories so that would make sense."
"You share them with me?"
"You know how I remember everything of our journey together and you don't?"
"Yeeeehhh?"
"Well, I work as a sort of backup memory and the disjointed connection we have of events allows me to retain and remember what you cannot. I feel that it is my stronger link to your subconscious that also helps with that."
"Maybe when I somehow become worthy of your name again I will remember all what I have lost."
"Or maybe it could work the other way around. Yoichi-chan you know not to get too excited at the prospect. It may not be as simple as these possibilities. Besides you do not even know how to gain worth again do you?"
"No, but it sure would help a ton if you would tell me. Like, now."
"If only powers between a Zanpakutō and its Mistress worked so easily." The Zanpakutō shakes his head with his hand to his forehead in amusement. "You will simply have to keep persisting with your training and maybe one day your worth will be adequate for me to tell you my name once again. Even if I try to tell you my name now it would be indecipherable to you. My name is ." (I wish things would become easier for us, but this is just how things are.)
(So that is why I do not know the snake tattoo things name. When he says his name all I hear is weird static.) "I see…" Disappointed Yoichi looks down, but then she raises her head, clenches her fists and yells, "I WILL NEVER GIVE UP. You hear me Zanpakutō. I will not fall into despair again. I will triumph over this problem and remember every goddamn thing."
He smiles with his sharp canines on display and brims with pride over her perseverance. "I know you can and will Yoichi-chan." Calming his smile the Zanpakutō brightly asks, "Do you have any other questions for me?"
Having the high of adrenaline wear off Yoichi feels much laxer and ponders on her next question for a few minutes before saying. "When I obtained your strength, why didn't I go straight to the Seireitei to train there?"
"Subconsciously, you had this deep need to protect others and destroy evil due to how you died. When travelling in Rukon you looked after a lot of those who struggled and defeated the 'bad guys'." Seeing Yoichi blink slower than usual her Zanpakutō pauses. (Maybe that burst of determination was the last of her reserves for today. He he.) Just as her head dips he says, "I see that you have had an exhausting day in your recovery, no matter how interesting everything I have been telling you is. Get some rest. I will not be going anywhere and will tell you more later."
Although a tad dejected at being told to leave Yoichi sees the sense in what he is saying and understands that she needs her sleep. "I guess you are right. Who knows what time it is in reality. But don't think you are completely forgiven. I am still angry about the secrets you have been keeping from me all these years even if I cannot remember you initially keeping them from me." Gathering her thoughts again Yoichi closes her eyes and pauses. Looking up she says, "Even so, thank you for finally revealing as much as you have to me. To be honest with you I am more scared if or when I may have another amnesia attack than too angry with you. I am just glad we are making progress."
"It is highly unlikely for you to recede in memory recovery, especially now that you have started showing vital signs of improvement. It would take a very scarring event to cause you to relapse into further amnesia. You have never done before in the time we have been together you know. It makes no sense for you to decline right after healing, even if it is only a small fraction of what memories you have lost."
"Thank you for the optimism Zanpakutō. I hope I can remember enough to know your name again soon. Bye-bye." With a polite bow Yoichi begins to fade back to reality.
"Talk again soon, Yoichi-chan." After he makes sure Yoichi's presence from the mind-scape has completely gone, the Zanpakutō wills the Dake from his body and they discuss what he should reveal and how much he should tell Yoichi next time. (Right then. What to tell her next ?)