A/N: Happy April Fools Day! Since this is basically a holiday dedicated to everything Loki, I figured I'd go ahead and post! :)
Thank you Erikstrulove and Th3RedPyro for your reviews!
Last chapter's Easter egg was the name Randle, and place of birth Westminster. Randle is the surname of the character Tom Hiddleston played in Victoria Cross Heroes—a TV series documentary from 2006. And Westminster is the actor's actual birthplace.
Roadtrip
"Four summer classes is too many," Darcy bit out as the wind from the 65mph she was driving blew her long hair into a tangle. "They're condensed, remember? Pick two—and one of them should be the stupid 'College 101' course, trust me."
"How is four too many?" Loki demanded, holding up 'his' tablet with the class schedule he'd selected. "You said yourself that College 101 is something I can pass in my sleep, so that doesn't count, and then it's just three."
"You can pass it in your sleep, yeah," Darcy responded evenly, "but you still have to show up. That's two hours a day, three days a week. The other three are each four hours a day, four days a week. That's in addition to you doing a share of the housework and errands, like a normal roommate," she reminded him. "Plus you're going to have a lot of homework for each of these, and at some point, you do need to sleep. Pick two. I recommend Brit Lit," she added, nodding towards the tablet screen. "That will have the most homework out of any of them. Maybe you can get away with Resistance in History—that's Willis's class, right?" Loki checked the professor's name on the class list and nodded.
"He's easy," Darcy continued. "So maybe, if you're really feeling like exhausting yourself this summer, maybe Brit Lit, College 101 and Resistance. But there's no way you can also do American Lit. Two periods of that cross over with College 101 anyway—the computer won't even let you sign up."
Loki sighed moodily, removing American Lit from his class list and hitting "register" for the rest. The summer courses all started June 6th, so he had two weeks until he officially became a CU student. Half of that time, approximately, would be spent on the "Road Trip Experience" on which Darcy had insisted.
"No, we're not flying there—I'm driving us," Darcy corrected Fury as he started talking about the SHIELD jet that would be dropping them off at the facility in CO. Everyone looked at her questioningly. "Call it a crash course," she explained. "Pun definitely not intended," she added with an awkward wince. "It'll take like a week to get there from here, we'll have to make a bunch of stops, hotels, gas stations, restaurants, whatever—we'll run into a bunch of different people in a bunch of different places that you'll probably never see again."
"And make sure none of them recognize me, you mean," he surmised. She nodded.
"Plus, you can learn how to drive, seeing as SHIELD issued you with a license," she continued, "and you can get comfortable in your persona—try a few out until you find something that fits. I know you're a wizard at this stuff, pun definitely intended that time," she snickered before becoming serious again, "but this one's kind of a long con." She shrugged. "If there's going to be any problems, better we know about them before we get near people that you'll actually rub shoulders with more often. Plus, I need time to get the story straight, and I'm not any kind of wizard." Loki nodded, agreeing with that.
"Add a civilian car to the resources list," Fury sighed. Given SHIELD's large budget, he'd graciously started putting together a kit of stuff that Loki would need—from simple things like a few changes of clothes to get him started, to expensive things like a decent phone and a wireless-enabled tablet. Darcy's eyes nearly bugged out of her head. Was Fury about to give him a car?
"Stark has offered to get you on your feet," the SHIELD director said by way of explanation.
"That's… very kind of him," Loki commented, clearly not sure if he trusted the billionaire who had threatened him, offered him a drink, defeated him, was now, for some reason, one of his advocates, and yet somehow couldn't stand to be in the same room with him for more than a few minutes.
Darcy privately thought that Tony was having an attack of conscience. She'd read about what happened to him when he was captured by the Ten Rings, and she knew he was pretty sensitive when the topic of torture came up. Probably he thought he should have been smart enough to realize sooner that something wasn't right. But she kept her speculations to herself. If he wanted to talk about his personal shit with her, then he'd plunk himself down on the couch and talk. But he hadn't, so he didn't, and she left it alone.
They were now driving through Pennsylvania in a black 2009 Toyota Corolla—a pretty dang nice car, all things considered, and affordable to maintain, which was a stipulation of Darcy's when Tony suggested something more ostentations. At home she had a blue 2005 Ford Focus—another good, sturdy little car. And speaking of cars…
"Okay, now that you have a class schedule, time for Driving 101," she announced, pulling over. It was a nice, open road with almost no traffic. The perfect spot for Loki's first time behind the wheel. "Chinese fire drill," she added, putting the car in park and taking off her seatbelt.
"What?" Loki asked, confused by the slang. That was another thing she definitely needed time to teach him.
"That's when everybody gets out of the car all of a sudden and switches seats, usually at a stoplight," she explained, looking in her wing mirror before opening her door and hopping out. Loki followed suit, and a moment later buckled himself into the drivers' seat. "Okay," Darcy announced, pointing at pedals and levers. "Stop, go, forward, backward, neutral—we'll get to that later—turns, horn, speed, speed limit," she added, pointing at a sign in the distance, "and stay on the right side of the road. Try not to get a ticket before the ink dries on that license."
"Can't say I'm particularly confident in your teaching style," Loki muttered.
"I believe in learning by doing," Darcy responded. "Now, always put your foot on the break before you try to shift out of park—otherwise you won't be able to move the lever."
-0-
The lesson was uneventful, and in relatively short order, Loki was able to drive decently well. She wouldn't want him behind the wheel in a car chase, but she was confident enough that he could get from point A to point B without killing them. After about an hour of letting him get comfortable and narrating the rules of the road, Darcy unboxed the aux cable that Tony had thoughtfully provided along with the car, and plugged it into the jack.
"Time to see what kind of music you like," she announced, hooking up his new phone and opening Pandora. "Okay, when you think of 'good music,' what do you think of?" she asked, scrolling through a list of suggestions.
"Erm, the opposite of what Barton likes," he said, pursing his lips thoughtfully. Darcy snorted.
"Can you be a little more specific?" she asked with a grin.
"Something simple," he suggested with a shrug. "Instrumental—keep the electronic additions to a minimum."
"Lindsey Stirling Violin is it," she murmured, typing in the name and creating a station. "When you hear something you like or don't like, let me know—I can tell the program, and it'll tailor your recommendations based on what you say."
"Got it," he responded with a nod as the first song began.
-0-
"Wish we weren't undercover," Darcy snickered. "This would so be going on Facebook!" Loki's face at trying ice cream for the first time—and not even good ice cream, just a regular McDonalds Caramel Sundae—was glowing with indescribable bliss.
"What is this?" he moaned, shoveling another huge spoonful into his mouth and savoring the flavor with his eyes closed.
"The cure for sadness," she responded with a laugh as she stuffed her own spoonful into her mouth. "There's a Cold Stone Creamery two blocks from our building," she added. "Really good, high-quality ice-cream place," she explained. "Something tells me you'll be in there a lot." Loki nodded emphatically, continuing to gulp the stuff down like it was the most delicious thing he'd ever tasted in his life. Maybe it was, she reasoned. Maybe Loki and ice cream were like soulmates, kept apart until now by the twist of fate that he'd grown up on Asgard where ice cream apparently did not exist.
"Darcy," he asked in a low voice once he was halfway through his sundae and had sated himself enough to slow down. "How does one go about getting a job?"
"The application process is mostly online," she replied. "I can show you on your phone—but you do get a stipend from SHIELD for consultations."
"I find relying on charity from my enemies distasteful," he admitted quietly. "I have little choice in the matter about some things, but I would like to pursue more independence as expediently as possible."
"I hear ya," Darcy nodded. "I'll show you some applications when we get to the motel for the night."
"Thank you," he responded, turning his attention back to his ice cream, instantly bringing his mood back up. And Darcy smiled to herself, realizing that him unabashedly asking her for help meant that he categorized her differently—which was a step in the right direction.
-0-
"Twenty bucks says she's dead by the end of the week," Natasha muttered morbidly.
"You're on," Clint responded with a shrug. "I'll take myself out for a couple cold ones."
"You're making bets on whether or not she survives?" Steve demanded incredulously.
"Hundred bucks says he bolts by the end of the month," Tony added, holding up a crisp Benjamin and waving it in front of everyone.
"Done," Banner laughed.
"And this all isn't in poor taste or anything," Steve grumbled.
"Relax, cap," Barton assured him. "She'll be fine. Fury wouldn't have let her walk into the op unless he was reasonably confident of her success."
"Sometimes even the best commanders lose soldiers," Steve murmured, face dark.
"But on the other hand, nothing ventured, nothing gained. A willingness to take necessary risks is also an important part of command," said Phil.
There was a long pause where everyone nodded thoughtfully.
Then Tony did a double-take, Bruce stood up straighter, taking off his reading glasses and staring in shock, Steve and Natasha bolted to their feet and Barton dropped the water bottle he'd been holding. The contents made a glug-glug sound as the bottle emptied onto the floor, but no one made a move to pick it up.
"Phil?" Tony choked out, regaining his faculties first.
"Good to see you all made it," the agent said with a warm smile.
"How did you survive?" Steve exclaimed, bounding forward and wrapping the smaller man into a totally unexpected bear hug.
"I didn't," Phil laughed—and everyone was pretty sure it was more a laugh of excitement that his childhood idol had hugged him than because his death was amusing.
"Mother repaired his injuries and recalled his soul from Valhalla," Thor announced, following the agent into the room, positively beaming.
"Guessing she didn't return the other couple hundred people who died in the battle of New York," Natasha guessed acerbically.
"No," Thor admitted sadly. "Very few souls are strong enough to make the trip twice—it was a great risk to even try with the Son of Coul, but I had every faith that he would return intact." Barton and Natasha had by this time shouldered past Cap to envelop Coulson in a super-spy group hug.
"Why is nobody answering the damn interco—" Fury trailed off as Barton stepped out of the way to reveal the recently rejuvenated Coulson.
The unflappable SHIELD director's jaw hit the floor so hard it almost echoed.
-0-
"So you typically live on your own?" Loki checked as he lounged on the king bed on his side of the two interconnecting rooms they'd rented on SHIELD's dime from a roadside motel.
"Sometimes," she said with a shrug. "When I can't find someone to rent with me."
"Do you feel safe?" he asked, sitting up a little. "I was reading some news articles in the car—about serial killers. It was quite disturbing."
"Eh, that's what this baby's for," Darcy responded with a shrug, pulling her trusty Taser out of her purse.
"I suppose a personal firearm would even the odds," he muttered.
"Oh, this isn't a gun," Darcy laughed, climbing onto the bed next to him to show off her prized possession. "This li'l guy is a Taser. It fires two small electric dart thingies, and zaps the victim—er," she amended, "the attacker, with enough electricity to cause extreme pain, muscle contractions, and basically incapacitate anybody who tries to mess with me. It even worked on Thor!"
"You shot Thor?" Loki exclaimed in surprise, looking down at her abruptly. She nodded, looking very satisfied.
"Mm-hm!" she asserted. Then she quickly looked up at him, dropping a little of the cat-that-ate-the-canary expression. "I mean, not just 'cause. He freaked me out—fell from the sky, he was shouting nonsense and flipping out and huge! I got scared and pulled the trigger. But… it is kinda cool to be able to say I dropped the god of thunder like a sack o' rocks," she snickered.
"Yes," Loki agreed with a chortle. "That is quite the thrilling tale. Remind me not to frighten you," he added, but in more of a jocular tone than one of concern. Privately, he wondered if he could. Nothing seemed to faze her.
Part of him felt a horrible, choking impotence at the thought that he was no longer someone with the capacity to scare this human woman. But another part of him—the cleverer part—could not help but admire her. An Avenger she was not, a warrior she was not, but like him, she could still hold her own when things came to a head.
Plus, she could appreciate seeing Thor getting his rear end handed to him—they were going to get along famously.
Provided he didn't suddenly remember something awful—like agreeing of his own volition to serve the Chitauri.
And provided whoever had controlled him didn't scorch her home planet looking for him.
A/N: Welp, that's all for today, folks! Drop me a review—tell me what you think, and see if you can find the Easter Egg! The hint is: How to Train Your Dragon.
Chapter 6: Firsts
Since Americans were, for the most part, fully engrossed in their smartphones, or else in a huge rush to get everywhere, no one really paid him enough attention to him to notice little things like him being Loki. Of course, he got more attention than the average person. His accent, for one—he'd considered changing it, but Darcy had vetoed, saying that him being international would help explain to all of her friends why they'd never heard of him before.
"Plus, that accent is an aphrodisiac," she'd added with a smirk. "If you're looking to get laid, just talk like yourself." Barton had guffawed from the corner, and Romanoff had nodded her head once to the side, tilting her mouth down in an attitude of reluctant agreement.
"English it is," he'd laughed.