Disclaimer: Iji belongs to Daniel Remar, and Undertale belongs to Toby Fox.
Trivia: My old laptop where I was playing Undertale crashed. I was up against the most difficult boss ever. Maybe he crashed it?
nightelf37: I realized later that the items Iji packed into her phone during her trek through Snowdin Forest exceeded 8 items. Hopefully, I won't make that same mistake.
Phone Inventory:
Canteen, Spider Donut, Stick, Snowman Piece, Nice Cream, Spaghetti, Worn Glove, [Empty]
Satchel inventory:
Supplies, Canteen, Water-Purifying Pills, Flashlight, Pen, Barbs of Wire, Bookmark
Box Storage:
Beans Can, Butterscotch-Cinnamon Pie, Toy Knife, Box of Raisins, Microwave, [Empty], [Empty], [Empty], [Empty]
Tasen Logbook Records:
directions_to_snowdin, ascii_catgirl, color_tile_puzzle_guide
That was a good rest, Iji thought as she arose from the bed she had slept in a couple hours ago. And that's when she noticed one certain individual, and it startled her.
It was a certain nine-foot tall, black clad Komato she had the benefit of encountering and allying with during her trip across the facility to convince the alien leader to leave. Ansaksie, the Komato Assassin with some strange values regarding pacifism; she won't fight or kill when it isn't needed, but will do so with absolute force when it is. (1) Ansaksie had some beef with Annihilator Iosa, and they worked together to defeat her. According to various Komato logbooks, she's already deep in crimes like technology theft and weapons smuggling.
"Hey, Iji," she greeted casually, leaning on the wall, just like the time they met again right before the confrontation with General Tor.
"Ansaksie?" the human gasped. "What are you doing here?"
"Given my crimes back in my homeworld, I figured it was no longer worth going back. Other than that, I have my reasons."
Iji assumed a sitting position from her bed. "What are you even doing in this place? And how?"
"While your people were rebuilding after what the Tasen pulled off, I wandered Origin to see what can be done." The Tasen and Komato were actually once from Earth, which they called Origin. "I'll have to say that despite General Tor's doubts, your people and planet are more resilient than I thought. As for why I'm following you, I happened to be in the area when your group came to the village near Mt. Ebott, and overheard that legend about the Monsters, and you deciding to head there. I figured I'd follow, though I stayed out of sight for a while."
Iji immediately thought back to all the denizens in the ruins, especially Toriel and Napstablook, and then remembered Ansaksie's philosophy. But she decided to ask anyway. "How are the monsters there?"
"Well, when I went down there after you, I landed on a flower bed, much to the surprise of the monster tending to it. She was white, wore blue garments, about as tall as I was, and had a ball of fire in her hands, ready to attack me."
This confused Iji a bit. Toriel didn't look the type to attack someone on a whim. Then again, it was likely that some Tasen and Komato entered the mountain the same way Iji did, and their hostility likely provoked Toriel into retaliation. And the Nanofields they had meant no corpses were left behind upon their death. But why hasn't any caution from that lingered by the time Iji entered the mountain? Maybe a couple months was enough for Toriel and the Ruins denizens to calm down.
Ansaksie decided to sit down next to Iji on the bed. "I had to dodge some shots before finally convincing her I wasn't an enemy. After that, and after I mentioned you, we talked about what was going on outside, and what you were up to here before you ventured to the cold forest."
"How were you able to understand her, or the humans for that matter?" Iji asked. "The only reason I understood you was because my Nanofield translates the words we exchange, my words into your language, and your words into mine."
"I picked up a few words during my travels, and as for that legend, you were parroting some of their words, so I was able to piece together what they were saying, though it was certainly difficult. As for Toriel…" Ansaksie shrugged her shoulders. "I'm guessing something about these Monsters enable them to speak any language, or enables me to speak in theirs."
Iji didn't ask how Ansaksie managed to know Toriel by name since her question was already answered. "What about a flower? Have you met one with a face?" And then she immediately remembered that maybe the Komato don't know what a flower is.
Thankfully, it seemed that Ansaksie did. "Yeah, I did see one as I traversed the ruins. He looked very untrustworthy."
"I probably should already know the answer to this, but did you kill any monsters in the ruins?"
The Komato shook her head. "No. There was no need to, even though I found out that their attacks go through my Nanofield. I found out that when I try and talk with them just like you do, they tend to leave some currency behind. Picked them up, of course, you never know what use they have around here."
Iji sighed in relief. "All right. So what now?"
"I figure I'd explore a bit, maybe earn a few more Gold by… talking with monsters back at the forest."
"Just promise not to kill anybody, even if they're trying to kill you."
Ansaksie nodded. "All right. See you around." And then she used her teleportation device, a standard for all Komato Assassins, to leave the room.
Guess it's nice to see a familiar face around here, Iji thought to herself. I must not forget why I'm here.
"Hiya! You look like you had a great sleep," greeted the innkeeper as Iji returned the room key.
"I did. Thanks."
"I hope you come back soon."
Nodding, she then left the hotel, and back out into the snow. Remembering the shop she passed by, she decided to head there.
Tending to the shop was a rabbit monster just like at the hotel, though she looked purple under the orange light behind her. She wore a tank top, small necklace, and a summer hat. "Hello, traveler. Welcome to Snowdin. How can I help you?" she greeted.
Iji just nodded as she browsed the area first, seeing a few boxes, photographs, books, a candle, an ashtray(?), and a scroll which seemed to be the local shop license or something which bore that same rune she saw on Toriel's robes, Lesser Dog's shield, and that mysterious door where she ran into Glyde. A wood counter separated the shopkeeper from the customer.
"I can't remember the last time I saw a fresh face around here," she shopkeeper continued. "Where did you come from? The capital? You don't look like a tourist. Are you here by yourself?"
"Not exactly," Iji answered. "I'm here on my own. I'd like to see what you have available, please,"
The shopkeeper replied by gesturing to the counter, which had a glass pane on both sides, with the available wares on display. "What would you like to buy?"
The wares seemed to consist of another glove just like the one she saw in the box, a worn-down bandanna with human abs drawn on it, a two-pronged popsicle called a "Bisicle", and a Cinnamon roll in a shape of a bunny.
While her mind was set on the two food items, something compelled her to try out the bandanna. She didn't know why, but she felt like it was right to buy it. Iji mentioned what she wanted to buy, and forked over the required Gold, actually close to emptying her pouch as she also bought the other glove.
"Thanks for your purchase," said the shopkeeper.
"Excuse me, but do you know any place where one can sell their items, like a pawnshop or something?" Iji then decided to ask as she put away the bandanna in her satchel, placed the Bisicle into the phone, and held on to the Cinnamon Bunny.
Somehow, she shopkeeper seemed to be a tad offended. "Well, certainly not in Snowdin. I don't know how it works where you come from, but If I started spending money on old branches and used bandages, I'd be out of business in a jiffy."
"You have a point there," Iji had to admit. "What else is available in Snowdin?"
"You want to know what to do here in Snowdin? Grillby's has food, and the library has information. If you're tired, you can take a nap at the inn. It's right next door - my sister runs it."
"I've been there. The accommodations were all right."
"Glad to hear it. And if you're bored, you can sit outside and watch those wacky skeletons do their thing. There's two of 'em. Brothers, I think. They just showed up one day and…asserted themselves. The town has gotten a lot more interesting since then."
Now that piqued her interest. Sans and Papyrus weren't from around here, and nobody knows where they came from. Though Iji decided to ask something else. "What's this town's history?"
"Think back to your history class…" Looks like the monsters here don't know Iji's a human, then. "A long time ago, monsters lived in the Ruins back there in the forest. Long story short, we all decided to leave the ruins and head for the end of the caverns. Along the way, some fuzzy folk decided they liked the cold and set up camp in Snowdin. Oh, and don't think about trying to explore the Ruins. The door's been locked for ages. So unless you're a ghost or can burrow under the door, forget about it."
"I see. How are things with you?"
"Life is the same as usual. A little claustrophobic. But…we all know deep down that freedom is coming, don't we? As long as we got that hope, we can grit our teeth and face the same struggles, day after day… That's life, ain't it?"
That saddened Iji a bit. They are feeling a little despair from being stuck in the mountain for who knows how long, but if they had somehow managed to escape earlier, they would likely have been wiped out by the aliens. "I guess. Bye."
"Bye now! Come again sometime!" she returned the greeting as Iji left the shop. She then went to the box to re-arrange her stuff between it, her phone, and her satchel.
Phone Inventory:
Canteen, Spider Donut, Stick, Nice Cream, Spaghetti, Bisicle, Cinnamon Bunny, [Empty]
Satchel inventory:
Supplies, Canteen, Water-Purifying Pills, Flashlight, Pen, Barbs of Wire, Bookmark, Toy Knife, Worn Glove, Manly Bandanna
Box Storage:
Beans Can, Butterscotch-Cinnamon Pie, Box of Raisins, Microwave, Snowman Piece, [Empty], [Empty], [Empty], [Empty], [Empty]
Once that was done with, she made her way to Grillby's. See what else the locals have to say. On the way, she saw a female bunny monster walking a littler bunny monster, which another bunny monster thought was weird, since the littler bunny was her little brother. There was also a decorated Christmas tree, and according to the bear monster there, their gift-giving tradition was started as an apology to Gyftrot (not stated by name, though) after he was tormented. Some of the presents beneath the tree were addressed from "Santa" to various locals.
One particular monster kid seemed to catch her attention, who greeted her immediately. It was a yellow, reptilian monster with no arms, a tail, and spikes on the back of their head. They had markings under their eyes, one bigger than the other, which looked like the result of falling down on their face multiple times. They wore a yellow shirt with brown stripes.
"Yo!" they greeted, their voice making it impossible to determine if they were male or female, if this particular type of monster had any gender at all. "You're a kid too, right? I can tell 'cause you're wearing a striped shirt."
Iji was left confused there for a second before looking down on her own shirt, which was indeed striped. But as for being a kid? No, she wasn't. At least in human terms. But she didn't bother correcting him.
She also talked to another bear monster, who was clad in orange. "This town doesn't have a mayor. But if there's ever a problem, a skeleton will tell a fish lady about it. Thaaaaat's politics!" he had said. She asked who the fish lady was (since she could deduce the skeleton to either be Papyrus or Sans), and he helpfully replied that her name was Undyne. By then, she was at Grillby's, and she entered it.
The interior of Grillby's consisted of a couple of booths, tables, a bar and a jukebox she would later realize was broken. Among its various patrons were the canine royal guards, surprisingly. The bartender was a humanoid monster, except his head was literally a flame. His attire (which aren't burning) consisted of the stereotypical bartender attire for a saloon, and a pair of glasses.
"No matter where I go, it's the same menu, the same people," one bunny monster patron complained, quite obviously inebriated. "Help! I want new drinks an' h-h-h-hot guys! I guess the bartender's kind of h-h-h-hot…"
Iji chuckled a bit at that pun.
"Hmmm… Isn't human food different from monster food?" Mused one yellow monster with a huge mouth. "It does things like "spoil". And when you eat it, it passes all the way through your whole body. Disgusting. I'd love to try it sometime. And I've heard they have things called bathrooms."
Okay. That explains the lack of toilet in my room.
"I 'put out a line' for some girls today." She heard someone gossip. The speaker turned out to be an ugly fish monster that was flesh-colored and had gray hairs. He seemed to be addressing Lesser Dog, who was playing cards with itself. "Someone told me that there are plenty of fish in the sea… Well, I'm taking that seriously. I'm literally going to make out with a fish. I guess I could ask out Undyne, but I think she likes someone already."
And then she identified the voice. "Hold on…is that you, Nishibi?"
The ugly fish monster turned to face her, and asked, "Would you happen to be the gal who called me on the phone about an hour ago?"
"Guess that's me."
He then smiled. "It's a pleasure to see you face-to-face, Iji!"
"…Likewise," she replied cautiously. "What does this place have that we can eat?"
After a short meal consisting of burgers and fries, and gently turning down Nishibi's advances, as well as overhearing some information regarding the capital getting crowded and moving to Snowdin, Iji left Grillby's and continued exploring Snowdin. One mouse monster wrapped up in a scarf was despairing on their situation and how everybody else was trying to forget it, just like the orange horned monster next to them, who seems to be the "Stepford" type of smiler.
To her left was another path. which she checked and found the following; a family of slimes (different from the Moldsmals, one had a mustache, and one had a hat), a monster with a strange fetish for door knocks, a bulky werewolf throwing large blocks of ice into the river. But what most puzzled her about that is the little building the ice was coming from. She'd investigate, but that would be rude to the lupine.
Further up, there was what seemed to be a stop for those passing the river to stop at Snowdin. And that's when Iji's phone rang. Naturally, she answered it. "Hello! Can I speak to G… …Wait a second. Is this the wrong number?" All of a sudden, the caller burst into song.
"Oh it's the wrong number! The wrong number song!
We're very very sorry that we got it wrong!
Oh it's the wrong number! The wrong number song!
We're very very sorry that we got it wrong! "
And then they hung up.
"Okay, that' was weird," she said to herself before going back the way she came, but not before spotting yet another camera in a nearby tree. As she did, she saw the library to her left, which was misspelled "Librarby". Regardless, she entered, with the intent of research.
Inside the library, Iji encountered a green lizard-like monster who served as the librarian (and apologized for the misspell), what seems to be a Loox like the one in the ruins, and two other monsters who claim to be the editors for Snowdin's newspaper, though that is usually filled with comics and games since very little goes on in the quiet town (skeleton antics aside).
After casually greeting them, she quickly got started with her research. Picking six books from the shelves at random, Iji then seated herself at the table with the rest of the monsters. The first book she read was about monster funerals, where she found out that when they die, they turn to dust (and that dust is spread on that person's favorite thing, and their presence will live on in it). The second book reveals that monsters are mostly made of magic (and humans mostly of water, which is true), and claim to be far weaker than humans with their physical forms. The third was still a work in progress by one of the newspaper editors. The fourth basically stated that the strength of an attack on a monster is determined by the monster's willingness to fight (the less of that, the weaker their defenses) and the cruelty of the attacker's intent (the crueler, the stronger). Iji hopes not to have to test that out anytime soon.
The fifth book was another chapter of monster history, where they moved out of their old city, Home (which now became the Ruins where Toriel and a few others lived in), braving harsh cold, damp swampland, and searing heat, until we reached what they now called their capital; New Home (with a footnote that their King was really bad at names). The sixth book merely reminisced on what monster SOULs were made of (love, hope, compassion) but that its absolute nature is unknown since humans have proven their SOULs don't need these things to exist.
With those books done, Iji returned them to their places, then checked out a couple more books.
Her research lasted for a few hours given the small selection of books, which seemed to puzzle the library patrons and the librarian before they dismissed her as very studious. Among the things she found out about the Underground were the prophecy regarding the "Delta Rune" (first seen in Toriel's robe) which went as follows: "The Angel… The One Who Has Seen The Surface… They will return. And the underground will go empty." Some think this means the Angel will free monsterkind from their "prison", others think this freedom is of the "mortal coil" variety (a.k.a. genocide). Other things she read about were the autobiography of a robot celebrity called Mettaton, a compendium of nearly every type of monster in the Underground, a list of achievements of a Dr. Alphys (she remembered Papyrus mentioning it), instructions on how to reach a certain "Temmie Village", and a very old and almost forgotten book regarding a "W.D. Gaster". Iji made sure to take notes in her Tasen logbook.
One particular book that caught her eye was the one called The Undertale. It talked about how a human (which she would later deduce was the first since the monsters' imprisonment) fell into the Ruins, and how the human called out for help, injured. She read that Asriel, the king's son, heard the human's call, and brought them back to the castle. Over time, Asriel and the human became like siblings, and the King and Queen treated the human child as their own, giving the Underground hope. The book came with illustrations, and Iji could swear that the queen looked a lot like Toriel, and given what she had said to her back in the ruins, it was a high possibility that she was at least part of King Asgore's royal court, if she wasn't actually the queen herself; she had no way of telling if Toriel was unique among her kind (given how many monsters of other kinds she had encountered).
And then, in the tale, the human became very ill, and had one final request that was impossible for them to enact: to see the flowers from their village. The human died the next day. Wracked with grief, Asriel absorbed the human's SOUL, transforming into a being with incredible power, and with it, crossed the barrier, another thing that Iji noted for another time.
Asriel had carried the human's body into the sunset, back to the village of the humans. He reached the center of the village, found a bed of golden flowers, and carried the human there. Naturally, the villagers saw Asriel holding the human's body and came with the natural conclusion anybody would make in that situation; that Asriel killed the child. The humans attacked him with everything they had, but despite having the power to destroy them all, he didn't, and simply left. He had been wounded from the attack as he stumbled home, entered the castle, collapsed, and died, his dust spreading across the garden.
The kingdom had fallen into despair, as the King and Queen had lost two children in one night. The King decided that it was time to end the suffering, and declared that every human who falls down in the underground must die, and that with enough souls, the barrier can be shattered.
Iji found this puzzling; if they knew a monster can cross the barrier with one human SOUL, surely they could've collected more from the other side of the barrier, and then come back with them (assuming that the monsters have some way of collecting SOULs). However, if they had freed themselves that early, they would've also suffered casualties when the Tasen attacked Earth, and likely even become extinct; she didn't think their powers would've helped in the long run against advanced alien weaponry.
Finally finished with her research, Iji thanked the librarian and left, more enlightened on monsters than she was before.
Tasen Logbook Records:
directions_to_snowdin, ascii_catgirl, color_tile_puzzle_guide, monster_compendium, temmie_village_directions, gaster_note, the_undertale
Now out of the "librarby", Iji continued her way across Snowdin, passing by a large house decorated with Christmas lights. There were also two mailboxes, one of them with loads of unread junk mail stuffed into it. Aside from the front door, there was also a back door. Not that Iji ever plans on sneaking in. This was likely where Sans and Papyrus live, judging by the names on the mailboxes. Past the house was a shack that seemed to be locked from the inside. Beyond that…well, if the monster history book was correct, the swampland was next.
Iji continued through the path flanked by trees on either side, with the river flowing beyond on her left. The place was getting so cold out this way, mist was getting thicker with each step forward. Eventually, even she couldn't see in front of her own face. And then she realized she wasn't alone.
"IJI." Papyrus was finally performing his duty as a sentry guard. And she could see him from this distance, if only as a silhouette. "ALLOW ME TO TELL YOU ABOUT SOME COMPLEX FEELINGS. FEELINGS LIKE… THE JOY OF FINDING ANOTHER PASTA LOVER. THE ADMIRATION FOR ANOTHER'S PUZZLE-SOLVING SKILLS. A DESIRE TO HAVE A COOL, SMART PERSON THINK YOU ARE COOL. THESE FEELINGS… THEY MUST BE WHAT YOU ARE FEELING RIGHT NOW!" She didn't feel like correcting him. "I CAN HARDLY IMAGINE WHAT IT MUST BE LIKE TO FEEL THAT WAY. AFTER ALL, I AM VERY GREAT. I DON'T EVER WONDER WHAT HAVING LOTS OF FRIENDS IS LIKE. I PITY YOU… LONELY HUMAN… WORRY NOT! YOU SHALL BE LONELY NO LONGER! I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, WILL BE YOUR…"
Papyrus was silent for a couple of seconds, as if hesitant to say what he wanted to say, as if he was being conflicted. He then turned away.
"NO… NO, THIS IS ALL WRONG! I CAN'T BE YOUR FRIEND!" He then turned back to Iji. "YOU ARE A HUMAN! I MUST CAPTURE YOU! THEN, I CAN FULFILL MY LIFELONG DREAM! POWERFUL! POPULAR! PRESTIGIOUS! THAT'S PAPYRUS! THE NEWEST MEMBER…OF THE ROYAL GUARD!"
And as was feared, Iji's SOUL began to glow; Papyrus was going to fight! And then, for some reason, the mist cleared enough so that the two combatants can see each other. After getting so acquainted with the skeleton, for the second time she had to face off against somebody important, Iji couldn't bring herself to even think of attacking him, and so did not unholster her Nanogun. Unfortunately, going past him like she tried to do with Toriel wasn't an option, as the entire area was blocked off by a oblong wall of what looked like bones, meaning the only way past Papyrus was through him, and not even going around was possible as it made itself out to be like a hallway. And their texture was reminiscent of most monster attacks, so there was no going through that. Besides, maybe she could convince Papyrus, even befriend her, so as to curry favor so she could see King Asgore and negotiate.
And then it turns out that during her musings, Papyrus was ready to attack. "NYEH HEH HEH!" He then thrust an arm forward and small bones came out from the ground and dragged their way towards Iji. Not amused by the attack, she stepped right over the bones easy-peasy. She then consulted her phone for tips on what she could do, and only now wondered how it knew what was optimal. Aside from Check, there was also Insult and Flirt.
She expressed confusion at the last one and parroted. "Flirting? With a skeleton?"
Unfortunately, being the cuckoo he was, Papyrus heard that and responded, "WHAT?! FL-FLIRTING?! SO YOU FINALLY REVEAL YOUR ULTIMATE FEELINGS! W-WELL! I'M A SKELETON WITH VERY HIGH STANDARDS!"
Iji still didn't know much of Papyrus, so she decided to try and play to his likes. "Uhh…I can make spaghetti?"
"OH NO! YOU'RE MEETING ALL MY STANDARDS! I GUESS THIS MEANS I HAVE TO GO ON A DATE WITH YOU…? LET'S DATE L-LATER! AFTER I CAPTURE YOU!"
More bones came. She stepped over them easy.
"NOW! WHAT SHOULD I WEAR FOR OUR DATE?" Papyrus began to muse to himself.
He seemed very influence-able, so Iji decided maybe she could take her time to convince Papyrus that she is not an enemy, that she doesn't want to fight him, and that deep down he didn't want to fight her either.
Even more bones came. Rinse and repeat.
"WHAT SHOULD I COOK FOR OUR DATE?"
More bones, more stepping over.
Papyrus then took out a cologne bottle branded Bone Cologne and sprayed it behind where his ears would be if he had any.
How does he even manage to stay in the Guard if he's not taking his job seriously?
"SO YOU WON'T FIGHT… THEN, LET'S SEE IF YOU CAN HANDLE MY FABLED 'BLUE ATTACK'!"
A flurry of bones that were colored blue like some of the Snowdin monsters' attacks were sent flying Iji's way. Knowing already what to do, she stood stock still as she let them all pass through.
"Papyrus. I don't think you're taking this fight very seri—"
She was cut off when her SOUL turned blue, fell to the snowy ground, and she felt her heart become a bit heavy. And then a bone came at her from behind. She tried stepping over it, only for her now-blue SOUL not to move, and so she turned the step-over into a hop. Her SOUL seemed to hop up as well, but only up to the lowest possible point in her body, and so the bone managed to strike her SOUL, and it felt like being bludgeoned by an old dinosaur femur. Not that she knew what that felt like.
"YOU'RE BLUE NOW. THAT'S MY ATTACK. NYEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH!"
And that's when she realized what exactly Sans meant by his brother's blue attack. Maybe Papyrus was some sort of "moronic badass"; despite his silliness, he may actually be very dangerous.
"HMMM… I WONDER WHAT I SHOULD WEAR…" Papyrus continued to muse to himself as he continued sending out bones, which Iji now had to jump over, and then he dabbed MTT-Brand Bishie Cream behind his non-existent ears. He then gave a weird look at her. "WHAT!? I'M NOT THINKING ABOUT THAT DATE THING!"
More bones came, and Iji had to jump higher to dodge them. Thanks to her leg enhancements and those jump upgrades all the way back when, that wasn't difficult at all. Papyrus didn't seem to notice that particular feat and was dabbing MTT-Brand Anime Powder behind his non-existent ears.
"YEAH! DON'T MAKE ME USE MY SPECIAL ATTACK!"
More bones. More jumping. And some ducking since some of the bones were impractical to jump over. MTT-Brand Cute Juice was next to go behind his "ears".
"I CAN ALMOST TASTE MY FUTURE POPULARITY!"
Even more bones. Even more jumping. And then there came a blue bone right after that, which she let pass through her. And then a bone came the other way, catching her by surprise. Still, all these attacks were relatively weak, taking away only three HP each. Up next for Papyrus's non-existent ears were MTT-Brand Attraction Slime.
"PAPYRUS: HEAD OF THE ROYAL GUARD!"
The bone attacks were getting more elaborate, starting with two bones that required jumping through the gap, another overhanging bone, and then a row of bones that required a much higher jump to vault over.
Sheesh! His attacks are getting difficult, and he's still not taking this seriously?! Why isn't he in the Royal Guard? Up next was MTT-Brand Beauty Yogurt. Wait, why am I even noticing this?
"PAPYRUS: UNPARALLELED SPAGHETTORE!"
More elaborate bone attacks. More dodging with jumps or standstills. Papyrus seriously had potential. And then he only now seemed to realize he doesn't have ears.
"UNDYNE WILL BE REALLY PROUD OF ME!"
A series of bones came her way that required some vaulting over, the last of them going at a higher speed.
"THE KING WILL TRIM A HEDGE IN THE SHAPE OF MY SMILE!"
Small bones came towards her from both sides, forcing her to find where they crossed one another and timed her jumps so that she wouldn't get caught by any of them.
"MY BROTHER WILL… WELL, HE WON'T CHANGE VERY MUCH."
Same bone pattern, shorter height, greater speed, requiring short hops instead of long jumps.
"I'LL HAVE LOTS OF ADMIRERS! BUT…"
Papyrus sent out another set of bone attacks, a small bone heralding plenty of bone pairs that required precise jumping to get past.
"WILL ANYONE LIKE ME AS SINCERELY AS YOU?"
The last attack was repeated, but Iji took a hit this time around.
"SOMEONE LIKE YOU IS REALLY RARE…"
A variant of the previous attack was next, but this time with a row of them, requiring tricky jumps (or tanking the hits). And another wave of bones came…and they were changing in length.
"AND DATING MIGHT BE KIND OF HARD…"
Up next was a sequence of bones alternating between long and blue, and short and white, requiring backwards jumps to avoid SOUL damage.
"AFTER YOU'RE CAPTURED AND SENT AWAY."
More bones. Again. Of course. He's a skeleton, after all.
"URGH… WHO CARES?! GIVE UP!"
As Iji dodged the next series of moving bone attacks, which required vaulting over, dashing past so as not to get "crushed", and timing her vaults so as to get through, she then realized something. Wait a second! What am I doing?! I'm trying to make my way to King Asgore! I should surrender so I can see him easily!
"GIVE UP OR FACE MY… SPECIAL ATTACK!"
"Papyrus? Could you calm down?", Iji called out to him.
"YEAHH! VERY SOON I WILL USE MY SPECIAL ATTACK!"
Oh dear. Is he so in the zone he's not listening anymore? Oh, and more bone attacks.
"Papyrus?!" she tried again as she dodged.
"NOT TOO LONG AND I WILL USE THAT SPECIAL ATTACK!"
Nothing doing. More bone attacks came. "Papyrus!"
"THIS IS YOUR LAST CHANCE… BEFORE MY SPECIAL ATTACK!"
Bones again, familiar pattern. "Papyrus! Could you please stop and listen?!"
"BEHOLD… MY SPECIAL ATTACK!"
He summoned a bone…which was promptly taken by a white dog at it munched on it. The dog didn't seem to be an attack like the ones the Royal Guard dogs use.
"WHAT THE HECK! THAT'S MY SPECIAL ATTACK! HEY! YOU STUPID DOG!" The dog then noticed Papyrus and looked at him. "DID YOU HEAR ME!? STOP MUNCHING ON THAT BONE!" Instead of doing as he said, the dog scuttled away with the bone, passing through the bone barrier he had set up. "HEY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING! COME BACK HERE WITH MY SPECIAL ATTACK!" Once the dog was gone, he sighed. "OH WELL. I'LL JUST USE A REALLY COOL REGULAR ATTACK."
With another chance, Iji tried again. "Papyrus! Could you please stop for a second here?!"
But he wasn't still out of 'the zone' as he let out a sigh. "HERE'S AN ABSOLUTELY NORMAL ATTACK."
This 'normal attack' consisted of two small bones coming up from behind, two more from the front, followed by two taller bones converging from both sides, almost hitting her, two more with changing heights, which did hit her, two more she had to duck, and four more she had to jump over, and then a series of three from the front that only slightly changed heights, three more from behind, the dog that took Papyrus's special attack, bones spelling "Cool", bones spelling "Dude", a bone with sunglasses on a skateboard, and finally a massive wave of bones followed in the end by a gigantic one.
Preparing everything she's got, Iji made a running jump before making the highest jump she could ever make, vaulting over the entire thing and just barely passing over the giant bone, much to Papyrus's amazement this time, since he was now watching.
A small bone followed this attack as a last-ditch attempt to damage her, but Iji managed to evade that one, too. And it was clear that the skeleton had exhausted himself, and was breathing heavily, even though he doesn't have any lungs…maybe.
"WELL…! IT'S CLEAR… YOU CAN'T! DEFEAT ME!", he said between huffs of breath. "YEAH! I CAN SEE YOU SHAKING IN YOUR BOOTS! THEREFORE I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, ELECT TO GRANT YOU PITY! I WILL SPARE YOU, HUMAN! NOW'S YOUR CHANCE TO ACCEPT MY MERCY."
"Oh, thank God, Papyrus," Iji finally sighed in relief as her SOUL vanished from visibility once more. She was far from tired physically, but her mind was a bit. As the wall of bones finally disappeared, so did the mist, leaving the area clear to see. Oh, and there was an ice cube that passed by.
"NYOO HOO HOO," Papyrus lamented. "I CAN'T EVEN STOP SOMEONE AS WEAK AS YOU. UNDYNE'S GOING TO BE DISAPPOINTED IN ME. I'LL NEVER JOIN THE ROYAL GUARD, AND… MY FRIEND QUANTITY WILL REMAIN STAGNANT!"
"We can be friends, Papyrus," she offered as she approached the skeleton.
"REALLY!? YOU WANT TO BE FRIENDS, WITH ME?" he gasped in disbelief. "WELL THEN, I GUESS… I GUESS I CAN MAKE AN ALLOWANCE FOR YOU!" And he was back to his joyful self. "WOWIE! WE HAVEN'T EVEN HARD OUR FIRST DATE, AND I'VE ALREADY MANAGED TO HIT THE FRIEND ZONE!" Iji held back a chortle. "WHO KNEW THAT ALL I NEEDED TO MAKE PALS WAS TO GIVE PEOPLE AWFUL PUZZLES AND THEN FIGHT THEM?"
"That's not how it works, though I can teach you more another time."
Papyrus seemed to be eager for that. "YOU TAUGHT ME A LOT, IJI. I HEREBY GRANT YOU PERMISSION TO PASS THROUGH! AND I'LL GIVE YOU DIRECTIONS TO THE SURFACE."
"Actually, I'm trying to reach the King. I'm here to negotiate with him."
"WELL, MY DIRECTIONS WILL BE THE SAME EITHER WAY, AND BEING A HUMAN, I BET YOU'D WANT TO FIND A WAY OUT REGARDLESS!"
"That's true…"
"CONTINUE FORWARD UNTIL YOU REACH THE END OF THE CAVERN. THEN… WHEN YOU REACH THE CAPITAL, CROSS THE BARRIER. THAT'S THE MAGICAL SEAL TRAPPING US ALL UNDERGROUND. ANYTHING CAN ENTER THROUGH IT, BUT NOTHING CAN EXIT… EXCEPT SOMEONE WITH A POWERFUL SOUL. LIKE YOU! THAT'S WHY THE KING WANTS TO ACQUIRE A HUMAN. HE WANTS TO OPEN THE BARRIER WITH SOUL POWER. THEN US MONSTERS CAN RETURN TO THE SURFACE!
"OH, I ALMOST FORGOT TO TELL YOU. TO REACH THE EXIT, YOU WILL HAVE TO PASS THROUGH THE KING'S CASTLE. THE KING OF ALL MONSTERS… HE IS… …WELL…" Iji prepare for the worst, given what Toriel had said regarding him. "HE'S A BIG FUZZY PUSHOVER!"
What?!
"EVERYBODY LOVES THAT GUY. I AM CERTAIN IF YOU JUST SAY 'EXCUSE ME, MR. DREEMURR… CAN WE PLEASE TALK?', HE'LL BE ALL EARS FOR IT, AND IF YOU WANT TO GO HOME, HE'LL GUIDE YOU RIGHT TO THE BARRIER HIMSELF!
"ANYWAY! THAT'S ENOUGH TALKING! I'LL BE AT HOME BEING A COOL FRIEND! FEEL FREE TO COME BY AND HAVE THAT DATE! NYEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH!"
"Why don't we go together right now?" Iji suggested. She's dated at least once before, but they didn't hit it off well and eventually parted ways. Of course, after the Alpha Strike, they were most definitely dead.
"WOWIE! YOU MUST BE REALLY SERIOUS ABOUT THIS. I'LL HAVE TO TAKE YOU SOMEPLACE REALLY SPECIAL, A PLACE I LIKE TO SPEND A LOT OF TIME!"
With great strides, he started running back to Snowdin, Iji following right behind him. Eventually, they reached the house with the two mailboxes and Christmas lights.
"MY HOUSE!" he gestured as they stopped in front of it, and then entered together.
Papyrus's (and obviously Sans's) house was a humble abode. To Iji's immediate left was a flatscreen TV on a table, with a sock and sticky notes next to it and a green sofa across it. To her right is a rock on a plate and covered with sprinkles. Ahead of her was what was probably the kitchen, complete with a stove, countertop, refrigerator, trash can, and a sink, though the cupboard beneath it was so tall she can't reach it to wash her hands or anything like that.
Papyrus stood on the far left end of the room, next to a red book on a small table. To his left was stairs leading to the upper floor, which had two doors, obviously the skeletons' rooms. One door had a lot of warning signs, but it looked like the type that was put there to look cool. The other door was plain, but there seemed to be something going on inside there. Sans was probably inside there right now. Between the doors was a short hallway with a picture of a bone hung on the wall.
She inquired on the various items, which Papyrus answered with his usual enthusiasm. The rock was Sans's pet, and was covered in sprinkles because he wouldn't take responsibility for it, leaving it to Papyrus. Iji then told him that Sans likely chose a rock as a pet since it doesn't need feeding. The sock and notes was Papyrus telling Sans to return his sock to him room, with the shorter skeleton being a trolling lazy bum and leaving it. The messages went as follows:
- SANS! PICK UP YOUR SOCK!
- ok.
- DON'T PUT IT BACK DOWN! MOVE IT!
- ok.
- YOU MOVED IT TWO INCHES! MOVE IT TO YOUR ROOM!
- ok.
- AND DON'T BRING IT BACK!
- ok.
- IT'S STILL HERE!
- didn't you just say not to bring it back to my room?
- FORGET IT!
She then turned on the TV (after asking permission from Papyrus), which had no program currently on air, but instead had a notice saying "Stay Tuned For Our New Program - MTT", MTT she deduced as meaning Mettaton, that celebrity she looked up earlier at the library. After turning it off, she plopped down on the couch, which made a jangling sound. Curious, she perused through the folds and found twenty Gold. She offered it to Papyrus, who said, "YOU CAN KEEP IT! WE'RE FRIENDS AFTER ALL!"
After pocketing the coins, she then approached the kitchen and investigated the sink. "IMPRESSED?" Papyrus asked as he moved over so that she can see him from her current position. "I INCREASED THE HEIGHT OF MY SINK. NOW I CAN FIT MORE BONES UNDER IT! TAKE A LOOKSY!" She opened it…and found the same dog from before munching on one of them. THe rest of the bones have apparently been eaten. "WHAT!? CATCH THAT MEDDLING CANINE!" Right as the dog skedaddled for it, Iji attempted to grab it, but it slipped from her grip and managed to blast through the door, opening it without operating the latch. "CURSES!" From Sans's room, a trombone sounded off, playing a "loser tune" she heard occasionally on comedy shows on TV. "SANS!" Papyrus cursed. " STOP PLAGUING MY LIFE WITH INCIDENTAL MUSIC!"
After closing the door, Iji checked the fridge next, seeing what monsters like him eat. "AH-HA! INTERESTED IN MY FOOD MUSEUM?" It looks like Papyrus was quick to cheer up. "PLEASE. PERUSE MY CULINARY ARTSHOW." Half of the fridge was filled with containers all labelled "spaghetti." (The other half contained nothing but an empty bag of chips. "GREAT FRIDGE, ISN'T IT?"
"Oh yeah, that reminds me," Iji said. "After this, remind me to return your microwave."
"I CERTAINLY WILL!"
Iji checked out the stove next, which had an empy pie tin inside, in which Papyrus said, "MY BROTHER ALWAYS GOES OUT TO EAT. BUT RECENTLY, HE TRIED "BAKING" SOMETHING. IT WAS LIKE… A QUICHE. BUT FILLED WITH A SUGARY, NON-EGG SUBSTANCE. HOW ABSURD!"
"Now now, that's not a nice thing to say about your brother, Papyrus," she chided.
"I GUESS YOU'RE RIGHT. THAT IS NOT THE COOL THING TO DO."
She next checked the book Papyrus was next to, since he went back to his old position as soon as she left the kitchen. it seemed to be a joke book of sorts. Upon opening it, she saw a quantum physics book. She opened that, only to find another jook book. Inside that was another quantum physics book. Iji decided not to look into it any further and closed the book.
After that, Iji decided to go up to what was presumably Papyrus's room. THAT'S MY ROOM! IF YOU'VE FINISHED LOOKING AROUND, WE COULD GO IN AND… DO WHATEVER PEOPLE DO WHEN THEY DATE?"
"Sure…I guess." I'm not into skeletons, or anybody for that matter, but he looks so eager. And I need to gain favor. So just go with it, and try to gently turn him down after the date.
Papyrus's room was a cozy one. To her immediate right, she could see a box filled with bones. And these bones looked familiar…
"HEY, THOSE ARE ALL THE ATTACKS I USED ON YOU," the tall skeleton explained as he entered the room as well and moved to the center. "GREAT MEMORIES, HUH? SEEMS LIKE IT WAS ONLY YESTERDAY… EVEN THOUGH IT BASICALLY JUST HAPPENED."
"Huh. You managed to preserve all of that?" Iji asked as she strolled over to the bed on the left side of the room. It was shaped like a red car, and looked like one of those expensive kiddie beds.
"THAT"S MY BED! IF I EVER GET TO THE SURFACE… I'D LIKE TO DRIVE DOWN A LONE HIGHWAY. WIND IN MY HAIR… SUN ON MY SKIN… OF COURSE, THAT'S JUST A DREAM. SO INSTEAD I CRUISE WHILE I SNOOZE."
You have neither hair nor skin, and cars probably don't exist as you know it anymore. And if our Santa is real, he's probably gone, too, the human thought solemnly as she then inspected the action figures on the table to the left of the bed before walking over to it and inspecting them.
"AH, YES. ACTION FIGURES," Papyrus spoke again. "A GREAT REFERENCE FOR THEORETICAL BATTLE SCENARIOS. HOW DO I HAVE SO MANY? WELL, LET'S JUST SAY THEY'RE FROM… A CHUBBY, SMILING MAN WHO LOVES TO SURPRISE PEOPLE. YEAH! THAT'S RIGHT! SANTA!"
Either monsters have their version of Santa Claus or it's just some very charitable monster. Iji then glanced at the pirate flag to her right, It looked rather beat-up, was black, and depicted a skull and crossbones; a stereotypical pirate flag.
"ISN'T THAT FLAG NEATO? UNDYNE FOUND IT AT THE BAY… I THINK IT'S FROM THE HUMAN WORLD? NOW, I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING. WHY WOULD A HUMAN FLAG… HAVE A COOL SKELETON ON IT? WELL… I HAVE A THEORY. I THINK HUMANS… MUST HAVE DESCENDED FROM SKELETONS! NYEH HEH HEH!"
"Actually…" she stopped upon realizing she doesn't know how to properly explain to a skeleton monster that humans have skeletons inside their bodies, and how Papyrus would react to it. It wasn't an important issue to explain, anyway. "This flag is from a group of people called pirates, who are basically thieves who sail across water. The skull and crossbones are used as a form of intimidation."
Papyrus was impressed as she moved over to the bookshelf next to the flag. "WOWIE! YOU KNOW SO MUCH ABOUT THE HUMAN WORLD!"
"What books do you have here, Papyrus?" Iji asked as she pointed at two such items at the same time, as they were next to each other.
"THAT BOOK'S ONE OF MY FAVORITES. 'ADVANCED PUZZLE CONSTRUCTION FOR CRITICAL MINDS.' THAT NEXT BOOK'S ANOTHER ONE OF MY FAVORITES. 'PEEK-A-BOO WITH FLUFFY BUNNY.' THE ENDING ALWAYS GETS ME."
She peered to the right of the bookshelf and saw a door. "This your closet?" She remembered not to ask about the bathroom, since monsters don't excrete. There's still the matter of baths, though.
"WELL, I ASSURE YOU THERE ARE NO SKELETONS INSIDE IT! EXCEPT ME SOMETIMES."
She then noticed the computer on the far right, which consisted of a (non-flatscreen) monitor, keyboard, mouse, and CPU. Against it was a window, which was naturally closed.
"The INTERNET! I'M QUITE POPULAR THERE. I'M JUST A DOZEN AWAY… FROM A DOUBLE DIGIT FOLLOWER COUNT!" What? Either that means he somehow has negative two followers or is counting backwards from a hundred eleven. "OF COURSE, FAME HAS A STEEP PRICE. A JEALOUS TROLL HAS BESIEGED MY ONLINE PERSONA. ALWAYS SENDING ME BAD PUNS IN A GOOFY FONT…"
It was a wonder to know that the monsters had an 'internet'. "Do you mind if I use your computer for a while after our…date?" she asked. She had half a mind to see if she can hack it, but she felt that would be rude to Papyrus. Monster technology might behave differently from tech by humans or Tasen (and Komato).
"NO PROBLEM, IJI! I'LL EVEN TEACH YOU!"
She considered turning him down on that, but then realized maybe the operating system monster computers use is fundamentally different from the systems. "That would be nice," she said with a smile.
"SO, UM… IF YOU'VE SEEN EVERYTHING, DO YOU WANT TO START THE DATE?"
The human shrugged her shoulders before assuming one arm in an akimbo position. "Why not?"
"OKAY! DATING START!" Immediately, Iji's SOUL began to glow, which had her worried for a second, but Papyrus wasn't assuming any battle stances, so she decided to calm down for now. "HERE WE ARE! ON OUR DATE! I'VE ACTUALLY NEVER DONE THIS BEFORE. BUT DON'T WORRY! YOU CAN'T SPELL "PREPARED" WITHOUT SEVERAL LETTERS FROM MY NAME!"
…Okay. If he doesn't know what a date is, maybe turning him down won't be so hard after all.
From behind his…somewhere, Papyrus produced a booklet. "I SNAGGED AN OFFICIAL DATING RULEBOOK FROM THE LIBRARY! WE'RE READY TO HAVE A GREAT TIME! LET'S SEE… STEP ONE… PRESS THE [C] KEY ON YOUR KEYBOARD FOR 'DATING HUD'."
This isn't a video game, Papyrus. What kind of manual is that, anyway? (3)
"WOWIE! I FEEL SO INFORMED! I THINK WE'RE READY FOR STEP TWO! 'STEP TWO… ASK THEM ON A DATE.'" He cleared his throat(?) before declaring, "IJI! I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS… WILL GO ON A DATE WITH YOU!"
"That's not how asking works, Papyrus," Iji replied. "But sure."
The easily impressionable skeleton put his hands to his face and…blushed, his eyes starry. "R-REALLY? WOWIE! I GUESS THAT MEANS IT'S TIME FOR PART THREE!" Resuming his normal expression, Papyrus consulted the book again. "STEP THREE… PUT ON NICE CLOTHES TO SHOW YOU CARE!" He paused for a few seconds, as if something was just sinking in to his mind. "WAIT A SECOND. 'WEAR CLOTHING…' THAT RIBBON ON YOUR HAIR… YOU'RE WEARING CLOTHING RIGHT NOW! NOT ONLY THAT… EARLIER TODAY, YOU WERE ALSO WEARING CLOTHING!" Instantly, he was blushing again. NO… COULD IT BE? YOU'VE WANTED TO DATE ME FROM THE VERY BEGINNING!?"
Iji was a little lost on Papyrus's logical leaps. It took her a few seconds to collect herself enough to answer. "No. Humans wear clothing all the time. And so do monsters, right?"
Somehow, this seemed to completely shock the skeleton. "OH MY GOD! WAS YOUR INTEREST IN ME…" He put his hands to his face again, which was agin blushing. "PREDESTINED!? N-NOOOO! YOUR DATING POWER…!" He was silent for a few seconds longer, and Iji started to worry that she might've broken his simple mind before he assumed a smirk, which worried her for different reasons. "NYEH! NEYH HEH HEH! DON'T THINK YOU'VE BESTED ME YET! I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS… HAVE NEVER BEEN BEATEN AT DATING, AND I NEVER WILL!"
But you said so yourself you've never dated.
"I CAN EASILY KEEP UP WITH YOU! YOU SEE, I, TOO, CAN WEAR CLOTHING! IN FACT… I ALWAYS WEAR MY "SPECIAL" CLOTHES UNDERNEATH MY REGULAR CLOTHES! JUST IN CASE SOMEBODY HAPPENS TO ASK ME ON A DATE! BEHOLD!"
Papyrus came back with a backward baseball cap, a t-shirt that read "Cool Dude," small shorts with buttons, gloves with striped trim, knee-high socks, and sneakers. He also wore basketballs on his shoulders, which he later called Mettaton's MTT-Brand FashionBalls.
"NYEH! WHAT DO YOU THINK OF MY SECRET STYLE?!" he then asked.
Iji honestly thought the whole ensemble was a tad tacky, and decided to say so.
Somehow, he was shocked again. "NO! YOUR HONESTY…IT SHOWS HOW MUCH YOU REALLY CARE!"
Whoa. Papyrus can't seem to comprehend an insult. Unless it's a pun from his brother.
Once again, the skeleton collected himself. "HOWEVER… YOU DON'T TRULY UNDERSTAND THE HIDDEN POWER OF THIS OUTFIT! THEREFORE… WHAT YOU JUST SAID IS INVALID! THIS DATE WON'T ESCALATE ANY FURTHER! …UNLESS YOU FIND MY SECRET! BUT THAT WON'T HAPPEN!"
This got Iji into a contemplative state as she put her other hand to her chin as she thought on the secret of Papyrus's clothing. She figured she start from the top. "Your hat."
"MY HAT…? MY HAT. MY HAT! NYEH HEH HEH!" He took it off, and revealed a present box beneath it. "W-WELL THEN… YOU FOUND MY SECRET! I SUPPOSE I HAVE NO CHOICE! IT'S A PRESENT… A PRESENT J-JUST FOR YOU!"
"If you say so." Iji approached Papyrus, took the box from his head, removed the ribbon, and then unwrapped the box. The contents turn out to be—
"DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT IS?" he asked.
"It's spaghetti. I still have your frozen one all the way back at Snowdin forest." And there was also a fork for eating it.
"SPAGHETTI. THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE THINKING, ISN'T IT? RIGHT! BUT OH-SO WRONG!" he declared. "THAT AIN'T JUST ANY OL' PASTA! THIS IS AN ARTISAN'S WORK! SILKEN SPAGHETTI, FINELY AGED IN AN OAKEN CASK… THEN COOKED BY ME, MASTER CHEF PAPYRUS! IJI! IT'S TIME TO END THIS! THERE'S NO WAY THIS CAN GO ANY FURTHER!"
Oaken casks are for wine. "All right. Let's see how your food really is." Spinning the fork to scoop up a couple sauced noodle strands, Iji took a bite out of it. Her face reflexively scrunched up. The taste was indescribable… Sans actually had a point with what he said regarding his brother's cooking.
Naturally, Papyrus took this the wrong way that favored both parties. "WHAT A PASSIONATE EXPRESSION! YOU MUST REALLY LOVE MY COOKING!" He blushed again. "AND BY EXTENSION, ME! MAYBE EVEN MORE THAN I DO! And he entered a state of shock once more as he had an epiphany and was screaming in shock.
"Papyrus!" Iji was seriously worried now as he twirled around the room, and then collapsed onto his bed. "Are you all right?!" She put the spaghetti down next to him and looked him over.
"IT'S CLEAR NOW," he thankfully spoke. "YOU'RE MADLY IN LOVE WITH ME."
His personality was so infectious, she was starting to sincerely feel those feelings as well, she even forgot about the terrible taste of his spaghetti. It was pity, but she couldn't help it. Maybe…just maybe, he might actually be accidentally telling the truth. Or maybe she's just sexually deprived, due to the whole "world mostly destroyed" deal up on the surface. And that was starting to worry her. One step at a time, dammit! Focus on negotiations first, and then you can start exploring cross-species romance!
"EVERYTHING YOU DO. EVERYTHING YOU SAY. IT'S ALL BEEN FOR MY SAKE. IJI. I WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY, TOO. IT'S TIME FOR ME TO EXPRESS MY FEELINGS. IT'S TIME THAT I TOLD YOU. I, PAPYRUS… I… UMM…" All of a sudden, he got up from his bed into a sitting position. "BOY, IS IT HOT IN HERE, OR IS IT JUST ME? … OH, SHOOT." He looked apologetic. "IJI, I… I'M SORRY. I DON'T LIKE YOU THE WAY YOU LIKE ME."
She felt a little crushed inside when he said that.
"ROMANTICALLY, I MEAN," he appended. "I MEAN, I TRIED VERY HARD TO! I THOUGHT THAT BECAUSE YOU FLIRTED WITH ME, THAT I WAS SUPPOSED TO GO ON A DATE WITH YOU. THEN, ON THE DATE, FEELINGS WOULD BLOSSOM FORTH! I WOULD BE ABLE TO MATCH YOUR PASSION FOR ME! BUT ALAS… I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS… HAVE FAILED. I FEEL JUST THE SAME AS BEFORE. AND INSTEAD, BY DATING YOU… I HAVE ONLY DRAWN YOU DEEPER… INTO YOUR INTENSE LOVE FOR ME! A DARK PRISON OF PASSION, WITH NO ESCAPE. HOW COULD I HAVE DONE THIS TO MY DEAR FRIEND…?"
This confession managed to knock Iji out of her inappropriate feelings. Wow. He might actually be right there. Thanks, Papyrus.
Startling her again, he stood up from his bed and they were face-to-face, the five-inch difference between their heights all the more apparent. "NO! WAIT! THAT'S WRONG! I CAN'T FAIL AT ANYTHING! IJI! I'LL HELP YOU THROUGH THESE TRYING TIMES! I'LL KEEP BEING YOUR COOL FRIEND, AND ACT LIKE ALL THIS NEVER HAPPENED. AFTER ALL, YOU ARE VERY GREAT. IT WOULD BE TRAGIC TO LOSE YOUR FRIENDSHIP. SO PLEASE… DON'T CRY BECAUSE I WON'T KISS YOU. BECAUSE, I DON'T EVEN HAVE LIPS."
Iji found herself laughing so hard she shed a tear from this emotional roller-coaster he had unwittingly invited her to ride with. For a moronic badass, his sincerity and optimism can actually make one underestimate him, just the way she nearly did in this game of emotions. "Thanks, Papyrus. I needed that," she said as she wiped that tear.
His smile got bigger at the end of that. "AND HEY, SOMEDAY, YOU'LL FIND SOMEONE AS GREAT AS ME! WELL, NO. THAT'S NOT TRUE. BUT I'LL HELP YOU SETTLE FOR SECOND BEST! NEYH HEH HEH HEH HEH! OH, AND IF YOU EVER NEED TO REACH ME…" He reached out to somewhere behind him again and handed her a slip of paper. "HERE'S MY PHONE NUMBER. YOU CAN CALL ME ANY TIME! PLATONICALLY. WELL, GOTTA GO! NYEH HEH HEH!"
Before he could zoom off, Iji grabbed him by the arm, and it felt like an actual bone. "Wait!"
Having been suddenly jerked like that, Papyrus had no choice but to turn around to face her again. "YES!"
"Have you forgotten something?"
It took a few seconds for it to click. "OH RIGHT! I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, WAS SUPPOSED TO TEACH YOU HOW TO USE THE INTERNET! WORRY NOT!"
From what Iji discovered of the monsters' internet, their cyberspace seems to be independent of human internet, and don't seem to have ever had any access to its information, which explained in part why most monsters don't recognize humans anymore, though that doesn't explain the ones in Snowdin Forest or the Ruins.
CoolSkeleton95 was his handle in the , and Iji was encouraged to make her own as well. She decided to sign herself in as NanoAnomaly75. "Human Anomaly", that name the Tasen and Komato had called her, has grown to her a bit, and embarrassingly even some humans called her that too.
She spent a two hours on the UnderNet, finding whatever relevant info she can. Among them are the fact that one of Papyrus's friends, who looked like some sort of fish-folk type of monster with an eye patch, yellow scleroses, and a red fin-like ponytail, goes by the handle StrongFish91. There was also other juicy tidbits like the entire Royal Guard roster, which showed an armored humanoid with a spear of energy as well as all of the dog guards back from Snowdin Forest, a report talking about Dr. Alphys and that she hasn't been seen in person for a long time, the fact that their advances in technology (and culture) despite not much contact with humanity as a whole is thanks to a garbage dump full of their stuff, and various factoids about life in the Underground. Iji made sure to copy them all down in her Tasen logbook. Knowledge was power, and she needs to be able to come up with negotiation terms for King Asgore.
For Papyrus's sake, she tried out more of his spaghetti. But it just didn't appeal to her. Every bite was a chore, but she continued on until it was finished. Perhaps she should cook brunch after this. Thankfully, turns out spaghetti was among the few meals she (still) knows how to cook. Or maybe she should go through her cans first, and Papyrus could discover something new. Although the fact that he may need to use the bathroom when they don't have any (how do they even know the concept? Oh, right; the garbage dump with all the human trash) is a little concerning. She hoped Toriel found a way around that.
After she made and ate brunch of her making with Papyrus, leaving him easily impressed, he bid him goodbye and continued on the path she was taking before he stopped him. It had grown misty again there before fading away once more, revealing that the snow path eventually melts off into a rock path, and that the trees stopped well before the no-snow point, revealing the river beside her. The path ahead turned more cavern-like as she walked, and the area took on a dark purplish-blue hue. Small crystals and glowing mushrooms served as light for this area, though she doesn't know what served as Snowdin's "outdoors" light. To her left was the river still, which eventually takes a left turn away from her, taking the thrown ice with it. To her right, she can see small waterfalls.
As she entered the next area, she found herself in a small 'room' with the arm-less monster kid overlooking something to her right, next to them a natural tunnel of water that eventually broke off to become a waterfall, behind the kid a red fish-like monster with a cyan t-shirt with a fish on it, a blue and bio-luminescent with a large corolla and six lighter-colored petals, and Sans at a sentry station, which still had snow like the Snowdin station, despite not being in a snowy area.
The monster kid noticed Iji, turned to face her, and greeted, "Yo! Are you sneaking out to see her, too? Awesome… She's the coolest, right!? I wanna be just like her when I grow up… Hey, don't tell my parents I'm here. Ha ha."
Seeing as Iji doesn't know their parents, she decided it'd be best to leave them be. Curious about the flower next to the fish monster, she asked him as she leaned down in front of it, "What's this?"
"What's this?" a voice identical to hers came from it, surprising her as she backed off a step.
"This is an Echo Flower," he explained. "It repeats the last thing it heard, over and over…"
"This is an Echo Flower," it promptly mimicked. "It repeats the last thing it heard, over and over…"
"Wow, that's interesting," she said.
"Wow, that's interesting," it parroted.
"Neat, huh?" he said.
"Neat, huh?" it copied.
Turning to the skeleton on his post, not wanting to play with the flower any longer, she approached him. Before she could greet him, he spoke first.
"what? haven't you seen a guy with two jobs before? fortunately, two jobs means twice as many legally-required breaks."
"Actually, I was under the assumption that you changed posts."
"speaking of jobs, i have to fight you at least once to keep this job. could'cha help me out?" (4)
Iji really didn't want to, but she figured if anything happens, at least she can learn what Sans can do. Or at least as much as he would allow. After all, if he was very lazy, his attacks could very well be easy to dodge. "I guess…" She shrugged her shoulders. "If that's what you want."
"thanks a million." And then the battle commenced as Iji's SOUL appeared. The other nearby monsters noticed, but didn't make any other moves, either to join in or get out of the way. Sans also casually walked around his station so that he was face-to-face with his opponent.
Realizing that she had forgotten to check Papyrus before, she decided to amend that by checking Sans. "Reeks of ketchup. Can only deal 1 damage," the phone said.
The short skeleton's response was to summon a minuscule bone akin to those of his brother's. …And it was slow as molasses. As it crossed between her legs, she looked at it with a bit of disbelief. If this was how he was going to be, maybe indulging him wasn't a good idea after all. Her phone was suggesting, apart from Check, Insult, Flirt, and Pun, but since the first was a bad thing to do, she didn't want to do the second, and her sense of humor wasn't exactly a strong suit of hers, so she decided to just stand by and wait for more of Sans's attacks.
And all she got was more tiny bones crawling towards her location. It literally took one step each to dodge the bones, and after a few more attacks, Sans shrugged his shoulders and raised his arms. He also looked like he was sweating.
"oh boy…anyway, my shift is over," he said. "i'm going to grillby's. wanna come?"
Iji thought about it for a moment. "I already ate with Papyrus… but sure. I'd like to have a chance to talk with you."
"well, if you insist… i'll pry myself away from my work… over here. i know a shortcut."
Iji couldn't remember what path they took, but it certainly wasn't back to Snowdin, yet somehow, the next thing she knew, she was in Grillby's, with its greasy odor and all its patrons.
"fast shortcut, huh?" Sans noted before greeting everybody as they made their way to the counter. "hey everyone."
"Hey, Sans," greeted Dogamy.
"Hi, Sans," greeted Dogaressa.
"Greetings, Sans," greeted the big-mouthed monster,
"Hiya, Sansy~" greeted the bunny monster.
"Hey Sans, weren't you just here for breakfast a few minutes ago?" asked Nishibi.
"nah, i haven't had breakfast in at least half an hour. you must be thinking of brunch." Somehow, this got everybody laughing. "here, get comfy." He gestured to one of the seats.
Remembering some classic practical jokes and how she first met Sans, Iji checked her given seat, and found a whoopee cushion. She picked it up, set it on the counter, and then sat down. Sans followed suit as she gave him a look.
"whoops, watch where you sit down. sometimes weirdos put whoopee cushions on the seats. anyway, let's order. whaddya want…?"
"I'll have to admit that by tussle with Papyrus has worked up a bit of an appetite," Iji replied. "I think I'll have a burger.."
"hey, that sounds pretty good. grillby, we'll have a double order of burg."
Immediately, the bartender, who was presumably the eponymous Grillby, made his way to the "Fire Exit". Iji then heard a scraping sounds to her right, turned around, and saw Sans using a comb on his head as if he had hair.
"so, what do you think of my brother? cool or uncool?"
Iji decided to go far the sarcastic answer. It was also partially the truth, since "cool" isn't how she'd describe Papyrus. "What if I said he wasn't?"
He seemed to take offense to that. "hey, pal. sarcasm isn't funny, okay? my brother's a real star. he's the person who pushed me to get this sentry job. maybe it's a little strange, but sometimes it's nice to have someone call you out on being lazy. even though nothing could be further from the truth."
"Sorry. I don't think of him as cool. I think of him as funny and sincere, but not cool. Sorry."
By then, Grillby has returned with two plates with burgers on them and laid them out in front of the skeleton and human before returning to his usual post and wiping an empty glass.
"here comes the grub," Sans said as he produced a red plastic squeeze bottle and handed it to her. "want some ketchup?"
"Sure." Iji took the bottle, noticed the very loose cap (which she begun to expect from Sans), and then screwed it tight before opening her burger and squeezing the ketchup out onto the patty before replacing the bun. "That prank was juvenile. And wasting food isn't funny."
Sans shrugged his shoulders. "eh, forgetddaboudit." He then scratched his posterior as Iji took out her canteen. "anyway, cool or not, you have to agree papyrus tries real hard. like how he keeps trying to be part of the royal guard. one day, he went to the house of the head of the royal guard and begged her to let him be in it." As Sans talked, Iji picked up her burger and started eating it, and then took a swig of water. "of course, she shut the door on him because it was midnight. but the next day, she woke up and saw him still waiting there. seeing his dedication, she decided to give him warrior training. it's, uh, still a work in progress."
Undyne, head of the Royal Guard. I'm bound to meet her eventually, Iji thought as she chewed her food, swallowed, then took another bite. Should I try and meet her with Papyrus? Maybe that should work.
"oh yeah, I wanted to ask you something." Everything around them seemed to stop after that sentence. Or maybe it was just the tension. "have you ever heard of a talking flower?"
Immediately, Iji was reminded of Flowey. Does he know him? Maybe he has answers, and I can certainly use some. After gulping down her food, she replied. "Yeah! I do!"
"so you know all about it. the echo flower." Iji's expectations sank a bit. So he doesn't know after all. "they're all over the marsh. say something to them, and they'll repeat it over and over..."
"Okay. What does this have to do with anything?"
"what about it? well, papyrus told me something interesting the other day. sometimes, when no one else is around... a flower appears and whispers things to him. flattery... advice... encouragement... ...predictions. weird, huh? someone must be using an echo flower to play a trick on him. keep an eye out, ok? thanks."
Either that's true, or it's Flowey and Sans doesn't know it. But what can I do about it?
The atmosphere seemed to return to normal, and Sans got off of his seat. "welp, that was a long break. i can't believe i let ya pull me away from work for that long. oh, by the way… i'm flat broke. can you foot the bill? it's just 10000G."
Because she was just taking a swig of water when he said that, she immediately spat it out from disbelief at the exorbitant cost, the water barely missing Grillby as he immediately scooched away from the water. "WHAT?!"
"just kidding. grillby, put it on my tab." Sans then made his way to the door, but stopped just before he reached it. "by the way, i was going to say something, but i forgot." And with that, he left.
Oh man, Iji thought as she went back to eating her food. There seems to be a lot going on in the Underground. Maybe it's no Tasen-Komato war, but it feels…damn. All I was supposed to do was negotiate peace terms with King Asgore. But with this Barrier… I wonder if my Nanogun can break it? What other properties does the Barrier have anyway? If it survived the Alpha Strike, and somehow protected the mountain it's in in the process, does that mean I can't break it with this weapon of mine? Or perhaps it has limited integrity like our Nanofields; after tanking a huge hit like that, hopefully it's weak enough for my Nanogun to break part of it. But no use mulling over it until I reach the Barrier itself.
That's when she noticed that Sans didn't eat his burger. She decided to eat it as well. Waste not, after all.
Once she was done with her (and Sans's food), she put away her canteen, and left Grillby's to continue her mission.
(1) Look up "Ansaksie" in google images. You'll find a good image of her. As for why she's even here, I haven't seen many Undertale crossovers where the character that falls down is shortly accompanied by another. It's either alone or together. And I wanted to add another Iji character.
(2) The Child is just a child, and probably wasn't much of a reader, so I think more books in the library was plausible, and revealing plot points that would've been discovered much later in-game.
(3) I considered having the HUD in the dating game appear, but I thought that'd be too cheesy and unexplainable.
(4) Yeah. I decided to go there. Go for the fan-made Sans Pacifist fight, but I skipped the part that came after.
Up next: Iji traverses Waterfall, finds the Temmies, and hits things off with Undyne.
See ya on Third!