Why do I always do this?
I'm laying on my back under a few layers of silky sheets. My eyes are closed but I'm far from asleep.
Why can't I just be myself around him?
I allow myself a long sigh. I need to get my head to stop spinning.
And why did he bring this up all of a sudden? Why does he even want a kid, anyway? They just smell bad and cry.
I roll over onto my side, but nothing seems able to eliminate this gnawing anxiety.
Or…maybe I just don't want to face the fact that-
My train of thought is interrupted by the creak of the door as it opens. Heavy feet lumber in and I find myself tensing up. The door is quietly shut and I listen as my lover paws through the dresser drawer for some bedclothes.
Eventually I feel him slide into bed beside me. Or, more technically, behind me. My eyes open silently. As soon as the blankets are resituated he wraps his arms around my middle. Ever so gently, he pulls me back against his warm, bare chest. I immediately smell shampoo and I flush red when our skin touches.
I let myself be enveloped by him. But honestly, I can't believe he doesn't feel how stiff I am.
"Hiro-san," I hear him croon. He pulls my lower body even closer against his and bends his knees up into the crooks of mine. "Hiroki."
"I told you not to call me that," I mutter before I can stop myself.
He jolts as the first syllable escapes my lips. "You're awake?" he asks incredulously.
"Obviously."
"Oh…I'm sorry. I thought you were sleeping." Nevertheless, his arms tighten a little more around my torso.
I want to flip out at him, but I'm just too mentally exhausted from thinking about the whole baby thing. So the silence drags on. Eventually, I decide to take action. It's a bit outside my comfort zone, to say the least.
"Hey, Nowaki…" I begin.
"Yes?"
Don't chicken out!
"I, er…sorry for yelling. Earlier." Damn, I suck at this.
Nowaki's arms disappear from around my waist. "What?" he breathes as his upper body perks up into a partial sitting position. "Really?"
I curl up into a ball. Thank God I'm not facing him. "Yes, you dumb kid."
"Oh, Hiro-san, thank you," he coos. Relief floods his voice as he leans down to hold me again. He somehow manages to work his arms beneath my stiff ones. "You have no idea how happy that makes me," he whispers into my ear as his arms snake across my stomach.
"Er, okay." I'm hyperaware of his climbing body temperature and my ear burns where his breath had tickled it.
"Does that mean you'll consider it?" he asks in a silky voice. One of his hands slides furtively down the side of my body.
I can already feel his manhood hardening against my ass. "I don't know yet," I say shakily.
"That's good enough for me." He punctuates the sentence with a sweet kiss on top of my disheveled head.
I shudder and say nothing in return. I simply wait to see where his hand goes.
It gravitates to my crotch. Of course.
Nowaki's fingers tease the waistband of my flannel sleep pants and my heart starts racing.
"Nowaki, don't," I protest. But it sounds halfhearted. "I'm too tired."
But we haven't touched each other in weeks….
"Hiro-san" is all he can whisper. As his hand slips under my garments and toward my most private spot my toes curl and I grimace.
"Come on, not tonight," I say. I try to sound stern but my voice comes out more like a whimper.
"But Hiro-san, you've already turned me on with your words." And with that, he wraps his fingers around my shamefully hard member and begins to pump it.
My body squirms uncontrollably. Despite my vicious efforts to keep myself under control, I can do nothing but give into him. I find myself drowning in pleasure almost instantaneously.
"Ugh…Nowaki!" I growl through rigid teeth. Every time he does this I always try so hard to hide how much I enjoy his touch.
…Why? After all these years, I still can't…?
"Hiro-san, turn and face me." His voice is already getting rough. Not a bad kind of rough; more like a sexy, husky rough.
….Shut up.
"N-no…I don't…" I struggle to say. My hand grips his arm and tries desperately to pull it away. Heat is coiling in my stomach like a fiery snake.
"Come on," he says doggedly. "Please."
Without even waiting for an answer, he flips me around with those strong arms of his. I just gape at him in the dim moonlight. Despite the almost pitch-blackness, I can see those smug eyes of his shining like glass. They stare brightly at me from over the little pillow hill between us.
Anger quickly shoves my surprise out of my head. "You asshole!" I snap with as much conviction as I can muster. "Don't steer this all by yourself!" As I speak my arms lash out to try and force him back.
I'm so glad it's dark out; I'd be mortified if he could see me blushing right up to my ears like a schoolgirl.
Nowaki seems to ignore my furious outburst. Gently, he takes my wrist into one of his bear hands. "Please don't push me away," he whispers to me as he wraps his free arm around my back. He pulls me close and kisses me before I can react.
My rage just evaporates. His voice is the aloe to my sunburn, the cool drink to my summer day.
By the time he pulls away, I feel…tranquil. Calm.
That is, until he holds my waist and rolls on top of me. My anger easily cracks through my smooth, temporary stability and resurfaces via scowl.
My face crinkles up. In my defense, it is my natural response to anything "lovey-dovey."
Despite my sour frown, Nowaki's face bursts into a grin. "Oh, Hiro-san, you look so cute right now," he says lovingly as he tucks a lock of unruly brown hair behind my ear.
"Idiot," I mutter, looking away. "I still don't understand how you can call me that."
"Because you just are." With that, his lusty hands tug my pants and underwear down past my thighs. I feel my pulsating member spring straight up, erect and ready to be stimulated.
I bite my tongue and let Nowaki slip my nightshirt off.
Don't ruin this for him.
"I love you, Hiro-san," my young lover breathes in my ear. He kisses me again and his voice entices me to submit.
Maybe I'll try to enjoy myself, too. For once.
My mind goes fuzzy when his tongue enters my mouth. Eyes fall closed, breath becomes ragged, voices make themselves heard until he pulls away so we can recharge our lungs.
When I recover enough to be able to open my eyes, I catch a last glimpse of him leaning his head down to my chest. My heart slams repeatedly against the inside of my ribcage as Nowaki's tongue makes with my skin.
"Hah…ngh," I huff. It's getting harder to breathe. Nowaki trails the hot organ up my neck and kisses my jugular vein. I shudder as a warm little gale tickles my ear.
I can just imagine the smug satisfaction in his azure eyes as he whispers, "Let's see how wet you are."
I cringe when I feel his warm fingers encase my manhood one again. I realize that my pants must have come completely off at some point, too, because my legs are able to spread and bend at his touch. And they do just that; every move I make is pure instinct.
What am I, a dog in heat?!
"Shut up…Nowaki," I manage to hiss through gritted teeth. "Get off me."
"Mm, you say that, but you don't mean it," he says coolly as he pumps my dripping manhood. Then, before I can respond, he warbles, "Oh, wow, Hiro-san! You're even wetter than I though you'd be. I can feel it all over my-"
"Shut up!" I repeat. My fists tighten their death grip on the bedsheets beneath me.
Shutupshutupshutupshutup-!
"It must be because we haven't done it in a while," he goes on. I feel him let go of me and I throb once- hard.
He's ignoring me!
"Nowaki, are you listening to me?!" I demand.
"I am," he says, almost politely. "Are you listening to me?"
I feel myself recoil. I have no idea what to say, so I just lay there, breathing hard.
Nowaki always does this.
He takes advantage of my stunned silence to lean down over me.
He knows just how to corner me.
As he closes the distance between our faces I can see the lust glimmering in his indigo eyes.
I never told him once how to calm me down….
He ever so gently takes my scowling face into his hands. Those big, calloused hands always manage to treat me so gently, as if I were a baby bird.
…because he figured it out before I needed to say a thing.
I can do nothing but succumb to him.
Within five minutes, I'm leaning forward on my knees.
Shut up.
"Mm…mmm…ngn," I whimper with every careful thrust of his. It's all a blur; I always fall under his spell way too quickly.
"You've gotten so tight," Nowaki says quietly, mostly to himself.
How does he stay so calm and collected when he's the one seducing me?!
I only grit my teeth tighter. The only thing I can think about is the monstrous erection moving slowly in and out of me. With every thrust it ventures in a little deeper, and my urge to scream gets a little stronger.
The feeling of him inside of me is excruciating, to say the very least. Pain and pleasure balance themselves out like yin and yang. Always, in the beginning, there's pain. Always. And then…
"Ooh," I gasp. There it is. The head of his erection briefly grazes my prostate and I shudder violently.
Pleasure.
"Is it good now, Hiro-san?" Nowaki whispers. I can barely hear him over the potpourri of sounds coming from my body- the moaning, the the heavy breathing, the slurping-
"Fine," I say hoarsely.
It is, I wish I could say. It feels so good, Nowaki.
But my pride won't let me.
"I'm glad," he croons as if he could read my mind. Hoping to pleasure me further, he picks up the pace.
I feel my toes curl. My fingernails are burrowed so deeply in my palms I'm sure I'll draw blood.
I can't exhale without my voice clinging to my breath. Actually, it's more voice than it is breathing.
Moan. Inhale. Moan. Inhale. Moan. Gasp! Moan.
I'm embarrassed and flustered and furious and mortified but it just feels so good. The constant sensation of him slipping and squeezing himself in and out of me is just amazing. And once he gets into his rhythm and hits that cluster of nerves so deep inside me…words can't describe.
"Oh," I whimper throatily. But an instant later I want to punch myself.
How do I even make that noise?!
Thankfully, Nowaki doesn't respond. He seems to be losing himself to the intense pleasure of our intercourse.
Finally.
"Oh, Hiro-san, you feel so good," he groans with a rather rough thrust.
Never mind.
I suck in a strangled breath as he hits that sensitive spot deep inside me. Multicolored stars flash in my field of vision.
So do you, I want to say. You feel amazing inside me, Nowaki.
I grit my teeth harder. There's no way I'd ever admit that to him.
At this point, Nowaki has removed his left hand from my hip. The only reason I notice is because he wraps it around my neglected, bouncing manhood.
"Ngh," I grunt when Nowaki starts pumping me. Oh, God, it's too much…..too much after such a long abstinence.
The pad of his thumb massages my head. It's slick with my own bodily fluids and more begins to leak out at his touch.
"Ahhh, Nowaki," I whine through my teeth. I don't care what I sound like anymore, I just need an outlet.
An outlet, it's too much-
It's too much-
Pressure building-
A balloon about to pop-
"Ahhhnnn," I almost yell. Thankfully, my voice is muffled by the pillow I mash my face into. I feel the violent jolt of my seed bursting out of me; the tight, grateful release of all that pressure.
My cum shoots out in multiple short spurts. I can feel it squeezing through the hair-sized tube in my shaft, pulsing under the skin and exploding onto my stomach and the bed underneath me.
An intense, convulsive shiver racks my body as I come. I'm so wrapped up in this fleeting feeling that I don't even notice Nowaki's hand pulling away from me.
Meanwhile, I'm mentally riding out this climax in my own bubble of erotic pleasure. It lasts less than a minute, but it seems to take an eternity. It feels so good it almost hurts. Amazing, just amazing.
And then-
"Hiro-san?"
Ugh.
Just like that, my bubble pops.
I allow myself a slow exhale into the pillow as my knotted muscles try to relax. Ignoring Nowaki, I roll over to one side and onto my back. Mr. Never-Shuts-Up-During-Sex must've pulled out at some point, because I'm slowly becoming more aware of the uncomfortable void in my rectum.
Right…Nowaki.
I open my eyes to see him swooning over my spent body. Semen is even still leaking slowly out of me and dripping all over my lower body. I'm an absolute mess, and it's not helping that my legs are spread like some prostitute's.
"Ungh," I mumble as my mind reboots. I roll my shoulders back to prop myself up on my elbows.
"Wow, Hiro-san, you're amazing!" Nowaki exclaims as he swoops down on top of me. "That sounded like it felt so good. I just wish I could have seen your face." The grin plastered on his face is awfully cheeky. I can tell even in this dim light.
I only grunt in response to his elated words. The climax had taken a lot out of me, and I'm still recovering. I'm just not accustomed to this sort of thing anymore; the last time we had sex was almost a month ago.
At the moment, though, my skin is burning and my heart is pounding in such a way it makes me think it'll never calm down.
Nowaki ignores all these things and bows his head against my chest. "So I'll make you come again," he says, planting a kiss on my sternum.
My eyebrow twitches, but I'm in no condition to put up my traditional, pointless dukes in a battle that I'm ever-destined to lose.
I can do nothing but succumb to him.
This time Nowaki rears back on his knees. I can see the shadowy outline of his still-erect manhood, which in turn causes my own to throb.
Stupid physiological reflexes.
I lay there like a pale slab of meat waiting to be prepared by the master chef. I feel so…vulnerable. Embarrassed. Here I am, "Demon Kamijou," laying on my back at the mercy of a mere college intern. He's four years younger than I am and yet he's about to fuck me senseless. Again.
Dammit, Hiroki.
As I lay here angsting, I feel Nowaki's big bear hands slide up against the backs of my thighs. They push my legs back so Nowaki can have…access. He's a bit rough about it, and in seconds my dripping member now rests against my samen-spattered lower stomach.
My young lover makes sure my entrance is in position before he looks me in the eyes once more.
Pure joy pulsates in his expressive irises. He looks so happy it almost makes me smile.
Almost.
To my rather forced dismay, he returns his attention to my ass and forces himself in.
Full, so full-
The feeling of him inside me for a second time is sickeningly wonderful.
My toes curl as I begin to squirm. It feels so good.
"Ngh," I groan. I can't help but to buck my hips once as I feel Nowaki slide out. He takes his time, knowing how much it affects me. My face screws up when I feel those firm lips of his head still just inside me.
My rectal muscles give a reflexive squeeze, eliciting a moan from Nowaki. "Oh, that feels amazing."
I can't respond. I'm simply and utterly drowning in ecstasy, going completely under when he gives a single deep thrust into me.
Like a train leaving the station, he begins slowly. He only begins to thrust faster when he's sure it won't hurt me.
I know he watches my face the whole time. I can feel his eyes boring into my skin.
Thankfully I remembered to close mine the second he penetrated me. I didn't want him to catch my gaze…because I know I wouldn't have been able to look away. The way he looks at me, into me as we carry out our intercourse…it's maddeningly adorable.
Or maybe it's just maddeningly maddening.
A gentle hand smooths some hair out of my face and I automatically open my eyes.
Dammit-!
And just like that, he catches me: hook, line, and sinker. He immediately smiles when he gets a response from me, his euphoria making his eyes sparkle. For once he says not a single word. This only makes his tender look resonate all the deeper. It's so loving, so pure, that it makes my stomach churn.
Just enjoy yourself, don't look at me with those omniscient eyes….
Don't look at me like that when you know fully well how much you mix me up inside.
Nowaki picks up his pace and grunts. He turns his attention to my exposed neck, but his gaze is still burning in my mind.
His large body comes even closer to mine, our chests rubbing together every few thrusts. Nowaki's hot tongue drags slowly up my neck until it gets dangerously close to my chin. I unhook my sore hands from the bedsheets and cross them loosely over my face like a shield, flustered by my lover's advances.
Typical.
"Hiro-san, let me see you," Nowaki says. His voice is husky and very close.
Meanwhile, with nothing anchoring me to the bed, I bounce with every powerful thrust from my young lover. I only grit my teeth and shake my head as he pummels my body. And even though I just spilled a bucketful of my seed I can feel the telltale pressure in the base of my shaft that assures me I have loads to spare.
And it's almost ready to come out.
Like a catapult being readied for battle, the semen in my body tightens up. I can feel the elasticity of the bundle just waiting for the right thrust.
"Ungh…mm…!" I keep whimpering with every one of Nowaki's expertly angled thrusts.
He's just so good, so good, it's so good-
Yes, Nowaki, right there-
"Right there," I echo my swirling thoughts in a breathless whine. I don't even notice until…
"Of course, Hiro-san," comes Nowaki's grunt. Somehow, his ragged voice still sounds gentle. His hands release my thighs and plant themselves in the bed near my shoulders. He shifts his whole body, without breaking his rhythm, to satisfy my own hormonal desires.
And so I just lay there, bouncing and moaning and sweating and whining and drowning.
Drowning in his sickeningly sweet ways.
Drowning in his absolutely masterful skill.
I can feel my sanity slipping away from me; I'm losing this battle with every thrust.
I'm losing but it feels so good-
It feels so good-
My nails are embedded in the palms of my hands. They feel like they're about to pierce the skin and dig into my bones. It usually hurts like hell but I barely notice.
Nowaki's breath is hot against the tender undersides of my arms.
I'm drowning, I'm losing, but it feels so good-
He's inside me, massaging my pleasure point with the rubbery tip of his head.
And it feels so good-
"Yes, yes," I say breathlessly. It's only a tiny tease of what I really wish I could say. Like…
Yes, Nowaki. Harder.
Right there, right there.
Nowaki, I love you.
But my pride holds my tongue hostage.
As a last resort to find an outlet, I suddenly pull my arms away from my face and look at him. Just look at him through my blurry, bleary, anguished eyes.
His head is bowed slightly now so he can't see me. I watch him thrust and moan for a few seconds before I grit my teeth and hug his neck.
Nowaki's head snaps up. I must have surprised him more than I thought I would, because he stops almost on a dime.
"Don't stop," I snarl into his ear. My anger flares up for no reason as I dig my fingernails into his back.
Please forgive me.
He says nothing in response, but I feel the muscles in his cheeks pull his mouth up into a grin. Smug bastard. But he picks up right where he left off to continue pounding me like a nail.
Out of pure instinct my already raised legs wrap around Nowaki's waist, heels digging into his back. This angles me better so he can…so he…..
Ohh.
Ohhh, yes, yes, yes.
"Oh, God," I whimper. This is even better than before. I can feel Nowaki curling up into me, nailing my sweet spot over and over. It's like he's teasing my most ticklish spot, giving me the most liberating massage, scratching the itch I can never reach, and, and….
I plummet off the deep end. My last bit of sanity collapses.
God.
"Nngh, Nowaki…" I'm writhing now, my self control completely gone.
"Hiro-san," he answers me in that husky voice. He presses his cheek to mine again and lets his scorching hot breath graze the eggshell of my ear.
My legs inch higher and higher up his body. The higher they go, the better the drilling feels.
Still, words cannot describe the ecstasy I'm feeling.
It's so good-
He's scratching that itch-
"So good, it's so good," I'm mewling.
"Keep moaning for me," he whispers into my wild hair.
Shut the hell up! Don't ruin the moment! I want to bark. But the though dissipates as fast as it surfaces. I can only sink deeper into the pure bliss and oblige Nowaki's words without meaning to.
It feels so good-
I squeeze my eyes shut so tight that bright flashes of color scream soundless alarms behind my eyelids.
It's just too much-
Tears manage to stream out of my hidden ducts. I feel them creep down the sides of my face and mingle with the sweat that's already dripping into my hair.
He drives me insane-
With one last convulsive thrust, Nowaki's semen explodes inside of me. The colors in my mind howl, but it takes me a second to realize the sound is coming from my own mouth. I'm barely aware of my lover's guttural moan escaping his gritted teeth.
But he just feels so good-
One of my hands finds Nowaki's messy hair and nearly tears out the handful it grabs onto. As that creamy, hot milk pours into me my body presses closer to Nowaki's.
It hurts so badly but it feels so good-
My rectal muscles tense to squeeze all the semen out from Nowaki's shaft. He pushes in deep- deeper than ever to intensify his orgasm. It's becoming painful; my body was never designed to withstand this kind of thing.
And yet…I wouldn't want to live if I couldn't do this with him.
I can't handle it-
His seed is barely done gorging my exhausted body before my own comes bursting out of me. Ribbons of pearly liquid land on my stomach, leaving my body as violently as water from a pressure washer. It's over in seconds, making both my and Nowaki's abdomens sticky.
My brain barely processes any of it. I'm too busy mentally riding out my second and final climax. Suddenly I'm completely drained…no gas left in the tank.
Sleep washes over me very quickly. So quickly, in fact, that I haven't the time to register the last sound to leave my lips.
"Nowaki…"
It pisses me off.