Stay tuned for a special epilogue
Lose my mind
And the world seems to disappear
All the problems
All the fears
And the world seems to disappear
INXS (Disappear, 1990)
Lacy crossed her arms on her knees and rested her head; her eyes shimmered with tears and her nose was so clogged she could barely breathe. A cigarette smoldered forgotten between Lupa's fingers. The girl stared straight ahead, her throat bobbing as though she were trying to either speak or keep from crying. Lacy opened her mouth, but closed it again. What point was there? Lupa hated her, just like everyone else.
Her eyes went to the blade on the nightstand. She balked at the thought of cutting herself, but it wouldn't hurt for long, would it? Isn't there a major artery in your arm? If she severed it she could bleed out in ten minutes, maybe less. Ten short minutes and it would be over...the pain...the nightmares...the aching loss...the crushing loneliness. A memory came to her: When she was eight she made friends with a girl who was really religious, and one Sunday Lacy went to Sunday school with her. The teacher talked about God and Jesus and Heaven; she said it was paradise, and that all tears would be washed away. There's no suffering in Heaven, no death; you live forever in the sunshine of eternal happiness with the loved ones you lost on earth. Your grandmother, your father, your baby…
She reached out and picked it up. Before, it felt cold, like ice; now it was warm, inviting; she brought it to her wrist and pressed.
"STOP IT!"
Lacy jerked in surprise, and the razor's edge slashed across her skin with a fiery sting. She sucked a sharp intake of breath and balled her hand into a fist. Lupa turned her head, her eyes going from the oozing blood to Lacy's pained face.
"JUST. FUCKING. STOP."
Hissing over clenched teeth, Lacy dropped the blade into her lap and looked up at the door. It sounded like Lyra.
Lupa raised the cigarette to her lips, inhaled, and blew out a cloud of smoke. Lacy waited for another exclamation, but none came. For some reason, that scared her. Lyra was known to have periodic breakdowns, and when she was in the middle of one, Lacy was downright terrified of her. She never said, and she never showed it, but she was; Lyra thought everyone was out to get her, and there's nothing more dangerous than someone who believes you're going to hurt them.
A part of her wanted to pick the blade back up and finish what she started, but another part wanted to see what was happening...to make sure Lyra wasn't coming for her with wide, crazy eyes and sharp fangs the way she did sometimes in nightmares. Her heart clutched at the thought of Lyra coming at her weakest, as her life drained from her wrists and her heartbeat slowed. She'd be defenseless...unable to protect herself.
Plucking the blade up, she shifted off the bed and went to the door. She held the razor the way a girl in a vampire haunted castle would hold a cross. Lupa watched with cool detachment. Inside, however, her heart thudded sickeningly. Screaming meant something was wrong, and when things went wrong in the Loud house, they went all the way wrong. I want this to be over with, she thought and took a drag. I just want death.
Lacy turned the knob slowly, and the door creaked open like the rusted, dirt clogged hinges of a casket dragged from the ground after a thousand years. She stepped into the hall, and jumped a foot when Aunt Lori screamed. "OH MY GOD!"
She stood at the head of the stairs, her hands pressed to the sides of her face and her eyes the size of dinner plates. Lacy followed her gaze...and froze. Lyra was hunched over like a hunchback apparition, her teeth bared and her face twisted in madness. Leia was on her knees before her, her face swollen and purple. Blood filled her eyes and leaked down her cheeks like crimson tears, more trickling from the corners of her mouth and her nose. Her head flopped bonelessly back and forth as Lyra shook her.
A gasp pulled her horrified eyes back to the stairs: Auntie Luan stood next to Aunt Lori, her hands covering her mouth and nose. Mom rushed up the stairs, faltered when she saw what was happening, then brushed between her sisters with a muttered, "Shit," and rushed forward as Aunt Lana stomped up the stairs and came to a crashing halt. Mom wrapped her forearm around Lyra's neck and yanked her back; Lyra's hands released and Leia toppled over, landing on her side. Her head hit the floor with a hollow thunk. Auntie Luan and Aunt Lana both hurried over and knelt on either side of her.
"OFFA ME, BITCH!" Lyra screamed and threw herself back, momentarily pinning Mom to the wall. Sneering, Mom hooked her foot around Lyra's and body-slammed her hard. Aunt Lori watched with a shell-shocked expression, her trembling fingers threading through her hair.
"Oh, my God, she's dead," Aunt Lana moaned, and Lacy's heart panged. Dead? Dead? "She's fucking dead!"
Lyra thrashed underneath Mom. Mom wrenched her arm behind her back. "Stop fighting or I'll fucking break it!"
Auntie Luan was sobbing hysterically and Aunt Lana's palm was flat against he forehead. "Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh my fucking God," she chanted. Mom drew back her fist and slammed it into the back of Lyra's head; the girl fell limp.
"Call an ambulance!" Auntie Luan wailed.
"No fucking ambulance, she's dead!" Aunt Lana.
"Call someone," Auntie Luan moaned.
Mom got to her feet and shuffled over. She looked down at Leia's body, and the color drained from her face in a rush; her jaw dropped and her eyes widened. "Oh, fuck," she trembled and ranked her fingers through her hair, "oh, fuck."
Lupa was standing next to Lacy now, worry written uncharacteristically across her pallid face.
"She might still be alive," Auntie Luan said, "w-we have to call -"
"WE'RE NOT CALLING ANYONE!" Mom roared. "She's fucking dead! If we call someone, we're all fucked. The kids are gone, we're in jail, fuck...fuck!" Her hands went to her temples; they shook violently.
Aunt Lana looked up at her. "N-No, it won't happen like that, we -"
"Yes it will!" Mom screamed, "I just fucking know it! Goddamn it! Motherfuck! Shit" She punched the air in a display of panic. "Call Lola." She ran her fingers through her hair again. "I need time to think. Time to think. Time to think Fuck, fuck, fuck."
"They won't take the kids away," Aunt Lana said, "it's…"
"YES THEY FUCKING WILL!" Mom wheeled around and slammed her fist into the wall; plaster cracked and Lacy jumped. "THEY'LL TAKE YOUR KIDS AWAY, THEY'LL TAKE MY FUCKING KIDS AWAY, THEY'LL TAKE EVERY FUCKING KID AWAY!" Her voice was high and cracking.
Terror stuck in Lacy's heart like a dagger. She'd never seen her mother so flustered. Mom was big and strong if nothing else; if she was this scared, things were bad.
"What do we do?" Auntie Luan wept.
Mom paced back and forth, her hands up in front of her face and her fingers hooked into talons "T-T-The bedroom, take her in the bedroom."
Lacy started to cry. "M-Mom…"
Mom's head whipped up, and the terror in her dark eyes made Lacy cry harder. "GET BACK IN YOUR FUCKING ROOM!" she screamed and took a jerky, threatening step forward. Lacy fell back a step and tripped, landing on her butt with a breathless umph. Mom spun. "NO ONE COMES OUT OF THEIR FUCKING ROOM!"
Lacy shook. Lupa stared wide-eyed as Lana dragged Leia's body across the floor and into Lori's room, Luan following with her hands over her face. Lori shuffled down the hall like a zombie, her cellphone in her hand.
Like Lacy, Lupa was affected by the panic of her aunts. Things went wrong alright...and this time there was no coming back. She could feel it.
Lori stood by the foot of the bed with a glazed look in her eyes. Leia was stretched out on top of the covers, her face pointed at the ceiling. Luan sat on the edge and hugged herself. Lana stood by the nightstand and massaged her temples with her fingers. "Did you call Lola?" Lynn asked.
The older woman didn't reply; she stared into space with slack-jawed confusion. Lynn flashed and snatched the phone from her hand. "Mrs. Tough-As-Nails isn't so goddamn tough now," she grumbled, "right to shit, huh, Lori? Can't handle the fucking heat." She angrily stabbed the keypad and lifted the phone to her ear. What was she going to say? She needed Lola back here now but she did not need her going to pieces. This was bad, bad, bad and deep down, she didn't think she could take the heat either.
A loud tone sounded and Lynn winced.
"I'm sorry, but the number you have dialed is no longer in service…"
What?
Lynn held the phone up. It was Lola's number alright. What - ?
An idea struck her. She shoved the phone into Lori's hand and went out into the hall. This better not be fucking happening, this fucking better just fucking better not. She threw the door to Lola's room open and went inside. Nothing looked out of place. She went to the closet.
Empty hangers.
No. No, no, no, no.
She crossed to the dresser and pulled out the top drawer.
Nothing.
The second.
Empty.
Lynn's rage boiled over. She grabbed the goddamn thing and tipped it over: It hit the floor with a thunderous crash and broke into splinters. "GODDAMN IT!" she screamed and kicked it. "GODDAMN IT!" Of course she picked this of all fucking days to run off with her boyfriend. OF FUCKING COURSE!
Seething, Lynn went back to Lori's room, barely noticing that Leni was here now, her hand to her mouth and her eyes glued to Leia's supine body. "She's gone," Lynn raged, "she fucking left. All her clothes are gone. Every fucking thing." She put her hands on her hips.
"Alright," Lana said, "this is...this is crazy. We need to call the cops, someone -"
"We can't," Lynn said and chopped the air, "they will swoop in and take the kids and we will go to jail for neglect."
"Lynn," Lana said, "you're over -"
Lulu cried out from her room. I don't have fucking time for this. Lynn went into the hall and spotted Lizy standing in her doorway, her face just as slack as Lori's. She went over, grabbed her by the front of her shirt, and dragged her into the corridor. "Go get your sister," she commanded. Without a word, Lizy obeyed. Lynn did not notice the bloodstains on the seat of the little girl's shorts.
"If we're not calling someone, what are we doing?" Luan asked. She was no longer crying, but her eyes glistened still.
Lynn didn't know, so she paced and rubbed her temples as if to stimulate thought. Her mind was racing and her chest was tight with panic. Lincoln was set on fire yesterday, and while the hospital apparently bought the BBQ story, it would look mighty suspicious if the very next fucking day another Loud winds up there...well, two: One in the morgue and the other on the nut ward. Lynn was not going to lose her daughter: She never lost anything. Fuck that. And she sure as shit wasn't going to go to jail for letting some skitzo run free. "We'll put her in the garage," she said. "Then tonight, we'll bury her."
Lana and Luan both gaped. Lori hugged herself tightly and muttered something about 'treating her like trash.' Leni's eyes darted to Lynn's, then away. "Lynn, we can't do that," Lana said, "the school will send someone looking for her."
"Lola took her," Lynn said, "that's all we know; they left. End of story." She glanced over her shoulder. In the hall, Lyra was beginning to stir. They had to do something about her crazy ass before she killed someone else. "Lana, help me tie Lyra to her bed. Lori, call Luna."
Lynn grabbed the schizophrenic by her arms and Lana took her legs; together they carried her into her room and laid her on the bed. Liby, sitting on her own bed, watched with fear as Lynn directed Lana to get four pairs of underwear from Lyra's drawer. She did and handed them over; mounting her niece, Lynn bent over, held her right hand to the bedpost, and tied it as tightly as she could.
What we they going to do about Lyra? Leia was easy - six feet and you're done. Lyra, on the other hand…
She shoved that thought away as she bound the madwoman's other hand, then moved onto her ankles. When she was sure her niece wouldn't be able to escape, she stepped back and put her hands on her hips. Lana came up and stood beside her. "This is crazy, Lynn, it really is."
"Shut the fuck up."
In her room, Lori sat on the foot of her bed and wept into one hand. Leni sat next to her, her knees touching and her hands in her lap. She looked like she was deep in thought, which happened every once in a while. "I can't either," Lori said, "I can't either."
"What?" Lynn demanded.
"I can't either, I can't either, I can't either…"
Lynn grabbed the phone from Lori's han and read the screen. A text. From Luna. No. I can't deal with this shit anymore.
Luna wasn't coming back.
She was running away too.
Rage detonated in Lynn's chest; she spun and slammed the phone against the wall. "FUCKING BITCH!" She ran her hand through her hair and tugged. "Rats deserting a sinking ship...fucking rats. God-fucking-damn it, god-fucking-damn it, god-fucking-damn it." She was pacing again, hyperventilating. This was bad. Leia was dead, Lyra was tied to the fucking bed, and both of their mothers' were gone. "This shit's on us now," she sneered. Her eyes fell on the dead girl, and she shuddered. "Lori, take her downstairs."
Liena was so scared she could barely move, and every time she thought of Leia's face her eyes welled with tears. It was horrible, like a monster from a scary movie, and then everyone was screaming and afraid. Grown-ups aren't supposed to be afraid, but they were, you could see it in their eyes and hear it in their voices. Even now she could make out words from down the hall. "What are we going to do with her?" That sounded like Auntie Luan.
"Just...just leave her here for now," Aunt Lynn replied, "I need time to think."
There was a moment of silence.
"What are we supposed to do, Lori?" Aunt Lynn asked sarcastically, "cut her up and feed her to the kids?"
Liena's heart dropped into her stomach, and she hugged herself. She needed to be strong...but it was so hard. "It's going to be okay, Lo Lo," she said, her voice unsteady. The shoebox holding the fetus sat next to her. She couldn't take him out anymore because when she did he fell apart, but just having him near was enough. She leaned over and lifted the lid: He lay in three pieces on a blue blanket, his guts heaped off to one side. She reached in and stroked his head, a rush of anger coloring the back of her neck as the she remembered her father ripping him out of her arms and throwing him against the wall. Get that thing out of my home. That 'thing' was, like, his grandson.
But that was okay because Dad got hurt like he hurt Lo Lo, and she was glad.
"We can't have her running around," Aunt Lynn said, "she already killed one person."
Liena shivered. "It's going to be okay," she told the baby, even though she didn't think it was. Everyone was scared and tense and poor Leia was dead and it was so awful she wanted to cry but couldn't because she didn't want to scare Lo Lo.
Next door, Lizy stood in front of Lulu's crib, her eyes dull and her face slack. Pain radiated from her battered anus, but she didn't feel it...she barely felt anything. Lulu sat there looking up at her with big brown eyes and sucking her pacifier with an obscene squelching sound. The baby leaned forward and pressed her face to the bars, her brow pinching in curiosity, and mechanically, Lizy got down to her knees. They stared at one another for a long time before Lizy spoke, her voice flat, dead. "You're ugly and I hate you." She poked Lulu in the forehead as hard as she could, and the infant winced in pain. "One eye."
In Lyra's room, Lori leaned the side of her head against the wall and hugged herself tightly. She was trembling all over and muttering to herself. Lynn looked up from Lyra and fixed her sister with a disgusted grimace. Lana sat on the nightstand with her hands clasped to her knees and her head bowed. "What are we going to do with her then?" Luan asked. "W-We can't leave her like this forever."
Lynn chewed her bottom lip. She didn't know what to do about Lyra, she honestly didn't.
"We can always box her up and put her in the attic," Lana said, her voice oozing sarcasm.
"Shut the fuck up, you're not helping," Lynn said. She started pacing again, her fist lifted to her mouth. "Alright...her meds, she's off her meds. Shove a pill down her throat and when she's normal we'll let her out."
Lana shook her head. "That's too little too late. She needs a professional. Okay, we can take her to the hospital. No one has to know she killed Leia."
"Too risky," Lynn said quickly, "what if she says something? What if people start asking questions?" She stopped and threaded her fingers through her hair. "Just...put the pill in her mouth and…"
Sighing in disgust, Lana pushed away from the nightstand and started for the door. "I'm out," she said, "this is too fucking much."
Lynn paled. What? "Where are you going?"
Without reply, Lana left the room and crossed the hall to Lulu's. "Come on, Lizy, we're leaving."
Lynn's heart came to a complete stop. "L-Leaving? No you're fucking not."
In her room, Lacy sat by the door with her knees drawn to her chest and wept bitterly. Lupa sat on the edge of her bed fighting to keep her composure and losing. She picked her phone up off her bed and stared down at it. She wasn't one to call for help...even if she needed it...but -
"You're not going anyfuckingwhere," Lynn snarled. Lupa looked up as her aunt rushed past the door and took up a position at the head of the stairs, her face was white and she panted like a wild animal. Lana appeared with Lizy's hand clutched in her own. "Move, Lynn. I'm done with this shitshow."
Lacy looked up, her brown eyes wet with tears.
"You're not going anywhere."
"You gonna stop me?"
"Yeah, I am."
The phone shook in Lupa's hand as the sounds of commotion filled the hall; Lana cried out in pain and Luan screamed. "Stop!" Something slammed, and Lupa jumped. "Get off me, bitch!" Lana howled. Lacy buried her face in her knees and moaned lowly. Lana screamed again.
"Stop, Lynn, you're gonna kill her!"
Lupa swiped her thumb across the screen and went to her contacts. She was starting to cry now herself; her breathing came in short, hot gasps and her heart blasting against her ribs with nuclear force. She put the phone to her ear and waited. Please pick up.
In the hall, Lynn grunted, and something crashed so hard the whole house shook. "FUCKING BITCH!" Three, five, a million voices chattered excitedly over each other. "NOBODY FUCKING LEAVES!" Lynn screamed, her voice breaking with panic. "NO ONE LEAVES THIS GODDAMN HOUSE!"
The line clicked. "Hello?"
"Mom," Lupa said, her tears coming faster, "please come home, Dad's in the hospital and Lyra killed Leia and everyone's going crazy and we're gonna get taken away." She broke down completely and sobbed. "I'm so scared. Please come home."
For a long time Mom didn't reply. "You caught me at a bad time. I'll have to call you back."
"DO YOU HEAR ME? IF WE GO TO PIECES THEY'LL TAKE OUR KIDS AND PUT US IN JAIL!"
"Please, Mom," Lupa begged.
"I'll call you back tomorrow."
"Don't -"
Click.
The phone fell from Lupa's hands and she bent forward, her arms wrapping around her chest. "Please don't leave me," she moaned between sobs, "please don't leave me." The bed dipped down, and she looked up to see Lacy's pale, tear streaked face. Unashamedly, Lupa leaned into her sisters embrace and cried into her chest.
Leni flew down the stairs and Lynn pounded after, the former crying and the latter sneering. At the bottom, Lynn caught up and wrapped her arms around her sister, yanking her off her feet. "Let me go!" Leni screeched and thrashed, "I wanna leave!"
Ignoring the blonde's pleas, Lynn dragged her back up the stairs and shoved her roughly down the hall; her feet tangled and she fell to her hands and knees next to Lana, who lay on her stomach, blood and bits of broken teeth on the carpet. Lynn's heart raced and her head spun. When she was scared, she got angry, and she had never been more scared than she was right now; her future, her freedom, hung in the balance. Plus Lacy.
Luan knelt beside Lana and rubbed her back, big, fat, ugly tears coursing down her red face. Lori stood in the middle of the hall and hugged herself, that same goddamn blank, crazy expression on her face. Leni remained on her hands and knees and started to cry. "I wanna go!"
"Don't you get it, you fucking retard?" Lynn flashed, bending forward and throwing up her hands, "you will lose your daughter!"
"I don't care!" Leni wept.
"I DO!" Lynn screamed. She slapped Leni across the back of her head, and the blonde screamed in pain.
"Stop it!" Luan yelled. "Just stop!"
Lynn wheeled away and paced to the head of the stairs, her hands going to her hips. This was fucked, these bitches were fucking going crazy because they couldn't stand the fucking heat one little fucking stupid thing happens and they all fell apart well not her she was Lynn fucking Loud she could do anything. Simple, simple, simple, bury Leia as for Lyra she didn't know they needed to give her a pill and get her in the game give her a talk they could save this they could still save this.
Crying, sobbing, moaning, it was driving her fucking crazy. "SHUT THE FUCK UP!" she roared and spun. "SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!"
She needed time to think, time to think, no one left, no one leaves.
Phones. Everyone has a phone. No more.
Lupa and Lacy's room: They sat on the edge of Lupa's bed and weepingly held each other. Pantywaists just like their fucking no good aunts. They both looked up when she came in, mortal terror flicking across their faces. "Give me your fucking phones," Lynn demanded. She saw one in Lupa's lap and went for it, but Lupa grabbed it in defiance. No time to play, no time for games, NO TIME FOR THIS SHIT! She drew her hand back and brought it down in a deadly arc: It hit Lupa's face with a meaty slap and she fell over with a cry. Lynn started to reach for the phone, but Lacy slammed into her with a scream and knocked her against the nightstand.
The world was going gray as rage consumed her. She grabbed a handful of her daughter's hair and slammed her fist into her nose: It burst, and blood splattered Lynn's knuckles. Lacy's head whipped to one side and she dropped to the floor like the sack of shit she was. "NO FUCKING PHONES!"
She got them somehow she didn't know then next was Liena. "Give me your goddamn phone," Lynn quavered.
Paling, Liena grabbed it from the nightstand and tossed it to the foot of the bed. Lynn snatched it and shoved it into her pocket with the others. Liby didn't have one, Lemy didn't have one, Loan didn't have one. Were there others? She didn't know, she couldn't remember, she couldn't think, deep breath, deep breath. Keep it together keep it together. Lana was sitting on the closed toilet lid, Luan packing her puffy, broken nose with cotton or some damn thing. Lori stood there, and the broken look in her eyes pissed Lynn off. "Go make dinner or something. Betty fucking Breakdown. You're digging the grave, useless bitch."
Lori turned and went down the stairs like an automaton, shuffling, dead, zombified.
What next what next what next? Pill, pill, that's it. In Lyra's room, the girl was awake, her eyes open and her lips peeled back in a psychotic sneer. She pulled at the underwear binding her hands to the bedpost and panted as if in rage. "You're taking your fucking medicine," Lynn said as she snatched the pill bottle off the nightstand. Pills rattled. She tried to open it but the cap twisted uselessly in her hand. Flashing, she pounded it against the table. "Fucking open!"
She finally got it; white tablets flooded her palm. Ten, twenty, thirty. Lyra's head whipped back and forth. "Let me go!"
"Take your medication," Lynn said.
"Poison!"
"It's not poison…"
"Poison…"
"IT'S NOT FUCKNG POISON!" Lynn climbed onto the bed and straddled the girl like she was a white haired brother. She turned her head away, and Lynn flared: She brought her fist down onto her temple. "TAKE YOUR MEDICINE!"
"Fuck you!" Lyra snarled.
Lynn trembled with violent rage; her eyes were wide, face red, teeth clenched. She shot out her hand and wrapped it around Lyra's throat. "TAKE IT! TAKE IT! TAKE IT!" She pressed the entire handful against the girl's lips; tablets filled her mouth, some dropping onto the bed, a few disappearing down the front of her shirt. Lynn used her fingers to push them in. Lyra coughed and broken bits of pill splattered Lynn's face.
Liby wept into her hands.
Lynn took Lyra's chin in one hand forced her to chew. "There," she panted, a mad smile on her lps, "there, like that, good girl, take your medication."
Downstairs, Lori stood in the garage and stared at the blue tarp covering Leia's body; the little girl's form was barely distinguishable, but in Lori's broken mind, she could she her face, her bloody eyes, her gaping mouth. Bury her like trash...put her on the curb...box Lyra up and feed her to the kids. How could they do this? She's a baby and the want to bury her like trash…
The last dying light of day drained slowly and inexorably from the room, taking with it life and leaving only death. Lupa held her sister's head to her breast and tenderly stroked her hair. Her face stung from Lynn's blow; a trickle of blood was dried on her upper lip.
"I'm sorry," she said. She no longer cried; she was spent, empty, nothing left to give. "I was wrong to blame you."
Lacy snuggled deeper into Lupa's chest like a small animal trying to burrow away from danger. Lupa stared straight ahead into the soft purple gloom. It filled the room like water filling a sinking ship.
"I'm sorry I didn't help you," Lacy muttered. Her nose still leaked and her front teeth feel loose.
"Don't worry about it," Lupa said. "It doesn't matter." She turned her head, and her eyes went to the razor on the nightstand. She reached out and picked it up. Lacy lifted her head, saw it, and took a deep, steadying breath. "Lay down."
Lacy stretched out on her side and Lupa settled behind her, big spoon, little spoon. She wrapped one arm around her sister's wasit and drew her close. For a while, they simply cuddled, reveling in the warmth, love, and closeness that they both lacked...and so desperately craved. Lupa thought of her mother...hanging up on her like she was nothing, of her father thrusting into her. Your pussy belongs to me. Like she was an object, a toy.
"I don't want to do this alone," she said and swallowed thickly. "I don't want to be alone anymore."
"I-I can't do it," Lacy said, "I'm not brave enough."
"I'll do it," Lupa said, "if you want."
In lieu of speaking, Lacy nodded.
"Hold out your arm."
Obeying, Lacy struck her arm out and pushed the cuff of the sweater up. She made a fist, squeezed her eyes closed, and steeled herself for what was about to come. The blade touched her wrist and bit hard. She gasped and clenched her teeth.
Flesh tore, blood vessels ripped. Lacy panted heavily, tears of pain leaking down her freckled cheeks. The razor's edge tracked along the length of her arm, stinging as it went.
"Other one."
The ritual was repeated and Lacy openly wept now. "I'm sorry," Lupa said softly. "It'll be over soon."
Next, Lupa rolled the sleeves of her hoodie up her thin arms, dug the blade into her own wrist, and dragged it nearly to her armpit. Blood gushed but she felt no pain; how can you when you're already dead?
When both of her arms were laid open, she wrapped them around Lacy and buried her face into her hair. Its scent was clean, warm, comforting. Her heart swelled with love and affection, and she kissed the back of her sister's head. "I love you, Lacy."
"I love you too," Lacy said.
Lupa closed her eyes. She was feeling woozy now as her life drained away like the setting sun. Her eyelids fluttered open when Lacy spoke. "I'm scared." Her voice was weak, trembling.
I am too, Lupa thought. She hugged her sister tighter; her arms were numb and moving them was hard. "Don't be," she said, "I'll be with you."
"Don't leave me," Lacy said. Her voice was even weaker now, barely above a whisper.
"I won't," Lupa said, "I promise. Just...don't leave me either."
"I won't."
Lupa's lids were heavy now, the cold of the coming night creeping into her body. She closed her eyes again and steadied her breathing. It was okay now...none of it mattered, not Mom, not Dad, not her aunts or sisters or her crippled legs or her depression or anything else, only Lacy, the only one who had ever loved her, and the only one she ever loved.
"I...lu' you," Lupa said, her voice coming hard.
"...too…"
Together they drifted into a deep and peaceful sleep, and as the final strands of orange filtered from from sky, two new stars appeared in the heavens.
The cold light of the winter moon shone down on Lori as she dug Leia's grave; a chill wind blew through the night, and bare branches knocked forlornly together. An owl hooted from a desolate treetop. Somewhere a car backfired. Lori glanced at Leia's body: It lay on its back, its face glowing white, ghostly. Lynn stood on the back porch and watched, her arms folded over her chest. Better dig two, she thought and tittered madly to herself.
The second was for Lyra. Something was wrong with her. She was foaming at the mouth and convulsing. Luan and Lana were with her; make sure she doesn't swallow her fucking tongue, Lynn commanded before she left to check on Lori. The more she thought about it, though, the more she hoped the fucking skitzo did: Having her out of the way would make things so much easier, so much better. They both left, officer, Lola with Leia and Luna with Lyra. I don't know where they are.
They'd buy that, right?
Yeah, they would, no biggie, people move all the time.
Chink!
Lori threw a shovelful of rocks over her shoulder.
Maybe she wasn't so useless after all.
Inside, Lynn climbed the stairs and went into Lyra's room; when Lyra started acting funny, Lynn snatched Liby by the wrist and dragged her into the closest room: Lemy's. The girl wept and tried to pull away, and Lynn twisted her hand so hard it snapped. That was an easy fix, though; her wrist had snapped a thousand times before. She'd take care of it come morning.
Lana sat in a kitchen chair and Luan sat on the bed next to Lyra. Both of them looked grave and washed out. "S-She's dead," Luan hitched. She sounded empty, wrung out, dead herself. Good, Lynn thought as she dropped onto the edge of the bed. There's that problem solved.
Across the hall, Lizy grabbed a handful of Lulu's hair and pulled: Lulu wailed. "I hate you," Lizy said. She sounded like Luan: Dead. "You're ugly and smelly and you have one eye. Cyclops." She reached her other hand in and pinched Lulu's cheek between the jagged nails of her forefinger and thumb. Lulu sobbed desolately.
In Lemy's room, Liby squeezed her eyes closed against a rush of hot tears; her chest heaved and her heart slammed so hard she imagined you could see it straining against her skin like in a cartoon. Lemy knelt over her, his hand thrust up her skirt and his fingers digging deeply into her.
Every person has a Greatest Fear, something that strikes cold terror into the middle of their heart. For Liby Loud, it was being raped by her brother, her weird, leering, smelly, fire-loving brother.
Lemy pulled his fingers out and yanked down his underwear. Liby's eyes widened and her heart stopped. She tried to speak, to plead, to beg, but her vocal cords were frozen. She tried to move, but her muscles, too, were locked. She was petrified with horror; even her eyelids refused to respond to her brain's command.
She watched silently as Lemy mounted her, his face dark and full of lustful insanity. His head poked her...then thrust deep into her center with a ripping sting. Red pain filled Liby's skull and she started to cry again, the only sound a low, miserable moan in the back of her throat.
Her nightmare had become a reality, and was repeated many times that long, cold night…
Lincoln stared sullenly at the wall-mounted TV, his eyes unseeing. Bitter hatred coursed through him, and he ground his teeth with an audible sound. Orange morning light streamed through the window and fell across the bed, bathing the spot where his legs would be if he had any.
But he didn't.
It was enough to make you cry. His entire life, the universe had been out to get him, chipping away at him little by little, taking a bit here, and a bit there. Now it took his fucking legs...and his dick too.
A shiver went down his spine.
He was dickless now; it disintegrated in the doctor's hands and they threw it in the trash. The unfairness of it hit him keenly, and tears of rage and grief filled his eyes. He didn't even get to fuck Liby. Or Lizy.
When he got out of here, he was going to kill Lemy.
Literally kill him.
He saw the boy's wide, shiny, retarded face in his mind, and his fingers curled against his palms. He never wanted a goddamn son anyway, only daughters, and if Luna didn't let herself get pregnant a second time, he would have gotten his way. But no, god forbid Lincoln Loud get what he wants, can't have that. Everyone else can have what they want but not him, no, never him. It was unfair.
"Hi, Lincoln."
Lincoln turned his head, his eyes narrowed to slits. Lori stood in the doorway. Her hair stuck out, dark bags hung under her eyes, and her face was the color of milk. Her blue dress was smeared with dirt, as were her cheeks. He glanced at her feet: Clumps of dirt littered the floor around them, and trailed around the corner and presumably down the hall. She held a tupperware container in her hands.
He ignored her disheveled appearance "So you finally come to visit," he said sourly. He didn't know how long he'd been here (a day? Two?) but the whole time he was alone, his supposed 'family' doing god knows what. Probably celebrating because oooh, Daddy the hardass is gone, now we can do whatever we want. His sisters probably had all their little boyfriends over, the kids were running free, Lemy starting fires and Loan shitting on the floor. By the time he finally got out of here, the place would raised to the fucking ground.
Lori came forward and stood at his bedside. "I can't stay long, I have things to do, but I wanted you to have this." She held the container out and Lincoln crinkled his brows.
"What is it?"
"A brownie," she said, "from the other night. I figured it'd be a nice treat."
After two days of hospital Jello, yeah, it was a treat. He snatched it from her hand and sat it in what passed for his lap.
"I also wanted to tell you I love you," Lori said. She leaned in and pecked him on the cheek. "We'll all be together," she whispered, her lips still gently touching his face, "and we'll be happy this time. I promise."
Lincoln pulled away and looked at her as though she'd just told him the moon was made of cheese. "What the fuck are you talking about?" He looked her up and down with disdainful eyes. "You on drugs now, too?"
"No," she said and stood to her full height. She reached out and mussed his hair like she used to when they were kids. "I love you, Lincoln. Goodbye."
She turned and walked away, Lincoln's eyes boring into her back. Not on my drugs my ass. He always suspected she was that way; all of them were. Fucking druggie, junkie fucking sluts. Sighing, he pulled the lid off the container and picked the brownie up. Luna was the worst, sticking needles in her fucking arms. Surprised she didn't have AIDS yet.
He took a bite. Sweet bitterness filled his mouth and he winced. Of course she made them wrong, she couldn't do anything right. Women these days; their mothers don't teach them shit so the man has to pick up their fucking slack.
He took another bite, then another.
His daughters weren't going to be like that, though; when he got home things were going to change around that fucking house. No more Mr. Nice Guy, the gloves were coming off. They would not wind up like their bitch mothers, and if they did…
A spasm of pain clutched his stomach and he grimaced. Lovely, he'd need a bedpan. He fucking hated bedpans; the last time he used one he got piss and shit all over the sheets and the whore nurse left him in it for almost twenty minutes. I'm sorry, Mr. Loud, I had to attend to another patient. He tone said: You're not the only one here, buddy. Fuck her. He hated women. He wished -
Another convulsion hit him, and he cried out; felt like someone was squeezing his guts in their hands. He bowed his head and waited for the pain to pass; by the time it did, he was pale and panting, a sheen of cold sweat slathering his chest and forehead.
He didn't call the nurse, though.
Not until he started to bleed.
Lori heaped the last of the pancakes onto a plate and sat it aside just as Lynn came into the kitchen. Lori did not notice her sister's wan complexion or dark eyes, didn't hear her say, "Hope you enjoyed what you did last night 'cuz you're doing it again." Her eyes, her mind, her heart were over the rainbow and far away, second star to the right and straight on 'til morning. She didn't even realize she was moving until she found herself standing outside Lupa and Lacy's door. She opened it and peeked in. They were huddled together on Lupa's bed. Lori's eyes flicked from their pale faces to the blood covering them, then she withdrew and went to Lemy's room. He was sitting on his bed, flicking a lighter. Liby was drawn up in a corner, naked and trembling. "Help me," she muttered.
"Breakfast is ready," Lori said and left.
In Lulu's room, Lizy was curled up on the floor asleep, the butt of her shorts dark with dried blood. Lulu sat up in her crib, her face covered in bruises and her eyes haunted. Lori picked her up and shook Lizy awake with her foot. "Breakfast," she said flatly.
She took Lulu downstairs and strapped her into her high chair, then went back for Loan and Liena. Inside of five minutes, they were all at the table, the sad, tattered remains of the Loud family. No one commented on Lupa and Lacy's absence because no one cared.
Lori slowly and methodically made a plate for each one and sat it in front of them, She was just sitting down herself when the phone rang. Hello?
Mrs. Loud, this is Royal Woods General Hospital...blah blah blah...your brother passed away this morning...blah blah blah sudden.
Oh. How terrible. I'll be right there.
She hung up, went back into the kitchen, and sat down. No one spoke as they ate, no one looked at each other. Lana's nose was crooked and purple, Leni's eyes leaked. Lulu winced at the bitterness of the pancake piece Luan fed her, and a look of distaste crossed Lynn's face.
Lori cut a piece off, dipped it in syrup, and held it out to Loan, who smiled happily and ate. "Good girl," Lori said with the faint ghost of a smile. She cut another piece off and forked it into her own mouth.
Liena frowned at her plate. "My stomach hurts," she said.
"Don't worry," Lori said and fed another bite to Loan. "It'll pass." She took another bite for herself. "Then we'll be happy."
Lynn's fork dropped to her plate with a clink, her face crinkling in pain.
"I promise."
Two things people were confused about. 1) Lizy called Lulu "one eye" because that's what Leia called her. That was my way of showing that the cycle of abuse had been completed and the abused had become the abuser. She was doing to Lulu what Leia had done to her. 2) Lori died. Loan died. Everyone died in the end. A lot of people seemed to think Lori somehow escaped. No. She ate the poisoned pancakes as well.