Yoshiki-909: Well, I mean, Irisviel's never met Shirou before, so I'm not sure if she'd say anything. Also, was that a damn Food Wars reference?!

Guest: Those are some really good questions. I'll answer them here...

.

Q1: When is this story placed?

The story is placed after HSiFS. Not that many of the events there are important at the moment.

Q2 and Q3:

And as for the nerfing and lack of danmaku...

It's part of a Moriya Shrine conspiracy.

Okay, seriously.

Q2: Why are Reimu (and Marisa by extension) weaker?

I nerfed Reimu, Marisa, and quite a lot of characters in order to let the Servants be able to shine instead of being meatshields. Of course, I did wank Cirno and I suppose Gramps quite a bit.

Q3: Why is there a lack of danmaku?

There's an in-universe explanation for that. So you have Servants who fight with you, right? Danmaku battles are often fought in the air, and really, there are hardly any Servants who can fly, and it would be tiring, boring, and pointless to have Saber continually jump at Cirno, slice at her once, and fall back down to repeat the process. Now we have the opposite issue of the Servants being meatshields. Not to mention, if you're going to summon a Servant who's just going to just attack your target after jumping every few times, it would be pointless to summon it to begin with.

Plus, I generally wanted some Fate style fights with Touhou characters.

I hope that answered your questions! If you have any more, feel free to ask!

Sharp and Pointy Things

Mommy! Mommy!

Reimu groaned and rolled to her side.

Mommy! Mommy! It's so bright outside!

Her head hurt. She rolled to the other side.

Mommy! Mommy! My feet hurt!

A hard throb. With a weak moan of agony, she put a hand to her head.

Mommy! Mommy! Get up!

"My head!"

Mommy! Mommy! Please wake up!

"It hurts! Arrgh!"

Mommy! Mommy! What's happening?!

"GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!"

Mommy! Mommy! Why

"Reimu, open your eyes."

The hammer knocking on the inside of her head stopped, and the shrine maiden let her eyelids open.

"You're looking pretty good for someone whose face was mush a few minutes ago," Yukari Yakumo went as a way of greeting.

Reimu glared at her, not sure why she was here or how she got there. But she did have a faint idea that somehow would explain everything.

.

As King Hassan went to hit Reimu with a killing blow, a loud roar was heard. Looking to find the source of the sound, he turned to the right... and was promptly run over by a train and was shot out of the Komeiji mansion.

.

Sounds like something Yukari would do, Reimu thought.

"I thought you needed a little help," Yukari explained a bit too lightly for Reimu's tastes. "So of course I-"

"Yeah, I get it, you old hag," Reimu interrupted rudely. "Now do you mind telling me what you want?"

Yukari's smile grew as Reimu called her out on her bluff. "Well, you and your Servant have a guest."

As Yukari floated away, Reimu grumbled, "She's not my Servant..."

In the Yakumo residence's foyer, Ran and Chen were standing diligently (loosely in Chen's case) by the door, and Saber was already awake, having a spat with one of the three guests.

"Get out of my face, King of Kings," Saber snarled, saying 'King of Kings' like a curse.

The golden-clad Servant laughed, "That's what I love about you, Saber."

Immediately recognizing Saber's discomfort (for lack of a better term), Reimu walked to her side and asked, "Want me to kick this loser in the groin?"

"Please do," Saber said, her teeth gritted tightly.

"I'll do you one better," Yukari said, and raised her fist, where a strange red tattoo was on the back of her hand. "Archer, I command you to shut the hell up."

Archer's bottom jaw clacked loudly as it was forced shut, and he cried out angrily and glared at Yukari with contempt. The tattoo on Yukari's hand slightly faded away, but then returned.

The other two guests finally said something.

"...it's good to see you again, my king," Gawain said, looking a bit embarrassed.

Eiki had her eyes shut in irritation, grasping the Rod of Remorse with both hands.

A slight tinge of annoyance ran through Reimu as she asked, "So, Eiki, did you send a get well card?"

Eiki's eyes opened and she glared at the Shrine Maiden. "This is a serious matter, Reimu Hakurei," she told her.

"Yeah, so is my roof."

Eiki grabbed the bridge of her nose in irritation. "No, something more important than that."

"What could be more important than my roof?"

"A youkai rebellion."

Reimu snorted. A vein bulged in Eiki's forehead, and Yukari sucked the air between her teeth.

"Listen here, Reimu Hakurei," Eiki said, her voice soft but heavy with anger. "...if you don't take this seriously, you may just find the Human Village filled with the bones of your kind," she said 'your kind' like a curse, "...and those who remain becoming cattle to create more humans for youkai to use for food. And, I can promise you this, if you choose not to act on the rebellion, you will never find Heaven."

The Rod of Remorse had lengthened to match Saber's sword, but Eiki didn't seem to notice. Reimu gulped, wondering if things were that bad.

"Should... should I forget about Yuyuko then?" Reimu asked.

"No, if she stays out of line, she may end up repeating the same incident she created years ago. That's what neglect does," Eiki told her.

"I can change your boundaries of flight," Yukari offered.

"Are you sure about that?" Reimu asked.

Yukari nodded, and Eiki said, "You should get on your way. This should be resolved quickly."

"Before we go," Saber said, "...can you tell us who's creating this rebellion?"

Eiki's eyes narrowed. Then she answered.

"Seija Kijin."

...

Marisa had to tell Shirou and Leonidas where to go and then take Nasupil to his house so he could pick up his dai-katana.

While Nasupil scrummaged around in his room, Marisa leaned on the wall outside and asked, "Oy, you can use a sword?"

"Yeah," Nasupil called back. "My brother knew some stuff and taught me it. I'm not as good as him, but I'll do my best."

"So, is your power really changing colors?" Marisa decided to ask, just for the sake of conversation.

She heard Nasupil sigh, and he replied, "No, I can borrow the properties of anything."

"Pfft, what?"

After a pause, he replied, "Okay, so I can change the color of, say, my dishes to green, right? The color comes from the grass, and if the grass changes its color, like it dies, the dish returns to normal, and I have to find another patch of grass to turn it green again. But I can also do something like... take the density and hardness from a stone and give it to a wooden mallet. Or the sharpness of a blade to my hand. And, if I was allowed to, I could probably use anyone's powers."

"Probably?"

"Yeah, I can't do it without permission. Let's take this for example...

"Let's say I wanted to use Leonidas's powers, yeah? His strength, his speed, his skill, whatever. If he really did, truly allow me to use them, I could borrow it all. I'd be able to use it at full power, not the slightest bit different than how he uses it.

"But if he kinda doubted me, even a bit, the powers I borrowed would return to him, and I wouldn't be able to use them at all. Anybody I borrow from needs to completely trust me with their powers."

"Ah, I get it," Marisa responded, not really getting it.

As she said that, Nasupil walked out of his room, a long, two-handed katana strapped to his back.

"Although..." Marisa realized, "...I gotta point something out. You have this power, but everybody thinks you control colors or something. It's pretty frickin' obvious that you don't say anything about it. Why don't you tell them? Is it a secret or something? Got a past trauma?"

"No," Nasupil said plainly. "Nobody asked."

Marisa gave him a thousand-yard stare.

"What?"

"That's your poor-ass excuse?" Marisa grumbled.

"Yeah," he replied. "I can't exactly do anything really dangerous unless I have permission to."

Marisa gave him a look that said she didn't believe his bullshit. Nasupil held her gaze with an expression saying he didn't have bullshit.

Finally, Marisa rolled her eyes and said, "Come on, Shirou and Leonidas will be waiting.

...

"There it is," Reimu said.

Up in the sky was the entrance to the Netherworld, and both heroines looked up at it grimly.

Looking at the Servant, Reimu asked: "Are you ready to fly?"

Saber nodded, and her feet lifted off the ground.

Shortly before they left, Yukari had changed the boundaries of Saber's flying ability so she could do so just as well as Reimu. Though Saber would only need to fly up to the Netherworld entrance, it was vital that she learned enough to handle it or else she'd plummet to the ground and make a Servant pancake, so they ended up practicing on their way here. Reimu noted that, while Saber was a bit stone-faced, she was rather clumsy but adapted quickly, and though she wasn't as good as... pretty much anybody in Gensokyo, she could probably make it to the Netherworld.

Reimu began flying up to the Netherworld entrance, keeping at Saber's speed. Right now, the Servant was slightly tilting off balance at times, but she quickly corrected herself each time.

It'll be fine, Reimu thought to herself.

Okina was probably mocking her as she thought that.

"Saber!" a furious roar cut through the air.

Reimu, hearing the anger in the voice, whipped out her miko stick. At the same time, Saber's face was filled with joy as she turned around and said, "Shirou?"

Flying towards them were two male figures, both catching up to the duo and wearing a jetpack each. One was a ripped man wearing only a loincloth, a cape, and a helmet covering his face, a shield in one hand and a spear in the other. The other was a boy around Saber and Reimu's age, orange-haired and holding two small, curved blades.

Saber began flying towards the boy, but her smile faltered as she saw the look on his face: one of primal rage.

Managing to put her sword in a guard position, Saber barely managed to block Shirou's two swords, if only because she had been expecting a more joyful reunion. Leonidas flew up to them, looking more confused than anything.

"Shirou! What is the matter?!" he demanded.

As he was kicked away by Saber, who had to regain balance, Shirou shouted, "I know her! I hate her!"

"That's a weird vendetta you have there," Reimu snorted, putting herself in between Shirou and Saber. "Got a good reason?"

Shirou's face flickered with confusion, like he didn't know the answer himself.

"Shirou Emiya, you are my Master, remember?" Saber asked, her expression hardened once again.

While Shirou began to look even more confused, Reimu remembered Saber talking about her Master. For a reliable guy who never gives up on his friends, he sure was hostile to his own Servant.

Instead of replying, Shirou chose to fly at Saber again, and this time Leonidas grabbed his arms and tried to hold him back.

"Go to the Netherworld! Hurry!" Leonidas shouted.

Reimu glanced at Saber, who nodded. Both girls flew up into the Netherworld, away from Saber's Master, the Master she'd been yearning to see again, to complete their mission.

...

Youmu Konpaku had been sparring with a partner when the Shrine Maiden and the Servant walked up to them.

"Youmu!" Reimu called.

Youmu and her partner stopped and sheathed their katanas.

"Reimu Hakurei," Youmu greeted diplomatically.

Clearing her throat, Reimu said, "So, let's do this the easy way. You and your Servaaaaaa…"

Reimu trailed off, and she had caught sight of Youmu's Servant, who...

Saber walked up to the Servant, who mirrored her action. Other than a few color changes, a difference in clothing, and the fact the other Servant had a katana...

"You look just like me," both Servants said at the same time.

Reimu just stared at both of the... Saberfaces… and Youmu had done the exact same thing.

Eventually, both backed a few steps away, and Saber said, "It doesn't matter who you are. We're here to talk to your Master-"

"She's right here," the Japanese Saber, Sakura Saber is what Reimu decided to call her, said.

"Thanks, Captain Obvious," Reimu sighed. "I mean her Master."

"She's not a Servant."

Reimu gave her a deadpan look before getting out her miko stick and talismans. "That's it. I'm kicking your ass so hard your tongue is going to come out of your mouth."

"Whoa!" Saber exclaimed.

Sakura Saber and Youmu both drew out their blades, and the half-ghost whispered, "Are you sure you don't want to take it back?"

"Are you sure she can hear you?" Sakura Saber asked.

A vein bulged in Youmu's head, and both swordmasters leaped at Reimu and Saber.

...

"Well... those jetpacks are busted up," Shirou muttered.

"I'll just tell Nitori they were faulty and so I want a refund," Marisa said airily.

Because Leonidas, Shirou, and Nasupil couldn't fly, Marisa had... borrowed some of Nitori's jetpacks and gave them to her allies. Now, all four of them had managed to cross into the Netherworld, and if one thing was for certain...

Shirou was damn pissed.

Apparently, according to Leonidas, Shirou had seen his Servant and tried to attack her. He stated he hated her, but he couldn't seem to find a reason to do it.

From Marisa's guess (and the fact she could hear metal on metal and see bright lights coming from an area in the distance), his Servant was the girl who destroyed Reimu's roof.

You're not my Master, she had said.

What were the chances?

Remembering that day, Marisa's hand involuntarily drifted to her skirt pocket. The Saint Quartz was still there.

After Saber had crashed through the roof, Marisa had found her Saint Quartz undamaged in the pit that Saber made. She took it and decided to use it some other time.

Deciding to deal with that dilemma later, Marisa pointed in the direction of the fighting and shouted, "Alright, let's go save the-"

She was interrupted by her own surprise of seeing two old guys walk up to them. They both seemed familiar.

"Hey, we've seen them before, right?" Shirou whispered.

He was right. Marisa remembered them from their trek to the Scarlet Devil Mansion. The green one had adjusted Nasupil's hakama before both just left without a word.

Now both still had their katanas, but drawn from their sheathes.

"Whoa whoa whoa, crazy old dudes, we don't mean to offend or anything," Marisa said, being pretty offensive, "...but we just wanna see Yuyuko, capiche?"

"Sorry, but I cannot let you do that," the green one said.

"Why not?"

"Because my mistress commanded it."

"And who's your mistress?"

By now, all three guys had figured out who the heck the old guy was and were all giving Marisa looks. Considering them, she looked at the old guy again and finally realized that he looked familiar in another way.

"Are you related to Youmu?" she asked.

"Yes," he said. "I am Youki Konpaku."

"And I am Yagyu Munemori," the other man said.

Whispering to her allies, Marisa asked, "So... who wants to fight two old dudes with swords?"

Reluctantly, everybody got out their gear. Little known to Marisa, she was the only one who didn't want to fight because she thought she could win.

...

Saber and Sakura Saber dashed around, swinging their swords in what could basically be described as the world's deadliest, random dance ever. Between Saber's heavy sword and large but rather fast attacks and Sakura Saber's small sword and quick but weaker slices, the Saberfaces kept dashing around and cutting just about everything apart.

Youmu and Reimu, on the other hand, fought sword and sword on staff/miko stick, and right now it was clear that Youmu had the upper hand. Reimu was good at fighting, but Youmu had clearly been training for much longer.

Summoning her yin-yang orbs, Reimu flew back and launched them at Youmu, who sliced them both in half before dodging the talismans that followed soon after. Dashing at Reimu, she swung one sword that Reimu turned nonexistent to avoid, and she returned to reality to find Youmu's second sword coming for her neck. Managing to get her miko stick up in time to block it, she sucked her teeth in as Youmu's sword cut her arm, and her blood trickled freely to the earth.

"Shit..." Reimu said under her breath.

"Don't try to escape," Youmu said to her. "There will be no help."

Right as she said that, a familiar blast of rainbow lights flew over their heads.

Youmu was silent for a moment before muttering, "I take it back."

...

The two old men were definitely a lot stronger than Marisa thought.

The old man Yagyu went against both Leonidas and Shirou and, despite the fact that Shirou seemed to be able to summon and use two curved blades pretty well, he was wiping the floor with both of them. Leonidas tried to block him with his shield, but Yagyu went under and swept Leonidas's legs from beneath him and followed up with deflecting Shirou's attack. He kept on switching back and forth between Leonidas and Shirou, and despite the 2 v 1, he was handing himself very well.

Marisa and Nasupil, on the other hand, went against Youki. Though Nasupil had a longer sword than Youki, the geezer took advantage of Nasupil's smaller stature, weaker muscles, and heavier weapon and constantly deflected the boy's attacks before going for an arm or a leg. For his credit, Nasupil wasn't a terrible fighter. His attacks were competent but left much to be desired, and he did avoid some of Youki's attacks. Marisa flew above from her broom and fired blasts from her Mini-Hakkero to cover him, but Youki always avoided or deflected her attacks and went back to fighting Nasupil.

"Oi, lay off the kid!" Marisa shouted.

Youki didn't even acknowledge her at all, pissing her off further. He flicked his sword, and with a loud clang Nasupil's dai-katana flew from his hands and fell to the ground with a clatter behind him. If Nasupil wanted to get his sword back, he'd have to run past Youki, who would surely slice him in half from the waist-up. And just because the kid was half-youkai, it didn't mean he would survive that.

Instead, Nasupil got into a fighting stance, his hands flat and raised as if he was going to do a vicious karate chop with both hands. Youki, his face filled with disappointment, swung his sword down at Nasupil, who raised his arms up...

..and the sword cut through his hakama but was deflected off his arms.

Nasupil's arms reflected the environment around them.

He had taken his sword's property.

Going on the attack, Nasupil used his own arms against Youki this time, but it was clear his offensive strength just came from swinging his arms and nothing else.

Now it wasn't safe for Marisa to try to help him out. Without a weapon, Nasupil was right up in Youki's face with his swings, and Marisa knew that if she missed an attack, she'd hit Nasupil and leave him open for Youki to hit. Her combat skills weren't all that good with melee, and something told her that if she hit Youki with her broom, she'd need to find a new one.

Calling Leonidas or Shirou would be a problem. Both were already struggling on their own. And, assuming the fight in the distance was Reimu and/or Saber, they wouldn't get there in time before Youki got a good hit on Nasupil.

Only one thing left, Marisa thought.

She brought her Saint Quartz out and smashed it against the ground.

...

"Think Marisa's going to make a grand entrance?" Youmu asked.

"Probably," Reimu replied.

Both stood there, weapons at their sides, watching where the Master Spark had come from while the Saberfaces fought.

Then five golden stars appeared up above, followed by a sort of... card depicting a man with a lance. Then it faded.

"She got a five star Servant?!" Youmu screamed out of nowhere.

Looking at her incredulously, Reimu said, "What?"

...

The teal-haired woman didn't even look at Marisa as she shoved Nasupil out of the way and deflected Youki's sword with the shaft of her spear.

"Whoa, okay," Marisa grumbled. "I didn't realize Servants were so unresponsive."

Lancer attacked Youki savagely and took advantage of her longer weapon. Keeping Youki at a distance, she jabbed at him with deadly strikes without letting him get too close.

Knowing this was their chance to win this, Marisa shouted to Leonidas and Shirou, "Get the other geezer!"

As they moved to avoid Yagyu, Marisa aimed her Mini-Hakkero at him and shouted, "MASTER SPARK!"

Yagyu was enveloped in the rainbow beam, and as the Master Spark faded away he came away with nastily burnt skin and fell on his face.

Youki, on the other hand, dived aside from Shirou's swords, blocked Lancer's spear, but wasn't able to recover in time to defend himself from getting his face slammed into Leonidas's shield.

GONG

He staggered and fell on his back, unconscious.

All three guys looked down at Youki, and Shirou asked, "Do you think he's gonna be okay?"

"Pfft, forget him!" Marisa shouted. "Look at the other old geezer!"

Yagyu was a bit scorched, but his fingers twitched.

"He's alive, at least," Nasupil murmured, his arms returning to flesh as he retrieved his sword.

Marisa turned to her new Servant. Definitely a lot taller than her, and very womanly at that. Her expression reminded Marisa of Byakuren or Yukari: calm, serene, and about ready to break your spine.

She decided to interrogate her new Servant later. Pointing further down into the Netherworld, she said, "Okay, now we save Reimu."

Oh boy this was long.