For the next few weeks, I was an absolute wreck. I barely ate, my personal hygiene was shot. Any sleep I managed to get was fraught with nightmarish memories. What was I going to do? I'd lost the only family I had left and it was completely my fault. I'd lost the will to live.

The only thing that kept me going, barely, was the investigation. They needed me to get at the entity that devastated my mind, and that entity needed me to further their breakthrough. That was all I was good for apparently; bait, or a lab rat.

I don't know what triggered it, but eventually, I became fully aware of what I was doing. Or, more accurately, what I wasn't doing. The first thing my fragmented mind registered was the fact that I couldn't remember the last time I took a shower. My hair felt like straw. I ran my fingers through it, that hurt.

I looked at my hair, hanging in my face. How did I let it get this far? I was stronger than this, I couldn't fall apart just yet. And now, I finally had something to do.

I got up, legs shaky after weeks of minimal movement, and headed to the bathroom. Once inside, I locked the door and stripped completely. My clothes were needing a serious wash, and so was I. I'd only used Cassandra's shower once, but even then it was more of a struggle than it needed to be.

Once inside, I vented. I wordlessly let loose everything I was feeling under the frigid water until my brain finally registered how cold I was. Turning up the heat, I gave myself a pep talk. I had to pull myself together. That was the worst lapse I ever had. It could have ended even worse and I wouldn't have cared. Fuck. I didn't need David's help! I could do this on my own.

Oh, who am I kidding. I needed him. It felt too foreign to do normal, people things. But I couldn't wait for him, it would be too late. I had to try. Maybe it was already too late.

What about Cassandra and the others?

That wouldn't work, brain. They only know me as a killer. They would only help me if it helped the investigation, and once that was over I would be on my own again. I needed someone who saw me as the human I once was, and hopefully still am.

Noise coming from elsewhere in the condo, snapping me back to reality. I grabbed the nearest shampoo, and only when it was already in my hair did I realize it was Cassandra's. Oh well. I paused, thinking. Then I grabbed her soap, got my hands overly sudsy, and started vigorously cleaning myself. When I was done, I felt, and smelled, eons better than I had earlier.

When I finally got out of the shower, it registered that I hadn't brought any clean clothes in with me. Ugh. I was a mess. I dried myself as much as possible, wrapped a towel around my waist, and peeked outside. The coast was clear.

I went to the living room and started rifling through my clothes. I found something suitable and hurried back to the bathroom.

Finally clean and dressed, I looked at myself in the mirror. I hadn't seen what I looked like before, but I could tell this was a major improvement. The face gazing back at me still looked exhausted and starving, but I looked less like a zombie and more like a person.

I walked to the kitchen, looking for something to eat, and found a bowl of cereal waiting. I didn't think, I beelined for it and wolfed it down. Done, I just sat there, head in hands, staring at the empty bowl.

"Oh, thank God."

I turned around to see Cassandra standing behind me. She looked incredibly relieved.

"You were out of it for so long, we were starting to get worried you would, I don't know, waste away. But when I heard you in the shower, I'd hoped you had come out of it." I didn't say anything, just continued to stare at her. " You hadn't eaten in a week, So I thought you'd be hungry."

I turned back to the bowl, not being able to articulate what I wanted to say. Three plus weeks of nothing really took a toll on me.

"You want more?"

My head snapped up at that.

She rolled her eyes and said, "I'll take that as a yes." She moved a cabinet, then the fridge. She came back with a cereal box and a carton of milk and set them in front of me. "Don't expect me to babysit you like this. You even said it yourself."

I was too busy pouring myself another bowl to answer.

Back at HQ, I was greeted with mixed reactions. Grant and Ingrid both nodded when they saw me, Will made a point of ignoring me, and Dimitri was nowhere to be found.

Getting down to business, they didn't ease me into it, but they didn't throw me off the deep end either. Thanks, guys.

We were looking at maps, and I was doing my best to find the base. I had finally gotten myself to speak, so that helped.

"Do you remember anything besides water?"

"Cold. I remember cold."

"Water and cold. Great, that narrows it down."

I shot Ingrid a withering look; she looked decidedly un-withered. Grant smothered a laugh and said, "She's as sassy as you."

If looks could kill, he would be dead two times over.

"Guys. Focus. If you can't stay on track, then we're wasting time. Hank, anything other than water and cold?"

I looked at Cassandra, then back to the maps. "It wasn't near the ocean, it was a lake. There were islands. A small town was nearby."

Grant came back from the dead to say, "A town helps, how close was it?"

"I don't know, I just walked around the edge of the lake until I found something."

Ingrid jumped on that train of thought. "Do you remember the name at all?"

I did my best to think, but only letters came to mind. I thought I would recognize it if I saw it, but we had to find it first. A small flash of pain made me hiss.

I heard Grant say, "Dude, don't burn yourself out again."

"I'm fine." I ran my fingers through my hair and took a deep breath. "I only remember parts of it, though I'm pretty sure I would know if I saw it."

A few moments of silence passed as we poured ourselves over the various maps. Lake, islands, town. There were a lot of lakes in Russia.

Grant broke the silence. "You know what would be nice? If we had someone who could read this." I kept my head down, silently begging him not to, but he continued. "Where's Dimitri, anyway?"

It was Cassandra who answered him. "I don't know, I haven't seen him all day."

I looked up at that and noticed Ingrid staring at me. She went back to her map. She furrowed her brow.

"What?"

She looked up at me. "Just an observation. Most towns in Siberia are on rivers. Are you sure it wasn't a river?"

"If it was a river, it was a very wide, very still one."

"So if we find a solitary town on a lake, then statistically, it's likely to be that one."

"I'd have to look at it."

"Well, I have two for you to look at."

Ingrid pushed two maps in front of me. Immediately I could tell the first was completely off. The shore of the lake was different from what I remember, and the town was much bigger.

The second map seemed eerily familiar to me. I don't know if it was the shape of the lake or what. The town name struck a chord with me. Somehow, Ingrid had found the right one.

"I'm guessing we found it."

Grant and Cassandra immediately snapped to attention. I pushed the map towards them.

"It's this one, it has to be." I was getting a headache just looking at it.

Cassandra looked at the map, then at me. "Are you sure?"

"It's giving me a headache, it's the right one."

She shrugged and stood up. "I'll let the higher-ups know, maybe see if we can get this ball rolling." And with that, she left.

It was about an hour and a half later when Cassandra came back. During that time, Ingrid and Grant were having small conversations that I couldn't quite make out. I was preoccupied with thinking, with intermissional naps. I've now served my purpose; I gave them intel and found the last known location. The end felt fast approaching.

We all looked up at Cassandra, half in the room, waiting for her to say something. She was slightly out of breath, looking distractedly around the room. Then her eyes landed on us.

"Have any of you seen Will since this morning?"

"No, why?"

"He also needs to be in on this. He's completely out of the loop at this point."

It was silent for a moment before Cassandra turned to leave. "Well, he'll turn up eventually. If you find him tell him he nee-"

The door flew open, almost hitting her in the face. She was about to unleash a rant at whoever it was before she realized it was Will, wild-eyed and frantic. He took one look at all of us before speaking.

"Dimitri's gone."