CHAPTER 16: Deja Vu All Over Again
["How'd you even get UP here, anyway? Come to think of it, how are we even breathing?"]
~"Some kind of black magic..."~
_"Oh, you mean Hajike? Yeah, it does that."_
~"Of course YOU'd be an expert on insanity, you reject of a man... wait, how are you communicating with us if we're not on the party line?"~
_"Oh, you mean me? Yeah, I do that."_
["Pfffft. You should lighten up, Edwin. He's actually kinda funny."]
~"Just shut up and get me off of here..."~
Jab.
"We're here, bedhead! Wake up and look at my beautiful city!"
"Who's a bedhead, egg-face?" Blah said groggily as he came to. He realized he had fallen asleep somewhere during the trip. Sleep is such a luxury in this world, apparently.
He put his glasses back on and immediately wished he hadn't. Metropolis was a huge jungle of metal and concrete, factories and skyscrapers. Smog took up most of the atmosphere, and sinister-looking robots, each armed to the teeth, patrolled the streets and the sky diligently and loyally. Blah looked to his right and saw a factory with a sewer pipe spewing what appeared to be radioactive waste straight into the ocean.
Hailstorm took in the intimidating sights of the bad side of a tech level far above what he was used to. "What in Celestia's name..."
Eggman took a huge whiff of the air. "Ahh... home sweet home, at last."
He drove up to the gate to the city, which was guarded by four sentry-bots. They each had their guns trained on a different passenger of the rover. "HALT. PRESENT IDENTIFICATION." Hail had pressed himself against the seat, and Sera slowly reached over, taking one of Hail's hooves in anticipation.
Eggman rolled down the window as he begrudgingly pulled out a small ID card and flashed it to the bots. "As if you can't recognize your own master by now," he grumbled as the robot scanned the card with an attached peripheral.
"ACCESS GRANTED. WELCOME HOME, DR. ROBOTNIK." The gate slowly swung open and Eggman drove impatiently inside.
"Oh yeah, something I've always wanted to know..." Blah spoke. "Which is your real name, Robotnik or Eggman?"
Eggman scowled as he navigated his own maze. "Eggman started as an insult, but everyone uses it so much, it's starting to grow on me. My real name is Ivo Robotnik." He turned towards Blah. "What does it matter to you, anyway?"
Blah shrugged. "Just curious."
The confused Robotnik turned a corner and approached what appeared to be the tallest building in the city - a massive factory with Eggman's likeness decorating the top, a huge maniacal grin dominating the entire domain. Even Hail could tell that this building was Eggman's primary base of operations.
Eggman opened his mouth to say something, but he was interrupted by a distant crash. Everyone looked up at the Eggman-factory, and saw that a figure carrying a large object and a long object was dropping out of a busted window, gunfire following closely behind. The figure landed easily despite the long fall, and began running in the direction of the city gate without skipping a beat.
"Oh, not YOU again...!" Eggman pulled the rover into full throttle to give chase.
As they got closer, Blah could make out who it was, but it was nobody he could recognize. It was a teenage girl wearing some kind of high-tech white and black full-body armor. Her black hair was tied in a large bushy ponytail, and she carried a large bag slung over her shoulder in one hand. In the other hand was a unique weapon - a polearm with a blade that resembled a crescent moon, somewhat of a cross between a scythe and a naginata.
"Whoa," was all Hail could manage to say.
Although she wasn't in Blah's mental encyclopedia of fictional characters, there was something about her that seemed familiar, something he couldn't quite put his finger on...
"You know this girl?" Blah asked.
"She's a real pest," Eggman tersely said as he revved up the engine. He closed the distance between them and her pretty quickly, but she was more than ready for it and she leaped into the air with a backflip, bounding off of the roof of the vehicle with a THUMP, and landing on the other side, running full speed in the other direction.
Eggman attempted to make a hasty U-turn and nearly crashed into the side of a building. Despite this, Blah twisted his head, remaining fixated on the girl.
Before the robots that had been on her tail moments earlier could process her change of direction, the girl caught up to them, and she decapitated them with a single swing of her weapon without losing momentum. More robots chased her from the air, spraying bullets like rain, but the girl lowered her head and the bullets were deflected by her suit. All three of Eggman's passengers looked on in awe.
Eggman finally managed to turn around and continue his side of the pursuit. They sped off again, causing Hail to shout something that was lost in all the engine noise. Eggman pressed a button and a large gun barrel sprouted from the top of the rover, leaving Blah to wonder just how many of his resources went into building the thing. The girl heard the rover approaching and made a dash as hard as she could for the fence, but it was still a ways away.
Blah wasn't entirely sure he wanted Eggman to succeed in stopping the thief - he had no idea what her story was, and Eggman was still a villain after all.
Before he could decide, she turned her head and her eyes locked with Blah's. He noticed that she had glasses that were very similar to Blah's, in front of the same color eyes... hazel. In that moment, Blah knew exactly who she was. The outfit, the hair, the face. Her description matched one of Blah's characters from an online fighting game, the name of which eluded him. She had no official name in the game, but Blah remembered her class name at least. She was known as a Grand Templar. The class's primary weapon was a giant warhammer, however, and this girl seemed to use something completely different.
He pulled the crossbow on Eggman again. "If you shoot her, I shoot you."
"What?! No fair!" Eggman's hand receded from the fire button. "It's not even a gun, it's a net launcher..."
"He is telling the truth," Sera affirmed to Blah. "It will do nothing more than trap her."
"I don't care," Blah said, his grip tensing. "Let her go."
The templar looked back again, wondering why Eggman hadn't fired yet. Her eyes once again landed on Blah threatening Eggman with the crossbow. She did a quick, grateful salute before turning around again, throwing her spoils over the fence. She leaped onto it, clinging for a split second and flipping around, clearing the barrier gracefully. She snatched up the bag and ran out of sight.
Dr. Eggman sighed. "Great. She got away, with yet another rocket part in tow, no doubt..."
"Rocket part?" Blah questioned.
"It's none of your business!" Eggman snapped. "You're only here to see me off, and if you ever come back here again, my bots will shoot you on sight!"
"Oh, it's plenty of my business..." Blah's finger curled around the trigger of the crossbow. "This girl is very relevant to me in ways you wouldn't understand... and I need to know who she is, and why she wants your rocket parts. You're forgetting who has the crossbow here."
"Well, you know what they say..." Eggman said, a triumphant smirk playing across his face, "You shouldn't bring a crossbow to a gun fight!"
Blah glanced behind himself and saw that the window had been rolled down, and several of Eggman's robots had their guns pointed straight at his head.
"You're on MY turf now," the doctor continued, "and so, you'll play by MY rules. Put the crossbow down, and leave Metropolis with your filthy animals, or else you'll become no more than a very annoying stain on the seats."
Blah grimaced - it didn't feel so good being on the other end of the loaded weapon. "Ok... fine." Blah stuffed the crossbow in his backpack. "We'll get out of your hair... or lack thereof... but mark my words, this will not be the last you see of us."
"Heh heh! That's rich. Kid, you're good, but you're no Sonic. I can reduce you to ashes in a heartbeat. Don't even think about showing your ugly mug around me ever again!"
'What a way to treat the guy who saved your life,' Blah thought as he stepped out of the car. An unhappy Hailstorm and unreadable Seraphina followed suit, and the three of them headed for the gate. The last thing they heard before they left was the smug laughter of a mad scientist finally getting his way for once.
"Any sign of her?"
"Nope, not a trace." Hail was the eye in the sky, scanning the forest in vain for the templar thief. She must have been really good at covering her tracks.
"Great." Blah grumbled sarcastically as he walked below, carrying Sera on his shoulders. "I find another piece of evidence linking myself to this jigsaw of a world, and she disappears... maybe we should have let Eggman capture her after all."
"How can you say that?!" Hail challenged, taken aback. "I know you want answers, but you have to think about people other than yourself once in a while!"
"I sensed a great urgency in her mind," Sera explained, changing the subject for Blah's sake. Hail scoffed and flew a little higher. "She's not in this thieving business for profit; there's much emotional significance behind her actions."
"What exactly is that emotional significance?" Blah asked.
"I could not tell you," Sera declined. "I have vowed not to use my abilities to uncover personal secrets."
"Ugh." Blah facepalmed. He had more questions than the world wanted to answer for him. The more he thought about it, the stranger it seemed - what were his own characters doing in a universe that was full of actual published fiction? He knew the world he was in now was a literal clash of 8 different universes, but something coming from his own mind? Could there have been a universe filled with nothing but his own creations? He figured it was possible, but what were the odds of ending up in his own universe compared to theoretical universes filled with the creations of others?
"There's a vital fact that I'm missing here," Blah said aloud. "There HAS to be more to it than just colliding universes. There's just too many coincidences."
"Well, sometimes coincidences are just that... coincidences," Hail said.
"There comes a time when the coincidences are so unlikely that it starts to look completely deliberate," Blah argued back. "There's a reason I'm here, and it's not just to destroy some gems..."
He thought back to his encounter with Edwin. Whoever he had worked for really wanted him alive for something... and it certainly wasn't Team Rocket.
As a matter of fact, Edwin was a character of his too, now that he thought about it... another character originating from the templar's game. A cowboy, to be precise. How could he have overlooked that? His gun and his style were dead giveaways. Were he and the templar linked somehow?
"ARGH! More questions!" Blah shouted aloud, clutching his head. Hail found himself with even more reason to question the man's sanity.
Blah sighed. He decided to come back to those questions later, when he had the chance to speak to one of his own characters again. "Guess there's nothing left to do but travel..." he surrendered.
"Ugh... I'm getting hungry."
Hail descended from the sky, which had become a brilliant shade of orange. Blah could barely feel his legs; they continued to walk as if possessed. All of them had given up on tracking down the girl.
"Yeah Hail, I know..." said Blah. "I haven't eaten all day..."
"I could use some sustenance as well..." added Sera, whose stomach let out an audible growl... the first actual noise she had ever made since Blah met her.
Blah's zombie legs tripped over a large rock, and he fell over into the gravel. "Ow, son of a..." He stopped as he noticed what he had fallen on... a gravel path! That meant that there was some semblance of civilization nearby! "Hey guys, this way!" Blah said, directing the others toward the path. They followed without hesitation.
The path happened to be a nature trail, which led the group to the outskirts of a small town. The sign introduced the town as "Emerald Town".
"Oh hey... this is Sonic's hometown," Blah pointed out. "We're bound to make some key alliances here."
"As well as get some Celestia-darned food!" Hail galloped into town, leaving Blah reeling from the awkwardness of the statement. Sera blinked somewhat impatiently onto Hail's back, who didn't really mind at this point. Blah shook his head and followed the equine.
In no time, Hail came up to a very large restaurant that appeared to be themed like a castle. The sign over it, in large, blunt letters, read: "Food Palace".
"Why does it feel like I've been to this place a million times before...?" wondered Blah. "Oh well, a palace of food, sign me up!" He followed the hungry horse inside.
The restaurant was somewhat plain on the inside, but very well-kempt. Hail went straight to the counter, as did Blah. They'd have plenty of time for enjoying the ambiance with full stomachs.
"Hello, welcome to the Food Palace, may I take your order?" A rather portly middle-aged man with a small mustache manned the register. His nametag said simply "Joe".
"I'll take three of those veggie-burgers," said Hail, reading the menu. "Ooh, and a large milkshake... what's 'Banana-Ville Swirly Swirl'?"
"Ah, good ol' BVSS," remarked Joe. "It's a local favorite around here - banana, vanilla, chocolate, strawberry, the works!"
"Sure, I'll have that, then," Hail finished. He looked back at Blah, who was reading every line of the menu.
"Banana-Ville... why does that sound familiar?"
"Uh... wanna place your order?" Hail said, tapping his hoof.
"Oh, right, sorry." Blah studied the menu one last time. "Kay, I'll have a large bacon cheeseburger... with medium fries, and a medium shake," Blah said. "Might as well try that swirly stuff too."
"A chicken sandwich and a filet-of-fish will be fine for me, thanks," Sera telepathed, causing Joe to blink.
"Was that..."
"Yeah, it's a thing she does," Blah handwaved.
"Oh... well, I've seen my fair share of strange things in this town, so I shouldn't be surprised." He punched some numbers in the register. "Speaking of which, I don't think I've seen any of you around these parts... where are you from?"
"We're travelers," Blah abridged. "We all come from different places around the world, and our journey has lead us here." Hail impatiently muttered something that was lost in the background noise.
"Fascinating!" Joe said. "I've always wanted to travel, but I don't have the money... I'm pretty much just stuck here in Emerald Town, working in fast food for a living... have you guys seen Angel Island?"
'Oh yeah, the floating island,' recalled Blah. 'That sure was a thing that existed.' The thought of visiting such a physics-defying location quite sparked his interest. "Not yet. We're just stopping for a quick bite and we'll probably check it out after."
"Well, if you ever find the opportunity, I'd love to hear about it." He checked the register. "That'll be $14.89."
"Do you accept coins?" Blah said, pulling out a small pile of gold and silver Terraria coins.
Joe picked up one of the coins and scratched his head. "Uh... I've never seen that currency before..."
"...how about bits?" Hail showed Joe some of his Equestrian money.
"Nor that one..." Joe frowned. "Well... I can't exactly accept this... company policy." He glanced across the counter at Blah with a somewhat forced, apologetic smile.
Blah's eye twitched. Determined, he handed Joe 4 gold coins. "Just hang onto that until the bank catches up, there's probably more than enough for three meals here, I would think."
Joe eyed the money suspiciously. "I'm really sorry. If it's not legal tender in this area, I simply can't take it." He held the coins back out toward Blah.
Blah stared at the coins, desperately trying to come up with a polite way to convince the guy to accept them. However, his thoughts were cut off by the sound of two hooves plopping onto the counter.
"Look, buddy," Hailstorm breathed, his energy and patience reaching their limit, "we've been traveling for hours in the wilderness with no food or any way of knowing where in the world we are. We're tired. We're hungry. We have money, which I know for a fact is worth something, somewhere. Can't you cut us some slack?"
Joe's composure wavered in the wake of the pegasus's stubborn glare. He sighed. "Ok, ok, I'll do you all a favor and let this slide... it's only 15 bucks." He took the coins and stashed them unhappily in an extra register slot. "We'll have your food ready in about 5 minutes."
"Th-thanks," Blah said in bewilderment, half to Joe, and half to Hail.
And now that his food was taken care of, Blah was able to get a good look at the restaurant for the first time. One of the first things he noticed was a group of three colorful patrons just hanging out at one of the window-side tables. The yellow one sipped gleefully on a milkshake while the pink one gazed lovingly into the blue one's eyes. The blue one was hastily trying to convince the pink one that there were other blue fish in the sea.
Blah identified them all in a second.
'Convenient coincidence, we meet again.'