CHAPTER 12: The Pursuit
Blahsadfeguie broke into a sprint. He knew he wouldn't be able to reach Hailstorm before he hit the ground, but with an obscene amount of luck, he might be able to do so before he died.
"What was that?" Twilight Sparkle panted, following closely behind him.
"Something Team Rocket shouldn't be using..." Blah called back, leaving it at that. All he could afford to think about at that point was getting Hail the help he needed while he still had the chance.
By the time he reached the site of Hail's landing, the pain in Blah's chest was hard to bear. Whether it was from the running or the thought of losing his friend, all he knew was that it could not compare to the pain the pegasus must have felt. Hail was sprawled out in a patch of grass, blood pouring from the two wounds in his upper body where the bullet must have entered and exited. Several of his bones had broken from the fall. On top of all of that, he seemed to be having trouble breathing, but the fact that he was trying at all was enough to keep Blah going. He reached into his backpack for one of Applejack's cider-potions.
"Are you sure it's safe to feed him a potion in his condition?" Fluttershy asked. "It looks like his lung was hit... he might choke..."
"He's not going to make it if we don't at least try!" retorted Blah as he kneeled down to administer the treatment. "Hang on, buddy..." he encouraged, pouring the liquid down Hail's throat. "Stay cool, drink this, you'll be fine..."
As soon as Blah emptied the bottle, Hail began to cough violently. The bleeding slowed, stopping entirely before too long, and he felt his broken bones snap back into place. When the coughing stopped, he gasped, leading into heavy, yet stable breathing. The potion had cured him of much of his injury, but not quite enough to give him the strength to stand again. He gazed weakly up at Blah with eyes that had witnessed the face of death.
"Th-thank you," he wheezed.
With Hail stabilized, Blah moved on to his next concern: Seraphina. Team Rocket's balloon had nearly flown out of sight by that point, and he was not about to let them get away, especially not after what they did to Hail. "Don't we have more pegasi?" demanded Blah, still panting. "Send Rainbow Dash or something!"
"We can't just blindly send in ponies to their deaths!" Twilight refuted. "We need a plan first."
"We don't have time for a plan, they're getting away!" Unsure what else to do, Blah began to pursue the balloon on foot, but what little remained of his stamina was not nearly enough to catch up. The balloon disappeared behind the tree line. Blah kicked the air in frustration, not bothering to stop himself from landing on his butt.
He sat on the ground, hunched over and working out where to place the blame. He and the entire crowd were so engaged in that speech that they completely missed Sera's abduction, with the apparent exception of Bo-bobo and his pals, none of whom seemed to care.
It didn't make any sense. How could the man he idolized for several years turn out to be completely unreliable? Surely he could only blame himself for failing to pay attention. There was something unpleasantly ironic about the fact that, while repairing one of his friendships, he has neglected to protect another.
"Blah, it's not your fault," Twilight sympathized, reading him like a book. She sat down next to him. "You can't always be prepared for everything."
"Yeah, but... whose fault is it?" asked Blah.
"You don't always need someone to blame. If anyone, you should blame Team Rocket." She patted him on the back. "We'll catch them eventually. If they're after all kinds of creatures like Seraphina, they'll strike again. We just need to-"
The obnoxious sound of a fast-approaching motorcycle engine drowned out the mare's planning. Blah rose up with his anger, turning towards the cyclist and shouting. "Look, pal, can't you see we're-"
When he saw that the driver was Bo-bobo, his anger waned. His motorcycle was a vivid orange and bore Don Patch's face, and now that he was listening, he noticed that the motor sound was just Don saying "vroom, vroom" over and over. "Hop on," invited Bo-bobo, sporting a sleek leather jacket and patting the seat behind him. "I'll take you for a ride."
Blah's hope returned in an instant. "I should've known better than to doubt you, Bo-bobo!" he cried, climbing onto the seat. Instinctively, he put his arms around Bo-bobo's waist for lack of a proper seatbelt, but withdrew them when he noticed that instead of a leather jacket, Bo-bobo was wearing a flowing white dress.
He looked back at Blah with a face covered in way too much make-up. "Ooh, I didn't know you were into that," Bo-bobo swooned in a falsetto voice.
Twilight's eyes widened. Blah shuddered. He knew that Bo-bobo was an occasional crossdresser, but seeing (and feeling) it in person was just plain uncanny. "Please just drive," he pleaded, looking away as he sheepishly secured himself.
Bo-bobo faced back to the front with a disappointed look on his face. "Party pooper."
He revved up the Donbike. "Vroooom, vrooooom!" screeched Don Patch as the motorcycle accelerated, reaching breakneck speeds. Blah would have been satisfied, perhaps even thrilled, if not for the fact that the bike was headed in the opposite direction.
Twilight sighed, watching the bike disappear into the horizon. "Okay, maybe it wouldn't be too out of line to blame these guys..."
Blah's screams were muffled as he found himself pressed firmly into Bo-bobo's back from the force. It felt like he might have changed back into the leather jacket at some point, but that didn't matter now. "Frwrd drv, frwrd drv!" he shouted.
"What?!" Bo-bobo yelled back. He seemed to be enjoying the ride, at least.
"I think he said 'forward drive'!" Don Patch helpfully remarked, while continuing to move full speed in reverse.
"There's a forward?" questioned Bo-bobo, scratching his head as he contemplated the console full of thousands of buttons and dials.
Blah finally managed to wrench himself from the driver's back. "Let me see that!" He desperately slammed his palm onto the controls. "Ploink, ploink, ploink!" chimed in Don between vrooms. Three red Koopa shells appeared and began to circle the bike, whose trajectory had not changed in the slightest.
"Use the shell, use the shell!" Bo-bobo ordered as he and Blah scuffled for control of the bike.
"Not yet, it'll crash into a wall!" Blah argued back.
"A curve! Drift, drift, drift!"
"We're on automatic powerslide, it's taken care of!"
A cloud, upon which rode Jelly Jiggler, descended from the sky and followed them. Jelly held up a sign politely reminding them that they were going the wrong way. Naturally, nobody cared.
"Only scrubs use automatic! You are on a bike for crying out loud!"
"But I have a golden Wii Wheel!"
"Only scrubs use Wii Wheels! Use a Gamecube controller!"
"Screw this, I'm ragequitting!"
"No, don't! Think of the VR you'll lose!"
But it was too late. Blah had already hit a big red button on the console marked "RAGEQUIT" in bold lettering. "Eeeeeerk!" Don Patch screeched to a halt, and there was silence.
Blah took a look around. They were in the middle of some random field, with no landmarks in sight. Not even Ponyville.
"Well!" Blah loudly complained, throwing his arms up. "This got us absolutely everywhere. Now I'm afraid we'll never make it back to civilization, let alone catching up with that balloon..." He groaned. "Why did I ever think trusting you guys would be a good idea?"
"Tsk tsk tsk..." Bo-bobo shook his head. "Son, you've got a lot to learn. Sometimes to take a few steps forward, you first need to take a hundred steps backward. Right, Don Patch?"
Blah prepared to retaliate, but Don quickly cut in.
"No, I think he's right, Bo-bobo!" shouted Don Patch. Bo-bobo gasped dramatically. "All you ever do is ride me around like a... like a horse! And you can lead a horse to McBurger Town, but you can't make him eat off the Ninety-Nine Cent Menu!"
Bo-bobo was flabbergasted. "But... but I thought you liked their chicken burritos..."
"All they do is give me gas and you know it," pouted Don.
"Wait, isn't that what you want?" Blah questioned. "You are a motorcycle, after all..."
Both the rider and the vehicle gave him a strange look. "The heck are you smokin'?" Bo-bobo asked. "This isn't a motorcycle, it's a jet plane."
Blah looked down at the bike, which had shifted into the shape of a small airplane somehow without him noticing. Don was no bigger than he was before, though, and he still had an elevated motorcycle seat.
He shrugged it off, too upset to give it another thought. "Even so, it'd still take gas, wouldn't it? I mean, what else would it run on? Rainbows?"
Seeing the massive grins on Bo-bobo and Don Patch's faces made Blah instantly regret asking that. "As a matter of fact..." Bo-bobo introduced. "Show him, Patch!"
"Don Patch is blasting off agaaaaain!" Blah clung tightly to the seat as the Donjet literally blasted off in an explosion of rainbows, leaving a multi-colored trail and rapidly heading back in the direction they came from.
Blah could barely hear his own screams amidst the roar of the wind and Don's voice mimicking a jet engine. How could such speed be possible, even with Hajike? On a whim, he looked behind himself at the rainbow trail and spotted a similarly-colored flowing mane in front of a light blue mass that seemed to be propelling the jet.
"Rainbow Dash?" he shouted.
"Haha, funny story, actually!" A face looked up at him. It was Jelly Jiggler. "They couldn't convince Rainbow Dash to help them, so I dressed up like her instead! Pretty cool, huh?"
"Wait, you mean you're not Rainbow Dash?!" Bo-bobo bellowed. "Get outta here!" He stomped down on Jelly's back, dislodging him from the plane.
"I knew I should've been Fluttershy...!" cried Jelly, spiraling down and crashing in a violent, colorful explosion on the surface.
Blah figured Jelly would be fine. All he had to worry about was finally catching that balloon, which was still airborne and approaching fast. In fact, they were on a collision course for the basket. Before any of the occupants of either vessel could react, the Donjet smashed through the side of the basket, spilling its contents into it.
"Ugh, and here I thought we were home free..."
"You are quite resourceful, I'll give you that."
Neither of those voices sounded like members of Team Rocket that he knew about. He was pretty sure he had heard the first one before, however. Wrenching his head around, he caught sight of Sera's abductees. The first one was someone he didn't expect to see again so soon: Bob Sladfigy, wearing a brand-new white uniform with a red letter "R" on the front. 'So much for making it up to him...' Blah thought.
The other was a tall, lean man around 30 years of age. His hair was grayish-white, probably dyed, and slickly combed back, and he wore a white suit, suggesting that he was a higher-ranking Rocket henchman - an executive. His confident smirk was reinforced by a golden revolver, pointed straight at Blah's head.
Blah slowly rose from his awkward position on the floor of the basket, holding up both of his hands submissively. As he did so, he rolled his eyes to the side, where he could see Seraphina inside some sort of magenta bubble. She was perfectly still, possibly asleep or in a trance. 'Sera... can you hear me?' he thought, hoping she could still communicate with him. There was no response.
"You were unwise to chase us here..." the executive coldly explained. "Such a pitiful trainer, attached so fiercely to your pet that you feel you must risk your life to rescue it."
Blah scowled. "Sera isn't a pet!" he shouted. "She's a friend, and the only one I know of who knows more about this world than I do!"
"You should watch your tone of voice when you're on the wrong end of a firearm." He cocked the gun, and Blah zipped his lips. "Now, I'll give you five seconds to explain why you're not worth one bullet."
"Uh... Edwin, sir? ...didn't you say we had to keep him alive...?" Bob cut in, almost as nervous as Blah was.
Edwin gave Bob a fiery glare. "You weren't supposed to mention that in front of him, you incompetent ignoramus..."
"I don't know what that is but I'm assuming it's an insult and I did bad," Bob uttered, shrinking into the corner.
While Edwin was distracted, Don Patch, back to his old sunny self, was in the middle of sneaking around him. "Dogpile!" he cried, jumping onto his back and bringing him to the floor.
"What the... release me, orange dwarf!" He kicked at Don, even attempting to fire a shot at him - but he accidentally hit the balloon and the entire vessel began to drop rapidly. Bo-bobo, giggling like a schoolgirl, jumped on top of the pile as well and their combined bulk was too much for Edwin.
Blah took the opportunity to draw his weapon and address Bob. "Ok, wise guy, what are you doing in Team Rocket?" He went with the Breaker instead of his silver hammer in an attempt to appear more intimidating, and it probably would have worked if Bob wasn't already intimidated by his partner's authority.
"Well, they offered me a spot with decent pay, in exchange for telling them everything I knew about you..." informed Bob, twiddling his thumbs, "...which admittedly wasn't much, but it was enough. And I wanted a good chance to strengthen my Pokemon after our embarrassing loss to that Abra of yours."
"There are other ways to do that than joining the Pokemon Mafia," Blah protested. "Now, set Seraphina free and I won't have to- whoa!"
The balloon hit the ground, causing everyone who was still standing to tumble over. The basket fell apart, and the balloon flopped down on top of everyone. By the time everyone got untangled and separated, Bob was holding up six different Pokeballs.
"Being a criminal is tougher than being a goody two-shoes!" Bob argued. "By the time I'm done with them, my Pokemon will know no limits, and no mercy! And you are going to be their first lesson!"
Blah looked at the six Pokeballs in disbelief. "You're sending your entire team out at once? You can barely control one of your Pokemon, let alone six..."
"You'd be surprised," taunted Bob. "All right, team, let's show him who the real master is!" He threw down his Pokeballs, creating a bright flash of light. In addition to Saucha, Franz, and Tryder, Blah found himself staring down a Gallade, a Typhlosion, and a Butterfree. All of them looked just as vengeful as their trainer, even Saucha. Bob probably wouldn't be able to directly control them, but Blah knew they were at least smart enough to act on their own, and facing them all directly would be no easy task.
He glanced over at his allies, knowing that he'd need all the help he could get, but they were too busy keeping Edwin preoccupied. Bo-bobo, clad in a full-body koala suit, was clinging onto him quite stubbornly as he danced around, trying to reach him with his pistol.
"Silly tree, stay still so I can climb you for delicious fruit!" Bo-bobo scolded.
Don Patch sat on top of Edwin's head as the fruit. "I'm feeling just peachy today!"
Blah slowly inhaled, lifting his heavy weapon into something resembling a ready position. At least Bo-bobo and Don Patch were distracting the one with the gun, but would it really take two of them? How long could Blah last alone against a full team of six Pokemon?
He exhaled. Hajike is based on willpower. If Blah couldn't summon the willpower to fight the odds, to defend Hailstorm, Seraphina, and all of the innocent lives threatened by forces like Team Rocket, then he would have no chance of living up to Bo-bobo's expectations. He would have no chance of living up to anyone's expectations.
With that thought in mind, the Breaker was as light as a feather.
Bob thrusted his arm forward, pointing a commanding finger at Blah. "Go, my army! Let him know why he should have never crossed Bob Sladfigy!"
To Blah's surprise, Franz acted immediately, without waiting for his trainer's orders. Surrounding himself in water, the Buizel soared into the air like a missile. Blah held his hammer back in anticipation, but as he did so, a pulsating light from the corner of his eye drew his concentration away. The Typhlosion blew a Flamethrower at Blah, contributing to a double-pronged attack. He jumped back to dodge the flames, but in doing so, lost his focus on Franz and prevented him from countering the Aqua Jet, the collision sending Blah stumbling backwards and covered in water.
By that time, he noticed Tryder was heading straight for him with his own full-body tackle, a Double-Edge attack. Blah lifted the Breaker above him and spiked the Togetic into the ground. His arms ached from swinging around such a massive weight, but the satisfaction of the heavy damage made it all worth it - until a surge of electricity coursed through his damp and conductive body from behind. Tryder had simply been another distraction for Saucha's move.
Despite feeling numb all over, Blahsadfeguie managed to remain standing, but he was stunned long enough for the Gallade to approach with a Slash attack. Blah barely got the handle of his Breaker between them to block it, but the Gallade bounced off of it to reveal the Butterfree, who had a Psybeam ready. It felt as though a grenade went off inside his head. This left him wide open to Franz's second attack, a solid Aqua Tail which smashed into his ribs. His brain scrambled and his body weak, he collapsed.
When the ringing in his ears cleared, all he could hear was Bob's laughter. "Nicely done, Phaunt!" he praised his Butterfree. "Now, Blah, if you know what's best for you, you'd be surrendering about now."
Part of him wanted to do just that. Part of him screamed at the rest of him, reminding him that taking on an entire team of trained Pokemon by himself was a ridiculously stupid idea. But he had to commit. He had to press on, not only for himself, but for his friends. He maintained hope that Bo-bobo and Don Patch would come through for him before long.
He struggled to climb to his knees. "Never," he strained. "I will... never... surrender to the likes of-"
His speech was cut short by the noise that he dreaded to hear. A gunshot. He cast a frantic gaze in Edwin's direction, only to see a clear, straight bullet hole in Bo-bobo's stomach.
"No..." uttered Blah as he watched Bo-bobo keel over, clutching the wound.
Edwin stood up, threw Don Patch off of him and brushed himself off. "That was a pain. Now, where were we? Ah yes, gun pointed at your face." He drew his revolver again. "Not a bad job, my dear Robert, but you've done enough. Now, Blah, come quietly and I will not put a bullet between your eyes."
"But Bob said that you needed me alive," Blah retorted. "You can't kill me!"
Edwin, grinning evilly, held his arm firm, his finger remaining tensed on the trigger. "Perhaps, but you've been a major thorn in my side. I have no problem dispatching of pests like yourself, the haze from my boss is worth it."
Blah took a moment to remember the Rocket hierarchy. "Giovanni?" he identified. "What... what could he possibly want with me?"
Edwin chuckled. "You really think this is still about stealing Pokemon, don't you? Poor boy. I haven't the heart to keep you living with your own ignorance." He cocked the gun. "Say goodbye to your 'friends', Blahsadfeguie."
"Surprise!" Bo-bobo said, diving onto Edwin from behind despite the visible hole in his stomach. "This hole was already here!"
"What?! Impossible!" Bo-bobo reached for Edwin's gun, and he strained to pull it away from him. The two danced around each other in a comic squabble for control of the weapon. "One would think... that bullets... should be enough... to kill a man...!"
"Super Fist of the Nose Hair!" cried Bo-bobo as he sat on the gunslinger's shoulders, wrapping his snakelike nosehairs around the man's torso. "Take me to the moon, Rocket!" He had finally wrangled the gun from him and held it high above his head.
"Ground control to Major Bo!" sang Don Patch, speaking into a pink toy walkie talkie. "Take your protein pills and put on your afro!"
Smoke billowed out from beneath the two of them, originating from a place Blah did not want to know about. Edwin struggled to free himself, frustrated and confused.
"Lift off!" Like a literal rocket, the pair soared a blazing trail into the sky.
"How is this happening...?!" screamed Edwin as they ascended faster and faster, desperately trying to loosen Bo-bobo's vice-grip hairlock, but to no avail.
Blah, Don Patch, Bob and all of his team watched the two ascend into the sky, with Bo-bobo's resounding "Wheeeeeeeeee..."
It was clear that this was the last that any of them would see of Edwin, or Bo-bobo for that matter, for a good while.
"Okay, whether that really happened or not," Bob finally said, "it doesn't matter in the slightest. If you're not going to surrender, I'm still going to destroy you. So, this is your last chance."
Blah looked over at Don Patch. He knew that even without Bo-bobo, Don was still a force to be reckoned with. Perhaps the two of them would have a chance after all, especially with Edwin out of the picture for now.
He whipped out another one of his cider potions, downing the whole thing. His strength rapidly returning, he stood up, tall and confident, and stared Bob down. "I told you already," he asserted. "Blahsadfeguie does not surrender."
"You sure about that?" questioned the voice at his side. Blah glanced back at Don Patch quizzically, certainly not expecting him to consider backing down. "It's six against two! We could get steamrolled, all because you want to save some pet that you could probably find another of by walking in a field for a couple of minutes..."
Bob grinned. "Yes, listen to the pop rock," he suggested. "We wouldn't want anyone dying unnecessarily, would we?"
Blah did not even listen to Bob. He was still having difficulty believing what Don had just said. "Seraphina is not 'some pet'!" Blah corrected. "She's a friend, one of a kind! She's the only one in this world who understands me! I'm not about to selfishly abandon her just because I can find a replacement who happens to look exactly like her..." He gripped the rough, dark handle tightly as he faced Bob's team with unwavering determination. "I don't care what the odds are. I'll take on Hell itself if it means protecting anyone and everyone I care about."
Some of Bob's Pokemon began to show signs of doubt. Perhaps it was Blah's confidence, or perhaps it was his ideals, but something about him made the villain's minions question their loyalty to Bob's cause.
"Okay, if you say so, kid..." Don replied. "I mean, I can try to keep you from getting killed, but no promises..."
Blah closed his eyes, silently taking a deep breath. This was not the Don Patch he remembered. It was possible that he had such a skewed view of them because of how he saw them so many years ago, but he didn't think he would outshine Patch in the courage department. Something was definitely amiss, but finding out had to wait. As long as Don was willing to fight by his side, that was good enough for him.
Bob laughed. His team's loyalty may have taken a hit, but Bob was convinced that his rival had no chance now. "Alright, that's enough talk," he ordered. "Let's finish this!"