"That was... That was amazing." Jiraiya panted as he wrapped his arms around Tsunade's naked body. The two of them have just participated in making love for the first time and it left them both completely speechless and out of breath. Who knew that they would complement each other so well when it came to making love? His strong, muscular arms wrapped around her stomach and he pressed sweet kisses along her shoulder to her collar bone. Those kisses sent chills down her body and caused goose bumps to emerge on her flesh. She broke away from his embrace and turned around on her stomach so that she was looking straight into his obsidian eyes.
"Tell me about it." She said seductively and pressed her lips against his, "Who knew you had it in you?" Never in her wildest imagination did she think that she would actually be in bed with her white haired teammate. But she needed him for comfort and he provided that for her in one physical activity that left her completely satisfied.
"So." He began, "Where does our relationship go from here?" He asked, anxious to hear her response and see her reaction to such a question.
As soon as he asked the question that she so wanted to avoid, she felt the beating of her heart quicken and her breathing become restricted. Why did he have to ask a question that she clearly did not have an answer to? She wrapped her nude body in a blanket and escaped the warmth of his embrace, "Why did you have to ask that?" She whined and walked around the apartment trying to remember where her clothes were. She looked beneath the sofa and found them scattered under there. They were that passionate for each other that in the heat of things, their clothes were scattered around the apartment and ended up in the strangest of places.
"What do you mean by that? I asked you an important question. I need to know where I stand with you." He explained, "Does this mean that we're going to try to have a romantic relationship?"
Romantic relationship. Those were the exact words that were capable of sending Tsunade off the edge. She wanted nothing more from him than comfort and here he was asking about a relationship between the two of them, "No!" She shouted, "I don't want to be in a relationship with you dummy!"
"Then why did we have sex?!" He asked in disbelief while he too started to look around the apartment for his clothes until he found them draped over his lamp and television.
"Because I wanted comfort! I just attended my brother's funeral and I wanted something to make me happy and you were there and you gave that happiness to me and I thank you for that, but I don't want anything to come out of what we did." She explained as she dressed herself.
"So just because I was there you decided to have sex with me?" He asked with a hint of hurt in his voice, "What if some other guy was there instead of me, would you have had sex with him?"
"Jiraiya..."
"So what we did meant absolutely nothing to you?"
"I-"
"I was just your go-to-guy then?"
She just stood there, fully clothed now but her hair was disheveled. She couldn't say anything to make the situation better because everything he was saying was true. She used him just so she could have happiness after Nawaki's funeral. When she decided to have sex with him, she didn't consider the hurt that she would cause him afterwards. She deserved him to lash out on her and kick her out of his house. She felt like a terrible person and soiled their friendship but there was nothing she could do to mend it.
"Well, I can't be your sex toy Tsunade. I wanted so much more than a friendship from you and when you kissed me and made love to me I thought that I would finally get all that I wanted after all these years but I was obviously wrong. I was so dumb to think that a girl like you could actually look at me and love me." He said with tears forming in his glossy eyes.
"Jiraiya I-"
He shook his head, urging her to not say anything, "Just go." He said softly and when he saw that she was getting ready to protest he said, "Please just go."
Without another word, Tsunade nodded her head and left his apartment. Only when she was out the door did she hear sobs coming from his apartment. With every cry he let out, her heart broke into pieces. She had hurt her friend and for that, she could never forgive herself.
Tsunade left his apartment building and took to the streets still dressed in her funeral clothes. She wanted nothing more than to get completely wasted and drown her sorrows in alcohol so she was headed straight to the closest bar. She wanted to forget that her brother died, she wanted to forget about her situation with Jiraiya and the fact that she hurt him and damaged their friendship beyond repair. She just wanted to forget about everything.
As she walked through the busy streets, she wiped away unwanted tears that were falling from her honey colored eyes. Oh how she hated to cry but she hated that weak action even more when it occurred in public. How pathetic and sad her life has become. As one of the Sannin she should be living a privileged life filled with glory and happiness but instead she was an emotional wreck who did nothing but hurt and use her friends. She hated herself in that moment and silently wished for death.
Why did Jiraiya want to be in a romantic relationship with her? That question circled around her brain and drove her insane. All she ever did to him was mock him, embarrass him and cause him more physical and emotional pain that one could ever imagine. Why would someone want to be with a person like that? She couldn't fathom why. Now that she tore his heart out of his chest and stomped on it there was no going back now. There was no way that she could ever go back to him for comfort or just to have someone to talk to. Their friendship was now non existent and it would always be like that forevermore. She was officially all alone now. Sure she had Orochimaru but he wasn't what a friend should be. As far as she was concerned, he was only an acquaintance looking for the perfect opportunity to turn to the bad. Lately he has been acting strangely around them so she figured that it was only a matter of time before he got himself into some serious trouble. However, she was praying that day would never come. After all, she did grow up with the guy. Jiraiya on the other hand was the perfect example of what a friend should be. He was always there for her no matter what and he was the only one who reached out to her, offering a shoulder to cry on when Nawaki passed away. But now, he would no longer be there for her because she so foolishly used him for her own pleasure and didn't take a moment to consider how she could hurt him by doing that. She really screwed up this time.
She finally arrived at the local bar but instead of entering through the front door like most people would do, she decided to use the back door in a lonely alley. It was the middle of the day and surely if people saw her walking into a bar at that time to drink the day away, they would surely scrutinize her and she would be the gossip of the week, "I saw the first Hokage's granddaughter walk into a bar in the middle of the day!" , "Surely one of the Sannin should do something better with her time than drinking this early in the day!" Without a doubt, she would hear those words circulating around the village for months. Usually Tsunade was the type of person not to care what others thought about her but this time, she didn't want any unflattering news to get to Sarutobi. He knew that she was distraught about her brother's death and the rushed funeral was supposed to help her get some closure and move on. If word got to him that she was drowning herself in sake, he would force her to get some counseling just so she could be fit and ready to go back onto the battlefield. In order to avoid unwanted attention, she walked into the back alley.
Like most alleys, this one was dark, lonely and smelly. She was just about to enter the bar when she heard a rumbling sound coming from behind one of the metal garbage bins against the brick wall of the alley. When curiosity got the better of her she decided to take a look behind the garbage to see the source of the noise. It was probably just a cat or a dog but for the sake of it, she went to check it out. She approached the garbage and behind it was no dog nor cat. No, it was a little girl with jet black hair, dressed in a tattered violet dress. The girl looked no more than six years old and yet she looked disheveled, skinny and filthy. Where were her parents? What was she doing out there by herself? Tsunade would have just left her be but she felt like such a horrible person for what she did to Jiraiya that she didn't want to make it worse. What if the girl was orphaned and something happened to her that Tsunade could have prevented? No, she needed to know what kind of situation the girl was in why she was rummaging through the garage and she wasn't going to leave without an answer.
The little girl was so busy rummaging through the filthy mess inside the garbage can that she didn't even realize that Tsunade was behind her until she felt Tsunade's hand upon her bony shoulder, "Ah!" She screamed and turned around quickly to see who touched her. Her face was covered in filth and her eyes carried a look of sadness within. She looked so frightened, so weak. It was a pitiful sight.
"Don't worry, I'm not going to hurt you." Tsunade assured the girl.
"Wh-Who are you?" She asked softly, almost inaudible.
"I'm Tsunade Senju." She said with a smile on her face to prove to the girl that she was not going to hurt her, "What's your name?"
"S-Shizune."
"Okay Shizune, may I ask what you're searching for in the trash?"
Shizune turned to look inside the garbage once again and she said in such a sad voice, "Food."
"Where are your parents?" Tsunade asked feeling sympathetic towards the girl who was obviously hungry.
"Dead."
"Is there anyone taking care of you?"
She shook her head, "My uncle Dan used to take care of me but he died in the war." She said almost on the verge of tears, "So I'm on my own now."
Tsunade's heart broke at the sight of the poor orphaned girl. She had nobody in the world, much like Tsunade. They were the same despite the fact that Tsunade wasn't homeless nor hungry. She couldn't simply leave the girl alone after all that she told her. She was just a little girl and who knows what horrors she would have to face in the world all by herself. In addition to being young, she was weak. Surely she could not survive on her own. Without saying another word, Tsunade took Shizune's hand.
"W-Where are we going?" Shizune asked feeling confused.
"You said that you were looking for food. Well, I'm going to get you something to eat. A little girl such as yourself shouldn't have to be rummaging through filth just for something to fill your stomach."
As she said those words, Shizune's eyes were filled with happiness. Finally, she was going to get something substantial to eat. For such a long time, she prayed for an angel to save her from her certain demise and perhaps, Tsunade was this angel.
Jiraiya remained in his house after Tsunade left, crying his eyes out. He cried for Tsunade's loss and he also cried for her rejection. Finally, they made love to each other and just when he thought that all his dreams were coming true, she destroyed his hopes with her words. Used. That's how he felt. How could she just use him like that and not expect him to ask for more out of her? He should be done with her forever and just forget about her. After all, she did nothing but break his heart over and over again. But why was it that he still loved her? Why did he still want to be with her? He had no answers to those questions that refused to leave his mind.
Love, happiness, stability. That's what he wanted most in his life and yet, it seems as if he will never get them. He was a pervert yes, but in that moment when Tsunade gave herself fully to him, he didn't want anybody else but her. Some would call him an idiot but he knew within his heart that he would always be an idiot because he would never stop loving Tsunade. Even if she moved on in her life and found a man and started a family with him, Jiraiya would still harbor within him, feelings of intense love towards his childhood teammate.
A knock on his door interrupted his sobs and train of thought. He so wished that beyond the door was Tsunade, ready and willing to love him but his hopes were shattered when he saw the black haired, pale faced man standing before him when he opened the door.
"What happened to you?" Orochimaru asked, noticing Jiraiya's red puffy eyes and look of helplessness, "You look terrible."
"Great to see you too Orochimaru." He said sarcastically as he proceeded to close the door in his snake like face but his efforts were stopped when Orochimaru placed his foot in the door frame, preventing it from closing.
"It's quite rude for you to shut the door in your guest's face." He said in his usual creepy tone.
"I'm not in the mood for company." Jiraiya said, feeling his patience run out.
"And why is that?" He asked but received no answer, "All I wanted to do was pay my dear friend a visit."
Feeling annoyed and realizing that Orochimaru was not going to give up or leave anytime soon, Jiraiya sighed and opened the door for his teammate. Jiraiya motioned to the sofa, urging Orochimaru to take a seat but he did not take him up on his offer. Instead he stood in the middle of the room and spoke to his comrade.
"Sarutobi sensei sent me to ask you why you did not attend Nawaki's funeral." He said, getting straight to the point.
"I was there unlike you." Jiraiya growled in agitation, "What about you, what's your excuse for not going?"
"I have better things to do with my time than watch a young child's body be put into the ground. No, instead of wasting my time on that I've been occupying myself with far greater things."
"Like what?"
Orochimaru giggled and decided not to answer his friend's question, "Enough about me Jiraiya and let's talk about you and our dear friend Tsunade." He began, "You saw her at the funeral did you not?"
"Of course I did. It was her brother's funeral, why wouldn't she be there?"
"My guess is that she was sobbing and knowing you, you went to comfort her. Am I right?" Orochimaru said, ignoring Jiraiya.
"So what if I did? Where are you getting at Orochimaru?"
"So you did comfort her." He said after Jiraiya confirmed it, "But the question is, in what way did you comfort her?"
"How is any of this your business? Why do you need to know how I comforted Tsunade?!"
"As a member of team Sarutobi, it is in my interest to know what's going on with my teammates." he clearly stated, "I saw her walking out of your apartment earlier today looking quite disheveled. Furthermore, she was crying. What did you do to her?"
"I didn't do anything to hurt her. She's the one who hurt me..." He said with such sadness in his voice. He turned back to his teammate, "That's all you need to know." He said. Thinking that the conversation was over, he retreated to his kitchen to find himself something to eat but Orochimaru's words drew him back to where he previously stood.
"You had sex with her didn't you."
"So what if I did?" Jiraiya asked, wondering how Orochimaru could possibly come to that conclusion. He was smart. Perhaps too smart.
"Then you made the biggest mistake of your life."
Remembering how Tsunade shattered his heart after they made love for the first time, he felt the pain and sadness that she caused him intensify and said, "Tell me about it."
Orochimaru shook his head in disgust, "Why would you do something as foolish as that?"
"She was the one who started it. I should have stopped it but I was too weak. She had this intoxicating effect on me that I couldn't refuse her. But I should have. If I did, then we would still be friends now and I wouldn't be feeling so heartbroken."
"What exactly happened after you two made love?"
"Not that any of this is your business but..." He took a deep breath before continuing, readying himself to tell the story that caused him so much heartache, "I asked her if we could try to be in a romantic relationship and then she went crazy. She told me that all she wanted was some comfort, to feel happy after such a sad occasion in her life. But I felt used and so, so sad. I told her to leave. Our friendship is ruined now just because I couldn't stop us from going down a path that neither of us were ready to go down."
"It's not your fault. Tsunade was being selfish. She used you for your body to bring her satisfaction. That isn't right. I say, you completely forget about her and stop being so depressed over her. I told you before that love only results in death in the ninja world and yet you didn't listen to me. Tsunade will be the death of you so it's best that you stop loving her."
"That's just the thing. I can't stop loving her. No matter how many times she hurts me or rejects me, I will always love her."
"You're a fool then."
"Well I'll be a fool for the rest of my life because I will never stop loving her."
Orochimaru giggled, "I pity you." He said bluntly, "This is why I don't love anything or anybody in this world except for my jutsu. I won't stop until I've mastered every jutsu in the world and then I'll be the strongest shinobi ever. If you follow my lead, I guarantee you won't die a pitiful, untimely death like Nawaki."
"You're a fool if you think that you can master every jutsu the world has to offer." Jiraiya smirked, "And Nawaki's death was not pitiful! He died a brave young ninja and for that, his death was honorable. Don't you ever say that his death was pitiful ever again!"
"Hehe... Good luck with your life dear friend. The next time you see me, I may be the strongest man alive." With that said, Orochimaru let himself out of the house, leaving Jiraiya feeling irritated yet worried about what his friend just told him. Was he really serious about mastering every single jutsu in the world? If he was then that would include all the illegal ones as well. What was he planning to do?
Tsunade and Shizune entered a small restaurant to get something to eat. Initially Tsunade was going to go to the bar to get wasted with sake but since she found Shizune, she decided not to since it would be irresponsible to be drunk while in the company of a young child. She didn't know what she was going to do with Shizune but for now she couldn't let her starve. They sat at a table which seated two people and were immediately handed menus by a waitress. Tsunade went over her menu trying to decide what she wanted to eat although she wasn't that hungry, but when she glanced over at Shizune, she couldn't help but notice that the girl wasn't looking at her menu.
"Is there something wrong Shizune?" She asked kindly.
Shizune looked up at Tsunade and then down into her tiny lap. She started to nervously play with her fingers and through her bangs, Tsunade could see that she had tears in her dark eyes.
"I- I can't read." She said softly.
"Oh." Tsunade replied, "I'm sorry, I didn't know." She apologized and reached over to Shizune and placed her hand gently on her chin to allow her to look up, "Don't cry, I'll help you."
Shizune wiped away her tears with her arm and smiled shyly, "O-Okay."
Tsunade looked over her menu once again and gave Shizune some suggestions. Eventually the girl decided to have a chocolate milkshake and a small burger with fries. Tsunade on the other hand decided to have a salad and a glass of water. She wasn't hungry anyway. While they waited for their meal, Tsunade decided to engage the girl in conversation, "So Shizune, how old are you?"
"I'm six." She said while holding up six of her fingers to show her age, "How old are you?"
This made Tsunade laugh for nobody really asks an adult their age, especially not a child but she decided to answer Shizune's question nonetheless, "I'm twenty one."
The child's eyes grew wide with disbelief as if twenty one was the oldest one could be, "Wow that's a lot! You're so much older than me!"
"Thanks a lot!" Tsunade laughed. Oh how this child amused her. This little girl made her laugh when she felt as if her world was caving in on her.
Suddenly, a random girl who was about twelve years old approached Tsunade, "Lady Tsunade, I'm a huge fan of yours. May I please have your autograph?" She asked while holding out a book and a pen to Tsunade.
"Sure." Tsunade smiled and accepted the pen and book, "What's your name?"
"Haruhi." She replied.
Tsunade wrote, 'To Haruhi, from Tsunade.' In the book and handed it back to the excited girl.
"Thank you Lady Tsunade!" Haruhi said before she ran off to rejoin the people who she came with.
"Why did that girl ask you to sign her book?" Shizune asked.
"Oh, because I'm one of the Sannin." She said but soon realized that Shizune had no idea who a Sannin was so she further explained, "You see, there are three of us who make up the Sannin. We got that title because we were strongest in the war and survived a battle with one of the strongest ninjas out there. I guess that girl admires me for my skills in medical ninjutsu and my strength."
"Oh." Shizune responded and was soon presented with her meal. Her eyes grew wide with excitement upon seeing the food that looked so delicious. Before she began to eat, she looked up at Tsunade silently asking if all that food really was for her.
"Go ahead, eat up." Tsunade said.
Shizune did as she was told and took a bite of her burger. The moment her lips touched those soft buns and juicy meat, her taste buds grew excited and she didn't look up from her meal until she finished every scrap of food on her plate. Afterwards she moved on to her milkshake and slurped the creamy liquid up until it was finished. She was stuffed, a sensation that she hasn't felt in such a long time.
"Did you enjoy your meal?" Tsunade asked before she took the final sip of her glass of water.
Shizune nodded her head, "Yes I did. Thank you very much."
"No need to thank me, I couldn't just let you starve."
Suddenly, Shizune looked down into her lap again and asked, "D-Do I have to leave now?"
How could Tsunade actually send her back to where she came from now? She probably was living in the streets and when she becomes hungry again she would probably return to the alley to search in the trash to see if she can find any half eaten scrap that somebody discarded. No, she couldn't find it within herself to leave this child all by her lonesome.
"No you don't." Tsunade said which only caused Shizune to look up in hope, "If you want, you can come home with me."
"Really?" Shizune asked, hardly believing what she just heard.
"Yeah."
Shizune smiled and got up from her seat to follow Tsunade home. As they walked the streets on their way to the Senju compound, a lot of people were looking at them, wondering where Tsunade found that child and why they were walking together. Tsunade didn't care though but Shizune felt insecure about herself with all those eyes piercing into her. She snuggled closer to Tsunade, feeling a little better by being that close to her. Somehow, she felt safe with her and safety was something that she hasn't felt in a long time.
They finally arrived at Tsunade's house and Shizune marveled at how big it was. It was the biggest house that she had ever seen in her life, "Wow." She said, amazed at the sight before her.
"You like it?" Tsunade asked and Shizune nodded in agreement, "It belonged to my family but they all died so it's mine now."
"It's really big."
"Well my family was big so it had to be big to accommodate all of us." Tsunade said as she turned the key in the key hole of the door. The door opened and soon they were both inside the rather large house. Tsunade walked into her bedroom with Shizune following behind her and retrieved a wooden box from under her bed.
"This box has all my childhood clothes in it." Tsunade said as she placed the box on her bed and opened it, "I don't know why I kept them but you can choose whatever outfit you wish to wear."
Shizune hopped up onto the bed and started to look through all the clothes in the box until she came up with a navy blue dress with a black obi. It looked as if it could fit her perfectly as she held it up against her body, "I like this one."
"Me too. That dress was my favorite when I was your age. You can wear that tomorrow but right now you have to wear some night clothes." Tsunade said before she went into her closet and emerged with a white cotton towel, a long white shirt and wash cloth, "Here, you can take a shower in my bathroom." She said as she handed the items to Shizune.
The girl looked reluctant to accept the towel and washcloth and Tsunade wondered why, "What's wrong?"
"I'm not allowed to bathe myself." She said, "Uncle Dan said that I'm too little and I may drown."
Tsunade felt like the world's biggest idiot for not knowing that. Surely Shizune was too small to bathe herself but she forgot since it has been so long since she actually looked after a child her age, "Oh, silly me. I'll help you then."
They walked into the bathroom together and Tsunade filled the tub up with warm water and rose scented bubble bath before she helped Shizune to remove her filthy violet dress. She then placed the child in the tub and began to scrub her body clean then washed her short black hair. After she was cleaned, Tsunade wrapped her in the warm towel and dried her off before dressing her in a long white shirt instead of the dress that she picked out. It was late and therefore, it was time for Shizune to go to bed. There was a drastic difference in the child for now she looked cleaned and well fed.
"Why are you wearing black clothes?" Shizune asked as she followed Tsunade into the guest bedroom, "My uncle told me that a person only wears black clothes if they are going to a funeral. Are you going to a funeral Lady Tsunade?"
"M-My brother's funeral. I went to my brother's funeral today." She said as tears started to form in her eyes. All the sadness that she felt earlier that day was brought back and all she wanted to do now was curl up in a ball and cry, "Have a good night Shizune. I'll see you in the morning." She said quickly and walked out of the room as fast as she could. She didn't want Shizune to see her cry for she didn't want her to think that a sobbing mess was taking care of her, instead she went into her bedroom and buried herself under the sheets and cried herself to sleep.
It wasn't long until Tsunade felt somebody crawl under the blankets with her. She noticed that it was Shizune but she was snuggling against her and wrapping her tiny arm around her neck, "Please don't cry Lady Tsunade." She begged, "When my uncle died I cried all the time but I learned how to be strong. I still miss him and I'll always miss him but I can't cry all the time. I had to let go. Please say that you'll try."
This child. This little innocent child was telling her to let go of Nawaki and be strong. This child went through the pain of losing all those dear to her and yet she wasn't depressed, she was strong. How could Tsunade, the adult be the weakling while Shizune, the child was the strong one. No, she couldn't allow herself to be the weak one. She knew that she would never forget Nawaki and she'll always miss him but she still had a life to live. Now Shizune was looking up to her and she couldn't let her down. In that moment, she decided to dry her tears and let go of her dear little brother.
"I won't cry anymore Shizune. This I promise you." Tsunade said to Shizune and immediately dried her tears. She gave Shizune a hug and walked her back to the guest room, "I'll see you in the morning Shizune."
Instead of going back to her room, she went into Nawaki's room. It was left untouched since the day that he died. She walked over to his bed and picked up his favorite teddy bear and held it close to her heart, "I'll never ever forget you Nawaki." She said and placed a kiss to the bear's head and put it down on the bed, "You'll always be in my heart."
Before she walked out of the room, she looked around the room and heard a voice say, "And you'll always be in my heart big sis."
A smile spread across her face when she heard that familiar voice, the voice that she used to hear every day. Oh how she loved that boyish voice. He would never physically be there again but he would always occupy a space in her heart and as long as she was alive. He would always be present with her in the spirit.
I loved writing this chapter and I sincerely hope that you loved reading it. Yay for young Shizune! Please review!