Disclaimer: I do not and never will own Bleach *Depression* I do own Fame and Fortune, though! :D
Day Three ( Wednesday )
Karakura High School
Normal POV
The bell had just rang, signaling that lunch time had begun and Shiro was already rushing out of the classroom, intent on preoccupying the blue haired menace while his other two partners in crime carried out their part of the mission, which was to inform everyone as to what was happening with their friend. Skidding around a corner, he threw open the door that led outdoors and plucked his phone out from his pocket and called someone he knew could help. In record time, Ulquiorra answered.
"Yes, Shirosaki? How may I be of assistance?" The emotionless voice asked, making the questions sound more like statements.
"Ya, I need ya ta do somethin' fer me. I need ya ta keep Grimmjow busy so that Shinji and Renji can talk ta Ichi's group a' friends. Do ya mind?" Shiro already knew the answer, aware that Ulquiorra and Grimmjow had been the worst of rivals way back when.
"Consider it done. May I ask for how long I must take with this assignment?" Ulquiorra asked, and Shiro chuckled at the slight hint of eagerness that lurked behind a bored tone. Anyone else would have missed it, but, you see, Shiro had known Ulquiorra for quite some time now.
"At least until lunch is over, which I'm sure ya already know when that is. Am I right?" Shiro asks playfully.
"You know me all too well. Now, I must be getting started with my assignment, so if you'll excuse me," Ulquiorra states.
"Don't have have too much fun now," Shiro laughs.
"Of course," and with that the line goes dead, leaving Shiro laughing.
"Alright, one down, one ta go," Shiro mumbles to himself, heading in the direction of the stairs that led to the rooftop. "Let's just hope tha' those idiots can keep their side of the deal."
Rooftop
"Darn. I forgot my lunch down in my locker! Who wants to be a good, dear friend and go get it for me?" Shinji bats his eyelashes at the scowling orangette sitting next to him.
"Why do you single me out?" Ichigo groans and leans back, only to have Shinji lean in further.
"Why, I can't say I know what you're talking about, Ichi," Shinji states in false shock, adopting a hurt expression. "I'm injured. I always thought you trusted me. That I was one of your good friends. But I see how it is. It's just like at that party, when you-" Shinji starts, but is interrupted mid-statement.
"FINE! Just stop playing the pity card. I'll go get it for you," Ichigo groans in annoyance, but stands up, regardless, and disappears.
Shinji and Renji clear their throats, everyone turning to look at who made the noise.
"Now that he's gone, Renji and I need to talk to you. It seems that Grimmjow has been making some very... inappropriate advances toward our little berry and we want to stop him. We need everyone to work together to keep him away from Ichigo. Even if it's just talking to Ichigo, keeping him busy so he doesn't notice Grimmjow, will help. Can everyone manage that?" Shinji looks around, smiling in approval at everyone's determine expressions.
It would be that much harder for that bastard to get close to their precious Ichigo with everyone interfering at every turn. It would just have to do until they could find a permanent solution to keep Grimmjow away. Now, one more thing...
"Rukia, do you think you can do something for me?"
Shiro's POV
I'm running down the hallway of the school and skid around a corner, only to run right into someone. We both fly backwards and land with a 'Oomph!'
"Hey, asshole! Watch where yer goin'!" I stand up and brush my pants off in annoyance and look down to see furious and disbelieving amber orbs staring at me.
"I could say the same to you! What's got you in such a rush?" Ichigo stands up and winces slightly and I watch intently. Did he hurt himself?
"Oi. Are ya alright?" I ask in worry.
Ichigo snorts. "Yea, I'm fine. Nothing to worry abo- WOAH!" he takes a step and his left legs go out and he goes crashing toward the floor.
"Ichi! Ya did get hurt, stupid!" I dart forward, barely managing to catch him before he hits the tile. It's then that I feel drops of water falling on my shoulder. "Ichigo? What's wrong? Does it hurt? Tell me! Ya can talk ta me, ya know. I'll listen," I watch as he pulls back and wipes his eyes on his sleeve and lets out a weary, pain filled laugh.
"Y-yea. I know. It's j-just. I don't want to b-burden anyone else. They think I don't see it," Ichigo looks down and his arms tremble with his effort not to cry. "But I do. I see how they look at me in worry. In fear that I'll go off the deep end. It's been like that ever since my mom died. And today it's worse. They're all watching me with pity. They want to protect me!" Ichigo looks up and a lone tear escapes his right eye, "but it's supposed to be ME protecting THEM! I never wanted them to feel like I was their responsibility!" Ichigo breaks down crying.
"Ichigo. Did ya ever consider if they feel the same thing yer feelin' right now whenever ya protect 'em?" I ask, trying to calm him down by reasoning. Tears don't suit him. He's meant to fight and prevail against all odds, even if they're not in his favor.
"I know. But that's only a part of it," Ichigo looks at me almost like he's searching for something deep within myself. Something someone normally wouldn't see. He stares at me and everything else disappears, the hall around me, the world around me, everything. The only thing left is him.
His eyes water up again, but he lets them fall this time. And I know what this means. I knew in an instant. He was trusting me with a weakness that he didn't show the others. Just me. I was unique to him. He felt safe around me. Safe enough to let me see him when he wouldn't let anyone else near him.
"I don't know what to do. I've never had to deal with someone that did something like that to me. I'm scared of him. I'm scared of what he'll do," he looks right at me. "I'm scared of Grimmjow and I don't know how to stop this feeling or what to do about it."
I feel the rage well up. So it's his fault? He's the one that's causing Ichigo to cry. To shed tears. I snuff out the urge to find and hurt, no, torture the man that made Ichigo feel this way. I know that Ichigo needs me now, and I'll be damned before I refuse him what he needs. I know that I shouldn't. That I should turn and run, get away. That giving in to this will only make it final. I'll always want, desire what I can never have. But to hell with it! If I can help him, I will, damn the consequences that I'll have to face just being friends with the orangette.
I pull him back into the circle of my arms and he clutches onto the front of my shirt for dear life. "Shh, shh. It's alright, Ichi. Ya don't have ta worry. I'll keep ya safe. I don't care wha' I have ta do, but I'll keep ya safe. Ya just worry 'bout whatever ya were worryin' 'bout before this whole mess started. I'll make sure that Grimmjow doesn't bother ya anymore. Just don't cry. Don't cry. Yer a fighter, not someone who needs the protection of others right?" I feel Ichigo nod his head. "Then show 'em. Show 'em that ya can be strong. That ya are strong."
I continue to hold him until his tears stop and he backs away from me. I knew he would, but it still stings. Still hurts. It's just a painful reminder that I'll never get what I want. People say you sometimes have to make sacrifices to be near the one you love, and there was no doubt that I loved this boy, if only slightly. No matter how small that feeling was, I did love him. And if I had to sacrifice him to be near him, I would. I will. There was no second option for me. No other choice.
Ichigo's POV
I can't believe I just did that. Why the hell did I tell him that, of all people? ! I've never told anyone anything like that! My problems are my own! Like I said, I don't want to burden other people with my problems! And look what I've done. Now he feels the need to protect me from Grimmjow. Don't get me wrong. I'm grateful for it, but I don't want him to go out of his way just to do that. Especially for me.
Now that I think about it, why would he do it for me? I've only ever been rude to him. I can't remember one time where I've ever treated him kindly. Not even as Tensa have I been nice to him. So why? Why does he voluntarily tell me that he'll protect me. Now that I think about it, he even comforted me last night after the incident with Grimmjow. Ah, I'm so confused!
I unconsciously scowl, deep in thought, when I hear a distorted cackle next to me. I turn to look at him, only to see him gazing down at me, his gold eyes twinkling with some foreign emotion, amusement and... happiness?
"Wha's got ya thinkin' so hard, Ichi?" he asks as he continues to gaze down at me and I look away, feeling the urge to not stare at his eyes for too long. I'm afraid that if I do stare too long and lose myself in those eerie eyes, I'll never be able to find my way back out.
I shake my head, dismissing both my thoughts and his comment. "Nothing, really."
The albino frowns. "Wha' did I just tell ya not five minutes ago? Ya got short term memory loss or somethin'?"
"Oh, shut up. It's nothing that you need to worry about. If it's important, I'll let you know," where had that come from? I didn't want to tell him anything so personal ever again, and here I am assuring him I will! Damn it!
I look over back at him to see him smiling to himself, about what I'm not sure. "I'll make sure ya keep yer word, Ichi. Ya can count on me, if nobody else. I'll never abandon ya," my heart races at the simple statement. How does he always know what to say to make me feel at ease? What I need to hear the most?
We walk in silence. Peaceful silence. That is, until a question bubbles on my tongue and I blurt it out before I'm able to stop myself.
"So, Shiro, what made you go into the music industry?" I look over and he's got his head cocked to the side, staring up at the ceiling in thought.
"Hmm. If I had ta say, I guess it was fer the recognition. No, not that exactly. Ya see, in middle school I was always picked on fer my hair, my eyes, my voice. All I wanted was ta be noticed fer somethin' good, not fer my bad traits, I guess ya could say. Then I found tha' my voice was good fer somethin'. Singin'. I started and my career just wouldn't stop growing. I became recognized like I wanted." he shrugs, and looks over at me.
My jaw is gaping open and I'm staring at him in shock, I'm sure of it. I would never in a lifetime thought that was why he would start singing. I thought maybe for fame, sure. Fortune, absolutely. But for something like that? An actual reason that affects you as a person, your life, and not just a lifestyle. I would have never imagined. I suddenly admired him. Deep down he wasn't just some violent, perverted, sadistic guy. Alright, maybe he was, but there was so much more. So much more that I wanted to know about him.
"Wow. I'm surprised. You actually have feelings like any other normal human being. I hope this doesn't leak out to the press, Shiro," I laugh and he joins in.
"Right. Besides, yer the only person who knows this, so," his gold on black eyes flash playfully, "I'll know who ta hunt down if it does somehow manage ta leak."
"Like you could catch me," I scoffed.
"Willin' ta bet on tha', I-chi-go?" he taunts and I raise an eyebrow in retaliation.
"Bring it on, white boy!" I laugh and dash forward, his hand barely missing my arm.
"Like yer one ta talk! I bet wit'out tha' tan ya'd be just as pale as me!" he yells from behind me.
I laugh. "In your dreams!"
The only sound now is the sound of our shoes hitting the tiled floor and our pants as we gasp for breath. Sure that I've outrun him, I look behind me, only to find him right on my trail. My eyes widen and I pick up the pace, pushing myself to go faster and I hear that distorted laugh from behind me again.
"Yer a fast one, Ichigo! But know this! There hasn't been one person I haven't been able ta catch and you'll be no different!" his voice is right behind me and I realize that I misjudged him. Sure, I'm pretty damn fast, but this guy seems to be much faster, making me pale in comparison.
It's not three seconds later when I feel an arm snake around my waist and I'm jolted to a sudden stop. I yelp in surprise, and turn around, to see shining gold inches away and unconsciously suck in a deep breathe. The last time somebody was this close turned out to be very bad. Yet, I feel no fear. Only the adrenaline that still spikes through me and the rush at someone finally being able to keep up with me. The exhilarating feel of having an equal, or someone better, for once.
We stand there, trying to catch our breathe, his one arm still snaked around my waist, his face just inches from mine. It's a few minutes before we both are able to catch our breathe, yet we still stand there, staring at one another. I'm well aware of what this might look like to someone else, should there be someone that sees it, but I'm not worried. Right now, I'm Ichigo, not Tensa, and I don't need to worry about what others think of me.
That's when I start to think. Really think about the decisions I've made so far. About starting my career. Based on Shiro's reason, mine seems frail and greedy in comparison. Starting a singing career just to feel closer to my murdered mom. She had had a beautiful voice. I remember that about her, if nothing else. I remember that the world seemed to fade away, leaving just my mom there, singing. I loved her voice. I wish I could hear it one more time. Just hear her beautiful voice one more time.
Another decision that seems to be on the forefront of my mind more often than not. Is it so wrong to admit that I'm gay? Nobody important that I needed to impress or appease would criticize me for it. Not here. My friends always tell me they'll encourage me every step of the way in everything I do. So why do I hide it from them? From everyone I know? Would it be so bad to admit what I really feel and possibly get a chance at a piece of happiness? To allow myself to love someone and to be loved by someone just as much? Isn't that what everyone would want for me? I'm sure it is, but I still feel guilty. So guilty. I don't think I'll ever know why I feel like this, but I do. Maybe I'm not meant to be happy like everyone else. Maybe it's because of what happened to mom. Just maybe... No. I'll never be happy. I'll never be truly happy. Reality lashes at me like the cold sting of winter.
I'm snapped out of it when Shiro whispers three words that seem to steal my breath away from me. "I caught ya."
I smell the gum that he always chews on in class. Mint. Now that I think about it, I can faintly smell vanilla. It seems to follow Shiro wherever he goes. I remember the same scent from last night when he comforted me as I cried on my bed. That scent of vanilla. The scent of comfort. That's what I've learned to associate it with. My mom had smelled like vanilla... that day she died...
Shiro looks at me, really looks at me, and frowns. "Why do ya look so sad, Ichi? Smile."
I try, but it seems that I've finally been run dry, my endurance gone. I don't feel strong. I don't feel like I can protect anyone else. How can I if I can't even protect myself? All I can manage to make is my sad little smile. I feel like I'm dying somewhere deep down. Why?
"Ichi?" Shiro looks worried now. He opens his mouth to speak, but the school bell rings, cutting him off and silencing his words.
I don't feel anything. If anything, anything at all, I feel broken. I untangle myself from his arm and walk down the now cold and silent hallway, intent on going home. I don't want to see the smiling faces around me, the happiness that I can never really have. It had been ripped from my grasp that night my mom had been killed. The happiness I had was a small, frail bird. Faint and weak. Nobody knew if it would live or die. Not even I knew that. I walk out the front doors of the school and continue on my way. I don't intend to look back.
All I want to do is go home and forget. Forget about all the harsh reality that had seemed to crash down around me today. Forget for just a few moments. Sleep would help me with that, so sleep is what I would do. I don't look back. Not once.
I don't see those sad gold on black eyes watching me from the clear window of our classroom. I don't see that one lone tear that falls from watery eyes.
A/N PHEW! That's some depressing shizz! But it's all for a reason, my pretties! It needs to be like this for later chapters! You'll see why! Like I said in the author update... Thank SexyBleachGuys for inspiring me to finish this chapter :) Poor Ichigo. I feel so bad making this story take such a drastic turn, but it all will work out in the end... hopefully! Over 40,000 words! That means I've broke yet another milestone! I guess I'm playing with the big boys now! Also, I have good, GOOD news to announce to my readers! SexyBleachGuys has agreed to beta! Round of applause, please! I'm sure she will be an AMAZING beta! In fact, she beta-ed this one and caught quite a few mistakes!