Jiraiya shut the door as soon as Tsunade walked into his apartment. It was quite a shock to see her appear at his door but he welcomed her with open arms regardless of the way she rejected him when all he was trying to do was help her. Her hair and clothes were drenched from the rain and she wore an expression of complete sorrow and helplessness on her perfectly sculpted face. It broke his heart into millions of pieces just seeing her look so distraught. All he wanted to do was hold her close and erase all her pain, but he didn't know how much she would allow him to do. It must have taken a lot out of her to show up at his house so he would not push her or be too forward. If she wanted him to hold her, he would, if she wanted him to wipe away her tears, he would do that as well but if she just wanted him to sit by her while she sobbed, he would do that without a complain in the world.
He walked her over to his couch and she had a seat but he didn't sit beside her. Instead he walked into his kitchen and returned to the living room with a bottle of sake and two glasses. He knew without a doubt that alcohol was what she needed. He didn't even have to ask. He had a seat beside his teammate and filled her glass, handed it to her and filled his own. Almost immediately after she received her glass, she emptied it with one gulp and filled it up again and again until the bottle was empty and she was drunk. Jiraiya managed to get two glasses out of the bottle but that was not enough to get a man like him drunk. He watched as her reflexes started to slow and when she started to speak, he could hear her evident slur.
"That was the best sake I have ever had." She spat out, "You have good sake here, maybe I should come over more often." She reached for the bottle and tried to get the last bit of sake out of it but only a small droplet came out and landed on her tongue, "We're out of alcohol! Jiraiya, go get some more."
He shook his head, "That was my last bottle and all the stores are closed." The truth was that he had another bottle in his kitchen but he couldn't allow her to drink all she was way out of it and he didn't want her to pass out due to an excessive amount of alcohol. She looked disappointment but that feeling shortly vanished when she started to laugh uncontrollably about nothing in particular. He didn't want to push her, but he had to know if she wanted to talk about her brother's death, "Tsunade, do you want to talk about what happened tonight?"
She stopped laughing when he asked that question and tears started to form in her eyes and she simply shook her head. She wasn't ready to talk about her brother's death. Even in her drunken state, she couldn't manage to utter a word about him. If she did, she would surely break down and she didn't want to go through that again.
He nodded his head, understanding that she wasn't ready to open up and he wasn't about to push her, "Okay." He started, "Whenever you're ready, I'll be right here for you."
She moved closer to him and placed her hand on his cheek, "You're so sweet." She then cupped his other cheek with her hand and crashed her lips down on his.
Jiraiya didn't know what to do. She was kissing him so hard and passionately that it was difficult for him to stop her especially since he has wanted this for so long. But everything about that moment was not right. She was drunk and vulnerable, if he made it go on any longer, it might have turned into something a lot more intimate and as much as he wanted it, he knew that she didn't really want it and he would never take advantage of her. He gently broke apart, noticing the look of hurt on her face but reminded himself that she was drunk and didn't mean any of this. Before he could say anything to her, she collapsed onto him from exhaustion. She was fast asleep beside him and he was thankful for that. Any conversation between them would have been awkward and would probably result in a fight between the two. More than likely, she would not remember anything when she wakes up in the morning so he had nothing to worry about. He gently held her in his arms and carried her bridal style into his bedroom. He placed her on the bed as if he was putting fine china in a cupboard and covered her over with a warm blanket. Before he left the room, he brushed some of her hair out of her face and admired how beautiful and angelic she looked while asleep. He wished that she would be sleeping in his bed under different circumstances but he was just glad that she came to him for comfort. He retrieved an extra blanket and another pillow from his closet and left his room and settled on the couch for the night.
Jiraiya was woken up in the middle of the night by the feminine screams coming from his room. Terror ran throughout his body and he found himself throwing the sheets off of him and running into his bedroom. He saw Tsunade tossing and turning in his bed. She was sweating profusely and tears were streaming down her face regardless of the fact that her eyes were closed. She was having a nightmare and from the looks of it, it was a really bad one and had a traumatic effect on her. He ran to her side and shook her gently to get her to wake up. Her eyes fluttered open to see Jiraiya looking down at her with nothing but concern in his eyes.
"Jiraiya?" She said quietly. He leaned closer to her and she continued, "I saw my brother. I watched as he died." As she said those words a fresh new stream of salty tears ran down her cheeks and soaked the pillow beneath her head.
He held her hand for comfort and said, "It was only a nightmare Tsunade."
"I keep having these nightmares. It's like Nawaki's haunting me." She confessed, "I wish they would just go away."
"They will with time." He said trying to make her feel better but to no avail. He noticed that there was nothing he could do to make her bad dreams go away so he let go of her hand and started to walk out of the room when her voice stopped him in his tracks.
"Please don't go." She said in a small, unsure voice, "Please stay in here with me. I don't want to be alone."
H took a deep breath and wasn't sure what to do, "Are you sure Tsunade?"
She nodded her head gently and looked like a frightened little kid, afraid to be left alone in the dark, "Please?"
He couldn't leave her alone, not when she looked so traumatized. He wasn't sure how she would feel about this in the morning but he decided to honor her request, "Okay. If you really want me to, I will."
"Thank you."
He got into the other side of the bed that was not occupied and laid there on his back, feeling extremely awkward.
Tsunade changed her position so that she was on her side and direct,y facing him, "Why am I being so weak? I'm one of the Sannin, this is so pathetic." She said as a tear fell from her eyes.
Against his better judgement, he pulled her into his embrace but to his surprise, she didn't push him away or call him perverted, she allowed herself to be comforted, "You just lost someone dear to you, it's natural for you to feel this way."
She rested her head on his toned belly, "Thank you for being here."
"I'll always be here for you Tsunade."
For the first time in a long time, she allowed a smile to grace her face. She closed her eyes, happy to know that she was not alone in that moment and allowed sleep to claim her.
When he was certain she was asleep he whispered, "And I will love you forever." And allowed himself to fall asleep.
Tsunade's hazel eyes opened and she found herself in a rather masculine room in an unfamiliar bed. She looked around the room, trying to determine her surroundings when she suddenly remembered where she was and whose room she was in. She extended her arm to the empty space beside her and felt the wrinkled sheets, bent down and smelled the pillow. It carried the scent of Jiraiya but Jiraiya was nowhere to be found. Then she remembered that she slept beside her teammate but that was all she remembered. She could not recall the events that took place before she fell asleep so she had no clue that she shared a passionate kiss with him before she passed out. She felt a little awkward and embarrassed for asking him to stay with her last night. She was supposed to be a strong, independent woman and yet she couldn't bare the thought of being alone. She got out of bed and walked out of the room. Sounds of frying pans clanking together confirmed for her that Jiraiya was in the kitchen, probably preparing a meal for both of them but she had no intentions on partaking of it. She silently made her way over to the front door, trying her best to go unnoticed by the sage and slipped on her shoes. As soon as she placed her hand on the handle of the door, she was disturbed by Jiraiya's masculine voice.
"Where are you going?" He asked with a plate of bacon and eggs in his hand.
Without making eye contact with him she answered him, "Home. Where else would I be going?"
"You can't leave without breakfast." He said as he placed the plate on the table.
"Jiraiya-"
"I know it's not much but it's all I had. I wasn't really expecting company last night." He rubbed the back of his neck feeling slightly embarrassed by the food. If he was expecting her, he would have prepared a feast.
She looked at the food and looked at him. It was very nice of him for going through the trouble of making her breakfast but for some reason she felt as if she couldn't stay there, "Keep it."
"Tsunade, really, it's no trouble at all." He said but then he saw that she was about to protest again, "Please just stay for breakfast."
Realizing that he was not going to stop insisting that she stay, she gave up, "Fine." She took her shoes off and placed them at the door and had a seat at the table.
Jiraiya returned to the kitchen to get his food and sat opposite of her at the table. They ate in silence, barely making eye contact with each other until Tsunade broke the awkward silence, "About last night-"
"I promise you that I won't bring up the kiss. You have nothing to worry about." He interrupted.
As he finished his sentence Tsunade started to choke on her food out of complete shock, "Kiss?!" She coughed and reached out to grab her glass of water and took a large gulp to wash down the food that was causi g her to choke, "What kiss?!"
"You kissed me last night, don't you remem-" he said until realization dawned on him, "Oh shit."
"I kissed you?! Why didn't you stop me idiot?!" She shouted in disbelief and anger.
"I did and then you passed out. Then in the middle of the night I heard you screaming because of a nightmare then you begged me to stay with you."
"I know that part and I regret it, that's why I wanted to leave!" She said and got out of her seat and headed towards the door, "This was a mistake, I should have never come here." She put her shoes on and walked out of the house, leaving Jiraiya there wondering what he did wrong.
Sarutobi was walking in the streets of the Leaf Village, on his way over to his student's house. He was going over there specifically to go over funeral details with Tsunade and he knew that this was going to be difficult for her as well as for him. He hated that he had to rush into a funeral but as the Hokage, he had to make decisions that would benefit the village.
He approached the Senju compound door with a heavy heart. He knocked three times before she opened the door. He took in her appearance and his heart broke. She looked like a scared, confused little girl and all he wanted to do was hug her.
"Sensei, what are you-" she started but was interrupted when she felt two old yet strong arms wrap around her, pulling her into a warm hug.
"I'm so sorry." He said and he could feel her tears soaking the fabric of his clothes. He didn't care though, he allowed her to weep and he just held her close, never attempting to let go. They remained like that for a few moments before she pulled away and wiped away her fallen tears and the ones attempting to leak out of her hazel eyes, "Let's go inside." He said in a caring tone.
She nodded and walked inside her home with her sensei following behind her, "Would you like something to drink?" She said as she walked into her kitchen. She opened her fridge to see what she had to offer, "I have water and.." She moved around some items in her fridge to see what else was there, "And that's it."
"No thank you Tsunade, I'm fine just sit down." He said, patting the space on the couch beside him.
She closed her fridge and did as she was told, "So what brings you here?"
"I came here to discuss funeral arrangements with you."
Her face grew pale as soon as she heard the word 'funeral'. She felt as if it was too soon for that. She hasn't come to grips with the fact that her brother was dead and a funeral would do nothing to help her right now, "Funeral?"
He nodded, "Yes, it must be done as soon as possible. You have to accept that your brother is dead, get over it and then return to the battle field."
"You insensitive old man." She spat out with disgust in her voice, "If you think that a quickie funeral will help me to get over Nawaki's death, you're wrong! He was my brother, he was my everything!"
"Tsunade, you have to understand that I'm just making this decision as the Hokage. If I didn't have to do this, you know I wouldn't. Just please cooperate with me." He pleaded. The last thing he wanted was for his student to be mad at him.
"Do whatever you want. It's too hard for me to think about that right now." She said in a small voice.
"Okay, I'll do my best." He said, feeling disgusted with himself or putting her through this.
Tsunade saw that he felt bad so she decided to assure him that she was not upset with him, "I don't resent you for this. You're the Hokage and you have to do what's best for the village."
He nodded his head, grateful that she wasn't upset. However, he saw that she was distraught and needed someone to help her, "Maybe you should allow Jiraiya to help you get through this difficult time."
She looked at him with shock but remembered that he could not have possibly known that she did indeed go to Jiraiya, kissed him and then slept beside him. Her entire situation was complicated and she wanted to create some distance between them for a while. She looked down and said, "No, I can take care of myself you know."
He laughed slightly, "I know that but if you ever feel alone and in need of some comfort, Jiraiya will always be there for you."
She recalled Jiraiya saying those exact words, "I'll always be here for you Tsunade."
She shook her head in agreement, "I know."
It was indeed complicated since Jiraiya was her friend and she spent all the years of her life rejecting him. How could see actually allow him to be there for her after all of that? Strangely though, when she slept beside him that night, it felt right, like that was where she should be all the days of her life, right next to him. But this was Jiraiya, the world's number one pervert and Tsunade's personal punching bag so she pushed her thoughts to the back of her mind in an attempt to forget them.
"The funeral will be in two days. I hope you'll be okay until then." He gave her one last hug before he left her house.
The day of Nawaki's funeral came quickly, much to Tsunade's dismay. The very thought of attending her brother's funeral sent chills running down her spine for she held on to the belief that she would be the first to depart from the world instead of her brother. The two days she had before the funeral, were spent in solitude. She often gazed upon a portrait of him, imaging him playing around the house, constantly training to become a stronger ninja and talking about whatever random thought came to his mind. But she never dared to enter his room. The door to his room was always closed, never to expect anyone to enter again for that room was exclusive to her dead brother. That very room, resembled him and mirrored his personality with it's vibrantly colored walls and floor scattered with drawings and toys. No, she would never go in there again for if she did, she would surely break down in uncontrollable sobs that would render her inconsolable. However, she didn't cry for those days. She was just lost in her own thoughts of her dear little brother.
Nobody dared to visit her for they knew that she wouldn't want to see anybody. They understood that she wanted to be left in her solitude. As much as he wanted to, Jiraiya left her to mourn on her own. He tried to reach out to her but when he mentioned their kiss that was never supposed to happen, she fled from him as if he was plagued with a highly contagious illness. Right now, neither knew where they stood with each other in their relationship and it was probably going to remain that way for a long time for Tsunade was as stubborn as a mule and he wasn't willing to push her further than she wished to go. He wanted to be more than just a teammate to her but he knew that the likelihood of that happening was a long shot. If she still wanted him to be her friend, he would be just that.
The morning of the funeral, Tsunade forced herself out of her bed feeling as if her heavy heart was holding her back to the warmth and safety of the blankets. She dressed in her standard shinobi funeral attire which was a long sleeved, v-neck black top with a short skirt that covered half of her thigh. Her outfit was complete with a pair of black shinobi shoes and of course, a look of complete and utter sorrow plastered on her face. Today was a sad day, her final goodbye to her beloved brother. How was she going to get through this in one peace?
She walked the streets of the village on her way to the funeral like a ghost, completely oblivious to her surroundings. The streets were bustling with excitement ranging from children playing happily to women discussing the latest gossip. All was unaware of the day that Tsunade rendered as one of the saddest days of her life. Perhaps, the funeral of a young genin meant nothing in their eyes but to Tsunade, it meant everything. Her brother wasn't simply just a genin but he was a brave young man, the grandfather of the first and her younger brother. Everybody in the village should have been in attendance at his funeral. After all, he sacrificed his life for the sake of the village's victory in the war. But of course, that didn't matter to any of them. All that mattered to them was who could catch the ball and who they could tear to shreds with their words of hypocritical gossip.
The funeral was small but tasteful. Sarutobi ensured that the village elders were in attendance for the grandson of the first Hokage's funeral along with children from Nawaki's class at the academy. Orochimaru and Jiraiya were nowhere to be found and that disgusted Tsunade to the core. How could her teammates not be there to support her in such a sad occasion in her life? She never expected Orochimaru to be in attendance for he was as cold and uncaring as ice but she thought Jiraiya to be different. She was obviously wrong. Now she knew for sure that seeking out Jiraiya's comfort was a mistake for all he cared about was the drunken kiss that they had and the bed that they shared when she couldn't bear the thought of being left alone in the dark with nothing but her nightmares. That perverted idiot would never have the pleasure of seeing her again. She was done with him for good.
The proceedings began with Sarutobi delivering a small speech of what a fine young ninja Nawaki was. He praised him for his bravery and expressed how saddened he was to hear of his passing. Tsunade was supposed to speak at the funeral but she refused to do so at the last minute. With each passing second of the funeral, her heart ripped into pieces that would be beyond repair. How could she stand before the small gathering and speak of her brother without falling to pieces right before their very eyes? It could not be done and she refused to appear to be a weeping lunatic before such important people in the village and Nawaki's peers. Instead, she stood there with everyone else and listened attentively to the kind words being offered up to her brother. How happy it would have made him to hear these words while he was alive. Sure, he would have boasted for days, perhaps even weeks, but it would have made him happy and when he was happy, Tsunade was happy as well. It's a funny thing that only when one dies do others say kind things about him.
The funeral ended and Nawaki was placed in the ground. Many tears were shed for him but none of them were from his sister. It was as if she had no more tears left to shed. Only when everybody left the funeral site did she approach his grave. In her hand, she carried a bouquet of immaculate white flowers, held perfectly together with a jet black silk ribbon. That was to be her last gift to her brother. She sat before the grave with her knees brought up to her chest and placed the flower arrangement delicately at the head of the grave.
"This is it Nawaki, the end of you and me." She said in an almost inaudible whisper, "Ever since mom and dad died, I took care of you. I swore on their graves that I wouldn't let anything happen to you and look where we are now. Some big sister I turned out to be." The rain started to pour as if the heavens were weeping over his death. It wasn't too long before she became soaked to the bone but she didn't care. She continued to sit there and talk to her brother, "I know that sometimes you used to annoy me and I would say terrible things to you just for you to stop but I didn't mean anything that I said. Just your presence in the house alone made me unbelievably happy and now that your gone... My happiness is gone too... It died along with you." Tears that she thought were non existent anymore appeared in her hazel eyes and leaked out like waterfall, "What am I going to do without you?"
She cried and cried for what seemed like hours, never bothering to get out of the rain or even look up from the ground below. Only when she heard a masculine voice coming from beside her did she look up to see a shiny, silver kunai that looked brand new beside her bouquet of flowers.
"We were training. I was teaching him how to throw a kunai straight into the target. I used that very kunai to teach him. It's one of a kind, brand new. He had his eye on it but I never gave it to him. Well, it's his now."
"Jiraiya..."
He noticed that she was shivering from the chilling air and the cold rain that pelted down on her body. Without any thought he removed his coat and placed it over her trembling body, "You're cold. You should get out of the rain and warm up. I could make you some tea and -"
"You didn't come to the funeral!" She shouted, interrupting him, "How could you not come to the funeral?! I didn't expect any better from Orochimaru but you, I thought you were different!" She threw his coat on the ground and started to walk away in rage when his words stopped her in her tracks.
"I was at the funeral. You just didn't see me because I was behind a nearby tree."
She turned around to face him, feeling apologetic for shouting at him in such a manner, "Why were you behind a tree?"
He shrugged his shoulders, "I wasn't sure if you wanted me there." He confessed and this only made Tsunade feel worse, "I haven't seen you since you ran out on our breakfast. I'm still not sure why you did that but I figured that you were mad at me for some reason."
She didn't say anything, she just stood there and soon her shivering started once again. Noticing this, he grabbed his coat that she discarded on the ground as if it was a piece of garbage and placed it around her shoulders, hoping that this time it would stay there and not return to the wet ground, "My invitation for warmth and tea is still open."
She couldn't refuse, she was too cold to do such a thing. She wasn't sure about being in his presence but the numbness coming to her fingers from the cold was telling her that she should put her stubbornness behind her and take him up on his offer. She nodded her head, silently telling him that she accepted his offer and followed him to his home.
Like a gentleman, he opened the door for her and gestured for her to take a seat on his couch. After, he entered his kitchen and retrieved a tin of his finest tea, scooped a generous amount in each cup and poured boiling hot water over it. Afterwards he placed a teaspoonful of honey in both cups to add some sweetness to the hot beverage. He emerged from the kitchen and handed Tsunade her cup and she gladly accepted it. They drank the tea in silence, allowing the liquid to warm their insides. When the tea was gone they sat in silence, both unsure of what to say and what to do. All they could do was sit and stare into space. Tsunade focused her eyes on the small table in front of her. It was home to a framed picture of team Sarutobi, back when they were genin ninjas. How happy they were back in the day and now, they were far from that. Orochimaru was distant and uncaring, Jiraiya was so desperately trying to reach out to Tsunade and she was grief stricken. How did they come to this? The silence soon became deafening and she felt the urgent need to break it, "I'm sorry." She said softly, almost inaudible, "You were just trying to help me and I didn't even thank you."
"Tsunade-"
"The kiss was my fault, I was drunk and I shouldn't have lashed out on you. I'm sorry." She apologized, "I shouldn't have even burdened you by coming here much less asking you to sleep next to me." She said while looking down into her lap as if she was too ashamed to look him in the eye.
"You would never be a burden to me." He assured her, "I was happy to be there to comfort you and I don't regret any of it."
Suddenly her shoulders began to shake and tears fell into her lap. He noticed this and placed a hand on her shaking shoulder, "What's wrong Tsunade? Why are you crying?"
"I don't deserve a friend like you." She cried, "I'm such a bitch to you and yet you keep accommodating me. I don't deserve any of this."
He tilted her head up with his hand so that she was now looking straight into his obsidian eyes. With the pad of his thumb, he gently wiped away her fallen tears, "Don't ever say that again. I'm happy to do all that I do for you because I -"
His words came to an unexpected end when her lips crashed down onto his lips. She kissed him passionately as if she had never kissed a man before. She took him with such a fierce hunger that he had trouble controlling himself and almost surrendered to her until he pulled away from her, "Tsunade what are you doing?"
His question was answered when she kissed him again but this time she didn't hesitate to slip her tongue into his mouth. She was filled with so much desire that she ignored his attempts to pull away once more and used her strength to keep them joined by the lips. After invading his mouth, she broke away from his kiss-swollen lips and began to suck gently at the skin of his neck. A whimper escaped his mouth and he could feel himself enter ecstasy but he knew that what she was doing could go no further. He took hold of her shoulders and pulled her away from him, "Tsunade you don't want to do this." He told her seriously, "I know that you don't really want to do this. If you're doing this to thank me for all that I have done for you then I don't want to have any part in it."
She shook her head, "I'm doing this because I want to do this. I have no idea where this will take us or what this will do to our relationship but trust me when I say that I want this... I want you."
That was all he needed to hear before her claimed her lips with his own once again. His fingers were fumbling with the buttons of her top until he managed to tear it off of her body. She did the same to his shirt. With skilled hands, he removed her bra and she pressed her exposed breasts onto his bare skin which only further filled him with want. His hands roamed her body and felt her, savoring each sensation and appreciating the curves of her beautiful body. She felt each and every one of his muscles and was bewildered at how strong and masculine he was. Then when their desire reached its climax, they discarded the rest of their clothing and he entered her. They moved against each other until they reached their end.
It was an evening filled with passion. An evening that neither would forget. They fell asleep, wrapped in each other's embrace. Neither of them knew where this would lead to but for now, they enjoyed each other's company. Jiraiya had provided her with the ultimate comfort that she needed in that moment and there weren't enough words to describe how grateful that made her. He wasn't lying when he said that he would always be there for her.
Okay so I haven't updated in forever and I'm so sorry. You see I'm going to start college in August so I've been preparing for that and on top of that I got a Summer job so I'm always tried because I have to wake up early every morning. But I promise you that I'll update as soon as I can. And for those who read my other story 'Old Habits', I haven't abandoned that either. I just haven't updated for the above reasons.
Thank you so much for reading/reviewing/adding this story your alerts. It means the world and more and I promise you that I'll stop being such a bad updater.
Oh and some of you asked me not to include Dan in this story and I'm happy to tell you that he won't be in this at all. Yay!
Thanks again. Bye!