A/N: Sorry for the delay. One more chapter after this. - punk
Jennifer had this neurotic tendency ever since she was very young of repeating a conversation in her head for hours after having it, if only to torture herself with 'what if's and 'could have been' and what she should or shouldn't have said.
It was an old habit and not easily broken.
"Rodney, we need to talk."
She almost winced at the memory as the words echoed in her head and she stared down at the paperwork she as in the middle of rereading for the third time. She couldn't keep her mind on it to save her life.
"I know. It's okay, Jennifer."
For as surprised as Jennifer had been when she realized 'gracious' could apply to Ronon, she'd been just as surprised to apply the word to Rodney.
"You do? What...what do you know?"
He'd been warm. Thoughtful. He'd taken her hands in his and smiled this small, sincere smile that she didn't think she'd ever seen on him before.
"It's him you want. It was always him."
He was perceptive. More than she gave him credit for. He'd seen all along what Jen herself had only recently come to understand. But, he'd admitted, somewhat ruefully, he'd hoped he could change her mind.
Until, he'd realized one day, he didn't really want to.
"Just like for me, it was always her."
Jen smiled as she nodded down at her messy desktop. He'd surprised her. Why was she still surprised when the people around her showed their depth and breadth of character? She'd never understood people. It was why she'd gone into science and then, later, medicine. She was convinced it was the only way she'd ever learn to understand human complexity.
From the inside out.
"Her?...You mean Katie? It's Katie, isn't it?"
Yes, it turned out. It was Katie. For Rodney, it had always been Katie. Just like for Jennifer, it had always been Ronon.
Would always be.
Before Jennifer could work herself up again over the fact that it had been three weeks since Ronon's disappearance from MX9-P73, the very reason she'd come to her office to bury herself in paperwork in the first place, Jen was distracted by commotion out in the infirmary.
She confirmed the late hour with a quick glance at her watch and rose from the desk, making her way out into the previously sleepy middle-of-the-night infirmary.
Her stomach fluttered and her steps faltered just once when she saw the reason for the sudden commotion.
There, on the bed nearest the door, facing away from her and slumped in such a way that could only indicate at least one fairly severe rib injury, was Ronon's hulking form. She approached silently from behind as one of the nurses gathered supplies, fussing over him and peppering him with questions that he made no move to answer.
Jen watched from the side, just outside his peripheral vision, unable get herself to move any closer at first. The waves of emotion washing over her were overwhelming. Relief that he as back. Worry over where he'd been. And a deep, staggering, white hot desire to touch and hold and comfort and protect him.
To distract herself from the onslaught, she turned to the details of the moment and challenged herself to catalogue his injuries from across the room. He wore a sleeveless tunic that was stained with spots of blood of various age. His hair was down, dragging over his shoulders and hiding his face, but she could still make out an ugly dark bruise along his jaw. She didn't need to see the needles and thread on the nurse's treatment cart to know he would need stitches for some of the lacerations on his arms and hands.
The infirmary doors slid open and Jen heard John, Teyla and Rodney before she saw them. She used the distraction of their entrance and barrage of questions as cover whens she stepped forward and took over for and excused the nurse. When she did Ronon's eyes snapped over to her in a way that made it impossible to think he hadn't known she was there the entire time.
He watched her silently as she cleaned the wounds on his face and arms, she studiously avoiding his gaze as John stumbled through a greeting that was half demand for information and half stuttering words of relief.
"All I'm saying is woud it have killed you to drop us a message or something? Dial in and let us know you were okay?" John insisted, hands on his hips, watching Jen stitch a laceration on Ronon's arm so he could pretend that was why he sounded concerned and a little unsteady.
Teyla made no such attempt to hide her emotions, grinning widely at the Satedan even as she sent a semi-exasperated sidelong glance at John.
"I believe what he means is we missed you and we are glad you are back safe." Teyla took the opening Jen left when she stepped to one side to be at a better angle to apply butterfly bandages to Ronon's ribs and probe their movement, ensuring herself they were not broken. The Athosian placed both hands lightly on each of Ronon's wide shoulders and bent her forehead forward, Ronon half-heartedly returning the gesture.
"I mean, yeah," John nodded, waving vaguely between Teyla and Ronon when she stepped back. "That too. But I'm looking forward to putting your back on the mat a few times when you're cleared to spar for the trouble you've caused me these past three weeks." John paused, waiting for Ronon's predictable retort of being "welcome to try". But it never came. John pursed his lips, frowning lightly when the Satedan just continued to stare at him flatly.
"Okay." Ronon said finally, when it seemed John wasn't going to leave until he responded.
John nodded slightly and then looked at Jennifer. "Doc?"
Jen pulled the stethoscope out of her ears and straightened from being bent over to listen to Ronon's back.
"Doesn't look like you did any serious damage," she said, ordering her stomach to stop fluttering, trying to convince herself she was just happy he was okay. "I think a few days rest and he should be okay to spar by the end of the week. I'll want to see you once more next week before I clear you for off-world missions."
Ronon just nodded and hopped off the bed, making for the door when Rodney suddenly jumped in front of him.
"It's good to have you back. We were...well they were...it's just um..." He swallowed, glancing away from Ronon's stoney face to look at John, then Jen, then back at Ronon. 'We're um still..friends. Right?" He said quietly.
Without turning his head, Ronon's eyes slid over to steal a glance through his dreads at Jennifer, who was unknowingly twisting her listening device in her hands.
He looked back at the scientist and nodded just once. "Yeah."
SGASGASGA
When Jennifer found herself at Teyla's quarters several days later she didn't give herself any extra time to overthink what had brought her there and immediatly swiped her hand over the door chime.
Teyla appeared at the opened door in only a few seconds, dressed for the gym.
"Jennifer." The woman said, clearly surprised but smiled pleasantly, "Please come in."
"Sorry to barge in," Jen muttered, doing as she was asked. She spied the Teyla's bag on the bed. "You were leaving?"
Teyla nodded. "I agreed to meet John for sparring this afternoon. He is always restless when we go many weeks between going off world. This time it has been nearly a month and a half." She finished in a tone that said the exuberant young Colonel's constant need for entertainment was beginning to try even her well practiced patience.
Jennifer smiled and nodded. "It won't be much longer now. Ronon was medically cleared for duty a few days ago."
Teyla seemed pleased by this information and quietly moved around gathering the other things she needed for her afternoon, knowing Jennifer must have come to her for a reason and willing to wait until the woman decided for herself she was ready to share it.
"How um, speaking of Ronon," Jennifer said, clearing her throat in an attempt to sound more casual than she felt, "How has he been?"
Teyla looked surprised. "Would you not be more equipped to answer that question than me?"
Jen bobbled her head. "Physically maybe, but you and John and Rodney have spent more time with him than anyone since he's been back. How do you think he is doing?"
Teyla sighed and sunk onto the bed and Jennifer watched her thoughtfully. She hadn't been exaggerating. SGA1 had a tendency to close ranks whenever one of them was injured, taking turns in bedside vigils or accompanying the injured companion for walks or meals throughout their recovery as if by a prearranged design. Ronon hadn't left Atlantis in the week and a half that he'd been back and she knew he'd scarcely spent any time alone outside his quarters, always accompanied by one or more of his teammates. It had made Jennifer feel comforted and jealous at the same time to know they were with him and know it wasn't her place to ask to be a part of it.
Still, the injuries were usually physical and quick to heal. This time, she thought, perhaps they could use a little backup.
Teyla sighed. "It will take time. I do not believe he has ever dealt with this loss before." She felt Jennifer turn to look at her and continued, by now well practiced in explaining things to the Earthers that Pegasus natives often understood by instinct. "When he was taken by the Wraith and made a Runner, they didn't just take his life from him. They took his opportunity to grieve. He lost his planet, his home, his wife and family...and for seven years had not a spare moment to think about it or accept it. When he came to Atlantis, so much time had passed the wounds were no longer raw." She stood, turning distractedly to zip up her bag, wanting to do something with her hands. "Finding his mother and then losing her so quickly afterward...I wonder if he is now grieving not her loss only."
"I can't imagine." Jennifer whispered. She had lost her own mother years before and knew that kind of pain to be nearly insurmountable. But to have lost what Ronon had...she truly didn't know how he'd found the strength to go on as long as he had.
Strong. This word was not a new one. Jennifer had always thought of Ronon as strong.
Jennifer stood when Teyla did and followed her to the door. When they swished open Teyla paused.
"My appointment with the Colonel may run long this afternoon," She turned to Jennifer with a sweet look that the other woman would have been suspicious of had she known Teyla just a little bit better. "I wonder if you would do me a favor?"
"Sure," Jen nodded.
"Perhaps you could go spend sometime with Ronon for me? I believe he may be tired of seeing our faces."
"Oh." Jen bit her lip, and nodded,
Teyla smiled. "Thank you, I will owe you a favor for this."
Jen watched Teyla walk away, still slightly astonished everytime Teyla turned out to be even more perceptive than people were already inclined to give her credit for. She turned in the opposite direction for the transporter, sure that, contrary to Teyla's words, it would be Jennifer herself that ended up oweing the favor.
TBC